Thighs Wide Shut

[much love to Pinky]

– Thighspotted with me own eyes: James Gandolfini having a qwik drink at the dumphole 7B, before riding off on a motorcycle, and the ever sexy Anderson Cooper going to work this morning at the AOL-Time-Warner building. Btw, when did hosting The Mole qualify you for a top desk job at CNN?

– Even Duke’s student newspaper agrees, today’s Cameron Crazies suck and are unoriginal. I blame the free iPods that incoming Frosh get. [via Truth About Duke]

– George Lucas to cameo in Ep III as Baron Papanoida. [via AICN]

– Gorillaz’ new jounks finally has a name: Demon Days.

– Spanks the good Lord that the Swingers sequel was scrapped. Too bad what we got instead was the poopa-a-thon known as Made. Remember that movie? Neither do I.

– New York City Walk

– Apparently Uncle G-Funk doesn’t love me anymore.

– This guy gives great head… lines.

– NSFW [SFWness via Tony’s CPU]

– Yummy [via Newbsy]

– If there was ever a movie about a super-giraffe, would you go and see it? It wouldn’t be awfulistic like that talking racing zebra garbage. In fact, the super-giraffe’s neck would be so long that he’d help NASA look for planets and such in the thing above the sky called space. He’d also pen a screenplay and when his producer asks for a ‘first draft’ our animal friend gets confused cause he thinks he’s saying ‘first giraffe’. If that doesn’t whet yer kazzo, what about an Aquaman movie?

pee es- giraffes RULE!

Me juss wanted to send out a special I HEART YOU to the sweetest darn thang in all of Thighland, Mrs Elisha Cuthbert-Thigh Master The II. Without you, none of this would be possible. I’d also probably have only 4 readers. And merry B-Day to Kid Kadoji!

[pics via The Double V]

– For those of you rolling solo like Han on V-Day, here’s a special treat: every famous person’s Playboy pictorial, from Le Femme Nikita, to Old Blue Eyes’ daughter, to Mike Tyson’s punching bag, and even to a very scary/hairy Madgedonna. Enjizz Enjoy! [via ONTD]

– And if you need tips on how best to enjoy enjizz the above haz matz, let the Druken Stepfather be yer guide.

– Not a good day if yer a fan of the NHL or Jeff Gaycia.

– WHY GAWD WHY did you allow someone to make an American/bastardized version of the The Office? Watch many a painful clips here. The agony begins Thursday March 24th @ 9:30. So much for much for must see TV. More like, muss pee on my TV when I see these shows TV!! [via ONTD, again]

– I often wonder if PG County Police have a whole division dedicated to Twerp fans.

– ABBA reunite publicly for the first time in almost 20 years! Too bad that not even a billion dollars could get them into those umcredible white outfits again.

– I love when pornos are disguised as ‘films’ and have killer soundtracks. Case in point, Michael Winterbottom’s 9 Songs. [via A-Baby]

– Jerri Blank stars in the one of the least sexiest photo shoots I’ve ever seen. Good times, good times. [via Clevetown Mustard King]

– Could you imagine sitting next to Andy Rooney at the Super Bowl?

– Uri Geller bends spoons and kids over in support of Jacko.

– Jack Osbourne wants to become a NYC fireman. I guess he’s looking for something a lil bit more challenging than his guest spot on Dawson’s Creek. [via Superfish]

– Mary-Kate & ET, bitched @ Swirth. [via Cpt Cum]

– Peace the fork out to Dick Weber, a guy who loved shiny balls.

– Justin Case you didn’t know, Cewebrity is back! Some might say butter than ever!

– My Creepy Valentine

– Renee Pufferfish & Jack Paleface, and Kate Boringsworth & Orlando Borefest all back together again? Enuff already. I swear this is the last posting about either of these couples. Anywhozitz, their offspring would look something along the lines of this:

I would have liked to start off today’s thingieamabob with a pic of Marissa smooching Alex from last noche’s The O.C., but A) after all this build up (read: dick teaseapalooza), the kiss was just a kiss and B) the losers who normally post screencaps of the show are being lazy. Anywho, next week’s show looks hottier than Catherine-Zeta-Jones-McDonald-Douglas eating herself out on Mercury. If I were as flylicious as Kirsten Cohen, I’d also call the Feds on my husband’s ex-lover. YOU GO GIRL!!!

– Debbie Gibson has gotten such a bum rap over the years. And after looking at this NSFW pic, I’d love to rap her bum for the years to cum. [via Trent Lotts]

– Q: What’s the greatestest news investigation series by a local TV station of the 2000s? A: This one set up by KCTV to lure pedophiles to a house where they think they’re meeting up with 14-year-old fresh meat, but instead are greeted by the news crew. Now that’s what we call Perverted Justice! [major big ups to Mr Blagg for that]

– Her Former Royal Thighness made a return trip to the hospital complaining of chest pains. Poor girl, I guess she didn’t know that getting tittybanging by a different 28+-year-old each night is not good for the mammies.

– I guess Jacko won’t be dreaming a little dream or standing by Corey Feldman for much longer. Does that make CF one of the lost boys?

– I’ve always wanted to attend Church. And by ‘attend’ I mean see what her vocal chords are jason capel-able of handling. And by that, I mean, ‘Shove My Cock Down Your Thrizz‘.

– What’s booer than boo-urns? The bastardages who moved the intimate April Fiery Furnaces show from the Bowery B-rules to Webster Hall. I guess that means I’ll probably fall asleep, again. Man, I wish I was single again.

