When we last left off, we were sweaty, dazed & funfused, and about 1/2 hour shy of seeing this baby thru til the end. This film musta been sum tang special, cause how else would you explain my return to theater the very next evening to finish it off? As one of the rare few who’ve now seen this movie 1 & 2/3 times, I muss say, it holds up on repeat viewings. I still laffed at the bits I was chompin at on the first go around, and the last 1/3 made the second trip all worth it. While some are disappointed that the creators didn’t divert from the usual winning formula that they established for years on the idiot box, I say, if it aint baroque broke, then why fix it? So many shows that have made the quantum leap to the big screen have failed miserably because they tried to take the material in a different direction. So kudos to you Simpsons Movie! For you hath reminded me of why I loved The Simpsons so much. Maybe when they realize that the TV show has purty much run its course (yeah, try 4 years ago), they’ll pour all their efforts into releasing a Simpsons flick ever year in theaters. You might say that canceling the show is sacrilegious, but I say, mmmmm, sacrilicious!
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): if a sloppy, yet beyond popcorn pleasin Transformers can get a Breast In Show•, then why not a Simpsons flick that hits all the right notes
In a shutnell, I loved this film. It not only works as a solid piece of entertainment, but it actually has something to say, even if the message isn’t so straightforward. This Is England is only the second Shane Meadows‘ film that we’ve viddied, but we aim to correct that issue pronto. If his other works are anywhere close to this subtle bestness, then I can see why peeps be claiming that he’s the heir apparent to such revered British filmmakers like Ken Loach and Mike Leigh. And if you don’t know what the fork I’m talking about, you can juss Leighve me be!!
Netflux Capacitor: nuttin rocks harder than European youth raging against the machine and thats why you should peep out ‘çois Truffaut’s The 400 Blows [trailer]
Apt MPupil3: The Specials‘ hauntin ‘Ghost Town‘ [d|vid]
BBC BFFs: Turgoose & Graham can also be seen together in BBC’s The Innocence Project
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show•
Apt MPupil3: Edith Piaf‘s unforgettable ‘Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien‘ [d|vid]
You Got Served: I’m still waitin for someone out there to upload the infamous Sammy Sosa Denny’s ad up on YouTube, where he tells Tony Gwynn how he was traded for Wade Boggs and a side of rice pilaf
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show•
From the people that brought us The Hours comes an even more snoozerific outting with even more great actressesesesez abound, but unfortch, none are a-gagged! Er, uh, um, whatever. Anywho, Evening is about Vanessa Redgrave babbling on her death bed to her daughters (Toni ‘The Teeth’ Collette & real life kin/hottie Natasha Richardson… what, was Joely too busy?) about people in her past that she wanted to bone more than once. As V-Reds goes back in forth between Babble-On and La-La Land, so do we. While it was dandy to peer into her past, it was the present that was the wurstest gift of all! Dat’s right. I is saying they shoulda done away with the old woman moaning about crap and instead juss show us the crap. Why does everyone keep forgettin the phrase that pays: show me, don’t tell me? I dunno, but the mo important question is, why do I have the red hots for Meryl Streep’s daughter, Mamie Gummer, who plays the younger versh of her character in da past? While you willie ponder that, I’ll be shooting my modern-day remake of Deep Throat with Mamie G. I call it: Streep Throat!
Yours, Mine and Hours: while nuttin can take the cake away from Ben Stiller’s Die Hard 12 trailer, this parody preview of The Hours from a few years back still ices our vices…
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
& if you Netflux one movie this weak, make it…
Shiz was franztastic. And yes, we do realize that Ryan Phiillliippppee is in it too! Hell, the biggest mistake we’ve made all year, besides not buying a second copy of our junior high yearbook, was not seeing Breach in theaters! Shame on us! Go Jaguars!
‘a Michael Bay film‘ used to be a tag line that would send me running for the hills (even if they did have THIGHS!), but after the freshness bestness that was his Island [TWS.org review], I was willing to keep my Michael prejudices at bay goin fwd. Although I always have reservations about any big screen adaptation of a classic from my childhood (Hollywurst, please don’t make a GI Joe flick), I had a feeling that Transformers was in good hands… and those hands be that of Exec Prod-er Steven Spielbergo. Why would Señor S put his name on an action-advent pic if it was gonna turn out to be a terd? For terdness sake, we won’t have to answer that question cause, dooooooooooooooode, the biggest buck for yer bang this summer is, without a doubt, Transformers. Everything that needed to be write was right: a screenplay that would make Charlie Kaufman blush, make the transforming look bee leaveable, hire Peter Cullen to voice Optimus Prime again, and mos importantly, include that sweet sweet transformin sound (chih-chew-choh-cheh-chih). Now don’t spank me wrong, even dough the CGI was notch top, but when dem bots were battlin’, shiz was mos confusin to look at than a Physics book written in braille. As for the humans, as soon as they appeared on screen, I was wishing that the Decepticons would wipe them out in 4 seconds. But as the ‘story’ unfolded, I found that they added to the fun and not take away from it… in par dick u la lee, Shia Labeouf-cake and his mackin of foxie public hand-jober Megan Fox. So leavin the theater I had two very positive thoughts: one, a sequel better happen ASAP (why not let RoboCopper Paul Verhoeven give it ago) and two, I no longer have any qualms about Shia Where’s The LaBeef’s casting in Indy 4. Why? Cause in Spielbergo we truss!!
