Kerry On My Wayward Son of a Mill Worker

– After a weekend of munching down on an abundance of chocolate covered frozen bananas covered in nuts and watching hours upon hours of Kerry’s love-a-thon, aka Boston’s RUN-DNC, I’ve re-cuffed my hands to this keyboard and am reporting for duty. I hadn’t watched that much politicical TV since they had the Power Playaz week of Jeopardy! First of all, Mo Rocca’s guest anal-list gig on CNN was a stroke of the penis. I mean genius. Secondly, I want to be Tucker Carlson’s partner in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Thirdly, convention producer and balloon hater, Don Mischer is the new Lenny Bruce. [Link via StereoChiclets]. And lastly, after the whole convention was over, I made up my voting mind. I’m going to vote for any party that takes a very special pit-stop, on their road to victory, to celebrate an annual wedding anniversary dinner at Wendy’s. And by the looks of it, Elizabeth Edwards attacks the 99 cent menu, with her Hobbit appetite, for every meal of the day. Click me for more hot and lurid Democratic burger photos.

– And Gawd bless the Democratic Party and their bootynutritiouslicious single women. Oddly enuff, I found this link thru a Pakistani news service.

– I demand that you watch Da Ali G Show. There not be any show that not be butter than this one. Period! Exclamation point. Each episode this season has been more classic than Coke. Last week’s Borat intervieweeee, ex-congressional candidate James Broadwater, declared that when Jews die they would go to hell. Now Broadwater is “angry and embarrassed” about the whole thing and has filed a complaint with the FCC and the local sheriff’s office. And if you haven’t already done so, or lost the link, or are lost in La Mancha’s land of the lost of the land of the lost city of lost children, watch Ali G’s Harvard commencement speech (skip to 01:27:34). Beats anything I heard coming out of Boston last week.

– The Toronto Star‘s ‘buzz’ section reads like a 3rd grade version of Uncle Grambo’s brillyant ramblings. Effin tourists.

– Martine McCutcheon (the chick that gave me and Hugh Grant 17 boners each in Love Hactually) is set to star as Monica Lewinski in a FOX TV-movie. The only way this can get any better is if they offer me the role of Bill Clinton. I’d be McTouching Ms McCutcheon and be holding a McLuncheon on her body.

– WWII may be a thing of the pasture, but the Rome-Tokyo Axis is still alive with the sounds of odd commercials. [Link via Seltzer with an ‘H’]

– I wish bacon was a fossil fuel. [Link via Time Werespanko]

– My girl CityRag Doll’s site is blowing up faster than tin foil in a microwave. I wear a bib when reading her delicious columns and so should you.

– William Shatner’s cover of Pulp’s “Common People” borders on umazing and borders on Barnes & Noble. [Link via Popbitch]

– The Lebowski Fest NY is juss around the corner and its not just about bowling and getting sheet-faced anymore. Join Jeff Dowd, the real ‘Dude’, as he delivers a giant “gift basket” to the upcoming Republican Convention at MSG. The basket will contain truth serum, a pair of glasses to help them with vision, a copy of the Constitution, and a bowling ball. The Dude is inviting any friends who want to join him to make this delivery on Friday, August 13th before heading to the night’s activities. Camera crews will be filming for his documentary, The Dude: The Real Lebowski. If you are interested in joining him click here. He’s come a long way since his work with the Seattle Seven.

– And frynally, just wanted to give a big ole thanks to Navi for keeping the Thighs Wide open for bidness whilst I was away. Also a big shalom (in this case, peace & goodbye) to former NYers Beowulffie & B Zakades. You will be missed, but I will visit you… but only for the quality eats in yer new hiz-areas.