Thighs Wide Shut

W.
The Fortunate Son Also Rises and Falls
Trailers & Mo

We know what yer thinking, George W. Bush’s life and crimes, told thru the cracked glass eye of Oliver Stone, a slam-dunk of left-wing filmmaking that would make Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 look like a walk in a 7-11, right? Well, believe it or snot, the sword remains in the Stone, as the olde blowhard holds himself back a little in sending up our reviled 43rd President. There’s even a bit of respect and humility to be found within, and you might juss find yerself sympathizing with the man who improbably followed in his father’s giant footsteps, even if he wasn’t remotely qualified or interested in the first place. Of course Bush doesn’t get off easy (this is Oliver Stone flick we’re talking about here), but the Cowboy Prez has given us all so many lay-ups throughout his two terms filled with poor policies, decision making and infinite amount o’ malapropisms that it’s impossible to make a GWB flick that doesn’t skewer him… although we’d love to see David Zucker give it a try. The result ends up being one of Stone’s most pleasurable, hilarious and rewatchable films to date. Not saying it’s close to being one his best, but this one’s a bit easier to digest than say Born On The 4th of July, Natural Born Killers or the headache that was U-Turn, which we saw on a plane and made us so sick that we almos jumped off the plane

They’ve never had an Academy Award category for best casting, but if they did W. would mos definitely win in less than a heartbeat. You’ve never seen so many spot on picks of look-a-likes (with a lotta help in the make-up dept) and the performances to back it up. James Brolin as Bush is beyond yumcrecible, and from Toby Jones slicking it up as Karl Rove to Richard Dreyfuss frightening us to death as Dick Cheney to Jeffrey Wright honoring the dishonored Colin Powell to Elizabeth Banks finally acting in a real movie as Laura Bush to Thandie Newton hamazingly sticking a pole up her butt to stiff it up like Condoleezza Rice, it’s one humongo treat to see such a display of near-perfect mimicry (SNL doesn’t count, especially since Darrell Hammond does 98% of the impressions). Everyone else in the cast is mad dandy, from Ellen Burstyn as Barbara Bush to James Cromwell as George Sr (Brolin suggested him for the role) to Scott Glenn as Donald Rumsfeld to Ioan Gruffudd as Tony Blair (what, Michael Sheen wasn’t available?) to Bruce McGill as George Tenet, but they merely appear, while the others mentioned above disappear into their real-life roles

After about an hour into the film, which shuttles back and forth between his wild and crazy salad days (although no mention of his coke habit?) leading up to being born again and the infancy of his presidency that dealt with selling WMD rumors to the World (and on the internets), the OMG novelty of the imitations wears off on the audience, even if the actors continue to ham it up. Since Bush’s story isn’t even close to being fully written, this premature take on his life, without the benefit of looking back (in anger), really has no where to go, other than wagging a no-no and uh-no finger over and over. We were eggspecting another bout of depression, like what happens when a Democrat watches HBO’s Recount, but the film ends up in a state exactly where our Commander in Chief currently resides, lame duckdom. Nonetheless, it was a duck worth shooting (filmwise, not bullet you sick fork!)

Stiller The One: would somebody please turn Ben Stiller’s Oliver Stone Land skit into a reality already?

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

What Just Happened
Barely Levinson
Trailers & Mo

Besides a few decent bit parts here and there, Robert De Niro hasn’t shined dramawise since 1997, the year that saw the triple golden release of Jackie Brown, Wag The Dog and Cop Land. So many films in between have wasted his talents, turning the next cunning young Brando into the next sloppy old Brando. With Barry Levinson‘s What Just Happened, De Niro finally has a movie where he can be cool and not act the fool. Based off of Hollywood producer Art Linson‘s tell all book What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line DeNiro walks a marathon in his shoes, hand-holding needy actors, dealing with ex-wives (Robin Wright Penn?) and his offspring, and trying to convince a director (the always throaty, always amusing Michael Wincott) that having a dog shot on screen in the closing moments of a movie is probably not the recipe for box office success. De Niro as Linson makes perfect sense, considering he produced a bunch of Bobby’s films, including but not limited to The Untouchables, Heat and We’re No Angels
, which also starred Sean Penn, who plays himself in the dog gets shot movie within the Happened movie. There’s plenty o’ insider jokes strewn about (like Bruce Willis, also playing himself, who vehemently refuses to shave his beard before production begins on a film, juss like what happened with Alec Baldwin and the Linson produced movie The Edge), but most of them will go straight over the heads of any Hollywood outsider. The film plays out like a more mature, realistic season of Entourage, De Niro acting as an Ari & E composite, yet without all the glitz and glam and gams, it doesn’t even come close to being as delectable as the way too guilty pleasured HBO show. Entourage makes you want to jump in on the fun, but Happened makes you want to run away from it. We should probably follow the advice of the later, yet we’d rather keep watching Entourage. Wait, what just happened?