Transtastic: I dunno who yer mos flavorite ‘former is, but mine is far and away Soundwave
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): If you wait for the DVD, yer a friggin moron cause dis shiz be Breast In Show•!!!
License to Wed I Know Pronounce You One Giant Piece of Sh$t Trailer & Mo!
I’ve seen my fair share of comedies that didn’t float my boat (For Your Consideration, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, The Aristocrats, etc), but at least those mooovies attempted to make me laff. License To Wed doesn’t even come close to touchin my boat cause it’s like a broad ocean without any water in it. Think of one of the wurstest comedies you’ve ever seen and then move it down a notch on the list to make room for this pointless comedy that would make Meet The Parents haters long for a Focker threequel. And bee leave it or snot, Robin Williams’ tis not at fault for this poo that be stankier than takin a rotten egg dump at a sulfur factory whilst listening to Stankonia. Hell, the only people we can blame for this shitrocity that netted 1.5 total laffs are thethreescreenplayas, who, by the looks of it, have about as much comedy writing eggspeareance as Helen Keller penning a book of Helen Keller jokes. Don’t ever watch this movie. Seriously. Not even if yer a family member of someone who worked on it. You’d be butter off watching reruns of The Office and JOing to Mandy Moore… unless of course, yer already doing that, like yours thighly
Apt MPupil3: the only diamond in this ruff piece of coal is the usage of Madness‘ thumcredible ‘It Must Be Love‘ [d|vid]
Netflux Capacitor: time to get all Corey and rent License To Drive [trailer]
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Yer Eyes & Thighs Out Repoopulous!!•
The Lives of Others (Das Leben der Anderen) Juss One of GerMany Thangs Wrong With the GDR Trailer
Tiz hard not to have yer eggspectations set high when you sit down (5 months after it’s initial US release, MIND YOU!) to catch a film that’s 95% fresh and beat out Pan’s Labium for the Best Foreign Film at this year’s Oscars. While I wouldn’t exactly say that I was floored from
frame one to frame end by Others, I will say that I could find nary a thing wrong with this tight cold war noir thriller about the secret police’s dirty dealings in the waning days of East Germany (that’s the German Democratic Republic for you History bluffs out there). This isn’t an atypical cheap thriller, containing endless oooohs after ahhhs, but sum tang mo along the lines of one o dem ye olde klassic intelligent voyeuristic flicks, like Hitch’s Rear Window or Ford Coppola’s The Conversation. That’s sum purty darn good company to be in if you ask me. Oh, yer askin me? Well, sum might say bestest company since Jack Tripper moved into an apt with Chrissy Snow and Janet Wood!
Michael Winterbottom is our mos flavorite director goings. His worldly films are not only works of art, but challenges to the ears, eye and mind. Whether they hit the mark or not, his misses are still 328123848124 zillion times better than the next person’s. W’bottom’s latest, A Mighty Heart, was quite a challenge. He had to retell a story where mos of his audience already knew the outcome, but duhvs course, W’bottom makes it work. Heart is an engaging, although somehow not totally enrapturing, dramatization of the events surrounding the kidnapping of WSJ journalist Daniel Pearl (Capote screenwriter Dan Futterman doin justice to the dearly departed). While we’re not treated (or is ‘spared’ a better word?) to what Pearl himself endured, we do get all the other good guy angles covered, from his preggers wife Mariane (played well enuff, but lets not get Oscar nom crazy, by the mother of Brad Pitt’s children), his WSJ colleagues, the US gov (Kevin Costner’s long lost bud Will Patton), and the local Pakistani officials and intelligence (shining star Irfan Khan, who dazzled in The Namesake). While I wouldn’t say that this is ‘bottom’s best work to date (IMO, that’s ’99s Wonderland), I would say it’s one of his more important ones. Not only cause of the subject matter, but the fact that this film will be seen by a larger American audience, which all of his films rightly deserve
Netflux Capacitor: peas, do yerself a flavor and peep out another important ‘bottom film, Road To Gitmo [trailer|TWS.org review]
IMDb Sweeney: supposedly ‘bottom turned down the chance to direct Good Will Hunting, Cider House Rules and Freedomland
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers•
Ratatouille Fo Once, Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen Is A Good Thang! Trailers & Mo!
