Tag Archives: Redskins

Spaniel Cockers & Spock Blocking Beats

word booty to Rooney wording booty to Cronkite

wish we could hear what Cronkite woulda had to say about Andrew, but that aint happening, and alsos we don’t want to think of a world w/o Rooney, word booty word Rooney! or a world w/o Charles Osgood and his epic poems and rhymes that put all rappers to shame, Chris Osgood and Ron Osgood

and to hell with swine flu pandemics

cause we have a NSFW fapdemic on our hands!!

and eat it 4 8 15 16 23 42!!!

cause 28 17 81 33!!!
#skinsjerseytoendallskinsjerseys

Jacob & sons?

Jarvis & son!!!!!!!!!!

`cos everybody hates a tourist

+ that’s what he said

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Adolescence & Peppermints

Harry Potter and
The Half-Blood Prince

Give Me Puberty AND Give Me Death
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

The Harry Potter movie universe aint kids stuff no mo, as our beloved trio of heroes + red-headed sistah are taking on bigger responsibilities and ripening into sum mighty tasty fruit (whomever had the foresight and fivesight to cast Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and the A thru Z dorable Bonnie Wright, sea-b-low, should be pat on the back every ten seconds for the rest of their lives). It used to be all about the adults teaching the kids whimsical potions and flizzy flizzum flazzum, and for the audience, it felt a bit like being in school. Now the teachers are receding even mo into the background (although new teach Jim Broadbent and the brief wordless appearance of Finchy from The Office were both a delight) and the real fun is juss beginning with our newly bar and bat mitzvahed teens discovering real human emotions, like totally sweating mens and womens (the flight of fancy with Cho Chang doesn’t count). Hammazin how a few pubes make everything a lot more interesting

Harry Potter’s 6th cinematic adventure feels more like a real movie and less like a, well, Harry Potter movie. If you can’t read between that line, then lemme-us put it into plain Engrish: David Yates‘ second stab (he did a solid enuff job before with Order of the Phoenix) at Rowling’s mega-franchise is TOPs of the Hogwart’s class… which much love and respek of course to Cuarón‘s Azkaban. Tis nice to see the series hitting on all cylinders in his hands, while finally maintaining a bit consistency (wish the Redskins’ managment won’t take note of this) as we head into the deeper and darker corners of the opus (Yates is currently directing the last book into two movies, and that is a sure sign of great things to come). Half-Blood Prince may be upper crust in terms of HP sauce, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a walk-off home run in normal movie stuffdoms…

The first two hours of the flick are slick and paced perfectly, as we build to some explosive ending, but then the curse that’s dogged down the 5 previous entries rears its fugly head. Each book doesn’t exactly have an explosive ending (OK, the one where the wicked hot dude from Twilight bites it was purty sweet). It’s all hactually one long story stretched thin over 7 parts, with new characters and tricks being sprinkled in each time. Sure, there’s a big character shock to the system at the end of this one (who had a fargin clue that Professor McGonagall was secretly banging Hagrid???), which we somehow never had revealed to us even after all this time (we stopped reading after the 3rd book), but it didn’t eggzactly come off as shocking. Maybe that’s cause there’s always unfinished bidness to be carried over to the next installment, and it ends up being the same unfinished bidness after lame unfinished bidness: stop Voldemort. Obviously that won’t be the case in the finale, as we’re sure they’ll stop him (which will hopefully lead to some celebratory champagne showers and BJs & HJs between the wizards), but it’s this ho-hum ending after hum-ho repetitive ending, which also usually involves the reveal of whatever the title means, that keeps this saga from being Star Wars or LOTR 4eva memorable

Spreakin of Voldy, Ralph Fiennes with a melted face isn’t scary, but his 16 year old screen version is straight up bone chillin. In flashbacks, Frank Dillane plays Tom Riddle and he’s as creepy as listening to Radiohead’s ‘Creep’ while watching Creepshow and eating crêpes… with cobwebs!! And if that doesn’t make a lick & lack of sense & cents, then lettuce juss say that he’s as creepy as the boys from The Boys From Brazil. Yet this Potter flick aint about boys, it’s about another bad creation: Boyz II Men

Gin Rummy, Ginny Yummy: she’s more ginger and delicious than ginger ale, she gives Harry something more wooden to hold than his wand, she loves the Orioles and she’s Bonnie Wright in all the right wright ways. not a single TWS Potter review has omitted her name in the name of love, so why she would stop now, especially since she’s finally 18

she’s so classy lookin

but thankfully, not classy lookin in a Freddie Blassie kinda way

puppies

sweater? yes, we sweat her and her sweaterpuppies

YUMbrella

YUMbrella (reprise)

she loathes me, she loathes me not?

she loathes me not!!

Verdictgo: in the realm of Potter, and dat’s all dat matters, tis a Breast In Show

Somers Town
English & Pole Vaulting
Trailers & Mo | Official Website
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We’ve sprayed it before, and we’ll slay it again: any movie written and directed by Shane Meadows is well woolworth yer attention AND is beyond thunderdome, and since he’s so effin money bags mcmulligan and we guarantee such grandiose statements, beyond the astrodome as well. If his name is unfamiliar, you should remove that ‘un’ AwarrenSAPP and start elsewhere (This Is England, