Thighs Wide Shut

nuttin hottier than a chick with crazy fake eyelashes & a bowler hat!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!

although her non-droogie nighttime attire might even be even more hottier!!!  MIGHT!!!!

Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark 
Boo?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

Don’t worry about being Afraid of The Dark in Guillermo del Toro‘s remake of the TV movie from 1973 [watch this clip] cause you won’t be, not for one dang second.  GdT didn’t direct this new version (Troy Nixey did), but his imprint is all over it – read: not scary and contains cheesy CGI creatures who wreak havoc on our protagonists, and our eyes, as they roll over and over.  What’s the point of a scary movie if it isn’t scary?  And what’s the point of having Katie Holmes and look-a-like tyke Bailee Madison be in the same movie if they aren’t mother and daughter (she’s Guy Pearce‘s kid)?

Book A Like: all movies can’t be as smart as director Forest Whitaker’s(!!!!) First Daughter (from a story by Jerry O’Connell!!!!!), which cast Margaret Colin as the mother of bitched at swirther Holmes slice

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges 

Afraid you won’t be at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jake Busey‘s screen debut was 1978’s Straight Time, opposite his father Gary, a mustached Dustin Hoffman, Harry Dean Stanton, M. Emmet Walsh AND Kathy Bates!!!

here’s what lil Jakey looked like off-screen, without slicked hair, and what we’re guessing, a Snoopy tennis t-shirt

and here’s what Jakey looked like with a hat, around 1975 or thereabouts.  so much adorableness and so much huge teeths!!

Our Idiot Brother
Oh Brother, Why Aren’t Thou?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

Our Idiot Brother feels like the work of a first time director, with a screenplay that plays out like a mediocre sitcom pilot.  Well, OIB is director Jesse Peretz‘s third entry (never have seen The Ex or The Château, and we’re guessing we probably don’t need to), and it is indeed David Schisgall and Evgenia Peretz‘s first stab at a motion picture script.  Does this explain why their stellar assembled esmble and R rating are basically laid to waste?  Maybe.  OIB is a harmless lil flick, and it’s hactually purty darn hard to even come up with anything negative to say about it (we did smile a bunch, dangit), but there’s nothing really here to see or hear, outside of folks who are Shirley Knight completists.  If that’s you, then go ahead, bother with Brother

But if yer like we, you expect a little something more than nothing (it’s basically the story of a guy who wants his dog back, but it’s not as boring as Wendy & Snoozy) when you got Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel and Emily Mortimer (oh gawd, do we love this woman) playing patient sisters to ‘idiot’ brother/minor Lebowski Paul Rudd, no??  And what if you surround these fine folk with the likes of Steve Coogan, Rashida Jones, Hugh Dancy and Adam Scott???  Shouldn’t that be enuff to miss misfiring?  Apparently not.  Everyone here is game, especially a chillaxed Rudd, but everything here is also tame, and kinda lame

A better approach would have been to toss the family aside and partner Rudd up with fellow mellow head T.J. Miller, and have them do crazy stuff, like open a candle store, with zero cares in the world or bidness sense.  That idea actually pops up at the end of the movie (and no, we didn’t ruin a single thing by telling you this), but by then, any buzz you might have had, will surely have subsided.  Pass the peace pipe, and pass on this

Chin Up: Paul Rudd’s first film role was in 1992’s A Question of Ethics, a film he was so appalled by (for religious reasons – he’s Jewish, the flick was Jesus preachy), that he asked to be credited as Kenny Chin.  can’t find any video of it online, but found this still

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges 

Brother is familiar stuff at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

WE STILL LOVE YOU RUDD STUDD!!!!

the scary minute changes between the 1963 and 1991 editions of Richard Scarry’s Best Word Book Ever!!!!

via RetroBest