Thighs Wide Shut

Revisiting Abbey Road (album photoshoot) 40 years on

live webcam at Abbey Road

mo outtakes from the photo session

Paul is dead?

Paul McCartney
Raljon FedEx Field
August 1st

Saturday’s show marked the second time we’ve seen Maccccaaaa in a span of two weeks, and although munch wasn’t different from the first show, besides the inclusion of ‘Michelle’ for Mrs Obama [watch], better seats, being more soberer with the parents in tow, and a gut-busting tailgate including, but not limited to, sweet BoBerry and Cinnamon biscuits from Bojangles, we haths to say that it kicked more glass than Phillip AND Ira. any chance that the real king of pop’s coming to your town (we’re looking at you Bostonians, Hotlantians, Tuslainanians, and losers in the Big D), you should without question (or answer) get tickets, cause when else are you gonna get to Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na sing along to ‘Hey Jude’ with its holy creator? no, seriously, when? the dude aint gonna live til he’s 164, although it would be pretty sweet if he did, so don’t pass up a chance to see him, and we won’t the next time he (hopefully) returns to NY… hispecially since we still want to hear him rock ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’, ‘For No One’, ‘Good Day Sunshine’, ‘Hello, Goodbye’, ‘I’ll Follow the Sun’, ‘I Will’, ‘I’ve Just Seen a Face’, ‘Magical Mystery Tour’, ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’, ‘Penny Lane’, ‘She’s Leaving Home’, ‘The Fool on the Hill’, ‘We Can Work It Out’, ‘When I’m Sixty-Four’, ‘Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?’, ‘Your Mother Should Know’ and every other song your mother should know

hear’s what the WashingtonPostal had to say abouts the show

up next, Ringo?

we all knew that Mama Cass Elliot had an appetite the size youranus, but an unyielding love for the crappy Hardee’s? listen hear for poof [d]. she was probably paid to sing their praises, throbviously, but curious if her contact was set up to pay her in hamburgers and fries that went straight to her thighs. no word on whether the fictional ham sandwich that she choked on came from their breakfast menu. sorry if we offended anyone with this pointless post. we love Mama, and don’t want to be considered a Cass-hole by any stretch armstrong of the imaginasian. and although Hardee’s food blows more goats than your dad and Balki Bartokomous combined, we do have to give it some minor props de leon for offering up newborn (better than ezra) Pound Puppies for sale at reasonable prices in the 80s. and bi the gay, The Pound Pups are back for a whole new generation of kids whose parents can’t afford a real dog!!!

Paul McCartney
Citi Field Shea II
July 17th

Our first trip out to the Mets’ new digs probably should have included Apu’s favorite squadron playing baseball there, but watching Sir Paul McCartney christen the joint, like him and some other 3 mop tops did at the Mets’ former home (now a parking lot), playing 12 barely audible songs to a throng of screaming girls (and men too), was still a rousing and mos rawking introduction. Sure, we’d rather see John Lennon play ‘I Am The Walrus’ live, but we don’t live in a world where dead people play music live. And if John were alive today, he’s probably be making an ass of himself and his legacy, rapping with Snopp Dogg and appearing at MTV music awards with Fall Out Boy (whomever they are). Anywho, Macca’s the living legacy of the Beatles (sorry Ringo), and he’s carried that weight a long time, but he effin and geeing carries it well. The familiar favorites were a treat to finally hear played live (even more so then when we caught his brief gig atop the Ed Sullivan marquee last week). We lost our shit a bunch of times (the drugs, alcohol and Shake Shack burgers certainly helped), reaching it’s shittinglyiest lostness zenith when Charles Manson came out and he belted out ‘Helter Skelter’. Even his solo dizzles, which are classics in their own write (a certain Bond theme song + the one with the jailor man and Sailor Sam), dazzled in the rainy night. The 30+ song setlist (with a few unknown yawns included early on in the 2.5+ houred gig) speaks for itself, and if it doesn’t speak to you then you obviously are more of a Stones fan than a Beatles fan, in which case, you don’t know anything about nuttin

‘Drive My Car’
‘Jet’
‘Only Mama Knows’
‘Flaming Pie’
‘Got To Get You Into My Life’
‘Let Me Roll It’
‘Highway’
‘The Long and Winding Road’
‘My Love’
‘Blackbird’
‘Here Today’
‘Dance Tonight’
‘Calico Skies’
‘Mrs. Vanderbilt’
‘Eleanor Rigby’
‘Sing the Changes ‘
‘Band on the Run’
‘Back in the U.S.S.R.’
‘I’m Down’
‘Something’
‘I’ve Got a Feeling’
‘Paperback Writer’
‘A Day in the Life’/’Give Peace a Chance’
‘Let It Be’
‘Live and Let Die’
‘Hey Jude’

FIRST ENCORE
‘Day Tripper’
‘Lady Madonna’
‘I Saw Her Standing There (with Billy Joel)

SECOND ENCORE
‘Yesterday’
‘Helter Skelter’
‘Get Back’
‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)’/’The End’

