The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants

The Bored Identity Crisis
Trailers & Mo

Not that anyone asked for it, but… Jumper reunites Anakin Skywalker and Mace Windu, and this time, they’re leaving the lightsabers and George Lucas’ wooden dialog behind. So what can Doug Liman (Swingers, Go, Mr & Mrs Smith) do with this not so dynamic duo of Mr I’m In Way Too Many Movies and Cpt Brooding Monotone? Nothing much. A decent super ability of our main dude, who can jump to anywhere at anytime, is completely wasted by way of the clunky and overused jumping special effects, pointless characters and endless confusion as to what in the hellga is going on. Nothing is really explained, and by the end, no one would care to have it explained to them. We kinda wish we brought our own lightsabers into the theater, cause as soon as Rachel Bilson rears her not so ugly head, this muddled mess is pronounced DEAD, and we’re ready to lightsaber our ears and eyes out. Hopefully its tops at the box office bidness won’t equate to a sequel, Jumphim

Light Idea: How Lightsabers Work

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Lightsaber Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

In Bruges
High Adventures In The Low Countries
Trailers & Mo

In Bruges is indeed a dark comedy. The comedy can be found in the first two acts and is completely absent from the mightily dark last one. It’s quite a contrast that’s taxing on the viewer’s emotions, but it will definitely keep you entertained throughout. You’ll delight in the witty banter between hitmen Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell, who are posing as tourists in the gorgeous titular medieval Belgium town. They take in the sights, a cute local gal, drugs and alcohol, and even befriend a racist dwarf. Then Ralph Fiennes shows up and the comedy is quickly replaced by endless gunfire and a lot of ho-hum and glum. Even though they’re hitmen and you know blood would eventually be shed, all the violence at the end seems out of place. Whatever place that is, it’s still worth visiting

Wee Man: the dwarf, Jordan Prentice, is purty darn famous, but you’d never know why. Well, he not only was the the giant bag of weed in Harold & Kumar, but also was one of seven people to play Howard T. Duck in… Howard the Duck

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

both flicks be in theaters NOW

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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