Thighs Wide Shut

Thanksgiving is the Jewish Christmas, and yet we still treated it like it was gentile Christmas, by munching on Chinese food and taking in a bunch o movies. Time is short, and so are these reviews…

No Country For Old Man
Old Spice of Life and Death
Trailers & Mo

After the very un-Coenish and un-goodness that was Intolerable Cruelty and the very underwhelming and un-everything that was Ladykillers, the Bros desperately needed to get their shit together, hispecially if they still wanted to be regarded as one of the best writer/director duos in the biz. Luckily for them and for us, they choose a juicy Cormac McCarthy novel to adapt and turn into one of the year’s mos tense and engrossing films. For those of you expecting the usual Coen Bros charm and quirkiness, you may want to throw dem expectations out the window cause this trip is mighty bumpy, and awfully frumpy, and it’s this chilly willy the penguin ride to the dark side that makes No Country one of their best films as well. Much has been mushed about its abrupt conclusion, but it’s not a stinker of an ending, it’s a thinker. One you’ll be investigating days after. As well as what the eff is up with Javier Bardem’s hair? You don’t need to know anything else cept for the time and place of the next showing

Barking Up The Same Tree: love yerself this kinda modern western? then you should czech out Tommy Lee Jones’ directorial debut, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada [TWS.org review]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

American Gangster
Training Afternoon
Trailers & Mo

Ridley Scott’s American Gangster is ultimately juss New Jack City with a better cast and a different ending. Not that there’s anything wrong with being compared to a Mario Van Peebles film, but one expects a lil more oomph with Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington playing cat and mouse instead of Ice T/Judd Nelson and Wesley Snipes. Let’s not dwell on lost potential, cause any movie where topless chicks are cutting dope is still a solid night of entertainment

Devils of Harlem: American Gangster is the Frank Lucas story and the recently released doc Mr Untouchable [TWS.org review] is all about Nicky Barnes. Somehow neither one of these films rocked our world, even though we really wanted them to. Anywho, NY Mag reunited the two of them for a nice lil interview

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gone Baby Gone
The Boston Flee Party
Trailers & Mo

Are we the only one out there who’s tick and sired of seeing movies about seedy Boston and the good cops/bad cops who inhabit it? We think it’s time that a moratorium is declared on this mini-genre before a forth film walks the same exact walk. I’d rather watch Mystic Pizza than the vastly overrated Mystic River, and The Departed, while thighly enjoyable, will always be juss a jazzed-up remake of a solid Hong Kong film that somehow won Best Picture, in a year where big movies kinda blew. Ben Affleck did a good enough job on this, his first big screen adventure behind the camera (despite the miscasting of his little brother, who to me has about as much screen gravitas as the cane from Citizen Kane), but to me, Gone Baby Gone‘s turf is all too familiar. Maybe the next spoof movie can be about bad bad Beantown . We can see it on the marquee now: Enough Is Enough

IMDb Sweeney: Affleck’s first short, I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney, is still one of the greatestist titles we’ve ever heard of

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

The Mist
Supermarket Sweet!
Trailers & Mo

In an age where horror movies are filled with blood and devoid of scares, nuttin has been more welcome than a renaissance of the Stephen King brand. Earlier this year, we were mighty sirprized at the goody gumdropedness that was 1408 [TWS.org review], and with The Mist, well, we were completely MISTified! Sure, we weren’t expecting much at all, but who knew that we’d actually be cowering in our seat for most of the film?! For those who thought Spielberg’s War of The Worlds kinda licked donkey diarrhea, this is the film you’ve been waiting for!

IMDb Sweeney: we all know director Frank Darabont is right at home with adapting King stories, with Shawshank and The Green Snooze Fest Mile under his belt, but didja know his first directing gig was the short The Woman in the Room, from King’s Night Shift?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Into The Wild
The Wild Keeps Calling Us Back
Trailers & Mo

If you haven’t seen this film, do yerself a flavor and do so ASAP, before it leaves the theaters for good. We already did, but after reading the incredible Jon Krakauer book of the same name, we had to do it all over again. The flick may be long, but so was his adventure, so shut yer darn trap!

