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iSod

Bubble
Ocean’s 3
View Trailer

I was a bit weary of the thing that was Bubble, considering the last trip down no-budget lane for Steven Nederbergh resulted in the Cop & a 1/2 poop & a 1/2 fest known as Full Frontal, + it’s the first movie mt EVERest to be released simultaneously in theaters, on DVD, and cable (I watched it on HDNet), which could be beginning of the end of FUN in theaters as we know it!! But kids, this is, CANS DOWN, not only the finest movie of this young year (hispecially if yer a Chinaman), but Nederbergh’s Soderbergh’s best of his career!! Dr YEPPERS!!!! But peas take what I say with a grain of Willie Gault, considering I think every single thang he’s done is either highly overrated, overrated, or overrated, yet enjoyable (see: Erin Boobonovich). But seriously peepoles, this lil gem of a film filled with more non-actors than 41 years of Days of Our Lives is the kind of movie Nerdie should be making each time out, not My Celebrity Pals Zzzzzz: The Movie XIXVLMCXXI!! If I were Gawd, in which I am, I’d force Gus van Sant and Nederbergh to swap styles. Gus Gus would only make big budget fiascos (think bestness like his To Die For) and Nerdy Boy would only make lil artsy fartsy thangs like this!! Come to spunk of it, Bubble is a Gus van Sant movie, cept you don’t wanna slit your wrists after watching it waking up after the credits. KUDOS SODERLOSER!!!! You win me!! And so does the Guided by Bestness soundtrack, and a runtime of 73 minutes!! And after methinking about it for awhile, this whole release on every format at the same idear aint the wurstest idear I’ve heard that are idears!! That’s reserved for the naming of Planters’ testically snack!!! I mean, mos people live in shitty cities (read: anywhere outside of NYC, Rockville MD, and Huber Heights OH, America’s largest community of all brick homes) and don’t get a chance to see REAL movies when they’re released, or at ALL, and with this bidness model, people will and can and will wheaton dot net, and at the same time as cool people like myself, Mayor Bloomberg, Andy Rooney, and Joe Torreee!!! Now Mr Blogger Come Lately&alloverhimself living in the middle of nowhere can be the next Ebert or Mr Roper!!! How-eva, the same b-model shouldn’t apply to Michael Bayishtypesque films, unless we’re talkin’ Ocean’s 13, which shouldn’t been seen in theaters, but in the bottom of trashcans across America.

Possible Porno Name: Bubble Bath Boobies [NSFWness not to be confused with Bubble Bobble]

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix One Hour Photo, but NOT Death To Smoochy!

Further Fun: Visit the KFC where STAR Debbie Doebereiner once worked for 24 years and was discovered in the drive-thru window by the casting director. Editor’s snot: I even called to make sure that that was indeed the KFC she ate her weight/worked at!

Why We Fight
Military Industrial Not So Complex
View Trailer

Am I having déjà vu, or have I been beating off too long to Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View, cause I’ve seen this movie before!! I think it was called, I watched CNN, read a newspaper, and aint haven’t been living in a deep hairy cave that smells like tunafish since 9/11. DAT’s RIGHT YO! Eggspcting some sorta revelation about how our gov-mint is pulling the wool over our thighs?? Well you aint gonna get it cause you already know that the bozos in power loves fake wars and guns and hate Jews and are about as trussworthy as a g-mint headed by ‘Zeus’ Tiny Lister!! Fahrenheit 9/11 may have been the biggest piece of shit/propaganda since any of Leni Riefenstahl‘s Nazi joints, but at least it was entertaining!! Why We Fight lacks focus, discipline [aud], and anything remote-lee groundbreaking!! The archival footage and the usual talking heads do juss fine, but then we get this side crap about a father of 9/11 victim and some dumb kid who joins the Army cause he’s dumb, and both go more nowhere than Nowhere Man driving round a cul-de-sac in a no outlet court!! Since we can’t put an end to this endless don ONslaught of comic book movies, I think we the people of the United States of NOOOOOOOO [d-lode] muss declare a jihad on left-wing documentaries that say nothing new and only preach to their choirs!!! And where the fork are all the right-winger docs? I guess its hard to get em into theaters when Jews control the media, eh?

