after watching this heartfelt and melancholy interview with Jake Lloyd, 10 years removed from playing Anakin Skywalker in Episode 1, we wanna take back every single negative thing we’ve ever said about him and that 2854 hour pod race. sure, no one pointed a gun to his head and said, boy, you have to be in this movie and act worser than Bruce Jenner in Can’t Stop The Music, but someone musta did put a gun to George Lucas’ head and said, manboy, write the crudiest script you could possibly dream up, with dialog that smells worser than some logs found in a public toilet, that will single-handedly ruin all things great about Star Wars. then the gunman demanded that Lucas kill off its two most awesome new characters in the first movie and thus leave the next two adventures devoid of anything worth watching, besides bugs farting (see #7) and the mos JOable Star Wars scene mt EVERest, when Natalie Portman, in that tight white outfit, gets slashed on the waist and screams in ecstasy agony. if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive Jake Lloyd, then juss watch his fake father Christopher dance like no one is watching [addish reporting by OviWani]

Forks Out 2

Beatrice

‘Bea’s Nuts‘

Arthur

1922 – 2009
Greedo & Bea, thanks for being friends

&

Golden Girls Gone Wild

+
dude who wrote Crash, yes, that Crash
he battled bulges
former Broncos mascot
Joel McCrea’s son who was the original Deadhead
car artist
someone not blood-related to Katie Holmes or Tom Cruise

ok, enuff of the sad stuff
and on with the hot stuffffffzzz!!!

member re: Tabitha Gilley

didn’t think so

what about now?
maybe this NSFWness will help to jog your penis memory

Is there a difference between Tracy Morgan & Tracy Jordan?

•

[Death From A Roach Clip]
I am – Sienna Miller Vaginal Definition of the Day… NSFW, robvs!

remembering Nintendo Power mag’s debut… dude, Rygar was robbed in the player’s poll!!

Norman Chad’s describes a typical Pete Rose day… it takes one gambler to know another, and remember kids, you gots to know when to hold them, know when to fold themm, know when to walk away and yes, know when to run

Angela & Pam, off-screen BFFs… who doesn’t love when women touch bras and panties AND things?!

The 50 Greatest Local TV Commercials (That I Could Find on YouTube)… I know tits bona fide cause look what came in at #50!

Eat at Azamat’s… is it any good? and does one have to watch out for hairs in their sangwiches?

Top 10 Other Things that Han Shot that Didn’t Shoot at Him First & The Greedo Assassination Conspiracy Page… wonder if Greedo shot JR and Agt Cooper? And wonder which one of yous is gonna buy me this HOTT arsed shirt?

Nice (Wine) Rack!… that’s what I said!

yes, spanks for not askin, but we still do love our current Royal Thighness, Ms Watling…

and may the mail be with you!

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Sithing Thru The Rubble To Find Gold
View Trailers

So what if I tore Sith a new arsehole on my first tour of doodie? Aren’t I allowed to see it again, sans the pressures of opening night bananasnessness, whilst checking my prejudices and preconceived notions, potions, and lotions at the door? And why am I even bothering to pose questions, when I answer to no one, cept maybe my bosses, Jesus, and Papa & Mumsy Thigh Master? Copy, Right? DataWhat? Sugar, Mr Poon? Free of any more queries, I am happy to report that after my round 2 viewage I’m elevating this from ‘Not Awful’ to ‘Worth A Peep’ status (although you’ll still be able to find the olde negative one on the pull-down menu on yer lower left hand side).

