Philo T Farnsworth Every Second

15. Jun, 2009 1 Comment

FCC You Later
Analog TV Transmission

1928 – 2009

lettuce take a qwik and incomplete revisionist look back at the moist tube-ular moments in analog jammin (not including when the Six Million Dollar Man battled Sasquatch… who was played by AndrÃ© the Giant!)

July 2nd, 1928

station W3XK in Wheaton, MD
emits the US’s first broadcast:
a 10 second porn

October 22nd, 1939

John Madden becomes the first color analyst
of a black & white football game
as the Brooklyn ‘Football’ Dodgers beat
the Philadelphia Eagles 23-14
but the end of the game is cut off
by the TV movie Heidi

July 1st, 1941

‘America runs on Bulova time’
becomes the 1st (legal) TV ad to air
but if America had a choice
it woulda chosen the Jhoon Rhee one

November 5th, 1955

Caroline In The City falls for Calvin Klein
who’s mad pissed cause
another Honeymooners rerun is on
[big ups to the massive BTTF timeline
all dough that ep actually aired on 12/31]

August 28th, 1963

MLK has a wet dream, or something

November 24th, 1963

The Lee Harvey Oswald Experience debuts
they kill it, but their tour abruptly ends

February 9th, 1964

The Beatles refuse Ed Sullivan’s request
to change the title of their hit
‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’
to ‘I Want You To Hold My Cock’

July 20th, 1969

Man lands on the moon
and Walter Cronkite becomes a lunartic
the film 2001 still doesn’t make any sense

sometime in 1969

Elvis’ installs 3 TVs into his
Taking Care of Business room at Graceland
so he could simultaneously watch
C-SPAN, BET and C-SPAN 2
NBC, ABC and CBS
that’s even mo genius than
a PB, Banana & Bacon sangwich!

January 3rd, 1972

WGBH logo rox its own electric boogaloo
and turns out to be the bestest of balls thyme

April 2nd, 1974

Robert Opel breaks Cal Ripken’s streaking record
at the 46th Academy Awards and prompts
David Niven to make the best use
of the word ‘cummings’ since ee

April 8th, 1974

two white guys chase
a black guy who juss finished chasing a white guy

September 17, 1978

“Bitching About Stuff with Andy Rooney”
becomes a regular segment of 60 Minutes
(we hope CBS freezes him for future generations)

November 17, 1978

George Lucas rapes peoples’ eyes and ears
with his The Star Wars Holiday Special
it turned out to be more of an abortion
than Maude‘s abortion

November 18th, 1978

drinking Kool-Aid is no longer considered kool or aidful

December 28th, 1984

wrestler David Schultz pummels John Stossel
cause his mustache is so sexy
and he wants a ride
(who doesn’t?)

July 1st, 1985

Dire Strait’s creepy animated music video
for ‘Money For Nothing’ first airs
everyone wants their MTV
and now, no one wants their MTV

January 28th, 1986

America’s heart explodes
tasteless jokes ensue
we laff at these tasteless jokes
and then say, ‘that’s not funny‘
was ‘too soon?‘ invented on this day?

June 5th, 1989

Tank Man gets in the wrong line
for the Beijing premiere of Tank Girl
at the Tiananmen Square Megaplex 18

January 18th, 1990

Marion Barry allows a bitch to set him up for the last time
becomes the butt of many jokes cracked
[sorry, couldn’t find the video]

April 8th, 1990

Twin Peaks pilot scares the crap outta everyone
even more so than the WGBH logo
TV has never been this good, and never will be again