Possible Porno Name: Why We Fist, starring Bill Frist

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix the far lake/mother superior Fog of War

Further Fun: Viddy Frank Capra’s Why We Fight propaganda series
[1 – Prelude to War]
[2 – The Nazi Strike]
[3 – Divide and Conquer]
[4 – The Battle of Britain]
[5 – The Battle of Russia Part I | Part II]
[6 – The Battle of China]
[7 – War Comes to America]

BONE-US BUBBLE BURSTER BABY BUGGY BUMPER!

Huzzah to Misty Dawn Wilkins
for yesterday you were a nobody like Dominique Wilkins
then Nederbergh plucked you
and now you are a somebody
with a nice lil body
although you had the body when you were nobody
mr boddy?
peabody
peabs’ body [evs]?
huh?
lemme do the misty mountain hop on yer grand tetons
or play Misty for me, Misty
or be my Mister
or I’ll be Mr Mister Master
kinda like Maj. Major Major Major from Catch-22Turk 182 = Threepenis opera

huh-zzah?


I juss don’t know how to quit juice

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A Weekend WithoutThe Redskins Is LikeA Weak End To A WeekOr Something, & STUFF!

And an oldie, but still a good n plenty


Freaking of, I think it was about thyme we had ourselves another one of dem Photoshop me corn head contests!!! This time there’s a theme: HISTORY. So take this, and these broken wings, learn to fly again, and let the magic begin. Winner gets a package of FUN stuff!! All submissions are due by next Thursday, the 26th by 11:01 PM EST (right after TV’s Invasion ends, and the William Fitchner fanta-sees begin!)

PHEWWWWWWW!!!! Call off Leonard Smalls!!! The Arizona (née Huffhines) quintuplets are safe para todos los dias!!!

I heart you Kaitlin Cooper

Gunnar and Matthew Nelson (aka Nelson) will be performing some of their father Ricky’s songs after a screening of a doc about his life, which was directed by Taylor Hackford, who is far from being a hack, at the Musée d’Tele & Radio next Tuesday. No word if there’ll be a Father Dowling Mysteries reunion with T-Bos and Gunnar and M-dawg’s sister Tracy, who was sorta like the OG Michelle Gellar

Why does the Archdukes ‘Outsiders’ [d-lode] sound like a lamer 2005 NEW EDITION (DeVoe) of Oingo Boingo [wma proof] ?

Sometimes I forget funny things, and sometimes Ms Ism remembers them for me

Do you still own/use a VCR?

And if yer able to bring yer cpu into the shitter then Wikipedia(the fastest growing bestness site in the solar system (next to NUH.8k.com)’s Borat entry is the greatest shitter matz since Strunk & White AND Blanche Knott!!!! I mean, where else you gonna learn that the man who’s sister was awarded ‘best sex in mouth’ by the Almaty Chamber of Commerce has never washed his trademark suit? Or since Borat.KZ PTFO (peaced the fork out) that it has since been reborn as Borat.TV? Or mos pier one importantly: BORAT could be MAHIR 2.0. The similarities are so similar that this case that was never opened is now closed.


Kids, this Sunday marks the 2nd to last weekend of FOOOTBALLL(!?go steel-town?!) til the dog daze of summer roberts. Lettuce all revel in America’s FINEST sport (not up for debate cause the NBA blows goats, cept they do have those Ali G spots) and get more blottoed than Joe Namath humping Suzie Kolber’s leg. I KISS YOU!!!

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Spank HeavenFor Age 87

Bappy Hirthday

or at least
stop trying to look like
Warren Beatty at age 23

or old man Biff Tannen
or the old man in the ‘Enter Sandman’ video


Drew, I almost heart you mo than the Redskins, C Belle, fried chicken, and Jen El’s boobs combined!!

And, OMG!

PEACE LES
FORD OUT TO

my only famous relative*
(besides me self)
who banged the OG Alfie
was an enemy to Pete and his dragon
and mcnabbed 2 Oscars


1920 – 2006


*whom we had zero contact with, even though her mother was my mum’s grandmother’s sister!!