More Good Than Meagan?: Moon Bloodgood, so darn bloody good. we pray she MOONS us. and oh yeah, she shows one of her brestestestest to Bobby D in Happened

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Filth and Wisdom
Crazy/Beautiful Strangers
Trailers & Mo

There aren’t many out there who are fans of Madonna’s work in front of a camera, us included, and for the non-believers we should all be pleasantly sirprized at what she can do behind the camera. Filth and Wisdom is her first foray into directing, and while it definitely reeks of someone’s first try, it’s promising enuff that we certainly hope she tries again. The film is visually bare, and the script, by her recently divorced hubby’s EPK maker, Dan Cadan (she also snatched Tyrone, and Thigh fav Tommy The Tit from his Snatch), is overly trite (we coulda done w/o the looking into the camera narration with deep ‘wisdom’), but her characters, a pharmacist who steals drugs and wants to save starving kids in Africa (bright eyed Vicky McClure, see below), a ballet dancer turned stripper (hottie Holly Weston, but not this Holly Weston? [NSFW]), a formerly abused child now making cash as a S&M master to support his gypsy band (Gogol Bordello ringleader Eugene Hutz, a long overdue follow-up to his incredible work in Everything Is Illuminated), and a writer who lost his lust after going blind (Madonna pal Richard E Grant), are so colorful that you’ll want to see how the painting turns out

SeeQuest: is it juss us or does Vicky McClure look an awful lot like dearly departed Jonathan Brandis? you be the judge (dreads)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

W. opens wide, while Happened hits up limited theaters and Filth rocks out only in NY today

Rental Round-Up Dawg, Billy Donovan Edition:

You know how we feel about Donovan, don’t you? Well, if you didn’t, he’s probably the mos unappreciated living musician in the world today. While his 60s contemporaries like the Beatles and Bob Dylan have rightfully reached iconic status, Donovan’s extraordinary wealth of work has been hiding in the shadows for decades (having one’s songs in commercials don’t count). A crying shame if you ask us. And unlike the Beatles and Dylan, Donovan’s never had a documentary chronicling it all… until now. Juss released a week ago was Sunshine Superman – The Journey Of Donovan, a 3 hour + (!!!!) look back and forward on the folky Scottish troubadour that wants you to wear your love like heaven. Donovan himself does a majority of the talking here, and although it would have benefited from a few more outside sources (we wanted to hear Jimmy Page talk all about playing guitar on ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man’), his tales are worth listening to. This is a perfect DVD to get to know him and then some, especially for the diehards, and probably best watched in two sittings. There’s an additional bonus disc chock full o’ goodies including music videos, TV appearances and concert footage, unreleased songs and much much much much much much more. Go on now, take the journey!

Odds are pretty high that you missed last year’s absorbing and deeply tender doc Billy The Kid, about a wonderfully energetic and slightly off centered kid named… Billy. We loved it like crazy (it’s like American Teen, but with
one teen, who has more problems then all them teens combined!), and you will too, if you ever give it the chance. Had we seen it a bit earlier in 2007, it woulda most likely cracked our top ten of that year, and not juss been an Honor Blackmanable Mention. Sure, the disc may be a bit late in arriving, but we’re rewarded with a nice lil special feature of what Billy’s been up to and how the attention from the movie has affected him. Also, be sure to czech out the interviews with director Jennifer Venditti, which only enhances second viewings of this mos honest doc. The DVD will be released on 10/28

