Box Office BidnessTired Scottish Accents

1. Shrek 2 – $104.3 million ($125.3 million) – Sure the film made a shitload and even beat out The Christ for best opening of 2004, but there’s no way on this blue Earth that I’m seeing this crud. Am I the only one? It probably doesn’t help that I work with animation all day long and the last thing I want to do is see more of it AND spend money on it. Anyways, there’s only been 2 purely good computer generated flicks: Toy Story and Toy Story 2.

2. Troy $23.8 million ($85.8 million) – I did a little research this past weekend and founded out that this movie is riddled with historical inaccuracies. Did you know that they didn’t even speak English in olden Greece? Ah whatever, the Hulk rules!

3. Van Helsing – $10.1 million ($100.2 million) – How did poor Faramir go from super stud to bumbling jackass? Read this and find out.

4. Mean Girls– $6.9 million ($64.7 million) – Well, turns out that this wasn’t the first movie since City of God that I would see twice in the theater. That berry special title belongs to one of the best movies of 2004, Napoleon Dynamite. Anywho, dearest Grambs, time to get off the Bynes tip and hop on the LL Express. Bynes’ career is more done than Warrick. I’m glad her next role in a movie is a voice over, so I won’t have to see her 5.2-head. Whatevs, we both need new tween queens to worship…

5. Man On Fire – $3.9 million ($69.3 million) – I keep mulling over whether to see this or not and then I found out that these are some of the “memorable quotes“:

Creasy: Forgiveness is between them and God. It’s my job to arrange the meeting.

Lisa: What are you going to do?

Creasy: What I do best: I’m gonna kill ’em. Anyone who was involved, anyone who profited from it, anyone who opens their eyes at me.

Pita: You have a girlfriend?

Creasy: What kind of question is that? You’re supposed to be studying history.

Pita: It *is* history: Creasy history.

Creasy: No, that’s ancient history!

6. Breakin’ All the Rules – $2.8 million ($9 million) – I think there needs to be a smoking ban, cause Gabrielle Union is too smoking HOTTTTTTTT.

7. 13 Going 30 – $2.5 million ($52.1 million) – Garner must have be so ultra-cool when she was 17 going on gag me with a spoon.

8. New York Minute – $1.2 million ($12.5 million) – After our exposing exposes on Jodes Sweetang, Kirk’s sister, and the ever precocious Kimmy Gibbler, I figured that Dave Coulier (pronounced Cool-Yay) and his website, Cut It Out.net, deserved a little love. Don’t bother clicking on the “Fun Page” cause it wasn’t that much fun.

9. Kill Bill: Volume 2 – $1.6 million ($60.8 million) – Who has a bigger ego, Quentin Tatar-tots or Michael Moore? I don’t really care, but they both should be coaches for the new Lingerie Football League.

10. Super Size Me – $1 million ($2.9 million) – Best current trend in movies: the smart documentary that makes money.