– Hitler still receives fan mail… even 60 years after dying. Speaking of Der Jerka$$, what ever happened to the rest of his familia?

– Who coined the phrase, “to coin a phrase”?

– Why does TMNT Porn eggsist? I mean this is almost as risgusting as the stuff I work with! [NSFWness via The DW Griffins]

– Were you sick of my pal Navi/The I-Train’s links and love of Duke basketball? Well, dude finally gots himself his own blog to post his haste. Beware, he’s a newbie and there are no pictures up as of yet. You’ve been warned. G-luck Potomac’s flavorite son.

– The internerd moves fast. Case in point: there’s already a pseudo-half-arsed-sequel to that fat Dutch kid rocking out to Romanian techno. [via Zach de la Roachclip]

– Can yous bee leave that the top prize in this weekend’s Grilled-Cheese eating contest is only $3.5 K? That won’t even begin to cover the champs’ Pebto and therapy sessions. [via The Brawny One]

– France sucks, and their people are hella lame.

– You’ll never be alone again with IntelliBuddy

– Felt Donuts

– The Cursor Thief

– Yer Thighness, this yer last warning (mos certainly not yer last spanking), but if you go out in public again looking like a Kabuki theater player, I may have to dump you for good (although I will still take dumps on you cause I know you likes it!).

– In the has been trashbin dept, GNR may release a new album and tour the UK, Costner wants to wear tights again, Madge wants to kick arse, and Ralph Macchio waxes on (and off) about the brand spankin new KK DVD box set. [last via Fleaski]

– Guess who Bandwagon Boy was rooting for in the Super Bowl? I’ll give you a hint: it’s his ‘faverite team’ and they’re coached by someone named ‘Bellycheck‘.

– Although I didn’t need to read TNDN to tell you this, but the book on Cuthy’s nightstand, juss in case yer interested, is The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.

– Did you hear about the new reality movie starring Drew Barrymore? It’s called 50 First Almost Husbands. How FAB! [via Pinky Le Rox]

– This stinks.

– Gots to give props to lil David Witthoft who has worn his Farve jersey for over 4-hundo straight days in order to break a record that doesn’t even eggsist!!

– Wanna play Find The Thigh Master this weekend? Look for me at The Met or in that giant park with all that orange crap going on.

– GoDaddy.com’s hottie was the most TiVo replayed ad of the Sorta-Super Bowl. Feel free to watch said ad again and again. [via Witzy]

[via JBill$]

– The Warshington Post has somehow gotten hold of a top secret internal email from CTU’s Bizatch In Charge With Bad Bangs, Erin Driscoll.

– So forking what if I came from such a smart county? How does that help me pay for my Playmobil addiction?

– A 4-year kid drove his mother’s car late at night to a video store only to find it closed. On the way back, he hit three cars, including one occupied by the po-po. No charges will be brought up against the kid and it’s not clear which video he wanted. My guess is the chilling sequel to An American Tail, Fievel Goes West.

– This has gots to be the largest set of NSFW jugs me has ever seen! [via Mr Zach De La Roachclip]

– Tits never too late to join my Oscar Pool! Enter yer info, make yer picks, join my group ‘Thighs R Us’ with password being ‘cuthbert’, send me $10 bones and away we gogh!

– And lest we forget…

Wooahdeehoodeehow kids!! What a semi-effin-boring Super Bowl that was, eh? Well, I’m mainly saying that cause I was in Motown Philly and was pulling for dem Eagles hard. And with the loss, there wasn’t one riot or lootingage to join in on. FORKsticks!! I really needed a new TV too! It was probably a good thing since I was in a mighty food coma thanks to my famous 7-layer dip. Anywho, I’ll have a full pictorial of my cheesesteak pilmigrage tomorrow or Whizday, so stay tuned. In the meantime, here’s the crap…

– Peter Gallagher/Sandy Cohen better get his act together, cause another Gallagher is taking a stab at acting… and this one is the real king of eyebrows.

– The Gorillaz & Coldplay’s forthcoming LPs will not be released until after Marzo 31st cause EMI blows. At least they’re paying their employees for the next two weeks, unlike a company I know.

– It’s so UNphair that Liz finally lets us see her boobage. [via ProductNYCer]

– Marissa/Mischa/Mischka’s lesbian storyline only to last ‘five or six episodes‘. BOOOOOOOO! At least DJ’s back to mowing someone else’s lawn.

– Jurassic 5 & Black Crowes are Bonnaroo bound.

– No word on a release date yet, but Twin Peaks season 2 DVDs will contain brand spankin new video transfers. And by spankin, I mean to the thought of Mädchen Amick serving up some of her pie.

– Carnie Wilson, fat once again.

– Female Soldier Demoted For Mud Wrestling [via Fleaski]

– Japanese homeless men get free HJs by women who love dirt! [via Guns n Rosenthal]

– Man Spends £3K on KitKats

– My Spidunkadunk Makes Your Vagina Look Like Phil Donahue!

– Wurstest Animated Spock w/Sideburns Gif That Will Destroy Your Eyes [via Golden DisSpencer]

– Her Royal Thighness the II’s, aka dElishious Cuthbert, next project will be The Itty Bitty Titty Committee. I cant bee leave for a second that she’s actually on that committee, and not on they’re rivals’, The Super Luscious Cockteasing Backsideriffic Committee. And I love how I don’t even need to do any Cuthy pic sleuthing anymore, they juss cum to me, via such makers and pushers of hotty hotness like Tony & Tr3nt! Kisses on all yer all’s pink parts.