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

RocknRolla
Guy Just Wants To Have Gun
Trailers & Mo

Guy Ritchie’s personal and professional life of late hasn’t been so rosy. There’s the whole Madonna/A-Rod affair, yet that pales in comparison to the awfulness that was his psychologically inert film, Revolver, which took two years to even get a US release date… and will probably take two years for us to get rid of the headache that it gave us. Since becoming the heir to Tarantino by handing in the fab Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels in 1998 and even fabber Snatch two years later (has it really been that long?), Ritchie has gotsen swept away at his own British gangsta game by deliciously rich(-ie) films like Layer Cake (directed by his ye olde producer Matthew Vaughn) and this year’s The Bank Job (starring his find Jason Statham). The question has been begged again and again (mostly by us), where have you gone Guy Ritchie? Question answered with RocknRolla (one of the dumbest film titles we’ve heard in awhile), which finds the director happily back in the (un)safe surroundings of London’s underground (poor choice of words, cause we aint talking about the tube), filled with his usual witty and twitty gunmen, double dealing each other until the end credits. Since he’s treading on common ground again, nRolla‘s not as fresh as Lock, Stock or as polished as Snatch, but it is mos certainly as fun as either of them, and we’ll take that kinda repetitiveness over the kind Kevin Smith doles out over and over

This time the MacGuffin aint no shotgun or shiny diamond, but a prized painting from a Russian real estate mogul (Karel Roden) that goes missing after he lends it to a crime boss (Tom Wilkinson, whose cockney performance as Lenny Cole is worthy of being placed on Richie’s Mt Rushmore alongside Brick Top and ‘Hatchet’ Harry) that he’s doing bidness with. This sets off a series of events with everyone and their mother (and we mean everyone, from Gerard Butler, playing the Statham role, although not as well + solid turns from Mark Strong, Toby Kebbell, Jimi Mistry and even Ludacris and Jeremy Piven for the hell of it) looking for the piece of art, and trying to steal some cash from one another in the process. While you’ve seen it all before, Ritchie does throw something new into the mix– a female character who’s more than up to the challenge of hanging with the tough boys, electrifyingly played by the beyond hotness that is Thandie Newton. We think he’s on to something here, and if he’s scrounging for another shoot’em up after his Robert Downey/Jude Law Sherlock Holmes, might we suggest an all lady gangster flick?

Girls Richie: Richie’s all about the eye candy, and tosses us tossers some lovely ladies besides Thandie. There’s Tiffany Mulheron and Quantum Of Solace Bond girl Gemma Arterton, who supposedly was born with six fingers on each hand! Eat that Count Rugen!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
A Teeny Bit Familiar
Trailers & Mo

The world has waited long enuff for the next John Hughes to arrive, and guess we’ll have to keep on waiting, cause ever since Home Alone went into sequel mode no one has been even close to occupying the teen film throne that he once sat on. Sure, there’s been some enjoyable adolescent one-off romps since the mid-90s like Clueless, American Pie, Bring It On and She’s All That (recent pics like Juno and Superbad really aren’t the Burt’s Bees Knees, so shut it), but none of them carry the teen weight and relevance that a Hughes film did. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist aims for Hughes’ territory, but the results are more like John Snooze. Sure, watching the awkward stylings of Michael Cera make cute with the always on-screen sour-puss-edom of Kat Dennings (see, or don’t, more of her perma-frowny faces in 40 Year Old Virgin or House Bunny) will be a viewing pleasure for today’s 8th thru 12th graders, but for the rest of us, the story of their courtship is juss a bunch of recycled teen movie bits you’ve seen a zillion times… the plot has them running around NYC in a Yugo (it was funnier and more ironic/moronic when we saw one in Dragnet 20 years ago) searching for a secret gig by their favorite band (Lohan did the same in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen), while they also try to locate their lost friend (straight outta the Adventures In Babysitting playbook), Ari Graynor, who practically steals the film from N&N. Sprinkle in some shitty cameos (did we really need to see the unfunny Andy Samberg as an unfunny homeless guy?) and a hip soundtrack (although we hear about mix CDs, we never see a single playlist!) and that’s purty much that. If John Hughes isn’t gonna come back to save this genre, we hope someone makes like Clifford Irving and writes a fake autobiography that lures him out of hiding so he can debunk it juss like Howard Hughes did. That may not be the mos original idea nick goings, but it’s a heckula lot more interesting than Nick & Norah, which seems to be stuck on shuffle

Nick at Nite: you can visit all the hotspots that N&N hit up with this handy dandy map here

