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The Baird's Tale

Twitter may not be for you, but let we tell you believers-non out there, Twitter rulez. sure, we dream daily about receiving HJs at the hand of the NSFW friendly/lovely Diora Baird, but those are juss crack pipe dreams that will never become a reality… or will they?

spanks to Twitter, we gave her tweet props (she’s really funny on top of being wicked hotttt), she read said props, and 15 minutes slater hactually expressed her gratitude in return, and left the door open (and left our pants down) for future misadventures. anything is possible! our future’s so bright that we gotta wear shades!! we’d like to see anyone try and get that to happen with a fax or telegraph machine!! eat it you pseudo-Mennonites! we predict that Ms B & us will be the very first couple of Twitter. we’re gonna ask Rainn Wilson to ad-minister the wedding ceremony, Neil Diamond to perform at the party, and let our good friends Seth Meyers, Ethan Suplee, Joel Stein, and Yakov Smirnoff say a few words before we depart on a life together filled with HJs!! HJs!!!!!

UPDATE!!!

SHE SAID YES(????)!!!!

pee es – The Bard’s Tale on Apple IIe totally kicked glass!!

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Sweet Red-Headed Stepchild O' Mine


we went bananas for Skins Season 1 and bonkers for Season 2, but had our doubts about Season 3 [watch the wicked series tease], hispecially since they kicked out the old beloveded crüe (cept for effin cutiepie Effy Stonem) and brought in an entirely new crüe, but after watching the fartastic first ep of the new edition on BBC America, we’re hooked like Gummy is on Fat Sam’s junk. it doesn’t hurt that the lizadies are 111% more luscious jackson, herspecially the twin redheads, Katie & Emily Finch (played by twins Megan & Kathryn Prescott), although we’ve already picked sides (you had us at pre-shower wedgie) and are all for the shy, quiet ‘doormat’ Emily, who’ll have a go at being a lezzie this season! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah yeaaaah!! (plus based on the above K&E Finch link, looks like Kathryn retains the offscreen hotness a bit mo than her sistah does)

great googly moogly is she (and her sister) a-thru-z-dorable!!!

+

Pee-Wee Herman to return to the stage!

DuckTales is awesome! [b3ta]

Sean Taylor hated fake punts

thighs.wide.shut? hardly

thiphone? it’s ‘thighphone’ you mo-rons [Paxkula Shaker]

f&ck this website

& we’d never turn the page on Page 3stress Amy G and her blowing bubbles [NSFW]

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Willing & Huxt-Able

they musta blown the entire budget on dem ho-riffic sweaters

Not The Cosbys XXX [NSFWness via Sigh Master]

+ for the 9th zillionth time: Let It Cosby

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Doc Doc Goose Gossage

The Cove
A Higher Porpoise In Life
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

There’s something awfully rotten goings on in Japan, and not many people know about it, well, that is until now, with the release of the call to arms, engrossing and sometimes gross doc The Cove. In the tiny coastal town of Taiji, dolphins in their natural habitat are captured, the best being sold off to seaquariums around the globe, and the rest, in a secluded cove (we smell a title here!), are slaughtered and turned into meat (passed off as whale meat) and distributed to national grocery stores and local schools. Not only are these killings harsh and pointless to our smarty jones friends of the sea, but the meat they’re doling out contains high levels of Mercury, and the last time we checked, Mercury is hactually less healthy for you than triple fried fried chicken in gravy. And guess what, the people of Taiji make a lot of effin money off these dolphins and will do anything within their abusive powers to prevent anyone from meddling with their affairs, dastardly practices and giant pocket books, at home and abroad

Enter Ric O’Barry, the OG trainer of the dolphins that appeared in the beloved 60s TV show Flipper. Flipper‘s success single-handedly launched the world’s obsession with dolphins, and gave rise to places like Sea World, where we watch them do stoopid silly tricks with beach balls and splashing water. At first, O’Barry took advantage of the craze, but as time wore on, he realized that his aquatic friends really really really loathed being caged up for our amusement (there’s an unforgettable and heartbreaking story he tells about one of the Flipper dolphins) and decided to take action on their behalf. His crusade has recently taken him to Taiji and it’s hidden cove, but this battle is almos as hard as fighting Nick Rivers in an underwater bar

Enter the dragon photographer turned director Louie Psihoyos, who along with O’Barry assembles a crack team of sound and videographers, divers and even ILM special effects gurus to investigate further and try to expose these atrocities to the world. Mission set, and thru a giant game of cat and mouse played with the townpeeps, done up in a thrilling Man On Wire style (but there aint no reenactments here kids!), mission accomplished! That doesn’t mean that they’ve solved the problem, but they did get the message out, and the resulting documentary will make you enraged and want to join the cause. The Cove is truly a muss see for anyone who has eyes (people w/o eyes need not apply), which means if you see one doc this year, make it this one (who knows what else comes out this fall, but it’s gonna be hard to top this), and if you see two docs this year, make it the one below that’s not in Kansas anymo

Carpathianbaggers: ‘phin activist Hayden Panettiere and her trip to Taiji makes a brief appearance in the film, but the more impressive cameo comes about when the boys go to the ILM studios to pick up some toys for their trip, and standing in the background starring them down is none other than (the painting of) Vigo from Ghostbusters II!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Shiow

Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation!
All Up In The Down Underground
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

While Peter Weir‘s costumed dramas may have put Australia on the movie map (before Crocodile Dundee erased it), they didn’t pave the way quite like the Z-movie jiggle fests, decapitation sprees and redonk stunt spectaculars that came before em in the early 70s and 80s. George Miller‘s Mad Max may be the only one any of us have ever heard of, but after watching Mark Hartley‘s overloaded (in a good way) doc on the subject, you’ll quickly want to rectify that (of course, only after saving the dolphins!). All the interviewees are colorful and overly candid, with such Outback luminaries chiming in as Barry Humphries, George Lazenby, Rod Taylor, Susannah York, Owen Lars’ dad Cliegg and numerous others folk (including stuntman extraordinaire Grant Page) that none of us have ever had the pleasure of knowing + some Yanks who were dragged across the world to bring some ‘class’ to their industry, like Jamie Lee Curtis, Dennis Hopper, Stacy Keach, as well as superfan Quentin Tarantino, who’s enthusiasm here is a plus, when it’s usually the opposite. In a bust-a-nutshell, NQH: TW,USoO is an absolute BLAST (and the wursted title we’ve ever tried to abbreviate). There probably won’t be another film out this summer that contains as much non-stop action, suspense, horror and romance (read boobies, and LOTS of em) as NQH: TW,USoO did, and that’s a 986% guarantee or your money crack! If you have an attention span shorter than your dad’s penis then come one, come all over the place and see this love letter to the early free-wheeling days of Australian cinema!

Women Glow & Men Plunder: had TWS.org been alive and well-hung, living in Australia during their new wave of cinema, there woulda been so much NSFW love on this site that yer palms woulda been hairier than Borat’s nephew Boltok, esp with lovely ladies like Deborah Gray, Cheryl Rixon, Lynda Stoner and Abigail gettin their yam-yams out again & again!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

docs Da Cove and Not Quite Hollywood dish out medicine today in NY/LA only, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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