Thighs Wide Shut

• I’ve heard rumors on the internets and thru nia peoples that Bojangles’ fried chicken is better than Popeyes’. I haven’t had the pleasure of trying Bo’s, so I can’t weigh in on this blasphemous propaganda, but it’s safe to say they are both better than KFC (sorry Dodge). Anywho, seems like the Bojangles’ empire are expanding like the waists of their patrons and have even added a few booty assed Maryland locations and one in Brooklyn, so we can soon put all these nasty rumors to rest!! I may actually get my Bo’s breast and thighs on when I’m in NC this tweakend for El Hofbergo/Natanay’s wedding. Man, I haven’t been this eggstatic since word of Fatburger’s invasion of the East Coast! Now if only we could get a Steak ‘n Shake & Waffle House in Times Sq!!!!

• Tom Cruise is officially a public relations nightmare. Watch the Oprah madness again and watch Dane Cook take on the TC madness! [2nd via ONTD]

• How Mark Felt Became ‘Deep Throat’, by Bobby Woodward & Lothrop

• Sorry, but the list should read: Kubrick, Hitchcock, Thigh Master, and Sidney Poitier, who did in fact direct Ghost Dad. And btw, I really REALLY REALLY need that 60 lb Stanley Kubrick Archives book. Take a look inside this wooly mammoth. [last via A-Baby via Me via him]

• Although I’m foaming at the mouth to see Burton’s take on The Choco Factory (I mean, this NEW trailer is off the HOOK like Mc D’s Cpt CROOK!), I do side with Gene when he sez, ‘I don’t see the point of going back and doing it all over again‘

• Mischa, cold hard gyllen’?

• Thats a nice interview with Dan Mazer, Producer of Da Ali G Show

• X-3 minus 2 directors = 1 giant mess

• Wanna see Gabrielle Union & Fischerspooner in the flesh fo free? Too bad you have to go thru Carson Daly to do so.

• June 3rd is free Krispy Kreme Doughnut day! [via JJ]

• Rockstar’s gotta a site up for their 4th cuming Warriors game. I couldn’t imagine a better pairing, besides maybe Dustin Hoffman & Run Lola Man, Tom Tykwer. [1st via Zachk de la Roachclip]

• Swatch the trailer to Keira Knightley’s latest: British & Boring

• Gayden Christensensen, you knows you in trouble when Kevin Smith is defending your honor. [via Cinematical]

• I sure wanna tap dat ass webcam!

• You can ring my BELLE When A Stranger Calls again. YUM!

• What do you get when you mix Fatboy Slim & bouncing boobies? I dunno, but I think my wrist is broken. [NSFW via Monkey Phil]

• Peepage the new vid for Doves’ ‘Snowden’ [Win – Real – QThyme]

• I don’t ask you alls to donate money, cause I’m actually sleeping with a very wealthy man, but who wants to start a Thigh Master Goes to The World Beard and Moustache Championships in the ’05 fund? Cause you know I wanna WAX DAT STACHE!

• Is this a pic of Lohag Version 2.3 looking at Lohag Version HRT the I?

• The MTA is looking for 10K good peeps to sign up for their pilot Subway Service Advisory E-mail Notification program.

• Mandy Moore running for Board of Aldermen in Scott County? Wait a parsec, I thought she wanted to be a croupier cause she was learning how to deal. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

• Gawd I heart u oh dearest Drunkenest NSFW-Father: I am – Kate Moss Topless Photoshoot | I am – A Bathing Ape Ain’t Cool | I am -Jules Asner’s Clit Hood | I am – Big Brother Fat Chick Flashing | I am – Lohan has Cankles….

• If only I were an apple… and I aint talkin bout shitty computers that only designers and idiots adore!

• A Lengthy Explanation of Why This Site Has Utterly Sucked Since, Like, January

• Seriously, does anyone read Wil Wheaton’s blog, or do we all juss link to it?

