Thighs Wide Shut

– Think you’ve seen the last of Ronald Artest this season? Guess again cause Bandwagon Boy predicts that he’ll go incognito by donning a mask, just like Dusty Rhodes/The Midnight Rider did. See the Nov 22nd posting for more geniussnessness. Speaking of Ronnie, here’s an animated gif you can enjoy for ages [last via CatchyDubs].

– First Heidi Klum whored herself out to Target, and now it’s McDonald’s turn to utilize her a$$ets. But what’s next? Lettuce all pray she, like choosy Moms, chooses to do a JIF commercial where she spreads that peanut buttery goodness all over her ragga-muffins.

– Sorta related thing: Get a wake-up call from Heidi, Lord Vader, Cheech Marin, Ice-T, or your choice of other annoying people/animals right here.

– French chick Julie Delpy may be tapped to play French chick opposite Tom Hanks in da Da Vinci Code.

– First look at Charlize Theron as Aeon Flux. Looks like Tiffani-Amber Deli-scrumptious on Atkins!

– Fridaylly, if you can’t hold off til December 7th to hear Her Former Royal Thighness’ debut album Speak, take a sneaky peak preview to LL rocking the hizouse right here. And is it juss me, or is the beginning of her song ‘Disconnected’ bitched @ swirth with Radiohead’s ‘Paranoid Android’? And honestly, does anyone still care if she’s got ‘Fake Plastic Tees‘?

– Steve Urkel of 2004, metrosexual or heteroflexible? You be the judge.

– You’alls better pre-order the Sleepover DVD now before its sold out in stores everywhere. We’re talking Halo 2 type mania here folks!

– Bid with confidence on Munchkin Meinhardt Raabe’s umcredible hat. If only it included the munchkin as well… [via Navi The Terrible]

– Be a sport like me, and volunteer for The NYC 2012 Olympic Posee.

– Disgusted that you bought Ashlee Simpsons’ album? H.O.P.E. (Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment) is here to help! [via Cefflediddle]

– Here’s something for Ross, eater of balls, and all the rest of you olde shul gamers to enjoy: really stoopid 8-bit Nintendo flash movies (warning: site has music)! Be sure to watch the Big Bird ‘Word Up’, Bases Loaded, and Blades of Steel parody vids.

– The toy I’ve been waiting all my life for is finally a reality: Darth Vader Voice Changer Helmet. [via Laing Sack of Sh#t]

– Sacha Baron Cohen to play everyone’s flavorite Purim character? [via Fid Fisto]

– Do we really need an American version of EastEnders?

– I love (pumping) irony: Kubrick, a self-hating Jew, in Hebrew.

– Woman breastfeeds a dog. I don’t care what her reasoninging is, that’s FORKING dirtgusting!!! [via Made of Brawnstein]

– College would’ve been so much easier with Google Scholar. Do I foresee a peace the fork outtting for LexisNexis?

– Do Twinkies live forever? All the truths lie/lay here. [via Ask Yazoo]

– Need more Bitched @ Swirth action than yer humble mumbler Thigh Master is currently providing? Head on over to Seeing Double for all yer needs.

– And muchos Kudos and granola bars to Using Tony’s Computer for dropping in the comments box this udder HOTtiestnessness (YOU BETTER CLICK OR ELSE) of Cuthy Cuthbert&ernie getting her groove back like Stella. I’ve already had 14.7 wet daydreams today after looking at it and my workmates are starting to wonder why there’s a giant pile of glue near desk!!! But sadly, that may be our lastest magic moment together as a couple. It could be time to give Her Royal Thighness The II the ole heave-HO-bag. How could you do this to your hair dearest deario without even consulting me, your lil anal fisting king, first? I had to hear of this tragic news from Cullenigan (wo)Man, a dear and loyal subject of Thighland. Shame on you!! If I were you, I’d start packing yer 3,563456,35 pairs of shoes and other assorted crap, cause come Monday, I’ll make my final decision whether you stay or you vincent van gogh-go the FORK AWAY!! What a HORRIBILISTICally weak end this is already shaping up to be.

– What’s grosser than gross? I guess anything over 144, but the fact that this girl, who used to work in my office, is doling out costume sex advice. YUCKIKES!!! [via Tim Werespanko/Ram Her Cruisemanko]

– The film I’m dying to see is I, Curmudgeon. No, this isn’t the sequel to some overbloated Will Smith movie, but a documentary featuring interviews with such bastards as comic booker Harvey Pekar, Kid In The Hall Scott Thompson, and the greatest of them all, Andy Rooney. It plays next Thursday in Minny Appleous as a part of the Get Real Docuementary Film Festival.

