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Altered States

The Hottest State
Even Cowboy Fans Sing The Blues
Trailers

Being a man always seems to be much easier than being a woman. I can’t say for sure, since I’ve never been a woman, but not having to bare children and the freedom to pee anywhere kinda closes the case on that one. Yet when a woman enters a man’s life, being a man aint so easy anymore. Just ask William Harding (the always eggsalad Mark Webber, basically playing a younger Ethan Hawke… in Ethan Hawke’s film… in which Ethan plays his father), The Hottest State‘s young NYC-by-way-of-Texas actor, who falls head over heels, and then some, in love with sultry musician Sarah (one of gawd’s greatest creations: Catalina Sandino Moreno, who gets NSFW in da film). Once she crosses his path, he’s unable to shake her loose, mind, body and soul. And that’s too bad for him, cause after whirlwind start between the two, Sarah throws up a stop sign, while William presses on full speed ahead. Any man watching this will squirm, as they’ve probably walked the same mile that William had in their own shoes. And like most men, this work of fiction will confirm your feelings that it’s impossible to understand the actions and emotions of women… unless of course you’re Mel Gibson

Adept Adaptations: Ethan aint the only writer to adapt and direct his own book into a movie. Some of the butter know ones are Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, Dalton Trumbo’s Johnny Got His Gun, Frank Miller’s (as co-Director) Sin City, Stephen King’s Maximum Overdrive, William Peter Blatty’s Exorcist III, Clive Barker’s Hellraiser, Nightbreed AND Lord of Illusions, Rebecca Miller’s Personal Velocity, Norman Mailer’s Tough Guys Don’t Dance and Michael Crichton’s The First Great Train Robbery

If These Walls Could Talk: if I died today, I’d die happy, knowing that my name is in the end credits of a movie. That movie be Ethan’s directorial debut, Chelsea Walls, also co-starring Mark Webber

Photochopping: one of our flavs from the past is Maria Full of Grace Jones

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Right At Your Door
DoorbellHELL!
Trailer

Viruses and diseases plaguing mankind always make for fine entertainment. I mean, would ABC even bother airing The Ten Commandments year after year if Moses and his boy, the Lord, decided not to unleash dem 10 plagues (in Peeps form here) upon Egypt? Methinks snot. To this day, I still can’t shake the imagery that biohazardous flicks like Twelve Monkeys, 28 Days Later… or even the les ghetto Omega Man have thrown into my little head. But paranoia pics don’t have to come only in a large Hollywood size, and that’s what the little Right At Your Door picture proves. Rory Cochrane (the dude who plays confused and dazed like no other) stars as an out of work husband, who happens to be at home when sum mad bad shiz goes down in LA. While his wife(Mary McCormack, who almos was NSFW, whom I often confuse with Mary Louise Parker, who has been NSFW)’s whereabouts are unknown to him and to us viewers, he scrambles to survive, by trapping himself inside their house. While the city falls apart, we don’t really get to see it cause we’re stuck in that house with Rory. As the story unfolds, the paranoia not only falls on his shoulders, but on ours as well. Who sez you need a huge budget to have the bejesus scared outta you? I dunno, but please don’t ask Mr Epic, Cecil B Demille. And you can’t anywyz, cause he’s dead! Who knows, maybe Moses and his boy, the Lord, plagued him to death!

ArtTeaseT: this may be Chris Gorak‘s first foray as a writer/director, but the boy’s been around, as the Art Director for such lush films as Fight Club, The Man Who Wasn’t There and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Brotherly Love: Mary McCormack’s real brother Will plays Mary’s reel brother ‘Jason’ in the film. Don’t waste your time looking for him, as you’ll only hear his voice on the other end of a phone conversation

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

September Dawn
Big Hate
Trailer & Mo

Ever see those commercials for dem TNT westerns starring Tom Selleck or Tom Skerritt and immediately want to fall into a Rip Van Winkle sleep coma? That’s the look and feel that’s going on here in September Dawn, but no comas will be had while watching the lil love story that blossoms around the true events of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, where some crazy Uta
h Mormons went crazy. Believe me, this had snoozer and loser written all over it, but somehow, Dean Cain and Angelina Jolie’s dads, Uncle Rico, Oliver from The OC, that dude who looked like Mandy Moore in that Mandy Moore movie and General Zod turn this overly melodramatic film into something that may actually be worth watching… if it aired on TNT!

Temple-Tation: the coolest LDS temple mt EVERest? No doubt, tis be the Washington, DC one. Peep out the ultra-fly Google Map overhead shot of it!

Pindemonium: Olympic pins are a big deal… well, at least for people who attend the games. That’s why when I hit up Utah’s Winter ones back in the ’02, I juss had to have the Mmm… Bologna one

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): barely, but still Jeepers Worth A Peepers

all three films open in limited theaters tomorrow
and elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Can't Fight The Seaver

Scott Baio’s list of
chicks he’s banged

including, but not limited to
Heather Locklear, Denise Richards, Beverly D’Angelo, Liza Minelli, Pamela Anderson, Erika Eleniak, Nicole Eggert
and the above Playmate & Growing Pains
NSFW hottie
Julie McCullough

the cocksmokin substitute that be

Edy’s/Dreyer’s Fruit Bars

HBO’s haunting

Brooklyn Dodgers: The Ghosts Of Flatbush doc

the slappy tickledness of

Squeeze’s Greatest Hits disc

el pollo y la green sauce

from Pio Pio Salon

ironic shirts that I want

but can’t get
(in my size)

Kayak dot com‘s bestness

that basically writes Orbitz’ obit

the wit & wisdom
& $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveawayness

of one Norman Chad

usin my ultra gays

Ikea Ice Cube Trays

any & all boobs

on the very NSFW
Boobie Blog

&

1987 movies

duh


previously on loving stuffs:

