Thighs Wide Shut

Dude: Starls Barkley!!

No man is an island: and no woman is as fine as SB Cohen’s fiancée Isla Fisher

all the above + Borat and much mo when the pointless MTV Movie Awards airs (taped) this Thursday

Ass promised: Lily Allen‘s cover of the Kaiser Chiefs’ ‘Oh My Gawd’ [d]

Joining Tom Carvel in that peace the fork out pie in the sky: Mr Mister Softee

Edgar Stiles will never go outta style: the EGGSclusive promo to his Life’s A Pizza flick AND a soon to be dad AND husband (wait, are they both preggers?)!!

Battle of the funny commmmmences this fall between the Borat movie and: Jackass: Number Two [For Hires Root Beer]

More irony than reading T-K Stack Money’s Pumping Irony while ironing a box of Total cereal: Jeffery Maier joining the Orioles?

Brothers gonna work it out: the Weinsteins in talks to take on Gorillaz movie. Don’t be sirprized if their muse Gwyny pops up in there somewhere

Decline of Western Civilization Part MIXLIX: Video games push for Olympic recognition [Marwanicur]

Oh, so that’s what that is: Sometimes I’m a bit behind on things. This go around I owe it to the fact that I rarely watch the Grammy’s Lame-y’s or listen to anything by Linkin Park (ok, anything besides ‘The End’ [d]). But I may have changed my tune as my ears have been glued to dat Jay-Z/Linkin Park mash-up ‘Numb/Encore’ [d | WMvid] ever since I fingered out dat dat is the song featured on dem Miami Vice trailers. Jan Hammer [d] who? Btw, I’m totally jazzed for this flick. I think it has mad po-tense-hole, hispecially with CH on board, who’ll also be seen in Noah Baumbach’s 2007 joint

Corky‘s #1 Fan: Mischa Barton’s mum

And cause you probably didn’t click on that Corky link above: Life Goes On‘s Chris Burke has a band, and yes, they’re touring. And yes, I have already marked 9/17 on my calendar. And yes, I’m not joking cause CORKY RULESS!!!

Sarah McLachlan’s music saves lives: see Darryl ‘DMC’ McDaniels‘ for proof. The two even dueted on DMC’s ‘Cats In The Cradle’ remake ‘Just Like Me’ [vid]

Dry your sweat, mate: Mike Skinner, aka the world’s effin greatest artist that’s a year younger than me, signs up for the NY Marathon

Is it football season yet?: No, but it’s almos futbol season!! And if yer an American rooting for some other country, go eat Hedwig’s dick and die die die! You Talibanistical jerknuts!!

[Muse of Hoax]
More shocking than Jeremy Shockey: Methinks I have unraveled the ‘inspiration’ for the American Idol theme song [d]. Listen to it 1st, and then listen to the guitar and crowd cheering at around 1:26 on the Utah Saint‘s ‘Something Good’ [d], featuring Kate Bush. Hmm, guess nothing about that show is original

Page still sexier than Ellen: 3 [NSFW]

The ‘IT’ Boy: Gregory Itzin/President Logan and his EPIC 24 poem (a muss click for ANY 24 fan)

Future yumscrubber: Camilla Belle Jr?

A reason to go all 88mph and shit again: the sorta rebirth of the DeLorean Motor Company! For even more DeLorean love, visit Tamir’s pre-shmear site!

Hold yer horses & hormones: ‘Lesley Ann Warren takes HRT‘

Can’t decide what to stare at more: Christina Ricci‘s boobs or mouse ears

Bruce Wayne waxed: Jill St John?

Insert middle-school Asian kid joke here: The Nerd Watch Museum

Where to fill yer Rated Rookie jones’n: The Baseball Card Blog

Cecil is dope: Who invented tampons? & Is some candy coated with beetle juice? & Why do you always see just one shoe by the side of the road?

Why bother with TV’s summer line-(d)u(m)p when there’s: TV In Japan

King Henry Died Monday Drinking Chocolate Milk: English ‘Johnny’ mnemonics

Yes it does: BluRaySucks.com

LOL name that a PR firm mistakenly thought yers drooly went by when they contacted me: John Stosseled

Spanking of those who stoss-ss-ss-le: Famous People Who Stutter, and where sum of dem found help, like Darth Vader and Xander

Somewhere Darwin’s smiling at this way for the fit ladies to survive: How to Make a Plastic Bag Bra

The Thigh Master’s latest non-endorsements: Lies Wide Shut & the Thigh Master [kindaish NSFW?]