I despise cartoons (the Disney 2-D ones that filled my early years do not apply here). That sediment came about as an occupational hazard from my previous job workin at the Anime porn factory. So it’s very rare that I see a cartoon, let alone have actual interest in seein one in a theater (toys and superheroes are the eggception)! Well, after the much ado about Ratatouille, I figure this one might hactually be worthy of viewing. And for all intensive purposes, it really does make for one fine cartoon. I wouldn’t say that it’s an amazin piece of cinema by any stretch of the imaginasian, but tis is probably the bestest rat film since Willard and the mos family-friendly one since the Muppets took Manhattan and rocked out with Rizzo the Rat
Bird IS Da Word: director Brad Bird may juss be da one man who can change my mind about modern cartoons. And he aint no new kid on the block neithers. Bird’s first directing gig was ‘Family Dog’ [Part 1|2|3], a toon that appeared on Spielbergo’s yumcredible Amazing Stories TV shizz-ow. The music for it was dones up by Danny Elfman, and the characters? Dones up by none other than Tim Burton
Toole Shed: quite sadly, Anton Ego, Rat‘s mos deli-ish-YES evil food critic, marks only the 3rd toon venture that the mighty Peter O’Toole has lent his pipes to. The others? The Nutcracker Prince and a seriesof SherlockHolmesvids from ’83
Well to do man falls in love with Bronx girl. Girl kinda in love with man, but man is married. Man promises to divorce wife and marry girl, but promises aint no actual divorce. Girl moves on, but man doesn’t. Man getz beyond jealous and hires some henchmen to throw lye in her face. Girl loses her vision, man goes to jail. From jail, man keeps bothering blind girl. Man released from jail and girl and man… get married!?!?!? Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Yep, a true story so lurid that u should flock to this doc!
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers•
Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer Certainly Not Gold or Silver, But A Bronze Aint So Bad Trailer
Comic books are by nature stoopid stuff for kids… unless wees takin bout a graphic novels, but den again, adaptations of dem (eh hmmm 300) can be broker than employees of RE/MAX. Anywhozitz, the Fantastic Four are stoopid and their movies are equally as stoopid. Our thoughts on FF round 1 purty much match our thoughts on round 2: despite the cornball dialog, BEYOND appalling cast, and BEYOND terabyte terry-bull cast, it was not only NOT awful, but kinda entertaining. Those choice words only earned the 1st one a Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges tag, but #2 get extra bonus points for throwin in the Silver Surfer for added fun. Surfer was mos def ricker than slick, but he still aint as rad as T2‘s liquid T-1000, who turned 16 this summer. In closin I’d like to reveal that Jessica Alba has gots the same superpowers that her onscreen persona Sue Storm gots. While Sue can make herself and others invisible, Alba can make her acting skills invisible! Which doesn’t make a lick of sense considering she never had any skillz in the 1st place. Stick to the swimsuits and stripper poles, and keep yer mouth thighs wide shut!
Frost-e The Showman?: yes, that name you see in the credits under ‘screenplay by’, Mark Frost, is indeed the same man who co-created Twin Peaks. And whaaaaa? Who dat playing Dr. Jeff Wagner? Nun udder that Agent Dale Coop’s ex-partner Windom Earle!
To hell with the Coppolas, and to heaven with the Cassavetesezesz! Sure, we all love The Godfathers, Captain EO and the soundtracks to CQ and Virgin Suicides, but have you driven a Francis Ford lately? While we’ve been awaitin his first flick in 7 years, it’s been nuttin but Sofia this and Sofia dat in the interim (sorry noble Roman). I is found her output to be rather lackluster, but I can still (sorta) see why people connected with her Lost In Translation. Well, if any of you said people are still out there and hungry for mo, then don’t bother waiting on that daughter and turn yer attention to John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands‘s p & j, Zoe… (and hersiblings aint no sliz-ouches either)
Zoe’s first full-length feature, Broken English, not only conjures up the same sorta magic that Lost In Translation did, but it’s got a few extra tricks in its hat to surpass it in my mind. You put a tired Bill Murray running thru the streets of Japan and of course it’s gonna work, but what if you threw the always comical Parker Posey into a serious transatlantic romantic flick? In the wrong hands the results could be disastrous, but in Z Cass’ hands, the results are simply one of the better films you’ll see this year (although Away From Her [TWS.org review] is still tops, in terms of besteness and directorial debut in age-edness). I’ve run rings around a pocketful of Parker Posey films, but ashes to ashes, and film dust to dust, none have made me fall down in love with her like Broken English did
IMDb Sweeney: English marks Josh Hamilton and Posey’s third screen pairing, after The House of Yes and Kicking and Screaming. Christopher Guest posse aside, that still doesn’t top the amt of flicks she’s appeared in with Liev Schreiber (Mixed Nuts, The Daytrippers, Party Girl and Scream 3… and the doc Seamless, if yer gettin uber technical). By the gay, this isn’t the first film titled Broken English. There was one from ’81 and a ’96 incarnation with Boris The Blade
30. Jul, 2007 
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