Beloved
(Les bien-aimés)
How Long Must We Sing This Song?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
NR | 135 min

Beloved‘s a love story (times two), for the ages, and by ages, we mean it takes 9ever to go from Paris’ swinging 60s, to the morose post-9/11 world, but at least there’s singing all along the way!  in French!!!

Yes, we’ve been down this Christophe Honoré path before, with 2007’s Love Songs (Les Chansons d’amour), and we haven’t stop singing that film’s praises.  More like singing that film’s soundtrack (we actually do, and the songs are all in French!!!), and less so about the film itself.   And that’s OK, cause them songs were AMAZING!!!  And the movie itself was pretty darn good too

So what about try #2, with some returning regulars (Catherine Deneuve, Ludivine Sagnier, Chiara Mastroianni, Louis Garrel) + some newbies (Paul Schneider, Radivoje Bukvic & Milos Forman!!!)?  The song remains the same?  Kinda, but with more emotional weight (AIDS!), which also weighs down the affair a lil too much, cause 135 minutes is a long time to hear French people sing about anything (even if it was about naked women eating Popeyes), when we’ve basically already seen this movie before

BUT!  It’s a French modern musical and you can’t really hate on French modern musicals, unless you hate hot & sexy French people singing songs about love and love’s lost and love found, again and again!!!  And do you not want to see mother Deneuve play screen-mother to her real life daughter Mastroianni, again?  Heck, we wish every movie employed Deneuve/Mastroianni to play mother-daughter!  Heck, we wish that they were our mother and our sister (no offense to our mother and our sister)!  Heck!!!  And they sing, a lot!!!! IN FRENCH!!!  And so does Paul Schneider (in English)!!!!  PAUL SCHNEIDER SINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: it’s no Love Songs (Les Chansons d’amour), but we’ll take it over not having a quasi-sequel, so low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Beloved sings its song this Friday in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

if Susan Sarandon merged with Emma Stone, and was i-talian…

be mine wife, please

Annalisa Scarrone

or at least lend me your eyes, so I can make love to thems

[hat tip to soul sistah Bobbedy]

Peace The Forks Out

to

Downtown Girly Brown

&

Marvelous Hammy PEGOT

&

Mr Pure Imagination

+

his pole was Pesky

he put the E in ET

some humorist guy we’ve never heard of cause we don’t now hw too reed

that guy

not Q-bert

some boxer

jesus Crist

some publicist guy

&

Horshack

The Bourne Legacy
Oh Baby, Then It Fell Apart
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 135 min

Look, it’s another Bourne movie!!!!   Cept it has nothing to do with Jason Bourne cept showing his passport photo and having David Sthraharian and Joan Allen pop up for like 8 seconds.  So what is the Legacy of Bourne?  Dunno, something about grumpy-a$$hole-faced Jeremy Renner in the woods, fighting wolves, and snow, and taking green and blue pills.  But what happens when he starts to run out of pills??????  Drone planes will explode and wolves will be wrestled!!!   And then he has to drag frazzled doctor Rachel Weisz [kinda sick of her, ever since she dumped Aronofsky for Bond] into this [literal] mess, and then they have to go to Manila for some reason that has nothing to do with manila envelopes.  And whenever that whatever is done, they have to go to Thighland, so they can run on rooftops and then be in a motorcycle chase, cause the rest of the movie was so blah-zay that they have to sorta remind us viewers what we liked about the real Bourne movies, which is action, and not pills or snow or scared Rachel Weisz.  Oh, and Edward Norton is in it, playing a sorta David Strahaharriaian role, which means someone who points at monitors and screams at people to do things.  AWESOME!!!!  Not really

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Bourne lags-acies currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

it’s so awesome that William & Emma Jane Hitchcock had sex in [probably] late 1898 and then 9 months later gave birth to the (tied* for) best director EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and 9 zillion thanks go out to my mother, for introducing Hitchcock into my life, and also, for having sex with my dad, so I could watch Alfred Hitchcock movies!!!!!

full circle!!!!

*Kevin Smith Joss Whedon Jon Favreau is the other greatest director ever