Thighs Wide Shut

– Me didn’t even think of it until today, but my flavorite author of the bowel moment and Sri Lankan resident, Arthur C Clarke, is alive and well.

– Everyone gave Gweniee & Chris Boring such a hard time for naming their baby Apple. Well, I guess ‘Nappies‘ didn’t help matters, but how come I haven’t heard one peep about Beck & Sister Ribisi naming their golden child Cosimo? Ah, who cares, at least Beck’s supposedly gonna rap on his new album.

– Add Doves to the Coachella line-up.

– Lincoln, Spielberg, Neeson. A nice.

– Bob Marley’s remains to be moved to Ethiopia. Don’t worry folks, he’ll still be surrounded by people who don’t wash their hair and smoke pot in the name of the Ja. Sounds like the life to me!

– Playboy Playmate On Trial For Assaulting Boyfriend’s Ex-Girlfriend At Nightclub. The best part of the whole story is it proves that Jeff Garcia is NOT gay. [via Fleaski]

– Is there nothing more rougher than a Jewish rapper named Cleetus Friedman who sports Washington Bullets gear from head to toe? Yeah, ANYTHING! [via Setlzer with an ‘H’]

– Speaking of the Chosen People, aren’t they/we the only peeps who should be drinking Manischewitz fine grape wines? [via Navi via IsThatLegal?]

– Fear the Turtle bracelets? First of all, no one fears playing the Terps anymore and secondly, no one fears a man/woman/child who wears a bracelet. Juss ask the bullied fat kids.

– Zack Morris, AC Slater, and Screech rapping [Qwiktime]. To some a whorrible nightmare, but to Kelly Kapowski’s lil sis, a wet dream come true. [via Double V via College Hummers]

– World’s wurstest animated gif featuring Clinton Portis can be found right here. [via Jay Bilzzzz$$]

– World’s wurstest album cover can be found right here.

– Say No To Grampa Joe

– Tr3nt, if you keep posting about J-L Spears, I’m afraid bad and dirty things might happen to myself as well as others. Please note that I didn’t say stop. And to help us get our minds outta the gutter, here’s a collage of Her Royal Thighness The II proving that you don’t have stop wearing white after labor day… hispecially if you hail from the supple lands of Nepal.

Author and activist Susan Sontag bit the big one this morning. Poor Thigh Master was so distraught he fought through his ganja induced haze to write me an email pleading for some sort of eulogy and for me to say something about how much he loved her dishwashers.

And correct he was to put in such a request because it is due to Ms. Sontag that we have all developed a taste for something like our dear thighswideshut. You see, as if she was planning for the arrival of the Thigh Master some fifteen years later, she introduced the concept of “so bad its good” in 1964. Without her we would have no term to describe the brilliance of Caddyshack 2. It’s all “camp” baby.

Sadly she tainted her later years with idiotic tirades about how we belittled the 9/11 hijackers and how their gripes with the US justified their actions. But today since we are celebrating her life, well just knock that last one up to senility.

So the question that remains is; are we better off in a world with one less fundamentalist intellectual? Only time will tell.

First and foreskinmost, our first fork job goes out to homosexual people lover/sack machine, Reginald White

1961 to 2004

Instead of speaking on behalf of a man I hardly knew, I’ll let Reg do all the talkin’ here… from a lil speech he gave to the Wisconsin state legislature (that Mr Joe E Tata thankfully reminded me of):

When you look at the black race, black people are very gifted in what we call worship and celebration. A lot of us like to dance, and if you go to black churches, you see people jumping up and down, because they really get into it. White people were blessed with the gift of structure and organization. You guys do a good job of building businesses and things of that nature and you know how to tap into money pretty much better than a lot of people do around the world. Hispanics are gifted in family structure. You can see a Hispanic person and they can put 20 or 30 people in one home. They were gifted in the family structure. When you look at the Asians, the Asian is very gifted in creation, creativity and inventions. If you go to Japan or any Asian country, they can turn a television into a watch. They’re very creative. And you look at the Indians, they have been very gifted in the spirituality.

2nd and secondmostest, to les Redskins, who no longer grace the

playoff race list. That’s so friggin race-ist. We still love ya Gibbsy, and yes, even you Daniel Snyder. Keep spending.

3rd rockfromthesunest, to my eyeballs for peeping 5 movies since last Wednesday. Full reviews won’t be posted until 2005, so here’s a jist(ta-fy my love) of dem…

Fockers – not too funny, a lot of retread, and more ‘Focker’ jokes than one can handle in a two-hour span, but somehow still a highly entertaining piece of work.

