Thighs Wide Shut

– The Lohan and her two funbag friends just netted a $7 mil payday for something called Lady Luck. Don’t get yer flags at full staff yet folks, it’s directed by the genius behind How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. At least she has enuff cheddar now to pay for a 3-piece dinner at Popeyes on our first date. She’s a thigh kinda girl and I’m obvs-vee-es-lee a breast man.

– Speaking of HRT (Her Royal Thighness), The Raider of Panties and pantries finally falls victim to her charms and aforementioned funbag friends. It’s about friggadero time. After reading this site for months, you either go blind, become a priest, or pull down yer pants during screenings of Mean Girls. And for the record Seps, me and the Grambs run dot organizations, not jump each other’s bones.

– I’m get hungry just reading about the Thinker’s eggsploit-plantations in Hungary. Who knew they loved Weezie so dang much?

– Fun with Newbs, fishing, and photoshoppe.

– My girl Chelonia has a knack for Bitched @ Swirth too.

– What’s scarier than Jaws 3-D? Your baby in 3-D.

– All the original membazzz of the Wu-Tang Clan are ready to re-form like Voltron. Does this include honoree clansman Bill Murray?

– Mommy likes to tear shit up on her Nash board. Does she rock out to EMF and sport Vision Street Wear too?

– Slim-Fast dumps Whoopi. Some say it’s cause she gives HJs to the two Johns, but I say it’s cause their Find Whoopi’s Eyebrows Contest was a complete bust.

– Bored? [Link via Tim The Fudger]

– Lois Lane 2004, do as Andre 3000 sez and “spread for me”.

– Ask me if I care.

– Yes, it’s true what they all are saying, Andy Dick’s The Assistant is Hugo and it’s BOSS!!! Maybe that whole idea about a 24-Hour reality tee-vee channel isn’t such an awful idea aftertall.

– Phew, Absolute Handsome the elephant is cleared of dem pesky murder charges.

Since Six Feet Yonder was a repeat this past weak-end, I’ll give Rachel Griffiths the week off from comparisons to Muppets. However, here are some other canny-dates for…

Tit was quite a weak end folks. Me hit up a screening of Fahrenheit 9/11, chilled with my Hotlanta/UK boy JK (who once dated Kate Beckinsale in like 5th grade), went to the Mets blowout of the Yanks on Saturdaze with me cousins, got stuck an N train right outside of the tunnel to Queens for 45 minutes, smacked up some sausage and Pilsner Urquell at what is sure to be a Blogga Paradise: The Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, paid some long overdue hugs and misses to my Chi-town gal Randall, bid adieu to my Australian-bound compradre Scott-tay Teen Wolf, celebrated my gal Katty Kat’s 21st, and peeped yet again, another stellar installment of Six Feet Under. And without further much ado about nada, here’s yer weekly switched at birth with Rachel Griffiths:

Bitched @ Swirth?

Did you catch last night’s episode of Six Feet Under? If not, get a life and click on this really stoopid picture. Anywho, sheet just keep getting better. First off, was that Kitty Farmer from Donnie Darko who got offed at the beginning and then got Nate off in his dreams? Well, sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. And how bout the BJ David got from the plumber, eh? Maybe in the future they’ll have a crossover with The Sopranos and that one really fat Italian dude will lick his mushroom in a construction site parking lot. The man who’s stealing the show this year is none other than Fisher & Diaz’s apprentice, Arthur Martin. He’s one of the greatest fringe TV characters since Larry’s other brother Darryl on Newhart. And when Babe the pig’s owner was eating Arthur’s monogrammed yogurt, much to his disgust, that wasn’t TV, that was pure HBO! But seriously, what’s Justin Theroux’s deal. He went from having his choice of lesbian hotness in Mulholland Dr to a girl who looks eggzactly like Hedwig or even at The Thinker‘s suggestion, Mary Gross, from the film no one saw, Feds. Judge for YO self…

Bitched @ Swirth?

Good to see that HBO’s best show ever (besides Arli$$), Six Feet Under, has picked up right where it left off. This season’s going to be hUge. Will Federico get head from more hookers? Will Nate stop moping and be happy that he never has to look at Lili Taylor’s ugly mug again? But more importantly, will Brenda reveal that she’s actually Hedwig of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame? See for yo-self…

Bitched @ Swirth?