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

RocknRolla opens today in NYC, LA and Toronto, while Nick & Norah is already playing at a theater new jews

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rachel Getting Married
Squirms of Endearment
Trailers & Mo

It’s been quite a long time since Jonathan Demme made a narrative film worthy of praise. 15 years to be exact, as Philadelphia was his last fictional work of note, which was quite an hamazin’ follow-up to the bestness that came a year before, Silence of The Lambs. While he’s excelled recently with a pair of documentaries (Jimmy Carter Man From Plains and The Agronomist), big budget Hollywood fluff like The Manchurian Candidate and The Truth About Charlie have been questionable choices for a man of such great talent, even the latter being repoopulously ridiculed by Marky Mark and Ari Gold on Entourage. We can now table such discussions as Demme surges back big time with the little ensemble family drama Rachel Getting Married, which has now sirpassed the funtastic Married To The Mob as his finest ‘married’ movie of balls thyme

From a character rich script by Sidney Lumet‘s daughter Jenny (not to be confused with his other daughter Amy, most famous for putting her giant rack on display at the 2005 Academy Awards), Demme throws an intimate wedding party (including such guests as Fab 5 Freddy, Roger Corman and Robyn Hitchcock… guess Jimmy Carter wasn’t unavailable) that’s almos as catastrophic and more unnerving than what transgressed in Meet the Parents. Anne Hathaway achingly plays Kym, the Gaylord ‘Greg’ Focker role here that’s eons away from the kiddie stuff she’s done before, and while you’ll feel just as sorry for her as you did for Ben Stiller, there aren’t many laffs to ease her or our pain. Kym’s been in and out of rehab for ages, ever since a tragic event in her adolescence, and she’s coming back home to celebrate, although ruin might be a better word, her sister (Rosemarie DeWitt, aka Mad Men‘s Midge Daniels)’s nuptials (to TV On The Radio‘s lead singer Tunde Adebimpe). While her family’s happy to see her at first, including her overly cautious pop (stage actor and Elmo pal Bill Irwin, who shines bright) and his cold and distant ex-wife (Debra Winger, who’s been sorely missed in the world of cinema), Kym quickly shifts the attention from her sis’ happiness to her unhappiness, and all hell breaks lose. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel, and the actual wedding is soulful and so gorgeous that you’ll wish you were invited. Rachel is dynamite stuff and is right up there with The Visitor, Mister Lonely, Towelhead and Frozen River as some of the mos touching and affecting films we’ve seen this year

Corny Stalk: Anne, beware of ESPN’s (un) The Talented Mr. Roto, who may need a restraining order cause he’s obsessed with you

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Blindness
See No Evil No See
Trailers & Mo

After City of Gawd and The Constant Gardner we’ve come to eggspect nothing but the best from director Fernando Meirelles. Blindness, adapted from the celebrated book by José Saramago, may not be on par with either of those last two brilliant films, but it comes awfully darn close. Blindness is about an unnamed city dealing with the outbreak of an unexplained… BLINDNESS epidemic. The blindness keeps getting passed from one poor soul to another, and eventually becomes such a major problem that the government quarantines the inflicted in an abandoned hospital. They’re basically left on their own, and if you can imagine the blind leading the blind, then you’ll have a purty good idea of how bad shiz will get. Luckily the wife (Juliane Moore) of a blind optometrist (Mark Ruffalo) can see, although not everyone is aware of this, and she does her best to make order out of the chaos, while trying to hold onto her sanity in the process. This cast is rounded out with remarkable performances by Gael García Bernal,
ef=”http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001999/” target=”_blank”>Maury Chaykin, Danny Glover, Alice Braga, Yusuke Iseya and Don McKellar, who also wrote the screenplay

While this supposedly unfilmable film may be a bit muddled in the story and message delivery department, probably due to the fact that the novel was written in a stream-of-consciousness prose, we dare you to name another film this year that equals its beauty, or is as mesmerizing or stomach turning and churning as Blindness is. Actually Rachel Getting Married fits that bill, but it’s not about a dystopian society and we’re major suckers for that genre so take that! This is kinda like a junior Children of Men, which in our opinion, could be one of the bestest movies of the decade. This isn’t even close to being one of the best of the decade, but it’s close to breaking our top ten of 2008. Others don’t seem to agree and we hope they go blind

