There's No Time To Love Dr Jones?

Indiana Jones and the
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First
Impression, Unless of Course Yer Indiana Jones
Trailers & Mo

Outside of our mostly glowing review and those of our fellow critics, there doesn’t seem to be many others out there showing love for Dr Jones and his journey to the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We hear what you’re saying about the script and the story (see below), and you have every right to be disappointed and pissed off, but didn’t you at least have fun watching the old man be whip-smart for possibly the last time? Now that your expectations of it living up to the first three haven’t been met, shouldn’t you give the film a second look before declaring war, like Germany, on the Jones boys? When we first saw Star Wars Episode III, we branded it with our No Stinking Badges label, but upon further review and putting away our already sharpened knives, the thang actually improved and we stepped it up to Jeepers Worth A Peepers status. Could the same happen to you, or are you juss sick to death (star) of giving George Lucas your milk money for his franchises that he keeps milking? We saw Skull a second time, a mere 3 days after the first viewing, and our thoughts purty much remain the same, although we’re ready to declare it as the least best film of the four

Aliens and shitty ILM CGI aside, what’s so wrong with Indy 4? Sure, the action and adventure may be a bit too much over the top, but wasn’t the same true of the other three films? The first two-thirds of Skull are awesome, but then things do start to get a bit clunky and whatevsy when they go down waterfall after waterfall, and make their way into the Kingdom. The main problem from keeping this puppy from fully satisfying the kid in us all is the lack of drama. You never feel that Indy and his crew are ever in any real danger or that they won’t succeed at whatever they’re trying to do (wait a second, what are they trying to do?)

We don’t blame Spielberg at all, as he keeps up his end of the bargain quite well with the production aspects, so all crap should be thrown at George Lucas. The only reason this film took so long to finally get made was cause Lucas kept saying that they were waiting for the right script. What about Frank Darabont‘s version (watch him ‘dish’ about the process)? Spiels and Harrison were both jazzed about it, but Lucas vetoed it, which may be the cinematic equivalent of vetoing a bill for stem-cell research. We know Lucas has every right to do whatever he wants to do with the franchise, but when did he become such the authority on storytelling these days? He used to have a great gift for it back in the day, but something happened along the way and he juss can’t reignite that fire anymo (Star Wars has been ruined forever). Since Darabont’s script won’t see the light of day and Skull is what it is, lettuce not even bother investigating that angle

Instead, lettuce focus our attentions on the guy who fleshed out the basic story Lucas came up with, which works fine for the most part, and put the dialog into the mouths of the actors, David Koepp. Sure he’s penned sum solid screenplays in his time (Spiderman 1, Panic Room, Carlito’s Way), but what does anyone expect from the dude who wrote War of the Worlds, Jurassic Park and Mission: Impossible? Those were all feasts for the eyes and poison for the ears. Compared with those films, Koepp actually elevates his game with Skull, but still, was that the best he could do, or was Lucas holding him back from handing in something better? Despite numerous entries on IMDb, there are no real memorable quotes. ‘I like Ike‘ is pretty effin lame. Why didn’t they go with something like ‘Russians, I hate em, cause they’re always in a hurry.’

Regardless (and Regarding Henry), the script never stopped us from having a good time, for either of our viewings, and it shouldn’t stop you neither. The only thing that could have prevented such a thing would’ve been killing off Indy in the first 10 minutes, which is much worser than the actual ending of Skull where the aliens kill him by making him watch Howard The Duck for 3 months straight, while Willie Scott sings anything goes in Latin

Get Yer Kicks: Cemetery Warrior #2 is played by Ernie Reyes Jr, who, alongside Gil Gerard, kicked major a$$ in the short lived but long loved mid 80s Disney Channel TV show Sidekicks [view show’s intro | pilot part I]

Them ‘Stakes Is High: Skull has 47 mistakes, and counting

Verdictgo: not the best Indy ever, but still a lot better than mos of the Hollywurst crap released, so we’re gonna stick by our Breast In Show

Indy is currently playing at a theater near Jews

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…