Hotel Rwanda – one of the year’s breastest. plain and simple.

Aviator – good, not great, but hey, beats Gangs of New York anyday. I’m a lil irate they didn’t cover the last years of his life, which all of us want to see more than anything. Biggest shoe-in for Best Supporting Actress: Can you say Cate Blanchett as Katharine Hepburn? Can you say CB be finest female actor in the bidness?

Lemony Snizzle’s Series of Something or Others – one of the mostest beautiful looking movies I’ve ever seen. Right up there with Neverending Story, Princess Bride, Harry Pothead the III, or any Tim Burton jounks. Jim Carrey is sniztacular and although she’s only like 6, I’ve got future dibs on Emily Browning. There’s just something about fish-net sleeves that get me all eggcited.

Phantom of the Opera – well, at least the music was good, and looking at JenniferEllison was a nice.

and fourth and tenmostest, I’d live to peace the fork out myself, as I head to Jamaica with family Thighs. I’ll try and post, but I may be too busy czeching out the scenery greenery. In the greenwich meantime, Mr Thought will kindly keep you posted. 2004 kinda blew, so I’ll see you sukkah mcs in 2005. I loves you alls more than yule ever know. X’s and Ho’s, and in Cuthbert we lust and thrust…

– PEACE the fork out el creator of Flash! Send some shimmy-yas to ODB when you see him.

– Boo.

– The gawds muss be crazy to allow MTV Africa.

– MAJOR PROPS deLeon go out to my grrrrl Ultra and her nifty book deal! [via the Gid]

– Ricky Gervais, the mos modest man around.

– Who knew there were clouds on your anus? [via Marvcus Patton the II]

– Only a video game could make Monica Bellucci look awful.

– I love the guy, but I really don’t think of Tom Hanks when I read Robert Langdon’s adventures. Does that mean they’re going to dig up Jessica Tandy to play the French chick?

– I know my b-day was a week ago, but does someone wanna drop 10K so me can finally own my own Scoreboard w/Jumbotron? [via Navi the Terrible]

– Having trouble stalking B-Real or Sista Soulja cause u don’t know their real names? Click here for that AND more! [via Cubs Fan #1]

– Jack White, in lengthy interview, sez album #5 to be recorded soon and with a possible release next year. And in the meantime, pre-order their Live DVD and get a free Tee!

– U2 to tour America staring in March. The only known date is March 1st, somewhere in the state Florida. [via The Shopppppeee]

– Spoon to play a few Texas shows in early December and Britt Daniel is going it alone November 26th at Maxwell’s in Ho-broken. More details here.

– Biff Tanner, from Back To The Future, pop art-teest at large? [via Gumbo Gomby]

ApParently Trap, we now have a sports section:

– After delivering on of his breastest diatribes of the year, Andy Rooneyski laid an egg this week with his take on what needs to be changed in sports today. And although the NFL is the finest organization (besides TWS.org) in the world, I do agree with his notion that, “It would be illegal for an NFL game to go past 7 p.m. on Sunday night and intrude on 60 Minutes.” Amen brother curmudgeon man.

– Sure the Redskins lick five day old microwaved tunafish sandwiches, but I never give up hope… well at least until their officially eliminated from the playoff race.

– Giants fans’ prayers have finally been answered: get ready for Manning Version 2.0.

– To Hate Duke or To Love Those HOMOwners? That is the question. Either way, the Terps and their fans RULE, so eat a dick Matthew Waxman for saying otherwise. [all(aboard) via The I-Train]

Back to crap…

– Crazy Kent? More like LAME-HO Kent.

– Click me for a SFW video that appears NSFW (Windows Media Stizzle) [via My Man Marvkus]

– Beavers Weave Stolen Cash Into Dam [via Time Werespanko]

– And in closing, Stephen King really has a hard-on for our belovededed Cuthy Cuthbertenson. He first mentioned her last month by saying, ‘For every pretty, talented Elisha Cuthbert there is a Paris Hilton and her little dog, too.‘ Well, in his ultra-lame-o monthly EW column, he mentions how thankful he is for a new season of 24 filled with Kiefer Sutherland’s loud breathing, and then added, ‘Elisha Cuthbert is the best supporting actress on TV. Case closed.‘ Look, I’d bone Cuthy 14 ways from Wednesday, but I’m sure there are better supporting actressess out there (think that hippo woman from The Practice). I bet Stephen some how incorporates his love for Cuth-above-the-rest-bert in his next book. I can see it now: The Author Who Love Elisha Cuthbert. Either way, BACKDAFORKUP nerd boy, cause she’s all mine… or whoever that guy she’s engaged too.