Oscar Bait Shoppeeee
22. Jan, 2008 
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and the noms de poop be…
Best Picture
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
we don’t know how my cocks or vaginas Fox Searchlight had to suck this month, but Juno for breast pic? The Oscars are officially as lame as Coachella
WINNER: There Will Be Blood, to make up for the 3 noms that aint even worthy of joining it in this category
Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises
WINNER: a mustache = there will be gold for DD-L
Actress
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away from Her
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney, The Savages
Ellen Page, Juno
WINNER: Cotillard probably deserves it more, but Christie was unforgettable and the voters won’t forget it either
Supporting Actor
Casey Affleck, Ass of Jesse James
Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson’s War
Hal Holbrook, Into The Wild
Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton
WINNER: all amazing performances (although it was hard to stay awake during Jesse James), but Bardem’s hair is a cut above the rest of the competition
Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett, I’m Not There
Ruby Dee, American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton
WINNER: good for Saoaororise for gettin some dap, but this baby’s gone going gone to Amy Ryan. Hopefully her win won’t usher in another 1284848 movies with Boston accents
Director
Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Jason Reitman, Juno
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood
WINNER: if Jason Reitman gets a nod for a Wes Anderson knock-off than his dad Ivan shoulda gottensen a nod for Kindergarten Cop. Schnabel all the way baby!!!
Foreign Film
Beaufort, Israel
The Counterfeiters, Austria
Katyń, Poland
Mongol, Kazakhstan
12, Russia
WINNER: never heard of ANY of these, so in a make-up call for the trashing of Kazakhstan in Borat, Mongol will be mongold!!!
Adapted Screenplay
Christopher Hampton, Atonement
Sarah Polley, Away from Her
Ronald Harwood, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood
WINNER: score for Polley, but Oscar loves to spread the wealth between the mos nominated flicks so the Coens will get the call
Original Screenplay
Diablo Cody, Juno
Nancy Oliver, Lars and the Real Girl
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Brad Bird, Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird,, Ratatouille
Tamara Jenkins, The Savages
WINNER: urrrrgh, Diablo Cody. Reading her EW columns makes us want to slit our eyes out… repoopulouslslsy!!
Animated Feature Film
Persepolis
Ratatouille
Surf’s Up
WINNER: should be Persepolis, and it might end up that way as Oscar night loves sirprizes
Art Direction
American Gangster
Atonement
The Golden Compass
Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
There Will Be Blood
WINNER: hmmmmmmm. A three way race, but we give the edge to Sweeney
Cinematography
Roger Deakins, The Ass of Jesse James
Seamus McGarvey, Atonement
Janusz Kaminski, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Roger Deakins, No Country for Old Men
Robert Elswit, There Will Be Blood
WINNER: will Deakins double dip cancel each other out? Perhaps. If that’s the case it’ll be either Elswit or Kaminski. We’ll say Elswit cause otherwise there may be even more blood!
Sound Mixing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country for Old Men
Ratatouille
3:10 to Yuma
Transformers
WINNER: more than meets the thighs… TRANSFORMERS!!
Sound Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country for Old Men
Ratatouille
There Will Be Blood
Transformers
WINNER: BOURNE to win!
Original Score
Dario Marianelli, Atonement
Alberto Iglesias, The Kite Runner
James Newton Howard, Michael Clayton
Michael Giacchino, Ratatouille
Marco Beltrami, 3:10 to Yuma
WINNER: love that typewriter shiz so Dario Marianelli!
Original Song
“Falling Slowly” from Once, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
“Happy Working Song” from Enchanted, Music by Alan Menken
Lyric by Stephen Schwart
“Raise It Up” from Once, Nominees to be determined (what?)
“So Close” from Enchanted, Zzzzzzzzz
“That’s How You Know” from Enchanted, Zzzzzzzzz
WINNER: no Eddie Vedder? WTFredFunk? To hell with Enchanted‘s triple trip and to heaven with the kids from Once
Costume
Across the Universe
Atonement
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
La Vie en Rose
Sweeney Todd
WINNER: any of the 5 that aint Across The Universe. We’ll go with Atonement, but only cause Knightley put on her own wet t-shirt contest
Documentary Feature
No End in Sight
Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience
Sicko
Taxi to the Dark Side
War/Dance
WINNER: gold in sight for No End in Sight
Documentary (short subject)
Freeheld
La Corona (The Crown
Salim Baba
Sari’s Mother
WINNER: we banged Sari’s mother and she was awful so it’s all about Salim Baba
Film Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Into the Wild
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
WINNER: we’re gettin bored of picking these, so how bout Into The Wild since it won’t win much else
Makeup
La Vie en Rose
Norbit
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
WINNER: safest pick of the night… La Vie en Rose
Animated Short Film
I Met the Walrus
Madame Tutli-Putli
Même Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)
My Love (Moya Lyubov)
Peter & the Wolf
WINNER: we never got to bang Madame Tutli-Putli, so we think she’s a shoo-in
Live Action Short Film
At Night
Il Supplente (The Substitute)
Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)
Tanghi Argentini
The Tonto Woman
WINNER: ‘tonto’ means stoopid, and everyone loves a stupid woman!
Visual Effects
The Golden Compass
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Transformers
WINNER: Transformers, duh
POOOP!
with zero affection for Zodiac
we may join the writers and wilson picket the show
if it goes on!
Thighs’ Annual Oscar Pool details 5thcoming
Stay pooned!
