Thighs Wide Shut

– SEE HER FORMER ROYAL THIGHNESS PERFORM LIVE IN TIMES SQUARE FOR MTV’S NEW YEAR’S EVE BASH! LLski will Co-Host the MTV New Year’s Eve Bash for 2005 AND perform LIVE OUTSIDE in Times Square. Wanna score free tix? Here’s the deal: u must be in NYC during New Year’s, be at least 16 years old, and email MTV.PRODUCTION.CASTING@MTVSTAFF.COM. Juss Type “LOHAN” in the subject line of your e-mail. Include: name, age, phone #, address & PICTURES (Include friend’s info as well if you want them to be considered).

– Wanna see what a real list of the best movies of 2004 looks like? Well, yer gonna have to wait until 2005 for mine, but peep Film Comment’s in the greenwich mean time. [via Big Bad Bogsworth]

– Wonder what Paris Hilton gives her friends for their b-days? Well, she gave her House of Wax (should be renamed House of Les Hotties) co-star Cuthy Cuthbertonson a bottle of her perfume and a signed copy of her book.

– Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas. [via Potbelly Eater #1]

– Homer Simpson to be killed and Ricky G/David Brent to pen an episode. Maybe there’s still hope for the show. [via Fiddle Faddle]

– Bjork gets soaked in ice water. That’s hot and I’m all wet meself just thinking about it.

– Cecil tackles the age ole question Was the swastika actually an old Native American symbol?

– The kiddies over at Double Viking are giving yer humble mumbler, the Thigh Master, a run for his money on movie reviews. Czech out their take on Almodovar’s Bad Education.

– Blockbuster’s online DVD service dropped its price to $14.99 for a full year. Netflix has no plan to match that price. Not only that, but this dude thinks in 2005 or 6, the two companies will merge. [all via Hacking Netflix]

– Arafat secretly funneled money into Bowlmor Lanes and now the company wants to return all the invested monies. Either way, this gives me a great eggscuse to never go there again. I mean, they charge and arm and a leg and a penis for bowling AND shoes and yet they don’t even oil their frigadero lanes!!

– I’ve heard of camel toe, but Jamal toe?

– Air Passenger Gets Hefty Fine For Attempting To Smuggle Salami In Luggage. [via Sister Thighs]

– Could this 80’s kid show featuring rainbows, playing with yer friend balls, and playing with a girl’s maracas be for real? You be the judge. [via Mustard King of Cleveland]

– And me juss wanna pass along a huge Merry 2,004th b-day to Jesus. Thanks for making all of the world’s athletes that much better. And on the 7th day, yer daddy created Cuthbert…

– Santa Claus scares kids: the photo album!

– Real World 16 is Austin, Tejas bound. I bet the cast will be Longhorny.

– Kate Bush to return!

– Women Allegedly Assault Man With Tongs

– The Infinite Cat Project.

– Mix dat shiitttttttt.

– Is Well Excuse Me Princess the new You’re Man Now Dog? Hardly.

– Hubba Bubba is BACK! Was it ever gone?

Stay tuned for our picks for Albums and Singles of the year! And in the meantime think blonde, think Cuthbert.

[pic via Dedicated to…]

– Osama bin Laden & Lindsay Lohan are the newly crowned Mr & Mrs Naughty 2004. Does this have anything to do with her love for Wendy’s drive thru? Ahhhhh, a girl after my own heart… and farts. [last via The Fiddler]

– I can’t stand Shia Le Blowsgoats, mainly cause he looks like a poophead, but I do love the name of this fansite: Shia LaBeouf Cake!

– Still shopping for gifts? Fark to the rescue!

– If you didn’t catch SNL‘s chill-air-e-us ‘Blue State Christmas Stop Motion Eggstravaganzazaza’, Norm posted it here.

– Mike Nichols directs David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry, and Hank Azaria in the stage production of Monty Python’s SpamAlot. Is this enuff to lure me into the theater? Er, probably not.

– Harry Potter the VI goes on sale July 16th.

– How can this Phantom of the Opera flick be any good? Look at who’s involved: Joel ‘George Hamilton tanning school grad’ Suckmaker, Emily ‘I’m a scary and boring looking doll’ Rossum, and Andrew Lllloyd Groper.

– Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video, Lego stizz-yle. Juss remember, the song doesn’t start right away. [via Pak-Man]

– Ramsey to be Skins ’05 starting QB. Why bother talking bout ’05 when the Skins are still playoff bound in ’04? Well, a boy can dream, can’t he? UPDATE: Here’s what needs to happen for the Skins to sneak in…

– And will Slovakians be able to control themselves at their local cinametoriaiums when they peep Her Royal Thighness The II’s scrum-deli-umptious body in Sexbomba Odvedľa?

