Thighs Wide Shut

• CBS Sunday Morning has long been a part of my life. I remember WENN, as wee Master o’ Thighs, I’d wake up every Sunday AM to the sweet sound of my father slurping down some hot coffee whilst watching Charles Kuralt babble on about babbling brooks and plenty other pleasant trees and whathaveyous for an hour and a half. At the time, I was pretty turned off by the show, as it didn’t have enuff hot chicks on it to satisfy my prepubescent urges, say the way that Hey Dude did. But as time passed and I grew to be an adult Thigh Mizzle, my tastes changed and I slowly started to turn into my dad… sans hair loss (yet). Now I’m a full on worshipper of the Sunday Morning sun, but thanks to the TiVo, I don’t have to be up at 9am to watch it. Anywho, the whole point of this is me and pa aint alone. The show has been gaining in popularity recently, up to about 5 mil viewers a week, and shows no signs of slowing down. A major hat tip goes out to host Charles Osgood who’s been keepin it alls good since Charlie Kuralt moved onto greener pastures, aka PEACED THE FORK OUT! Best news is that Osgood aint goin NOWHERE as he recently signed a contract that would keep em there ‘forever’. And if you think for one moment that this show is only for geezer fans of Murder She Wrote, yer juss plain wrong. I mean, they so effin hip that they did a whole piece on the resurgence of photo booths and how Brett Ratner, of all people, started the current trend, and when they mentioned the term ‘blogosphere’, onscreen was a shot of Lindsay Lindsayism’s Lindsayism.com! Damn those CBSers are more punk than Punky Brewster! And what else u gonna watch at that time? Sabrina, the Animated Series? Heducate yoselves peoples!

• Bobby Short joins J-Z DeLorean in Peacetheforkoutland.

• One of the world’s greatestist rollercoasters, The Cyclone, is already open for bidness.

• ‘There She Goes’, there they go. La’s dee da dee da.

• Richard Linklater’s Bad News Bears? What’s next for the softee director, a shot for shot remake of Kindergarten Cop?

• Bon, Simon Le Bon loves orange Smarties, but please don’t pelt him with em.

• Everyone’s allowed to cross Abbey Road, but now you can enter its doors and even catch a flick, but only for the next 2 weeks!

• Texas Rep Wants End To ‘Suggestive’ Cheerleading… dude boviously has never seen the brill-yancy that is Bring It On. [via Fleaski]

• Damon, the hardest and hottest man in showbuzz, gave a sneak peek of the Gorillaz’ ‘Feel Good Inc’ video to some very lucky peeps last week at SXSW. (Anyone know where we can viddy it for ourselves?) But the real creamy news is that there will be a tour and it WON’T be like last time where the performers played behind a white sheet (I liked it all the same, but many did not). Then after all that who-ha, he’s off to make some world music, and THEN NEW BLUR STUFF! Wooo-hoooo! Anywho, here’s what the new album cover looks like. Sweet sweet muffins!

• Merry forkin b-day goes out to My Man Marvkus. May yer day be filled with cakes, Sveiks, Twix, and all that’s in betwixt!

• The mos reverse-boner inducing movie poster of recent memory has to be… [via Brad Foreskin]

• And if I ruled the world I would remake House of Wax as Cuthdirt: The Girl Who Showered For 90 Minutes Straight…

The Gouda

• Marissa & Alex’s lame-o lesb-o thang-o is OVER-O!! WHAT A WASTE!! I would have been more turned on by watching a threesome between Paula Poundstone, Rosie O’Donnell, and Rita Rudner.

• Jek Porkins: THE WEBSITE! [via Morilla Gask]

• Moulin Rouge 2?

• Finally, George Lucas comes up with his first brill-yant idea since 1983: Star Wars flicks in 3-D!!!

• Hazard County Sheriff & General Lee WristRacers!

• I hear that if you vote for Pantry/Panty Raider‘s sister in this contest thingie, you have a better chance of getting into Heaven… or the college of your choice.

The Bada

• I have never really questioned what Senor Spielbergo does with his genius mind and his dirty Jew money, but a Baywatch movie? Dude muss seriously sweat the virgin Connie Swail and her protestin’ ways.

• Wanna put an end to alien abductions? Make yer own Thought Screen Helmets and yer 1/2 the way there. And by there, I mean, Arkham Asylum with all dem other wackos! [via Forrest Spittacur]

• Parker Posey in the new Superman? House of NOOOO!!

• The Cloud Appreciation Society

The Julia UGuglia

• If you only watch one trailer for the rest of your life, make it George McFly’s blackface-titty-retarded-swastika-fest of a movie, aka What Is It? [via DW Giff5ths]

• Is the Musicpole the lamestest instrument since the recorder?

• Michelle TrachenWURST’s Ice Princess opens nationwide today!

And The Usual Crap

• The word ‘wedgie’ finally gets the mad propers it deserves. Wedge Antilles could not be reached for comment.

• Cocteau Twins pull OUT of Coachella! Who the forkins are the Cocktwo Twins? [via AO Snott]

• Can someone please eggsplain why Hollyweird’s got Scarlett Johansson fever? Sure she looks aiiight, but her acting chops are worser than Mischa Barton’s. If she gets cast in Indy 4 over Natalie Hotman, I may never see another movie ever again that’s exec produced by George Lucas.

• Bruce Willis is not banging Lohan and not taking part in a Moonlighting movie. Too bad the only thing he said yes to was Die Hard 4.0.

• How awfulable will the Lord of Rings musical be?

• Don’t eggspect Teri Hatcher or the other Housewives to show off their snatchers anythyme soon.

• Kirsten Dunst likes porn on the cob

• New this year at Kings Dominion: Tomb Raider Firefall ride

• NYers: free passes to Guess Who. If we all get in, we should take a dump in a bag, light it on fire and then leave the theater after 6 minutes!

• Own a piece of National Lampoon Inc. [via Media Bistro Bistro]

• Elijah Wood will never be cool… even if he does look like The Virgin Mary.

• Ugly coffee mugs

• I take it back, side boobs are the new side boobs. right Anne? [via Looking for Mr FUBAR]

• And I keep thinking of possible replacements for Cuthy, but Her Royal Thighness the II can do no wrong in my eyes. Semper Thighs, do or tantalize!!!

[via UMC]