The love we took from Paul will never equal to the love he makes… whatever that means. be sure to catch him and his band on the run for maximum fun

mad pics over at BVeggie

Klauder Crab Feast XVII
July 18th

no summer would be complete without Klauder’s annual crab fest and this summer was like last summer and thus was no eggception. we had crabs and it had nothing to do with crusty penises and vaginas. we had Iron City Beer and we loved it. we later were so filled with crab juice and crab lungs and crab guts that we played topless beer pong. sadly none of the girls played. CRABS!!! it’s a Maryland thing, you wouldn’t understand, herspecially if yer from Virginia, cause Virigina’s not for lovers, but for losers. seriously it is, check VA’s state constitution for proof

July19th

(500) Days of Summer
Fair Weather Girlfriend
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Finally a hyped up Fox Searchlight film that hactually lives up to its billing!! No quirkyness for the sake of being quirky here! OK, there are quirks to be had in (500) Days of Summer (split screens! b&w French New Wave homages! dancing in the streets with cartoon birds!, all dough the bus filled with Deschanels somehow didn’t make the cut), but they enhance the experience, not take away from it. What also sets Days days apart from all the other crap out there, especially any film involving Sandra Bullock, romance or both, is that the characters are real actual human beings, having real actual life emotions and really trying to deal with them! No sugar coating to be found here in Marc Webb‘s feature length directorial debut, with a clever, but not thaaaaaat clever script by Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber. We know right from the start, cause the narrator tells us at the start that Tom (Joseph Gordo
n-Levitt, who’s starting to look like his 10 Things I Hate About Jews co-star Ledger, and acting up to his level as well) and Summer (Zooey Deschanel, with eyes that every hipster has JOed to)’s relationship is doomed to fail, and yet as we watch the 500 up and down days play out in non-sequential order, we hope and hope and hope that the narrator made a mistake. Every guy’s been in JG-L’s shoes and every girl has at one point raised the roof aloof like the cream dream Zooey does here. The same would be true if the roles were reversed, but who really wants to watch another movie where the girl gets dumped upon? While everything feels so real (fo’reals!), the flick unspools a bit too quickly, and never reaches the profoundness we thought it was going to deliver. It’s telling when the final scene from The Graduate is shown and holds more meaning to the audience than any of the great stuff seen in the movie we’re hactually watching. Tom & Summer aint no Ben & Elaine, but then again, who are? At least they don’t drive a yellow VW van or use hamburger phones for the sake of doing so like fake movie people do

Making Up For Lost Thyme: she’s barely in the movie, and we wished she barely wore clothes, but the real travesty is that TWS is purty much been Minka Kellyless (sorry, we haven’t watched a single ep of FNL). we promise not to make this mistake ever again

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Summer is currently shinning is select cities across America

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

but wait, there’s mo!!

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Less Than Zero
by Bret Easton Ellis

we forgot that reading books isn’t as hard as it sounds (that’s what she said), so we made the effort to read our third Ellis novel after the INandUMcredible American Psycho and the passable Informers (both made into lousy films). problem is is is is we saw the even less than zero Less Than Zero movie ages ago (watch the lame trailer here), which starred 2/3rds of the men from Pretty In Pink AND Mannequin + Jami Gertz (who oddly enuff was on last night’s Entourage) and a very very very very wild Robert Downey Jr, so we couldn’t help but picture those actors as the characters the entire time we read the book, which was really confusing since the movie barely resembles the book’s characters and plotting, but it’s probably impossible to make a movie out of that book which is basically 190 pages of coke and cock snorting, indifference, and even more coke and cock snorting, with about 17 pages of creepy weird shiz, like a snuff video and the raping of a 12 year old girl. anywho, it’s a book, it was semi-entertaining, we finished it, and now another 6 months will pass before we read another. that’s not hactually true, as August is our beach month and we plan to read more novels that may or may not include coke and cock snorting, although we’re more into non-fiction, and would love some coke and cock snorting non-fiction recommendations peas!

Brüno
NutRageous
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Were you a fan of HBO’s Da Ali G Show? If no, stop reading this and get your f%cking act together, cause outside of the British Office, there hadn’t been comedy that refreshing since the salad days of ZAZ. If yer answer is the correct one, yes, then you already know that Sacha Baron Cohen‘s Brüno character was secretly the mos delicious and high-larious outta the three of them, and if that’s yer mode of thinking, yer not only a berry wise person, but you’ll immensely enjoy this big screen adventure of Austria’s queen of nicht, nichts. In retrospect, Borat the movie is genius to the creme de^menthe degree, but when we first saw it, it did fall a bit short of our expectations, as it didn’t quite deliver as golden as it did on the TV show. Well Brüno not only comes thru with flying rainbow colors, but hactually sirpasses the small screen’s frantic antics and then sum. Everything is bigger, moist importantly the laffs and the dildos, and whether yer revolted or crying from him giving a BJ to a ghost, it’s kinda hard to not have a wide smile from start to finish (c’mon gay people, stop being so offended at stuff that’s intentionally offensive, but not mean spirited. even we jews larfed insanely at his use of ‘Auschwitz’ as the German word for ‘ass’). If you think otherwise, then peas go ahead and try yer hand at something a bit more plebeian and mind-dumbing like any comedy starring Will Ferrell or one that hails from the camp (or supposed camp) of Apatown (anyone else think Funny People looks unfunny and unpeople?). Why so serious? Grow a pair and let Brüno tickle them

Eurotrash Can Do: rawk out to ‘Crank It Up’ by Scooter [d], which served as the theme song to Funkyzeit mit Brüno

Verdictgo: Breast/Penis In Show

Brüno is currently slaying at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…