• Keep an eye on: DestroyAllCelebrities.blogspot.com

• My favorite kinda web sights are always filled with question marks, Sharapova, and only the word ‘Thighs’.

• Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries aka Books I Plan To Read But I Is Too Darn Lazy [via Meta Phil]

• Even in galaxies that are far far away, incest is best! [via DataWHHHHHHHHHAT?]

• You know it’s time to move when…

• Can anyone tell me what the fark is going on in this pic? [via His UMCness the I]

I’m sorry, what was I talking about?

• And SUNDAY @ 11:59PM the polls will close in the 1st EVER CORN ME Photoshop Contest! So VOTE NOW if u don’t think Super Thighs Me is the bee’s fleas.

• ADDDDDDDDDDDDED: Could this be Peabs’ last flazzum? So sayeth it aint so (for the 2nd time)!!

• The above title is actually a ‘memorable quote’ from Kuffs, but this isn’t a post about past Christian Slater eggsaladness and his being arrested by an overweight Guy Ritchie. This all about Russians, who are always in such a dang hurry to do stuff, like LOSE!! Oh Sharalovely, you were THIS close to becoming my thighscort for the 27th Annual Thighsies Award Show this year, but alas, I only like to surround myself with winners, like Bestlisha, who is a champion lawn dart darter and Donkey Congaer (not to be confused with a NSFW Darva Conger). But don’t u dare fret my lil Kamchatka vodka hot-ca bubka baby, cause I gave Pammy Pam a 2nd chance, although she did lose to a child molester, and you have many a summer tournaments coming yer way where you can strut yer stuff and stick balls up yer skirt/win my heart back. And I could never be angry at someone who’s making the world safe again for hot pink (with a lot of help from Trent)! I mean, I haven’t been this pinked out in tennisness since I rocked those Andre Agassi Nike Air Tech Challenge IIeses, back in the ‘8-9. Right peoples? Or were u lucky enuff to own the less gay aqua editions?

• The Old Spice Rack Girls get 86ed from Live 8 cause their music was deemed more fluffier than fluffernutter, but Pink Floyd VOWS that they will play and that his eyebrows will grow back!

• And the Live 8 site, Live8Live.com, went live 8 minutes ago. No word on whether Live will be playing any Live songs live or playing at all.

• Look, I know she’s a low lag, but that’s no reason to Princess Diana her!

• Zzzzzzzz

• Strawberry Fields Foreverclosure! And if you’ve never been to Liverpool, you owe to yerself to get yer a$$ there and go on their very Magical Mystery Tour. Thighs thighly recommends!

• For no apparent reason, The Breakfast Club will reunite for the MTV Movie Awards. And for no apparent reason, MTV will have a Movie Award ceremony.

• WaPo‘s Deep Thrizz blog

• Richard Branson is starting to lose it. Next he’ll start offering trips to YOURANUS!!

• Time after time, girls just wanna have brunch (and cheap rent)

• My mos flavorite gay Canadian band, The Hidden Cameras, is hittin up Mass, Philly, and NYC in mid-July. See you at the Bowery show that’s a day b4 Siren.

• The Foo Fighters have an e-cardy thing for their new song ‘Best of You’.

• My love and faith in Star Wars has been restored. More on this later, but in the meantime, download John Williams’ brills ‘Duel of Fates‘ from Episode I.

• Originality is declared dead as both Dlisted & The Superficial deliver the same joke days apart.

• Poop explores Bitchfork Media’s hating of the 90s

• Justin questions Padme’s new brand of wussyness

• What’s bigger, the boobs or the stretch marks? [via UMC]

• AMC theaters offer up plenty of free kids movies this summer.

• Lettuce play a game: Name That Tune playing behind Conan the Popcorn Maker. There is no prize, but I’m dying to know cause I could listen to it alls day shlong. UPDATE: mystery solved by Thighlander Jangle Cougar Sweets, the song is oddly enuff called ‘Popcorn’. Download it here.