– The O.C. juss upped the ante on its own uber-hotness: Marissa Barfon to embark on a thespian lesbian relationship with poor man’s Jenna Jameson/Seth’s crush, Olivia Wilde!!!! Good, maybe after the donuts bounce a few times, Jenna J Lite will get run over by a bus or get shot by the manager of The Arcade Fire at the Bait Shop! [via Seeking Iron-E]

– Speaking of slurping tuna tacos… Ellen DeGeneres has stolen Ringo Starr’s step-daughter’s lesbian lover! And for good reason, it’s Portia de Rossi!

– Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan banging? Their children would have the creamiest of thighs and the nastiest of eyebrows.

– Google now has the ability to read your mind! [via Cubicle Hater]

– I thought I’d never live to see the day that Blockbuster dumps its late fees!

– Man breaks marathon record… on a treadmill! [via Mr Poon]

– Practice saying this before you order one: Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. [via the Erect Donkeys]

– X-Entertainment supplies grrrrrreat holiday adverts of ye olden thymes.

– Take your magnifying glass, and go burn stuff up! Sounds like a bad Limp Bizkit song, eh? [via Ciffle Ceffle Caviffle]

– On January 5th at the Museum del Moving Image, there will be a special screening of A Very Long Engagement, followed by a discussion with its director, Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amelie, City of Lost Children). Call (718) 784-4520 for tickets ($18 public/$12 Museum members).

– Michelle’s franztastic review of last week’s ep of Desperate Housewives reminds me how lazy I’ve become. Anyone yearn for the days when I’d write 4 billion trillion (+ or – a trillion) words about Webster and Vanilla Ice instead of microwaved tunafish?

– Wanna be a Green Bay Packer shareholder? Well, yer probably too late, but here’s the history of it.

– Surgeons remove 90 metal objects, including keys, screw drivers, and nails, from a 22-year-old’s stomach!

– And since there hasn’t been any Cuthy Cuthbertenson news for ages, I’m going to make some up: Cuthbert Admits That She Loves Thigh Master More Than Corn AND PORN!

– The Pixies definitely rock, but they are so borrrrrrrrring in concert. The fake trees they have holding the lights have more stage presence than they do. At least I still have the fond memories of their Coahcella performance… when I downed 15 chocolate-covered-frozen-banananananas.

– I’m back rockin Atkins and losing weight, so therefore I eat more MacDougals than Morgan Spurlock. Last nite after demolishing 3 double cheeseburgers, Megbot and I wondered what the buns tasted like without the meat. We tooks some bites (but no swallows) and they still taste just like a McDonald’s burger. And I thinks to meself, what a wonderful world.

– Me and The Thinker attended the WORLD premiere of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou last noche. We saw Billy Murray and Jeff Goldblum chillin’ in the lobby and when I took a leak afterwards, Spike Lee was in my way when I wanted to use the sink. Anywho, while Mr Thought enjoyed the film, I was deeply disappointed and I think mos of you Wes Anderson whores will be too. There’s a lot to like about it (esp Knockout Ned from City of God singing Bowie and the Adidas Zissou kicks), but I eggspect a lot more from Wes and Co. I could go on and on, but there’s a time and place for that. Stay tuned.

– War of the Worlds and Willy Wonka teaser trailers! [via The I-Train]

– Britney has stinky feet.

– If there’s ever a Hobbit movie directed by Peter J, the gang will all be back!

– Merry b-day to Meg White and her basoombas. Even if you are a robot.

– Peace the fork out Jerry Scoggins, you ballader of Jed Clampett and Texas tea!

– James Brown has prostate cancer. At least he’s not living with a hernia. [via Fleaski]

– Man Charged With Sandwich Rage.

Sorry guys, I tried to stay away from All Things Lohan, but she juss makes too much news that’s fit to mint.

– Fez muss have a thing for lip suckers syncers. First he was banging Double L and now has his sights set on trAshlee Simps. Hey, someone warn Fabrice Morvan, of Milli Vanilli fame shame, before Wilmer starts humping his leg too!

– Lohan graces the cover of this week’s EW. Next week I bet the national masturbation level rises 7 points above average.

– Lohan visits Opie & Anthony. And here’s a pic of some dude smelling the chair she sat in. [via Alan J Pac-Man’s Love Child]

– Enuff about her former Royal Hotness already! Anywhozitz, the picture below [via Spencer for Hire] makes me want to do two things: smoke a cigarette and bone her six ways from Tuesday. Have a killah weak end everyone!