Blinded By The Light: while we haven’t seen The Miracle Worker or City Lights, here are six pics about blindness we recommend you viddy well… Tommy, Dancer In The Dark, Ray, The Village, Manhunter and Blind Date. OK, so Blind Date isn’t about blind people, but it IS about dates that are blind!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Humboldt County
Puff, Puff, Pass
Trailers & Mo

Peter(Jeremy Strong)’s a recently failed and disillusioned med student who needs to lighten up, and does so by lighting up. After a one night stand with a singer named Bogart (Fairuza Balk), he follows her to the Nor-Cal county in the film’s title, which if you weren’t aware is HIGHly known for it’s cannabis growing. The next day she ups and leaves, and leaves him with her wacky tobaccy family (Grima Wormtongue, Ruth Fisher, Doug from VCB). The fish out of water eventually learns how to walk on high land and is soon chillaxing and waxing about life with these granola barflys. While it may be a bit more realistic of a pot movie than Pineapple Excess was, Humboldt is like taking a hit from a cashed bowl. If you don’t know what that means, you probably won’t be interested in Humboldt, but if you do know what that means, you should juss stay home and pack a freshie

Building Bridges: Lawrence Bridges makes his acting debut with Humboldt, but the dude has a lot of other talents, including casting Brad Pitt in his first commercial, a Pringles spot

Verdictgo: Very Little Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Rachel joins Humboldt in very limited release, while Blindness opens thighs wide

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Appaloosa
The Mild Mild West
Trailers & Mo

With 2000’s Pollock, Ed Harris found a perfect subject and vehicle that not only displayed his usual wonderful acting skills, but also debuted his talent as a director. 8 years later comes his follow-up, Appaloosa, but this time he doesn’t hit the mark in the director’s chair or in the acting department. Harris plays Virgil Cole, a no nonsense marshal for hire who makes a decent living traveling with his mustached partner Everett Hitch (and History of Violence co-star Viggo Mortensen, who by far delivers the only commendable performance in the picture) from town to town that are in dire need of justice. They set up shop, with their own set of rules, in the city of… Appaloosa. The baddies they’re up against are led by Randall Bragg (Jeremy Irons, whose accent is mos outta place here), a man we’re told is an awful human being, but other than shooting 3 guys in the opening scene, he seems like a decent fellow… at least someone who’s a lil more colorful than the bland Virgil and Everett. V and T eventually arrest Bragg, then he gets rescued by his bandit buddy yes men, so they have to chase after him again, and after they capture him again, he escapes again, and so on and so forth. This game of cat and mouse is about as thrilling as playing Mouse Trap w/o all those doohickeys on the board. There’s really no need to mention Renée Zellweger‘s character Allison French, a newly arrived widow who wakes up the dead emotions stewing inside Virgil, but her actions and feelings flip-flop back and forth more than John Kerry that it literally drove us insane, even more so than that sour lemon face she makes ,and even more so so than the horrid musical score and the Tom Petty song played in the closing credits

We’re not really big fans of westerns, and this slow rolling, virtually actionless talk fest only increases our distaste of the genre. While Appaloosa strives to be a different kind of oater film then the ones of old, it ultimately ends up with nothing new to offer. It’s not as long winded (and long running timed) as last year’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, yet it’s not nearly as appealing either. At least Jesse James was based on history instead of fiction. And compared to the overly enjoyable 3:10 To Yuma remake Harris’ joint feels like 3:10 To Snoozema. This aint no shoot em up, it’s a shoot em downer

Western Union: our mos flavorite western of all time isn’t even a movie, it be those Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum ads from the 80s, starring the Gum Fighter