McCandless In The Wind: next up on our list of the McCadnless mystery is Ron Lamothe’s doc The Call of The Wild. Hopefully the Netflix people will be gettin a copy soon

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): still Breast In Show

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Dan In Real Life
Awful Title, Awful Poster, Awfully Good
Trailer & Mo

Lets get something clear right off the bat that doesn’t really need clearing up right or left off the bat: Dane Cook cannot act (unless memorizing lines counts as acting) , Juliette Binoche needs to be in more Hollywood movies (see Bee Season), and Steve Carell will succeed where Jim Carrey has somehow failed, by winning over audiences in both comedic and dramatic roles (Eternal Sunshine was amazin, but I wouldn’t call it a hit with audiences). These are obvious truths that are made even more blatantly obvious when you see Peter Hedges’ most enjoyable follow-up to his franztastic Pieces of April. Like with April, Hedges constructs a family unit that any one of us can identify with, cept this go around, the mood isn’t as dire. This dramedy could have easily turned into a cheese-fest ’87, but somehow it strikes the perfect balance between cute and cloying. DiRL is actually more akin to The Family Stone than April, but spankfully there’s no horseface in sight. And like The Family Stone, DiRL will totally be the mos rewatchable flick whenever it hits premium cable, foREALs! And for those of you playing at home, Borat has juss displaced The Devil Wears Parda as the mos rewatchable flick on that channel that used to have amazing shows and now has Tell Me You Bore Me To Death With Old People Forkin

French Kisses On All Your Pink Parts: gawd bless you Juliette, and all the NSFW roles you take on

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jimmy Carter Man From Plains
Not To Be Confused With Ali G The Man From Staines
Trailer

Although he left the Oval Office in 1981, Jimmy Carter has never stopped working for peace, love and understanding. Who woulda thunk that a simple peanut farmer from Georgia could help shape our world into a better place, and continue to do so as an octogenarian. He’s actually done more good for this earth as an ex-President than the yahoo currently residing at Penn Ave. With a lifetime of great achievements and of course, the failures that come with em, it’s hard to imagine that a documentary solely focusing on this fascinating elder statesman hadn’t been dones up properly since he first took office

While not exactly the cup of tea of toasting times past I was trying to orders up here, Jimmy Carter The Man From Plains is still a solid examination of the man’s life as it is today. Director Jonathan Demme (the dude behind the camera for Married To The Mob Silence of The Lambs) completely bypasses the usual A to Z biography details and instead spends most of his and our time tailing Carter as he visits media outlets across the country promoting and defending his hot button book with an even hotter buttoned title, Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid. The book may have intentionally stirred up controversy, but at least it’s bringing much needed attention to the issue at hand. The doc works similar magic, with the focus on our out of control media coverage, but at least it’s bringing much needed attention to a man who is as far from plain/Plaines as possible

What’s Up Doc?: now that a doc’s in the can, I hope someone decides to make a fictional flick about President Jimmy Carter and the ‘killer rabbit’

IMDb Sweeney: JC got props in the credits of the original Longest Yard

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Mr. Untouchable
A Not So Noble Barnes
Trailer

Leroy ‘Nicky’ Barnes was the ‘untouchable’ NYC king of heroin in the 70s, who finally got touched, went to jail, sat there, then turned in his former associates, and became a free man. If you want to learn anything else beyond that one sentence, look somewhere else, cause this doc is more empty than Camden Yards in October. I can sympathize with director Marc Levin for not having any footage to work with, as dealing drugs isn’t the mos videogenic thang goings, but watching the same 5 photos being zoomed in and out on doesn’t make the time fly, no matter how much ‘Superfly’ you pump into the soundtrack. While the interviewees are colorful, they don’t really inject any insight, juss props and disses. That leaves Barnes to poorly tell the entire story, in the shadows as a witness in da relocation program. I surely wish it was the director who got relocated, and forced to come up with a sequel to his ghettotastic Whiteboyz

Show Us The Money: one of the associates that Nicky turned in was Frank Lucas. His story is the basis for Ridley Scott’s American Gangster, in which Nicky is portrayed by Mr Daddy Day Camp, Cuba Gooding Jr

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Jimmy Carter & Mr. U both open in select theaters this Friday

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rendition and Reservation Road
Not All Roads Are Paved With Oscar Gold
Rend Trailer & Mo | RRoad Trailer & Mo

Hood’s first big studio picture, Rendition, examines the hot button issue of US’s torture interrogation practices outside of our borders. If this was the first film about the subject, maybe it would be eye opening, but it’s not, and it’s been done better before (see Winterbottom’s Road to Guantanamo [TWS review] for the hottest hot button to button). While the film did keep my interest the entire time, I just didn’t find it all that compelling as a whole. There’s a subplot involving the missing daughter of one of these foreign torture helpers that seemed pointless, but when it comes full circle at the end, I actually wished that that subplot was the film’s main plot. Instead, we’re forced to care about American policy and bureaucracy and catching zzzzzzzzs. I think Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal showed up to the wrong movie set. While they share zero screen time together, I’m sure audiences would rather see them make kissy faces in some dumb rom-com than trying to question our gov-mints sometimes necessary dirty deeds. Lets hope Hood bounces back with his next studio system pic, the solo Wolverine flick

