Pin-Up Cushioning
17. Apr, 2006 
0 Comments
The Notorious Bettie Page
Her Greatest Hits Tits
Trailer
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When I first saw the preview, I was like, is that former IT girl Gretchen Mol? And after viewing Mary Harron’s beautifully constructed, mostly black & white, flick based on the real life of 50s pin-up queen Bettie Page, I’m still asking myself the same question, although the ‘is’ has been replaced with a ‘was’, and in some circles, the ‘It’ now has a ‘t’ in front of it. Outside of ’03’s brilliant The Shape of Things, Mol doll hasn’t amounted to much since playing someone’s girlfriend in ____ (enter movie title here). And such is the problem many actresses face in the world of man cinema. They’re banished to mother-sister-or-wife land for the rest of their careers (paging Joan Allen). Few meaty roles come about that break that mold, such as a mono-browed master artist, a diarrhea-faced serial killer, or Dirty Harry’s mo cuishle, and luckily Mol mcnabbed one of them at a time when she needed one most. I was so smitten, and you will too, by her Oscar-nomination worthy performance as the sultry perma-smiling halo-tinted sinstress in black, and it had nothing to do with the showing off of her assets from yams (HOORAY!) to toe. OK, maybe a little. We the audience feel sorry for Bettie as she keeps getting more and more in over her head, but at the same time we can’t do anything about it and play the curious horny lil observers, juss like the men in trench coats who bought the magazines she graced back in the day. We get so enraptured by her lustrous lusty oozing of lust-bags that we don’t even realize we’re being conned outta her full life story. The movie feels a bit incomplete, hispecially for whatever became of her post-pin-up daze, but there’s enuff here for any true film lover or curious bystander to thrown down some cash and take in this peepshow.
Recommended for those who like: Dita Von Teese, 1950s stock footage, and the further employment of Vinnie Delpino
Possible Porno Name: The Notorious Bettie Page Loves B.I.G. C.O.C.K.
Unsatisfied with this?: Or lookin for another Killer Film that’s a lil harder hittin, but still retains that gorgeous independent B&W vibe? Netflix Swoon
Apt MPupil3: ‘Photograph’ by Weezer or ‘Picture Book’ by The Kinks [d & d via YANP]
Pumping Irony: In Good Night, And Good Luck David Strathairn takes on a crusading senator. In TNBP, he’s a crusading senator
Yer Dad’s Beatoff Matz: Peep the real snaps of Bettie Page [sorta NSFW, although the NSFW ones are so old that they should be considered art bys now]
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Straddles the boundary of Breast In Show, but the lack of the full picture keeps it safely in Jeepers Worth A Peepersville
Scary Movie 4
4’s A Crowd… Pleaser!
Trailer
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This movie had ‘slit yer eyes out’ written all over it, but if I spent a dollar on how many times I laughed out loud it woulda paid for my price of admission and maybe 1/2 off some nasty arsed nachos at the concession stand. So at about 13-14 genuine guffaws, SM4 was > than Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, and The 40-Year Old Virgin combined!! OK, so I’m a sucker for cheap jokes (how could u guess?), but those other three movies mentioned weren’t cheap or smart, but some were in the middle. I like to call those kinds ‘crap’, with great casts. Don’t spunk me wrong, #4 is filled with plenty of un-funny, hispecially the constant Asian bashing. I think we as a people should declare a jihad on moments where people get hit in the head and/or crotch in film. I can’t even remember what happened in Scary Movie I thru III, or if there’s a difference between them, and I’m sure in 3 months time I won’t remember what happened in IV, but I will remember that I did enjoy myself, and thus they can count on my butt for V… juss as long as heroine Anna Faris is along for the ride.
Ms Faris is too forkin perfect in these movies that it’s almost scary. Well, at least scarier than anything in any of the Scary Movies. She may not be the mos versatile of actresses, but has anyone ever given her the chance to be anyone but the same ditz over and over? She reached her peak in Lost In Translation, and has sorta been on auto-pilot since then. Note to Hollywurst: get this girl a real script, and my cock size, so she can prepare for the intake. Enuff about AF, and lettuce qwikly babylon bout the others whom helped to make this supposedly unwatchable thing thing watchable. With the cameos missing more than hitting, and the wise move of limiting Simon Rex’ screen time, the remaining cru (Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall, Chris Elliott, etc) keep things moving right along. Straight man Craig Bierko gotta gets some props de leon for admirably stepping into a thankless role that probably was first offered to Cary Elwes. And kudos like Menudo gots to goes out to three men who are way past their prime rib-bing, but would probably still make up 3/4ths of the faces of Mt Spoofmore (’80s on edition): Leslie Nielsen, Charlie Sheen, and Bill Pullman (OK, maybe not BP). So who’d be #4, eh? I sez Val Kilmer, for Top Secret alone.
Recommended for those who like: to have the endings ruined for recent movies, a Kazaam-less Shaq, and this YTMND
Possible Porno Name: Hairy Poonie Whore
Unsatisfied with this? Sign the petition so that one day soon you can Netflix the mos ingenious TV show ever, Police Squad!
Apt MPupil
3: ‘Monster Mash’ by Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett [d]
Save Faris: from her hubbie Ben Indra, who appeared in what looks like the gayest voodoo-related movie of all thymes
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): I cunt bee leave it, but Jeepers Worth A Peepers