Verdictgo: Viggo keeps this baby alive, so Very Merit But No Stinkin Badges

The Duchess
Duking It Out
Trailers & Mo

Imagine if Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice went against her heart and better judgment and an ended up marrying the dreadful Mr Collins. Now you have a picture of what The Duchess is all about, and it’s not hard to fathom considering Keira Knightley starred in both P&P and as the title character in this new film, based on the bumpy life of Georgiana Cavendish ( née Spencer, and yes actually realted to Princess Di) Duchess of Devonshire. Knightley’s knight in not so shining armor is the Duke of Devonshire (Ralph Fiennes), a cold man more interested in a male heir than having Georgiana as his wife. He treats her like a dog, although he treats his dogs a lot better than he treats her. She has no choice but to go along with it, for the sake of her own place in society and the 2 daughters she already sired with him. Things get complicated when G (the Duke’s nickname for her) befriends Lady Elizabeth ‘Bess’ Foster (rising star Hayley Atwell) and she moves into their palatial manor. Sparks fly between Bess and the Duke, and once again, G has no choice but to play along. She finds a bit of happiness in the arms of an old admirer, and future Prime Minister Charles Grey (the powerful-eyed, yet dull Dominic Cooper, last seen as the groom in Mama Mia!) and even dares to ask the Duke to set her free to him. He obviously can’t be having that, for the sake of his reputation, so the game of Three’s A Crowd continues. Poor G, but at least she gets to sport awesome hairdos! If yer a fan of stuffy British costume dramas, you’ll be right at home with this decent flick that’s excels mainly because it all really happened. As for those who aren’t, you may want to stay away and juss rent the one stuffy British costume drama that’s required viewing: Barry Lyndon

Gains(borough) and Losses: the history of the endless lost and finding of Gainsborough’s painting Georgiana Duchess of Devonshire

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

A Thousand Years of Good Prayers
83 Minutes of Good Stuff
Trailers & Mo

If China had a Lifetime channel A Thousand Years of Good Prayers would be playing repeatedly as a movie of the week. While it’s more centered on a father (Henry O, not to be confused with O Henry or the Oh Henry cnady bar), it still has a lot to do with his daughter (Feihong Yu), and the disconnection between the two. The widowed father lives in China and decides to visit his daughter in the dreary Pacific Northwest. Now that mom’s passed on, the two have little in common, but daddy tries his best to make up for lost time. This sweet and quiet film by Wayne Wang is a return to form to his earlier films in a similar vein, which focus on keeping up with Chinese culture in America. It’s nice to see Wang back in this place again instead of delivering Hollywood drivel, like giving Queen Latifah her Last Holiday or making J-Lo be Maid in Manhattan

Keep A Thigh On: that Russian guy Pavel Lychnikoff (sometimes credited as Pasha D. Lychnikoff, Pasha Lychnikoff, Pavel D. Lychnikoff, Pasha Lynchinkov, Pasha D. Lynchnikoff, Pasha Lynchnikoff, Pavel D. Lynchnikoff and Pasha Lynchnikov). he briefly pops up in Prayers as the daughter’s lover, with not much to do cept stand and look Russian. you may have already seen him somewhere before, maybe as a Russian Commie bastard solider in Crystal Skull or perhaps as a Russian guy in Cloverfield or perchance as a Russian guy in Charlie Wilson’s War or percapita as a Russian guy on Deadwood

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

all three films open in limited release today

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Ghost Town
Ghost In The Mush-Sheen
Trailers & Mo

From the man that wrote the screenplay for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (read into that however you likes) comes a film that greatly suffers from genre personality disorder. David Koepp’s Ghost Town starts off as a light comedy that turns into a light romantic comedy, then into a not so light romantic drama and finally ends up being a light drama, complete with aliens in a Mayan temple. This roller coaster of mishmashed emotions serves as Ricky Gervais‘ first starring role in a Hollywood movie, after bit parts that stood out in such poop as Stardust, Night At The Museum and For Your Consideration. Gervais, best know for playing David Brent on the UK version of The Office, is a solid choice to play wise-cracking, people loathing dentist Bertram Pincus (can you say bestest character name of the year?), cause he’s the only one keeping this film afloat. He’s relatively unknown in the States, but for audiences who go and see this fluff piece, hopefully that won’t be the case anymore. After having a near-death experience at the hospital, Gervais makes like Haley Joel Omelette and sees dead people. His Bruce Willis is Greg Kinnear, a cheating husband who got ran over by a bus, and his Olivia Williams (where the ef have you been, you cutie pie?) is Téa Leoni, the widow that Kinnear wants Gervais to prevent from marrying some d-bag. He’s reluctant at first, but eventually takes on the assignment, and in the process starts falling for Leoni, as well as re-evaluating his wise-cracking, people loathing ways. Didn’t see that coming, did you? There are a bunch of other ghosts (including Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off!) begging Pincus to help them as well, but there’s so little attention paid to them until the very end that it feels kinda tacked on. To make up for it, they should turn this idea into a TV sitcom, where Ricky G helps dead people. Maybe they can make Haley Joel Omelette his partner and then we can see them seeing dead people! DEAD PEOPLE!!!!