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Miuzi Weighs A Pun


+ And since I’m the Picasso of Photoshop, this d-bag is the Braque

+ Who cares if Duke beat MD. That’s what they’re suppose to do… juss like Shelden is suppose to take his nerve tonic!

+ Lohag/Paris

+ The camera LOVES Kristanna Loken’s BOOBS [and who NSFW doesn’t via Superfishies]

+ Yale is punker than you AND Brewster!

+ I’ll probably know 4 bands in the line-up this year, but who’s coming with? First churro is on you, first hand job is on me!!

+ Next Sunday, Skins @ Bears, Pats @ Colts

+ The G is resting

+ Six Feet Under obits… I missed these before, and I miss them 4EVA

+ Trent took a break from being highly gay and highly fabulous to let other gay and fabulous people know how much he wants to hump my leg

+ Chloe, quit giving me boners

+ Well of course the giraffe is gonna lose weight if ya stop feedin it sweets!

+ Sports’ Hottest Significant Other Tournament

+ How did 8-1/2×11 and 8-1/2×14 become the standard paper sizes?

+ Jean-Michel Basquiat’s Rebopper [via Art Monk]

+ 2004 fo sho!

+ Poor Man’s Version

+ Ah, the good ole days [NSFW]

+ Maybe the single greatestestest YTMND thing of balls thyme… and sadly, I actually remember watching this when it was on the TV


pee es, CBelle, olive juice

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Catching Up Is Hard To Do Hispecially If You Play Lotsa Mr Do!

I’m almost ready to rock steady and (bebop) and unleash my picks for the best in MOOOvies for the ’05. Howevs, before we can push things fwd, I forgot or waz juss too darn lazy to review two handfuls + o’ flicks (apparently I have something against ‘L’ and ‘M’ movies). And juss cause they weren’t given the Robert Royal w/cheese treatment before doesn’t mean that they’re poo on a stick and aren’t worthy of a qwik review now. (Peter Gabriel’s) Sooooooooo….


Caché (Hidden)
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Cash-For-Lay
Bit by bit the tension mounts in this tense mounting French thriller made by an Austrian, who may or may not mount horses. Then when yer ready for some sorta denouement yer left hanging worse than a bad-breathed Vermont Catamount without a mount mint!

The Dying Gaul
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: The Dying Ball: The Story Behind Hitler’s One Testical
If there were a movie released every month that starred the killah trio of Campbell Scott, Patricia Clarkson, and Peter Sarsgaard, the world would be a better place. But since the terrorists are constantly winning, we were stuck with only one this year. While the story about Peter making Campbell go gay while he’s married to Patricia while Pat plays mind games with Peter is the steak, it’s the acting that’s certainly the sizzle.

Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: BangRon (Jeremy): The Dirtiest Sluts In The Room
Penguins marching? FAW!!! That aint no documentary, juss some discarded shizz that somehow didn’t end up on the Animal Planet. Smartest Guys is by far the king of docs for the ’05. Need I really say mo? OK, even Peabs loved it!!!

Hustle & Flow
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Hustle Dat Flow of Cummy Bears
There is much to commend about Terrence Howard’s performance as a pimp turned employer of DJ Qualls, but beyond that, I felt a bit hustled by all the pre-hype. I mean c’mon, ‘Whoop That Trick’ [d-lode] and ‘It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp’ [d-lode] are the wurstest hip-hop/rap/whateveryacallem tunes me’ve heard since Ice-T’s Home Invasion [lodes via JAGoff]

Last Days
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Last Gay Lays
This third and final installment in Gus van Pretentious’ boring America trilogy (the first two be Gerry & Elephant) turned out to be the most watchable of the set!! And despite the fact that it’s kinda boring, and stars non-actor Michael Pitt, who directors keep thinking is an actor, it kinda rocked, in a slow, boring, yet beautiful way!! Also, any movie that gots Ricky Jay, Lukas Haas, AND the Diet Coke ‘Starry Eyed Sirprize’ SUPER MARK DUPER Hottie is worth the price of boremission!!!

