Thighs Wide Shut

Inspired by the WaPo and sorta by the Bruno skit where one has to choose between giving Jack Black candy or cancer, I ice man giveth to you, what will be in the mix in ’06, besides Raymi

OUT	IN
Peter Jackson	Jack Peterson
Squeezable Mayo	Squeezable Relish
Dime Bags	Penny Loafers
Poo	Poop
Eli Manning	Taryn Manning
Beta Testing	Betamax
Mock Turtlenecks	Ookla the Mok
Big Bang Theory	Gang Bang Theory
SXSW	NXNW
Mark Cuban	Cubano Sandwiches
The Truffle Shuffle	The Ickey Shuffle
Steven Soderbergh	Sod
S&L	SNL
Blogs	The Troggs
Rachael Ray	Paula Deen
Neighborhoodies	Footies
Pink	Black
Cliff Engle	Cliff Notes
Gay Cowboys	Gay Redskins
Da Da Vinci Code	646 Area Code
TMs	BMs
Vagina	China
Books On Tape	Tape On Books
Prof McGonagall	Prof Plum
Rumors On The Internets	Rumors On The Brailles
Tomkat/Bennifer/Brangelina	Bosom
Dakota Fanning	Ariel Gade
Ghanaria	Hare Rama, Diorama
July	April
Arnold Palmers	Shirley Temples
Handrying	Receiving Bacon
Barnes & Noble	Borrowing From The Library
Cheryl Hines	Ciarán Hinds
LOL	El Al
Jesus	Arslan
Grey’s Anatomy	Gray’s Papaya
Andy Rooney	Ed Rooney
Hating Jews	Hating Jews
Pixar	Flip Books
Sio Bibble	Wearing Bibs
Nip Slips	Slit Nips
The OC	The REAL OC
Tapas Bars	Topless Bars
Sofia Lidskog	Kelly Miyahara
Saving Africa	Singing ‘Africa‘
Ben Stein	Palestine
The Walrus Was Paul	The Walrus Was Mike Holmgren
Brunch	Flunch
Regifting	Ree-Yees
Rusty Trombones	Rusty Kuntz
David Keith	Keith David
Recockulous	Retaintulous
Flizzm Jizzum	Russian Dressing
Oompa Loompas	Koopa Troopas
The Neverending Baseball Season	The Neverending Story II
Sufjan Stevens	‘Suffragette City‘
Microwaved Tunafish	Microwaved Gefilte Fish
Alba’s Ass	Alba’s Abs

Twats sure to be le breastest movie (at least remake) of the ’06?

Camilla Belle vs Water: THE MOVIE

• Cuthbest to return to 24 this year? Only if you trust the werds of one Joanne Weintraub

• Peep the teaser trailer to Mel Gibson’s Mayan mess Apocalypto… 3 to 1 he somehow he blames the Jews for their extinction

• A year later and the good people of Roanoke, VA still aren’t sure if it was Borat who turned their rodeo into a almost stampede… guess dem Red States aren’t big subscribers of HBO

• Gorillaz up for MTV’s Cribs

• 18 zillion people sent me this link, so I guess I should post it: The Chappelle Theory

• Justin Case you missed it on yer internets rounds: He-Man/She-Ra: A Christmas Special

• So I guess I shouldn’t count on potato latkes in the Kingdom this year, eh luv the V?

• What do you plan to do with yer extra 2005 second? I can’t decide between patting myself on the back or patting my balls

• Rotten Tomatoes’ ’05 Bombs List… boviously House of Wax and Domino wouldn’ta been considered bombs had they taken in account the only reviews that matter: OURS!!

• The True Cadillac™ of Bicycles

• wayfaring.com

• Frynally, someone else’s boobies have replaced Tara Reid’s judge hatchet job as les nastiest bazongies in the world [double duhvs NSFWness]

• Lookin for a bigger effin miracle than the sorta special holiday of Chahhannuaakakkakkah? How bout dem Skins who are the NFC’s HOTTiest team, who juss avenged the live abortion I saw in late Rocktober, and who now be mere baby steps away from the pay-offs? So start hittin up Orbitz for early Feb flights to the D, fill yer thIghpod up wit the sweet reggae sounds of The Joe Gibbs Family in the back [via the Dollar], and wipe the dust of yer bumpers, cause I wanna see these babies everywhere!!!

Les Breastest Albums
of 2005
To Hug Denim In Closets To

(Wish I Knew How To Quit You Edition)

1) t.A.T.u. – Dangerous & Moving

2) Gorillaz – Demon Days
3) The White Strpes – Get Behind Me Satan

4) Moby – Hotel
5) Kasabian – Kasabian

6) The Bees – Free The Bees¹
7) Various – The Squid & The Whale Soundtrack
8) Danger Doom – The Mouse and the Mask

9) Kaiser Chiefs – Unemployment
10) Royksopp – The Understanding
11) Supergrass – Road to Rouen

12) Annie – Anniemal¹
13) The Fiery Furnaces – EP
14) Fischerspooner – Odyessy

Concerts That Were More
Procerts Than Concerts
Duran Squared @ MSG – Apr 13
Beck @ The Hiro Ballroom – Apr 15
Moby @ Webster Hall – Apr 20
Keane @ RCMH – Jun 7
Junior Senior @ Mercury Lounge – Jun 23
Royksopp + Annie @ Webster Hall – Sept 21