I no that known of you click the links that hide beneath the Photochop Phryday mastercheeses, so: Rate My Poo [NSFW]

STOP THE PEREZES: PARIS HILTON SONG LEAKED (and for a shitty lil pop numba, it’s really not THAT bad, and I even kinda dig the Wendy Carlosish Clockwork Orangeee opening), and…

and who gives a flyin fjord who wins and who loses in women’s tennis, juss as long as the hotties keep sproutin up. Say hello to my new lil Slovakian friend whom I’d love to slowfcukin’in all night shlong, Daniela Hantuchova

+ meat my new hero: a San Franciscan boy has until Friday to raise 7k+ in order to land a date with chavilicious Lady Sov, who recently agreed to take part in this geniusessness of internetsing, but if and only if all the money is raised and spent like so

Lady Sovereign – ‘Cha Ching’ (cheque 1-2 remix) [d]

Leon spinks I forgot all about our current and mos luscious jackson of Her Royal Thighnesseses, Camilla Who Rungeth Ma Albert’s Liberty Taco Belle? I didn’t, but you did, you JERKS and JERKETTES! Well, she got into a bit o trouble a few months back and had waz forced to go all underground hiding and shit thru Thighland’s Jehovah Witness Relocation Program. They totally made her ditch her identity and loosen her panties and made her up to look like the Baroness, for her own security, and for my own sick perverted animated porn fantasies with the first lady of Cobra

But she’s back-tion like Action Jackson (if they ever went all sequel on us and stuff), and been busier and bustier than ever, with my doctor ordered 18 daily HJs, tossing out all the bananas from our bags of Runts, and the mos daunting task of dem all, taking Sio Jr and Edgar Jr to Hebrew school. You can’t imagine how much of my DNA dem kids gots. I never wanted to go either, and I complained so much to my rents that they took me out.

Two things that should be important, but really isnaren’t: Bonds on Babe and Marissa Coop flying the coop

Two things no one ever wanted to see together: Cuthbert AND rape

60 minutes well spent that you probsbbsbsly spent elsewhere, like watching crap on CrapTV: 60 Minutes‘s 60 minutes of nuttin but Mike Wallace. I doubt it’ll be this grand when Morley Safer calls it quits

Paris Hilton has delayed the release of her debut album because she wants to include a cover of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy [Menyinc] If we count our lucky starz, maybe she’ll delay it even more than more and cover ‘Ebony and Ivory’ with Perez! Can you say Apocalypse 91 now?

¿¿¿Tommy Hilfiger pummeled Axl Rose??? What? Did Hilf throw Buckethead’s bucket over W Rose’s head, at Rosario’s b-day shabang?

EW operation dumbo dropped The 25 Best Music Websites in their shlumble opinion. I think they’re a bunch of effin carnivores, cause how else could they explain the omission of the single bestest music site on the interwebs/nets/netwebs, Brooklyn Vegan. Bastages!! I bet if they did a Top 25 Thigh-Related sites thingamajig, we wouldn’t even make the top million billion

Flyest semi-undiscovered singer I last mentioned in Rocktober of ’04 but wanted to bring to yer attention 1nce again cause I came all over across her myspace page and she’s still mad fly and I’m totally headICKted to her knees’ beesish song ‘Here With You’: Marie’ Digby

Sites that juss went live, that aren’t really lively: CWTelly, Casino Royal, and Lily Allen

Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair [Mini Soda Vikings]

The royal tongue

Dirk Loves Hasselhoff

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

When THEY were young, which should not be confused with the long lost Great Outdoorer Chris Young

Carnie Wilson, preggers or inhaling bacon again?

Rita Wilson, for those of you with an appreciation…

Duncan aint gots nuttin on this Hinds

Covers will tear us apart

We refuse to link to 10 Things I Hate About Commandments… I’ve had funnier pimples on my a$$. I’ve also had your mother, but only I found that funny

Is it possible to make love to all of des vintage NFL posters? Or would poking a hole for my shlong ruin their value? I dunno, someone call Beckett

The ONLY Chuck Norris animated gif you need to see today [My Man Marv]

The ONLY NSFW animated gif you need to see today

Nipple sucking [NSFW]

Really Bad Tattoos Pts 1, 2, & 3

Ear Wax Candy

ZOOperstars! [Poon]

Waffle House, please take
note

70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse [DataQue?]

