Still A Prick @ 86

MERRY 86th FORKING B-DAY ANDREW ROONEY! For on this day in 1919, yer dear parents gave birth to what some peeps would call the anti-Christ, but to me, the messiah of maniacal muttering. I don’t think I love any man (besides Jude Law) as much as I heart you, AR!! So whatever you do, PLEASE DON’T EVER DIE. I really don’t know how I’d ever be able to face 7:55 PM EST on a Sunday without you and yer crazy-a$$ed eyebrows. Sure, George Whipple III’s also gots somes bushy von brows, but no one could ever replace you o lord of curmudgeonessness. Not even you Steve Hartman, you Admiral of Lame.

– And I’m sorry I be hating on you so much these dayz Stevey, but that doesn’t mean the powers that be should get rid of 60 Minutes II altogether! Instead why don’t they 86 one of the 14 CSIs? [via The Bistro]

– Prince Harry could have done worse… like eating a watermelon the way del fuehrer loved to.

– Clips of the new Fantastic Four flick lead me to believe that it won’t turn out to be the debacle that Roger Corman’s was. But making Jessica Alba an invisible woman could be the wurst call since Olestra. [via the Double V-miesters]

– You can judge how narly and rad a President is by the musicians they snag for their inauguration. And by the looks of Bush’s line-up (Hilary Duff, Gloria Estefan, Ruben Studdard, and 3 Doors Down), you could say that’s he’s almost more hip than Donald Dumpsfeld. On the other hand, back in the weigh day, Clinton cemented his wickedness when he kicked it with Natalie Merchant, Fleetwood THE MAC, and the one day only supergroup known as Automatic Baby, which consisted of Michael Stipe, Mike Mills, Larry Mullen, and Adam Clayton! Click this link to find an mp3 of their performance of U2’s ‘One’. Franzforkingtastic! If I was prez, I’d have The Fiery Furnaces, Air, White Stripes, and Ali G/Borat all perform in my honor. I’d also probably convince my first lady, Cuthbert the Hot, to pole dance for my supporters.

– Don’t trust every single Coachella rumor you hear or read, but feel free to be entertained by them. For eggzample, on the message board, some smorkbag claimed he heard from a friend at Capital (sic) Records that the likes of Korn, Limp Bizkit, and many other unlistenable bands were a go. And to which, someone retorted, ‘my friend at Mc donalds says the hamburgler is goin to headline night 1.’ Does anyone else find this humorwristic or do I need to get out more?

– Southwest Airlines to start flying out of real airports like LaGuardia and DC’s Reagan National… sorta.

– If someone out there is looking to start a blog and has no idea what to blog about, may I peas implore of you and bribe you with Girl Scout Cookies to make one dedicated to the finest sports and talk show on TV: Pardon The Interruption. This guy attempted to do so, but dropped the ball in ’02. Either way, how is it possible that PTI ever jumped the shark?

– What’s “continental” about a continental breakfast?

– Clicky here if yer dying to convert a specific dollar amount from the past to its present value, for any year after 1789. [via Cecil McKnowledge]

– Bryan Berg stacks cards for a living.

– I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney. That’s no headline, but Ben crApffleck’s directorial debut!?!?! [via CopyCatism]

– If you vote for Mike Birbiglia, I may get free sausages.

– Dizzee Rascal spackled my tackle box with Samantha Fox! Flazzum! Basically anytime Peabs posts, I’ll mos likely link to it. I mean, is there anyone more brilliant and beautiful than he is? Wait a sec, I think I may have just found the heir apparent to Andy Rooney!

– Mr Little Penis Gives Up. [SFW, not this SFW mind you!]

– And now it’s time for you all, my dear readers, to help decide the fate of the ‘Spot the Drummer’ thing you see here every Friday. Do any of you ever click on the pic (below) and play the game or should I just get rid of the whole damn thing so we can move on with our lives?