Thighs Wide Shut

– I dream of Lohan or is it I Dream of Knightly? I have a grand idea, throw away that script, sign up Elisha Cuthbert, and make them a lesbian Charlie’s Angels. You can have them fighting in pudding, car washes, and uber-huge glasses of champagne. Anywho, Lohan’s got a brand new single. It’s called ‘Rumors’ and you can here it hear (Real Media link via Stereogum).

– The Office 2-hour Special finally debuts stateside only on BBC America, October 21st. Czech out what genius Ricky Gervais has to say about it.

– Batman: Year 32.

– Guess who doesn’t make money? Yep, bloggers. I’m so sick of reading these kind of stories.

– Got $2,950.00 + Tax to burn? Book a flight on Zero-G.

– Norman Chad, aka the Couch Slouch, takes on USA Today and their list of thangs to change in sports. I’m in favor of Slouch’s #6: Pay college athletes not to come to campus during school week, thus freeing up the better-looking women for the rest of us.

– Playgirl names Andy Rooney the 5th sexist sexiest male newscaster. His eyebrows were rated third best in the world by TWS. Right behind Martin Scorsese and NY1’s own George Whipple da III.

– You may have seen this before, but tits always worth a 2nd or 18th viewing. [via Jon Juan de Kur]

– Think Clint Howard is scary looking? You boviously haven’t seen this pic.

– Ashton Kutcher’s Restaurant Burglarized. Big whoop-d-do!!!

– Peppers, Vedder, and Rollins rock in honor of The Ramones. Next up: The Strokes & Blondie.

– And frinally, I need me time machine so I could have gone to see a screening of Tron with that dude in the male-camel toe Tron costume. Double dang!!! [via GoldenFiznizzle]

– The Lohan just inked a long-term record deal with Tommy Mottola’s Casablanca Records. The press are already trying to dub her L-Lo. As my girl would say, that’s so “retarded”.

– Is this the unofficial sequel to the Tron guy with the male camel toe? [Link via the girl who’s name meanith “brownish-yellow”]

– Kerry/Edwards? [Link via Navi]

– I Gave My Cat an Enema. [Link via Cef-niddle-naddle]

– I swear, I’m not the sicko behind this website: LindsayLohanSexTape.com. But they did have a link to this fun NSFW thang where boobies move.

– Who do I have to sleep with in order to get Madness to tour America?

– My Man Marvkus has found my future wife (and no, its not the Lohan). Call me forever smitten.

– And finally, if you haven’t already done so, I beg you to watch Ali G’s speech at Harvard’s graduation (starting at 01:27:34). It’s more entertaining than most of NBC’s programming for the last 5 years.

– I think instead of banning gay marriages, we need to ban Z-list celebs from creating their own urls. I mean, I don’t bee leave for a second that anyone would marry a hippo, let alone, would want to read about it. And Blair Warner, get the facts straight, cause people stopped caring about your life about 16 years ago. [Link via Zach de la Roachclip] At least two of your schoolmates are putting their names to good use: MindyCohn.com and KimFields.com. Don’t even bother searching for Nancy McKeon.com or .org, cause there aint one.

– Where does your name rank within the 1000 most popular American names? My sorry a$$ name is ranked #2. That’s why I’m legally changing my name to Thigh Master. And people who name their children Del Monte or Courvoisier should be shot on sight.

– Perry Farrell is not giving up on this year’s Lollapalooza. Hey Per, just get the Pixies, Lips, and Spree to play in NY for one day and all will be forgiven.

– Los Beasties’ To the 5 Boroughs went straight to #1 on the Billboard Charts. Wow, sadly this is the 1st album I’ve bought in ages that’s hit #1. I mean, I’d rather dump on Usher’s CD than buy it.

– Australia seems to be a bit behind the times with this headline: Lindsay’s So Hot.

– What do Mr. T, Pete Rose, the 6 Million Dollar Man, and the San Diego Chicken all have in common? They’ve all had their own candy bars or gum.

– Here’s a lil time waster for you.

– The real reason the internet was invited: Rate My Camel Toe (NSFW) [Link via Tim “Fudger” Altie]

– Lettuce be honest here folks, what’s all this hubbub about Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 gettin’ an R rating? I guess I’m forgetting about all those 13-16 year olds who get to vote in November.

– Our pal The Thinker has taken his thinking over to Europe and the results are umcredible. Czech out his report from Venice.

– And finally, please whatever you do, don’t click on this link that includes many a pictures of men with their wieners between their thighs. [Thanks, er no thanks to Warner Sistahs]

– Apparently the world is in love with Tron all over again. First there was the costumed dude with the male camel toe, and now you can play the speederbike game (ala Atari’s Surround) on your computer! Link via Astralwerks‘s newsletter.

– Here Lex Luthor is enjoying a Minority Report bath:

Pic via Pak-Man.