Northwestern Women’s Soccer Team Initiation Includes Pictures of Bondage, Lap Dances, and Simulated Sex Acts [You Sonkin My Battleship]

Ronald hunts McFly, YTMD staz

What’s for dinner?

And from the music video annals of my middle schoolish anus:

ABC’s ‘Iesha’
+
Technotronic’s ‘Get Up’
Roxette’s ‘The Look’ + [d]
Young MC’s ‘Bust A Move’ + [d]
Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch’s ‘Good Vibrations’ + [d]
Peter Gabriel’s ‘Steam’
The Proclaimers’ ‘500 Miles’ + [d]
RHCP’s ‘Under The Bridge’ + [d]
Gerardo’s ‘Rico Suave’ + [d]
Tony! Toni! Tone!’s ‘Feels Good’
Black Crowes’ ‘Hard to Handle’ + [d]
Sir Mix A Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ + [d]
Edie Brickell And The New Bohemian’s ‘What I Am’ + [d]
Billy Idol’s ‘Cradle of Love’
Beastie Boys’ ‘So What’cha Want’ + [d]
Alannah Myles’ ‘Black Velvet’ [d]
Soul II Soul’s ‘Back to Life’ + [d]
Fine Young Cannibals’ ‘She Drives me Crazy’ + [d]
Stereo MCs’ ‘Connected’
any Guns N’ Roses, but in pardick, ‘Garden Of Eden’ + [d]
Boyz II Men’s ‘Motownphilly’
The Belle Stars’ ‘Iko Iko’ + [d]
Cathy Dennis’ ‘Touch Me (All Night Long)’
Lucas’ ‘Lucas With The Lid Off’
U2’s ‘Mysterious Ways’ + [d]
Divinyls’ ‘I Touch Myself’ + [d]
(her boobs single handedly got me thru all of 1992,
pun and no pun intended)
Londonbeat’s ‘I’ve Been Thinking About You’
Ice T’s ‘New Jack Hustler’
Go West’s ‘King of Wishful Thinking’
Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ + [d]
MC Hammer’s ‘Too Legit To Quit’
REM’s ‘Losing My Religion’ + [d]
Michael Penn’s ‘No Myth’ + [d]
Kris Kross’s ‘Jump’ + [d]
Utah Saints feat Kate Bush ‘Something Good’ + [d]
House of Pain’s ‘Jump Around’ + [d]
PM Dawn’s ‘Set Adrift On Memory Bliss’
Dee-Lite’s ‘Groove is in the Heart’ + [d]
Biz Markie’s ‘Just a Friend’ + [d]
The Traveling Wilburys’ ‘End of the Line’
Ice Cube’s ‘Wicked’
C&C Music Factory + F’dom Williams’ ‘Gonna Make You Sweat’ + [d]
Anthrax & Public Enemy ‘Bring the Noise’
TMBG’s ‘Birdhouse In Your Soul’ + [d]
Cypress Hill’s ‘Hand On The Pump’ + [d]
Nelson’s ‘(Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection’
Big Audio Dynamite’s ‘Rush’
Wilson Philips’s ‘Hold On’
Partners In Kryme’s ‘Turtle Power’ + [d]
Catherine Wheel’s ‘Black Metallic’ +[d]
Suzanne Vega’s ‘Tom’s Diner’ + [d]
The KLF’s ‘3am Eternal’ + [d]
Bel Biv DeVoe’s ‘Do Me’ & ‘Poison’ [d]
Pearl Jam’s ‘Porch (Unplugged)’ + [d]
and cause I can never get enuff of it
Snap!’s ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ [d, again]

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but I’m only human and I have to sleep at some point, hispecially with some French Open and crab eating in my near future. What bout you’alls? What was up yer anus during yer middle schoolish daze, when we didn’t have good taste in music, we hung on Adam Curry‘s every word and cassingles were the Bar Mitzvah DJ’s giveaway of choice?