– Straight Doper Cecil Adams always has an answer to the most random of questions. This week’s queries: Have we ever had a killer in the White House? & What happens to all the stuff that goes down the toilet?

– Translate any url into Ali G-nese. When you apply dis to TWS, yer brain will explode. [via The Thinker]

– One thing I’ve always wanted to do since moving to NYC during Halloween, but still won’t get the chance cause I is DC bound this weekend: Legend Weekend in the Sleepy Hollow hiz-area

– Many Bothans died to bring you Bush’s debate notes. [via Dickie Greenleaf]

– Moby is a wuss.

– Poor poor Rip Torn.

– If you see one movie this weekend, or for that matter, this year, GO SEE Ray. Read our glowing review here where we basically guaranteed that Jamie Foxx will win the Best Actor Oscar. I’ll really be shocked if he doesn’t.

– And here’s a great site of crap where I nicked this fantab animated gif

Added final note #2…

Czech out this krizazy stat (via CBS) that Joey Sack o’ Nickel reminded me of: Since voters elected Franklin Roosevelt to his first of four terms in 1932, the Redskins have forecast the next president of the United States. Over the past 18 elections, a Redskins victory in their last home game before Election Day has preceded a victory by the incumbent party. A home loss before the vote has preceded a loss by the incumbent party. The Redskins play host the Green Bay Packers in Week 8 on Sunday. Well don’t worry cause the Redskins WILL win, cause I’ll be at the game, and so will JFKerry. Thinker seems to agree since this is the year of the Masshole. And juss for shiz and biggles, the Skins were the last team to beat los Pats, and I was at that game too! The Daniel should give me season tickets for being the squad’s lucky rabbit foot!!

– Peace the fork out DJ Jazzy John Peel.

– Cher wishes she could turn back time, well, I do too. I wish I was 19, enrolled at U of Tejas’ film dept, and it was September so me could’ve worked on Cuthbert’s latest joint Dot. That’s right, Longhorn students gots the opps to work on a feature friggin film!! Eat my a$$ IU!! But had I worked on that shoot, I would have been so dang Longhorny around the C-Bert that she would’ve had to slap a restraining order on me. But who sez she hasn’t done so already?

– Heard about that fab MSG New Year’s Sha-Bang starring The Flaming Lips, Wilco, and Sleater-Kinney? Well boviously u don’t read ProductHopNYSea. Internet pre-sale begins Monday, November 1 @ 10 a.m. EDT at Wilco’s site and the public on sale is Friday, November 5 @ 10 a.m. via Ticketbastard.

– To hell with Phriday, how bout Stereogum-Simpson Photoshop Phuesday!

– Remember that San Jose Mystery House I gabbed about a couple o weeks back? It was profiled this morning on CBS. And what better time to visit the ole house than this Halloween weekend with their flashlight tours!

– Allah Made Me Funny. Sure he did!!

– Stormtroopers need to take a dump too!

– Cracksmoker.com. Tits not what you think. [via The Thinker]

– The Testicle Festival. Where everyone has a ball! [via Made of Brawnsteeen]

– Will Hooters single handedly bring down Communism in China? We wish the new franchise the breast of luck! [1nce again via Made of Brawnsteeen]

– X-Ray cameraphones are available in Japan. What’s their equivalent of a Peeping Tom? Peeping Hiroshi? [via the I-Train]

– Can you imagine being 113 years old and a Red Sox fan?

– These dead people still make more money than you alls and eye combined!!!

1. Elvis Presley $40m

2. Charles Schulz $35m

3. JRR Tolkien $23m

4. John Lennon $21m

5. Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel $18m

6. Marilyn Monroe $8m

7. George Harrison $7m

7. Irving Berlin $7m

7. Bob Marley $7m

10. Richard Rodgers $6.5m

11. George and Ira Gershwin $6m

11. Jimi Hendrix $6m

11. Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe $6m

11. Cole Porter $6m

15. James Dean $5m

15. Dale Earnhardt Sr $5m

15. Jerry Garcia $5m

15. Freddie Mercury $5m

15. Tupac Shakur $5m

15. Frank Sinatra $5m

And tits been awhile, but at the suggestion of Kim, one of our dear readers, did u realize that Interboring’s Carlos D and Crispin Glover were Bitched @ Swirth?