So why the sudden shift in opinion? My sudden shift in opinion all has to do with the how this Episode fits into the grand scheme of things with the other 5. Sure, we don’t learn anything new here, but it helps to solidify, what is in my mind, the mos remarkable myth & legend of our (ms) modern age. And whether you or I like it or not, these three new episodes are dunn and in the can, and there aint no turning back… unless of course these rumors on the interwebs about Episode Zero are true. Now I haven’t had the pleasure of re-watching New Hope thru ROTJ since, but I did re-viddy Eps I & II over the Mammoryial Day Tweakend and have a new fondness for them booth. I can’t bee leave I just typed the words ‘fondness’ and ‘Eps I & II’ in the same SENTENCE, but tits true!! All the stoopid and seemingly tedious politics that bogged down the first two were all juss a giant set-up for the big payoff: the greatest coup and rise of a dictator since Hitler took over the watermelon industry. Plus it was great to get rid of all those meaningless Penis-Head Jenkins Jedis and to see how Ani morphed into Darth… even if it seemed he made his decision to join the dark side in all of 3.1 seconds.

Don’t spunk me wrong, there are still whoreibble and unEGGSceptable bits that got even more awfulisticular on the second viewing of Ep III, and plenty of other stizz that gots me angry, such as:

1) The over usage of dinosaur-type creatures. They make too much noise, look too fake, and I think the world’s seen enuff Jurassicfication in movies.

2) Anything coming out of Mace Windex’s mouth. SLJ is a gifted actor, but not a gifted Jedi. Boo.

3) General Grievous, who was about as menacing and cutting age as Johnny Five.

4) You stick us with Jar-Jar for 2 movies, yet you don’t even give him ONE LINE in the last one??? I guess Lucas made up for it on the not so spiffy special edition of ROTJ when the very last line uddered is ‘Weesa Free!!’ Seriously, it is.

5) Enuff with the fat blue dudes and skinny chicks with tentacles coming out of their heads.

6) Words I never wanted Yoda to ever say: ‘Chewbacca’.

7) Apparently in his old age, R2-D2 retired from flying, jumping out of planes, shooting oil, shooting fire, and catching things. Good, cause he should only be allowed to shut down things, show hologram movies, retrieve schematics, shoot light-sabers from his head, and fix the hyper-drive on the Millennium Falcon.

8) Love for Mon Mothma, but none for The Admiral? Sounds like it’s A TRAP to me!!

9) Enuff already with the Asian stereotyping. I was juss waiting for Nute to appoint General Tso as Supreme Vince Chancellor.

10) This could never end, so please insert your complaints here.

And for the record, Phantom Menace, void of all Jar² Binksedness, is a far superior flick wheneth compared to Attack of the Clowns. Don’t agree? Remember how umcredible Qui-Gon Jinn & Darth Maul were? Or how white-hot Keira Knightley was in white-face, when she wasn’t even a blip on anyone’s radar? Probably not, cause yer too busying trying to figure out why the fork Count Grandpa and the Techno Union eggsist, or where you can buy one of those cable-knit sweaters that Jimmy Smits rox!! Or how bout the ‘plot’? Oh yeah, the 2nd one didn’t have one. It was basically: Ani has boner for Padme, Padme resists, Ani slices apple with force, Padme lets Ani force himself on her, Padme gets shirt ripped (probably the next hottiest Star Wars moment next to Leia wearing Jabba’s Secret brand metal lingerie), Boba’s dad’s super sperm creates CGI headaches for audiences, and apparently bug people fart when they talk. And tisn’t it about thyme we all give lil Jake Lloyd a break? He was a kid playing a kid. What do you want him to do? Throw away his space Legos and stop hanging out with mini-Greedo? He was good enuff. Good enuff considering the lines Lucas was feeding him. At least he didn’t look like he was left in the dryer for 14 hours like Yoda did in Ep I. And don’t even get me started on female Yoda…

Recommended for those who like: space operas filled with bubbles, a silent Sio Bibble, and this.

Possible Porno Name: Star Holes III: Whip It Out & Sith It In!

Unsatisfied with this? You shouldn’t be. I changed my mind and you can too!

Everyone have a killah weekend, but whatevs u do, DO NOT see Lords of Dogtown. I’ll eggsplain it all next week. Until then, the balcony is clothed.