Annie – ‘Me Plus One’ [d-lode]
Archdukes – ‘Eleanor Put Your Boots On’ [d-lode]
‘Awesome Gawd’ [d-lode]
Basement Jaxx – ‘Oh My Gosh’ [d-lode]
Beck – ‘Girl’ [d-lode]
Bloc Party – ‘Banquet’ [d-lode]
Bloc Party vs The Streets – ‘Banquet’ (Remix) [d-lode]
Blursabian – ‘Thers’s No LSF’ [d-lode]
Bravery – ‘Fearless’ [d-lode]
BRMC – ‘Aint No Easy Way’ [d-lode]
Charlotte Church – ‘Call My Name’ [vid]
Chemical Brothers wit Tim Burgess – [vid]
Clash Killers – ‘Somebody Rock Me’ [d-lode]
Coldplay – ‘Speed of Sound’ [d-lode]
Coral – ‘Arabian Sand’ [d-lode]
Danger Doom wit Cee-Lo – ‘Benzie Box’ [d-lode]
Dean Wareham – ‘Hey You’ [d-lode]
Fiery Furnaces – ‘Single Again’ [d-lode]
Fischerspooner – ‘Cloud’ [couldn’t find, so d-lode ‘Never Win’ instead]
Gay Cowboy Theme Song [d-lode]
Gay Cowboy Theme Song Remix [d-lode]
Gorillaz – ‘Dare’ [d-lode]
Gorillaz – ‘Feel Good Inc’ [d-lode]
Junior Senior avec B-52’s lizadies – ‘Take My Time’ [d-lode]
Kaiser Chiefs – “Everyday I Love You Less & Less’ [d-lode, or give MIA’s go a go]
Kayne West + Ray – ‘Gold Digger’ [d-lode]
Kelly Clarkson – ‘Since U Been Gone’ [d-lode]
Ladytron – ‘Destory Everything You Touch’ [d-lode]
Madonna – ‘Hung Up’ [d-lode]
Moby – ‘Lift Me Up’ [d-lode]
Moby – ‘Raining Again’ [d-lode]
Oasis – ‘Lyla’ [d-lode]
Parnell/Samberg – ‘Lazy Sunday’ [d-lode OR vid]
Phantom Planet – ‘California 2005’ [d-lode]
Royksopp – ‘Only This Moment’ [d-lode]
Supergrass – ‘St Petersburg’ [video]
t.A.T.u. – The ENTIRE Album [d-lode]
Ted Leo – ‘Since U Been Gone’ [d-lode]
Tom Wellington & Thigh Masta – ‘Pat O’Brien Super Mega Mix’ [d-lode]
TVGasm – ‘Pat O’Brien vs Rosie O’Donnell’ (Acappella) [d-lode]
White Stripes – ‘Blue Orchid’ [d-lode]
Wyrd Sisters – ‘This Is The Night’ [d-lode]

And although I juss heard it today, why not tro this Party Ben shaz on the yule thyme blog:

White Stripes vs. Eric B & Rakim – ‘Pump Up the Doorbell’ [d-lode]

DON’T forget to czech republic out our picks for 2004 and 2003!

¹dem shiz were released in Europe in the ’04, but didn’t hit our shores til the ’05. Euro Trasholes!!

+ Peace the fork out Borat.kz

+ Our queen makes you wet, and herself

+ Damon Albest, Thom Prenatal Yorke, Colin Firthy Rich, and others loved to get dumped on

+ A true Chrismukkah miracle: the 4thcummin return of Seth Cohen’s soul mate, Samaire Armstrong!

+ Hopefully this is the season of 24 where Chloe and Edgar make mutant alien babies like on V

+ Why haven’t you checked the children?

+ Atari, Chuck-E-Cheese, and 80s robots, a match made in bankruptcy

+ What I’ve learned from my latest Vermont trip: every radio station plays Led Zep… good thing it aint Zeptember

+ Why is the letter “E” on top of all eye charts?

+ How to do pop art portraits

+ Bid on a Wolf Parade pita setlist [via Bendy Dick]

+ The top 10 weirdest USB drives ever [via Fleaski]

+ Rocky Balboa: THE BLOG, some say scariest thing to hit the internets since those pictures surfaced on Pinky and the Brain of that dude’s b-day cake with Trent’s face on it. I’m sure Grambo won’t be gettin one of dem for his b-day!

+ Speaking of b-days, I bet Nikki is having the wurst one ever

+ Thighmaster For Your Goat

+ Matt Line Hart supposedly likes to get drunk, grope women, and get slapped. We don’t know this fo sure, but these will do…

[via The Meat Hook]

Somewhere even Martin Kove AND Billy Zabka are shedding tears, cause we have to bid a HUGE

1932 – 2005

So…

How come Hillary Swank (magazine) gave no bitta love to her former sensei during any of her eggceptance speeches for the Best Actress Oscar? Omitting Chad Lowe’s name is no big deal considering his biggest accomplishment was appearing on Life Goes On as the HIVster Jesse McKenna, but Patty M? Without him, you woulda been paraplegic within the first 10 minutes of Million Dollar Baby.

And how come me mum never bought me any Karate Kid action figures? My GI JOEs and Star Wars rebel alliancers coulda really used the talents of Mr. Miyagi and Daniel LaRusso to help fend off the likes of such infidels as Destro and Ree-Yees.

And how come me mum never bought me any Mircale Applications goodness for Hanukkah? Any product that features Pat’s mug AND the slogan, ‘Wipe On, Wipe Off‘ is worthy of receiving during the Festival of Lights!

Pat, along with Georgie, who also juss peaced the geordi laforge out, you were the best, AROUND. Nothing’Â’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own [d-lode the Joe ‘Bean’ Esposito bestness]