• Yankees fans, eat a dick, but bid on this rare and UMcredible Cliff Engle tee!

• Dennis Rodman to Vie for Wife-Carrying World Championship Title

• Kinda how I see it, but my version had hoop earrings

• Place you’ll never EVER find me after sundown: The Ventriloquist Museum [via CityRagDoll]

• Planet Earth Is Genius, Reason #355687: The Ben & Jerry’s Pint Lock! [via Randy Moss’ old Double Home]

• Redneck Neighbor [via My Man Marvkus]

• If Gawd put a smile upon your face, is Gawd Egotastic this morning?

• Although not as magnificent as Twin Peaks was after season one (& sadly often compared to), Desperate H-wives wrapped up round 1 in about as high fashion and class as it started with. And to tell the truth, the hotnessies left for us to mull over during our summer vacay’s are far more interesting than the ones the OC dropped on us last week. Don’t spank me wrong, I’d can’t wait to see Mischa bend over for the soap in jail and becoming the Andy Dufresne for a whole new generation, but that juss doesn’t compare to Zack/Dana/Pothead’s looneybinness, RFK’s second meeting with death, and the unsolved reasoning behind Carlos being all ‘crotch-mouthed’ (genius term dreamt up by Michelle on Tvgasm). Soon I may replace ‘is it football season yet?’ with ‘is it Marcia Cross season yet? [last semi-NSFW]

• Spice Girls To Reform?!?!?!?!!!! I mean, this isn’t as big as Gang of Four (whomever the fork they are) getting back together, but this begs the question, when will Our Gang reunite?

• Kate Boosworth could have been Katie Holmes?!?!?

• Stream the new Stripes & watch their new video

• Yabba dabba later

• Antonio Banderas to play Dali. Interesting choice, but maybe he would’ve been a better choice to play van Dyke.

• Gavrilo Princip woulda had such an easier time assassinating Franz Ferdinand had he know about dem peanuts. But it’ll take a lot more than an allergic reaction to Arachis hypogaea to keep the Archdukes from Live Aid, now called Live 8.

• Is this guy the second choicen one?

• Motley Crue vs Duran²

• Time Magazine, you know, the authority on all things film, have unleashed their list of the All-Time Top 100 Movies. They sloboviously cant be trusted if A Clockwork Orange, Cloak & Dagger AND Escape From The Planets of the Apes were all omitted.

A now for a bunch of blog related blog stuff…

• I don’t really know what all this fazzle with Blogebrity is, but apparently I’m only good enuff to be a B-List Blogebrity. Are you forking kidding me? I mean, this alone is worthy of A-Listedness! At least they don’t know my real identity. And until the day I get elevated to A-List status, Blogebrity will be a B-List Cewebrity.

• Nike iD enlists the help of the blogerati to design shoes/whore out their products. So who’s kicks have the most kick? And how am I too choose between Stereo’s, Pradashoppe’s, Aeki’s, Melody’s, Coolfie’s, & Leafblower’s? And out of all dem beautiful peeps, which one eats the most boxes of Kix? And when will Adidas let me design their shoes? Is it cause I want to make the first sneaker made from corn?

• Only the combo of me, Trey Atwood, and my man boobs could make Pink go red!

• GoldenFiddle.com, don’t call it a come back. Cause it’s a be back.

• TWS, yer 5th 4th result when searching for all things ‘Pam Mueller’

• And BritPoppa apparently discovers the Who’s Quadrophenia font.

Back to yer regularly scheduled crap on a stick…

• Tom Cruise to direct Steve Spielberg in a movie about a Russian immigrant?

• Every time I read about her, I juss can’t get the image of Penelope Ann Miller out of my head.

• Mr Cliff Engle lives, but not of 80s NFL sweater fame. The search continues for the real man behind the cloth of the gawds.

• Rooney babble ons about ashtrays, matches, and cigarette holders. And apparently, if you smoke, yer more likely to be an idiot.

