McDONALDS ONION NUGGETS!!!

Onion Nuggets hit the public briefly in just four test markets in the late 1970s.  it was introduced at the same time as the Beefsteak Sandwich, as the side item for the Dinner Menu. Onion Nuggets were chopped onions shaped into small solid pieces, dipped in batter and deep-fried.  when they weren’t selling well, a former McDonalds chairman suggested they try substituting the onions with chicken and BOOOMSIES – CHICKEN McNUGGETS WERE BORN!!!

mo…

McDonald’s Firsts: 60 Years of Fast-Food History

Onion Nuggets – Trolling eBay for Corporate History

The Conjuring
A Warren Commission
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 112 min

There was a real family who lived at a real Rhode Island farmhouse and creepy sh#t happened, and it scared the crap out of them, and a real life husband-wife team of paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren, came to their house and tried to set sh%t straight.  Regardless of what is actual fact or Hollywood fiction doesn’t matter, cause the film version of this tale - The Conjuring – delivers the best 70s’ horror film since… the 70s!  Sure, it’s no Exorcist, nor even The Omen, but it’s on par or even better than The Amityville Horror, and the 2009 throwback A Haunting In Connecticut, two flix both based off of other cases in the Warrens‘ files.  OK, so The Conjuring’s scares are old school cheap (voices in the dark, doors slamming, Lili Taylor‘s face), but are very old school effective. Purty crazy that this film was directed by the same guy that gave the world the Saw franchise life, James Wan.  Torture porn is so lame.  Real-ish life bumps in the night are so rad.  And so are Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga, who as Ed & Lorraine Warren are so f#&king best that we welcome more of their adventures, and welcome them to shower with me!!

Verdictgo: mos def Jeepers Worth A Peepers/Creepers

Conjuring boos you at a theater near jews

oh, and random of randomness – Joey King, who plays one of the haunted family members, was in some Mathew Modine-Kristen Chenoweth movie where she dressed up like Jodie Foster’s Taxi Driver kid prostitute, a Reservoir Dog, and a droog.  WTF??

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

coming this fall…

Lindsey Gort as young Samantha Jones on the Carrie Diarrheas

WOWWWWWWWWWSEZERRZSSSZ!!!

coming right now…

me, you and anyone looking at that photo right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gort milk?

she reminds me of a young Julie Condra!

I’m So Excited
(Los amantes pasajeros)
Bumpy Ride
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 90 min

YESSSSSSSSS, another Pedro Almodóvar movie!!!!!  Wouldn’t miss it for the world, especially since Almodó has made some of my moist flavorite movies since the inception of this website.  In that time, we’ve been royally treated to Bad Education, Volver, Broken Embraces, and a movie still giving me the heeeebie jeeeeebies two years later - The Skin I Live In.  He can’t miss, right?  Er, um, uh, uh, uh, apparently he can.  NOOOOO!!!  His sex, drugs and rocky & rolly plane dramedy I’m So Excited is about as exciting as going through customs, and is about as straight and narrow as taking a box of puzzle pieces and throwing them into a second box of puzzle pieces, throwing a feather boa around them, and then giving them the dirtiest, sloppiest blow job.  Er, um, what?  Exactly.  Can’t make heads or tailwinds of what this movie’s suppose to be, but what it isn’t is an Almodóvar winner.  It’s a dud (pains me to say), but still a well spirited one.  If only the movie was 90 minutes of Javier Cámara, Raúl Arévalo & Carlos Areces doing this.  But it’s not.  If only the movie was 90 minutes of Blanca Suárez showering.  Alas, it is also not that.  DRATS

 

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

don’t get too Excited, currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

Dennis F%&king Farina

+

that guy from Glee with missing eyebrows

Family Tieser

White House Press corpse

Rock Center :(

that a$$hole

co-Twister

a Bose by any other name

A MOUSEHOLE!!

he was on Target

peter Pran

citizen model

that (fat) guy

Godsey

he preferred blondes

he exited the dragon

some dude who apparently was in Casino Royale

some dude who tried to help Nixon not be a moron

some old Ender 

some dog in some picture

&

THE ALBINO FROM THE PRINCESS BRIDE!!