Thighs Wide Shut

Crossing Over
An Immigrant Song Out of Tune
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Traffic, minus the drugs and gratuitous color schemes + Babel, but with Australian NSFWness instead of Japanese + the beyond schmaltzyness of Crash = Crossing Over, which is sadly not the big screen adaptation of John Edward’s contacting the dead hocus pocusness. Yep, he we go again with yet another criss-crossing character overload, this time around tackling the topic of illegal immigrants in the LA area and their desire to become US citizens, and it is by far the weakest outta the group mentioned above. So if the thought of them films drive you more batty than William Peter Blatty, you may want to deport yerself from going to see director Wayne Kramer‘s expansion of his own short film of the same name. The subject matter is close to Kramer’s heart, as he was a South African turned naturalized USer, and his passion for this project (does that make it a passion project?) is obvious on-screen, but it’s thighly doubtful that you’ll be able to share in any of his feelings

There’s too many stories being randy the rammed down our throats at once, and a majority of them are either not interesting (cutie pie Jim Sturgess pretending to be a deeply devout Jew), underdeveloped (Ashley Judd feels sorry for some motherless African kid) or something anyone wants to see anymore on film (Ray Liotta playing his 8321763175th bazillion creepazoid). The main vignette revolves around an immigration agent with a heart (Harrison Ford), who goes out of his way to stop the Russians from unleashing alien powers from Mayan temples help helpless hot illegals (like Alice Braga) and deal with the Iranian old-world ways of his partner (Cliff Curtis, aka ‘that guy’)’s family. His misadventures ultimately come to a head at a swearing in ceremony at the film’s end, and unintended hilarity ensues. Luckily, amongst all the turds, there was one tale that shined through. It was about a young Muslim girl (Summer Bishil, proving she’s no one-hit wonder after the hard to watch but MUSS SEE Towelhead) and how the gov-mint wants to deport her after she delivers a class speech about identifying and understanding, but not necessarily supporting, the motives behind the 9/11 hijackers’ actions. That coulda been a mos solid movie on its own right (and wrong), but instead the story getz mostly lost amongst all the Crashing and Babeling Traffic noise

Poster Child Molester: tell Harrison’s eyes to stop scaring us. and can someone tell casting directors to stop hiring Ray Liotta

Verdictgo: Very Little Merit But No Stikin Badges

Crossing Over opens in select theaters today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

old hott cars and the hottt women who sold them

we will watch the Watchmen
and you will too
and we will watch this Watchwoman, Silk Spectre II
without the use of a watch
but maybe with the use of Jergens®

we think we’re in love

hear’s hope’n that March 6th will add another notch on the short NSFW belt of Malina Akerman

if you were ever pondering these two questions at the same time, what was Dev Patel doing before Slumdog Millionaire and whatever became of that boy (Nicholas Hoult) from About A Boy, then girl o girl, do we’ve got an answer for you! and it also happens to be the greatestest (first season of a) teen television show we’ve ever seen mt EVEReverEVEReverEVEReverEVEReverst! (of course much respek to Wonder Years, My So Called Life and Hey Dude)

whatever you have to do, do the first season of Skins. it’s like Kids, but a little less horrific, but 109% more British, and the characters are so real that they’re even more real than The Real Ghostbusters playing Real Madrid. juss take one look at these kids and tell me you don’t want to hang out with them, or at least watch them do their thang from afar

meat the gang

(above, left to right) Anwar, the drinking Muslim; Tony, the hot bastard; Michelle, his girlfriend; Jal, the bitchy musician; Sid, Tony’s lackey/BFF who’s in love with his GF; Maxxie, the gay one; Cassie, the lonely dreamer; (not pictured) Chris, the animal of parties; Effy, Tony’s sister

we heart Cassie (the beyond adorable Hannah Murray) above all

she’s like Courtney Love
with the brain of Sylvia Plath
and the looks of Hope Davis

although the hottiest of the hotness in terms of hots
has gotta be the TILF (teacher ILF)

Angie (Siwan Morris)

haven’t u seen enuff pretty pictures?
well imagine how purty them pictures will are be in motion?

Hail to the Skins!

peas note: season 1 and 2 aired and reairs stateside on BBC America (we missed the first airings too so we had to rent…), season 1 is on DVD (season 2 drops in the US in April), and season 3, which features an entirely new cast (save Effy and some other minors), is currently airing in the UK

spreaking of watching stuff

has anyone seen anything more than
the thighlarious trailer of The Office XXX?
if so tellpray/praytell

starring our mos flavorite NSFW chipmunker Ashlynn Brooke!

boo nus: give listenage to the Gossip’s ‘Standing In The Way Of Control (Soulwax Mix)’ [d] from the riznockin soundtrack

the 2009 Oscars Hugh Jackman Tony Awards were what we thought they were, extremely gay, and we’re not juss talking about Milk (last time we say this: be sure to watch this Oscar winning doc instead of that Gus Van Sant movie). there were no real sirprizes, outside of Bashir having their dance card torn up, and as always, everyone besides Sarah Jessica Horse/Mitchface looked wonderful, hispecially Kate Winslet’s dad, whom you may know better as Darkman!

we won’t waste any more of yer time rehashbrowning what took place at the Kodiak Theater, so instead lettuce praise jeebus that the following things will go away for a longs while:

– watching clips of Mickey Rourke saying ‘I’m an old broken down piece of meat‘

– Anil Kapoor anywhere near a podium (too bad the same can’t be said of Kate Winslet, although her Oscar speech was less awful than the previous 10 she gave over the past 2 months)

– Oscar montages unnecessarily including Judd Apatow films and actors (way to be serious on stage Seth Rogen!)

– seeing this pic of Melissa Leo with her arms crossed in every magazine

– Brangelina comas caused by the thought of The Snoozealing and The Not So Curious Case of Benjamin Borings

sea ewe next year!

pee es – we totally were going to do a actress fap-a-thon this year like we did two years ago, but these kids beat us to the NSFW punch (and then sum)