• Why are soap operas called “soap operas”?

• Twin Bobbleheads

• Speakers on &: Nooooooooooooooooooo! Which comes a close 2nd to YTMND in my heart. [via Leader of the Pak Man]

• Be the only earthling to own 6 Freezer Freakies Beanies

• I take it all back, there is one sport in the summertime that I actually like to watch: Women moaning in tight clothing whilst smacking balls. Hispecially womenez who are in a hurry, that be curvy, and that make the BlogFather’s pants all filled with slurry.

• Live Aid II a go in July? U2, Coldplay, Paul Mc, Oasis, Madonna, Robbie Williams, and Scissor Sisters rumored for the UK part of it and Eminem and The Red Hots in DC! Hopefully that shiz coincides with Sister Thigh Master’s wedding weekend over the 4th.

• Nicole Wants Bigger Boobs

• Dynamic duo Ricky G & Stephen Merchant (who looks like a semi-British version of Peabs, but boviously not as effin beautiful) are returning to their radio roots.

• I didn’t realize that Rachel Bilson and I both shared a dark secret: we were both Subway Sandwich Artists.

• On first listen, it’s awful. But Damon Albarn’s latest is full of buried treasure, says Alexis Petridis. Sorry if you missed the download, cause shiz is HOT!

• Wondering what the helga been going on in with the David Lynch mob? His next joint will be called Inland Empire and stars Laura Dern, Justin Theroux, Harry Dean Stanton, Jeremy Irons and a host of others. YUM. Now for the BUMmer… according to Dugpa.com, Paramount will be pushing back the DVD release of Twin Peaks Season 2 on DVD to Spring 2006. Boourns and 83/37ths!

• El Muerto? More like La Basura (that’s ‘the trash’ for u taco hatersz)!!!

And the man with all the hot links these days, Richie Richard the Lionfarted, drops three beauties on my lap…

• Doctors: Vaginal Cream May Be Harmful For Face

• Six Perfect Sideburns in Five Minutes!

• And in loving memory of Caleb, TV’s mos flavorite arseface, everyone get all crunked up this tweakend and GO bananas !

• Who said people in Des Moines don’t have des taste? Why lookie who won their des Moose Madness shabangalang for chrysler out loud!?!? Her Royal Hotness spelt doom for des Heidi Klum! Mos Des! Not even this alien photoshopping of her face can make her des nasty! [via Thigh Slave/Tr3nt]

• Download the new Stripes’ single ‘Blue Orchid‘ [via Scenestars]

• Getty’s gotz many a pics of Brandon ‘Mouth’ Routh as Superman.

• Matzo and Metal: A Very Classic Passover [via Posh & Becker]

• Chess’ version of the Malice @ The Palace.

• The two tours I need to see before me die.

• Non-albino to play albino in da Da Vinci Code?

• The premade unused prequel to The Exorcist will finally get a release. So I guess that will be two Exorcist prequels that no one will see.

• And speaking of releases… why re this?

• If yer husband got three Oscar noms for your co-stars, but zilcherino for you, wouldn’t you divorce him too? OH my yes!

• Gawd, I wish I was a crack-smoking rockstar.

• Burt Prelutsky (whoever the fork that is) hates on Andy Rooney, by sounding like Andy Rooney.

• Apparently Mr Bean’s pockets aren’t very deep anymo.

• Gruesome twosome: Maria Bartiromo & Joey Ramone? [see 5th item down]

• I thought I told your granny to stop acting like a jackass in public.

• Nintendo theme songs dunn up acapella Scott Skiles styles!! Zelda’s best, game AND song! [via Juwanamaker]

• And if I ran Hollyweird, I’d see to it that every movie includes a scene of a woman soaking her breasts with lemons. Bless you Louis Malle, for getting Susan Sarandon to do juss that in yer Atlantic City. And even at age 28,9321,3, I’d still wanna watch SS turn her yummy-yummy-yam-yams into lemonade stands!