League of Ordinary Gentlemen
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: George Teague Bangs Ordinary Gentleman
Penguins that march? BAH!!! That aint no documentary, juss some sequel to that boo-urnsed-arsed Coca-Cola commercial with the polar express bears! Ordinary Gents is by far the queen of docs for the ’05. Need I really say mo? OK, I will, if you love bowling, u’ll love this. BONUS: my bowling teacher from IU, who gave me the only A+ of my LIFE, is in this movie. He rules, so does bowling, and flubvs course, so does a doc about bowling.

Lords of Dogtown
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Traci Lords of Doggystyletown
EEK! POO!! YIKES!!! DIARRHEA SANDWICH!!!! I wasn’t no is not no a huge fan of no the Dogtown and Z-Boys doc, but after watching this fiction/pooperized version of it, I guess I am is now is am a HUGE FAN, like this. If two things can be learneded from this shitspeareance tits Emile Hirsch is officially the new Michael Pitt (read: POOO to the OOO degree!!) and Heath Ledger can not only be the mos amazin gay cowboy mt EVERest, but the mos flambazzlin skateboard shop owner mt McKINLEY!!!

March of the Penguins
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Pouch for the Pen(gu)i(n)s
Marching of some penguins? WA-HA!!! OK, this coulda been a run of the mill Karla Mill mill runner about penguins, BUT IT WAS MORE THAN THAT!! IT’S A STORY ABOUT LOVE AND DEATH AND THINGS TO DO IN THE ACTRIC WHEN YER TRYING TO MAKE F&CK AND BABIES AND LIVE, as narrated by Morgan Freeman, the VOICE TO END ALL VOICES!!! I’d beat off to his voice even if her were talkin bout Nazis eating microwaved tunafish while listening to 52 hours of live Phish shows!!! I’d say that this is the 7 of spades of docs this year!!!!

Murderball
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: FrankfurterNballsINmyMOUTH
Tuxedoed creatures that go far in a line? SHAH, OF IRAN!!! That aint no documentary, juss MORGAN FREEMAN’S VOICE TALKIN BOUT NAZIS WHO EAT MICROWAVED TUNAFISH! M’ball is by far the jack of docs for the ’05. Need I really say mo? OK, it’s a bit more heartwarming than the bowling doc, but that was about bowling!!!! OK, maybe this is secretly the king, but BOWLING AND CORRUPTION kick handicapped rugby’s ass!!!!

My Summer of Love
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: My Summer of Doing It In The POOPER
Ever wonder what it would be like if Rory totally lezzied out with Claire, IN ENGLAND? Well, MSoL is the closet thing you’ll get to that you filthy old soomkas!! This reminded me a lot of Heavenly Creatures, wit out all that imaginary shaz, and if you knows about that one, you knows yer gonna like this one. I also likeyed the lil subplot they had Nick Goings on with the latest cpt of cool, Paddy Considine, as Claire’s born-again brother, not to be confused with her gay brother who was forced to smoke crack.

Mysterious Skin
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Mysterious Skin
The only thing more touching than this movie is the dirty baseball coach’s hands, who seduces his own MINOR leaguers. Yessirrebobsytwins!!! This aint no walk in the park Sandra Buttox movie, yo, cause the topics in this MOS EGGSALAD flick aren’t pretty, kinda like it’s co-star, Michelle Trachtenberg!!! But, despite her udder fuglyness, EVERYONE in this mos powerful piece of cinema, including her AND queen of the fug boat, CHLOE from 24, shine on like crazy legs diamond. Biggest props de leon gots to go out to the two leads, virtually unknown Brady Corbet and that friggin kid from 3rd Cock From Your Buns whom I never thought would amount to ANYTHING!!! If Hollywurst had a brain, this flick and those boys would be nomination mrs butterworthy to the DOME PIECE, YO!! Unforgettable.

Shopgirl
Trailer
Possible Porno Name: Shopping For 6 Year Old Thai Girls
Steve Martin did the thumbpossible: he made Claire Danes a straight-up S-E-X H-O-T-T-I-E!!!

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