The Song Doesn’t Remain The Same: although the choice of using the Beatles ‘I’m Looking Through You’ in the title sequence was a fine one, we think they missed a golden opp to use the Specials’ classic song that shares the same name as the film’s title [d]

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Battle In Seattle
WTOh Snap!
Trailers & Mo

In 1999 the World Trade Organization met in Seattle to discuss things and stuff about the organization, the world and trading (sounds juss as thrilling as the snooze-fest Trade Federation scenes in the new Star Wars movies, eh?). It was all poorly organized (sorry, there was no better word to use) and to make splatters worse, there were a zillion different groups protesting the meetings. What started off as simple civil disobedience, qwikly turned ugly, and bloody and gassy (not in a flatulence kinda way) and all hell broke loose. Windows were smashed, and so were faces, as the city was forced to send in the brute squad (I am the Brute Suqad!). First time director Stuart Townsend (aka, Mr Charlize Theron and the guy who was originally suppose to play Aragorn in LOTR) takes this high-charged event and throws a bunch of fictional characters around it to humanize the experience. There’s a pregnant lady (Charlize, doing Stuart a favor) caught in the maelstrom between the brute squad (led by her not so brute on-screen hubby Woody Harrelson, and his pretty brute pretty boy pal Channing Tatum) that was sent in by the frantic mayor (Ray Liotta), who are all trying to keep the peace with the protesters (Martin Henderson, Michelle Rodriguez, André 3000 and Jennifer Carpenter), whilst the action is being captured on TV by the local news hottie (Connie Nielsen). Townsend intercuts actual footage from the melee into the film to heighten the realism and the drama, which was a wise idea considering how staged his reenactments appear. Like with Ghost Town, little focus is thrown on the minor players who are of more interest. The WTO peoples are pushed into the background (unless you count a few scenes with an angry Rade Serbedzija), and it never becomes clear as to what they’re doing that’s so wrong to provoke these protests in the first place. Nonetheless, it’s worth a look, so this lady wonth protest too much

Keep Battalin’: there’ll be another Battle In Seattle this year, but this one pits the Gonzaga Bulldogs vs the UCONN Huskies

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hounddog
You Aint Nothing… Much
Trailers & Mo

Yes, this is the Dakota Fanning gets raped movie. Most of the film you’re waiting for it to happen, and then when it does, there’s the rest of the film and that’s purty much that. Yep. And before and after the shocking deed is done, which isn’t so shocking cause you know it’s coming, Dakota Fanning sings Elvis Presley’s ‘Hound Dog’ like 10 nillion thymes and Piper Laurie yells and David Morse is creepy, then is struck by lightning and becomes stoopid and naked, and Robin Wright Penn comes and goes and there’s a bunch of nice helpful African Americans being nice and helpful to the white folk cause this is the South of olde and then the credits roll

EnTitled: here’s our picks for the top twenty films where the title is based on a song (we’re not including movies where the song was created juss for a movie, like Purple Rain, or are featured in a musician’s biopic, like La Bamba, or are other films found in this post, cause they wouldn’t even crack the top 100)

1. Stand By Me – Ben E King
2. Blue Velvet – Bobby Vinton
3. Boys Don’t Cry – The Cure
4. Pretty In Pink – The Psychedelic Furs
5. Mister Lonely – Bobby Vinton
6. Man On Fire – Andy Gibb
7. Boogie Nights – Heatwave
8. Roxanne – The Police
9. Sixteen Candles – The Crests
10. Pump Up The Volume – M|A|R|R|S
11. Valley Girl – Frank Zappa
12. Pieces of April – Three Dog Night
13. Man On The Moon – REM
14. Some Kind of Wonderful – The Drifters or Grand Funk Railroad
15. Strange Brew – Cream
16. 24 Hour Party People – Happy Mondays
17. Can’t Buy Me Love – Beatles
18. Less Than Zero – Elvis Costello
19. (My Own) Private Idaho – The B52s
20. Walk Like A Man – Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

what say you?
although don’t say anything if yer top pick is Pretty Woman

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Seattle and Dog open in limited release, while Ghost Town will play at a theater near jews starting tomorrow

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…