Bill Paxton’s a$$
aint got nuttin on my a$$
and the fake internet a$$
I have proclaimed and claimed to have had…

Schlepisode I
The Phantom Red Menace & Her Crab Infested Pubes

Schlepisode II
Attack of the Blonde Deez Nuts Boston Tea Party Baging Her

Schlepisode III
Revenge of My Stiffy, Below My Borscht Belt

Schlepisode IV
A New Pope Consummates A Charlotte Church

Schlepisode V
The Boobless Strike Back On The Big Boob Lover

Schlepisode VI
Return of The Making James Hasty Decisions on the Red-Eye

Schlepisode VII
Hopefully Not The Beginninining of the Postquel Postilogy

but my loves
for all my lovelies
aint as lovie dovie
as my love for Lovie Smith

GNARLS!!

The Winter LIMPics are dunn like Nora. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Next time, they should eliminate time zones so everyone can watch the not so grassy knolls at the same time and not on tape delame. Go Latvia!!!

Boo-nus: Photochop Monday?

Dennis Hopper
Val Kilmer
Christopher Lambert
Winona Ryder
Alpha Numeric
Color me BAD
not bad meaning bad
but bad meaning good

‘I think American TV is the best in the world. I knew ‘The Office’ wouldn’t be ruined by these people, but I know American shows would be ruined by English people. We’re not as good as you. … American TV for me, as Randy Jackson would say, is da bomb. ‘ –Ricky G

Could the future Liam Gallagher/Charlotte Church collab be holier than thou?

Rudy meets Corky = real hoop dreams [via Double Veeski & Burger King & Queen]

Hugo ‘Hurley’ Reyes = Harry ‘Beyonce’ Knowles?

The return of Ice-T? I’m still praying for the day he teams up with Lemonade to form Arnold Palmer

Jesse Metcalfe (Lawn Boy) banging Nadine Coyle (Thighs Mistake Girl)?

Willa Holland > Bloggers In Amsterdam

And how come they didn’t invite the Hay Master to Edam (which is the new Eden)?

Max, the Devil, and proprietor of Max’s Video shop from The Lost Boys loves dat a$$

Sly no longer on the sly?

Zach Moore and Mandy Braff’s (sorry, but I refuse to call em something very bloggish like Broore or Mraff) Tiffany wedding registry [via The Soup]

Muss See Tee Vee: The Ivankatice

Muss Take Her Clothes Off:

Yeah? I’d rather hang myself with sasquatch’s taint hair tainted with microwaved tunafish while licking my own taint out to ‘Tainted Love’ [d-lode] than listen to that diarrhea of the mouth skanktastic hobag sing live. Take this Flaming Lips ‘Yeah Yeah Yeah Song’ [d-lode via Under8] and get that fishnet stocking taste outta yer ear pronto tonto!!

And by the lame, Karen O’s full name is Karen Orzolek, and she’s not only an earsore and an eyesore, but multimediasore! Did I mention she’s a hobag and I’d rather suck this [NSFW] than let her touch mine [‘this’ via Skylar]

How un-ghetto is Trick My Truck? I’d say about 1/16th less than Pimp My Slip ‘N Slide, eh?

What could possib-bly make Nicage emote the Karen O face?

These NSFW boobs, as seen in the mediocre, yet food tossingly enjoyable The Weather Man

Tits amazin what two a-bombs can do to a country [NSFW muss ness that has nothing to do with real bombs but bombs as in boobs and a kitten and aight already, juss click the damn link via Dr Falada]

The Ketchup Effect teaser [via Shabby]

The 50 Best Robots Ever

YTMND: Ownd [via Tom Wellington The Greatest Livng Actor’s Fan Club President]

Newbower’s bestest fan ever

FREE PANCAKES! In honor of Marwanicur’s B-day! [via BVS is the new CVS]

Add ‘sasha cohen cock’ & ‘sasha cohen underarms’ to the list of things we don’t have on this site………. yet! Aldough it’s a purty safe bet you’ll never mt everestist find ‘slutskaya nipples’ anywhere near these thighswideshut

Lou flings Poo

Posting will probably be a lil miller lite in the loafers this week as we richard gear up for March 8th. Grin and bear with us kids!

Anywhozitz, tis never too late to enter our Oscar Pool. $10 to make ya holla. Winner eats balls. Enter here. Group Name: House of Wax Dat Ass Password: neckbeard. You suck if you don’t join the frayed carpet. And if you do, I’ll see if I can get you in to the palace to touch our gal’s brows, and if you pay $5, you can touch mine too!

Underemployed Cameron Diaz interviews Her Royal Thighness the VII for Interview. An interview in Interview, eh? How rad is that!!

Pee es – eat a dick USA Hockey!! That’s what you get for leaving Halps off the squadron