While Hood misses with his follow-up, George fares a lot better with Reservation Road. Looks like he wisely stole a page right from Todd Field‘s winning playbook, by tackling a novel about the darkness that can disrupt the quiet suburban life. The darkside goings on here deals with the blood on Mark Ruffalo’s hands, after he accidentally kills Joaquin Phoenix (his best work since To Die For) and Jennifer Connelly’s son with his car. After the tragedy, as the couple search for answers and the killer, Ruffies cowers into the shadows, and still has to deal with his everyday bs, like being divorced with limited visitation with his beloved son. While some of the twists and turns are a bit too coincidental, I was willing to give em a break cause everything was so well put together. R Road may not be as jarring as Field’s In The Bedroom or Little Children [TWS review], but I’d rather explore this dreary street of America than the one Hood puts on display

A Boy No Longer In His Hood: director Hood is also a sometime actor, who has appeared in the MacGyver TV show Stargate SG-1

Road Movies: the next ‘road’ that screams Oscar is Sam Mendes’ next jazzle, Revolutionary Road, which reunites his wife Kate with Leo for the 1st time since Thightanic

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict):
Rend = Sum Merit But Not Stinkin Badges
RRoad = Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Across The Universe
A Mostly Magical Mystery Tour De Force
Trailer & Mo

The story is nothing new, and neither are the songs, but somehow visionary Julie Taymor cobbled together a mos fun musical about the 60s, using nuttin but Beatles tunes, sung by a bunch of nobodies + Bono (he aint no walrus, cause Mike Holmgren is!). With characters named Lucy, Jude, Sadie, JoJo and Prudence, this had Penny Lame written all over it, but to my sirprize, it was a pony worth digging. Movie musicals are usually juss bloated remakes of Broadway stage productions, hispecially bloaterrific in recent years with The Producers, Rent, Hairspray, Chicago & Phantom of the Poopera, but once in a blue moon (or harvest), a musical will be released that oozes with endless vim and vigor. Across The Universe is caught somewhere in between those two types, and as someone on IMDb purrfectly sprayed, it’s as if ‘Hair and Moulin Rouge had a baby‘. While not nearly as wild or as wonderful as M Rouge, ATU is smart enuff to weave in some psychedelic silliness with the usual story about the rebelling youth of the 60s. If you think this movie is nuttin but Fab Four blasphemy, you’re not necessarily wrong, but why not enjoy yourself and juss let it be. Those are words of wisdom that I speakings, yo!

Fuchs You!: Dana Fuchs, who unsexily plays Sadie, has got her own band, with an unoriginal name, playing unoriginal tunes, like ‘Helter Skelter’

He Is Marshall: ATU bit player Logan Marshall-Green, better known as Ryan Atwood’s scuzzy brother who Marissa shot, has twin brother named Taylor, who used to write for the U of South Carolina’s daily newspaper, The Daily Gamecock

Beatles For Sale : the best use 674 minutes mt EVERest be The Beatles Anthology on DVD

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Jane Austen Book Club
Easy Reading
Trailer

Strap on some boobs and check yer penis at the door boys, cause Austen is awesome… that is if yer stuck seeing a chick flick and yer only other choice is that new Tyler Perry movie. But seriously… outta all the girlie gabfests goings around, TJABC won’t bore you to tears or force you to love dogs. Although the ending twas a lil too neat for my dirtysexymoney tastes, the rest of it was charming enuff, spanks in part to Hugh ‘Lets’ Dancy and the rest of the ladies (wit the eggception of Maggie Grace), who each added a nice bit o flavor to the club. We hispecially loved the icy cold hotness of Emily Blunt, who was robbed of an Oscar, let alone a nomination, at last year’s Academy Awards for her work The Devil Wears Prada. To hell with you and your midget coat Jennifer Hudson!

Judgment Day: while it appears that none of the cast members have ever appeared in an Austen adaptation for the screen or TV, 3 have shown up on co-star Amy Brenneman’s Judging Amy

Baker’s Dozen: Kathy Baker has been in dozens of films, but you may remember her best as the randy redhead in Edward Scissorhands

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…