Free Adverthighsements

Love Is In The Err

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Breast Feeding Frenzy

If I could trade hands and a mouth with one person, it would have to be Nancy O’Dell’s baby girl‘szszzszzz


[mo snaps]

having sex with Sharapova is like having sex with a ‘dead frog

American Dreamzzzz cum true part II: the GZA performing Liquid Swords in tits entirety, finally, in my neck of the woods [Lover of Pâté]

the only good thang that became of Kubrick’s death: DVDs with actual extras!

photos from The Dark Knight set, which still includes a Gotham City that looks nothing like Gotham City [Pakula Shaker]

Disney & George Lucas in bed together again. No relation to Faptooine

HBO renews Conchords, and sadly Entourage. Hopefully this will mean more Mel and more of Anna Faris’ magically enhanced lips? Speaking of the ‘chords, how dumbcredible was ‘The Prince of Parties’ ditty from last night’s show?


liev this baby alone!

Alex Trebek cusses, with mustache in tow!

Separated At Birth: Borat & young Amy Winehouse

pimps of sneakers

Rare Mark Rypien Zubaz Hat

Hurriace Howard Dean

& knock-offs worth beating off to:

Shockwave mp3
Tranformer/Player

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BetaMax Fischer Man’s Friend

Blu-ray, HD DVD
Overtake VHS in Sales!


hopefully such a ‘feat’ won’t impact the future bestness that be Gondry’s Be Kind Rewind flick

above melted VHS tape image ganked from Solar Death Ray’s work on the classic Sweatin’ To The Oldies

and two of the zillion things that I really miss from the 80s:

those thumcredible plastic Warner Home Video VHS boxes

dat included that
yumcredible 70s
Warner Communications logo


you are now reentering the 21st century…

The New York Film Festival unleashes their entire line-up. So where do I line-up for tickets?

Getting high with Richard Branson

America’s second Wagamama opens

Norman Chad strikes back on his PTI buddies with the help of Nipsey Russell’s Ghost(?)

Mandy Moore is slowly turning into Jennifer Tilly

I am – Claire Danes is Boring and So Is Her Nipple of the Day [NSFW]

five Frank Lloyd Wright houses you can actually stay at: The Seth Peterson Cottage in Mirror Lake, Wisc, The Jacobs House in Madison, Wisc, The Bernard Schwartz House in Two Rivers Wisconsin, The Louis Penfield House in Willoughby Hills, Ohio & The Duncan House at Polymath Park Resort in Acme, PA


other Fletch book covers
with Chevy’s face

Reverend Sun Myung Moon’s Gigli

The 50 Greatest Sex Scenes In Cinema

10 Shocking AIDS Ads from Around the World

gets my STAMPs of approval: Marvel Super Heroes

Foghorn Leghorn hearts KFC

Madden 2008 Is Out! But Where Are The Ambulances?

and before I head off to the gay beach for the tweakend, lemme be the first to welcome the second, maybe third, greaTITS pair of UK boobs headed for America: Jennifer Ellison’sez!!


[from her faptastic 2006 calendar]

pee es – if you see one movie this week, make it The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, which we lovingly peeped at this year’s TFF

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Qwik (Alvis) W(h)itted

Stardust
From Dust Til Yawn
Trailer & Mo

Rob Reiner won’t be havin any restless evenings knowing that Stardust is not only NOT in the same league as his beyond brills Princess Bride, but not even in the same Species, Genus, Family, Order, Class, Phylum and/or Kingdom! Stardust is somewhere between Zardoz and MS-DOS. I don’t really know what that means, but what I do know is that the man who produced Snatch & Lock Stock and basically put X-3 into Brett Ratner’s fumblin hands decided to follow-up his yummy Layer Cake [TWS.org review] with this over baked Danny Ferry tale. Stardust mos certainly tries hard at entertainin, but it’s way too whimsy and not enuff cool. Hell, this pic of Mr Vaughn on set is the coolest thang that had anything to do with this kiddie pic. All the actors do a fine job, hispecially DeNiro as a gay pirate, but they’re having all the fun on screen and leaving little for the audience. And there’s two things that really peeved me. Numba one was the cheesy special effects. Young Sherlock Holmes had better CGI than Dust did, and that came out in 1985 for out loud cryin! And numba two, what on earth (and the heavens for that splatter) is goings on with Claire Danes’ blond eyebrows?

Hammer Time: hopefully Vaughn’s next project Thor will be more cool than whimsy. And who would make the perfect Thor? How bout Vincent D’Onofrio who played him in Adventures In Babysitting

Netflix Capacitor: want a Stardust that you’ll actually remember in years to come? Hit up the Woodman’s klassic Stardust Memories [trailer]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

No Reservations
Send My Compliments To The Chef
Trailer & Mo

Lettuce waste no time here folks. This shoulda been a giant terd on a stick. Smarmy Aaron Eckhart uses all the right ingredients to get uptight Catherine Zeta Jones Douglas the III (the greatest Sorority Ever) to open up her kitchen and her heart, all while she tries to play mum to her recently orphaned niece, Olive Hoover. But ya know what? It wasn’t a terd, and not even close! To put it in laid-man’s terms, there are far worse movies to be dragged to by a woman. One of them is Stardust, but in that parDICKular case, I was the dragger, not the draggeeeeeeeee

Wurstest Date Movie Mt EVERest: my boy Gulf of Sonkin had his first and last date when he took a lady to go see Sleepers. Same thing woulda probably happened had it been Sleepwalkers, although that flick didn’t contain any Kevin Bacon raperific fun!

Be Wear: if I could buy one sorta offense Native American shirt, tis would be the one

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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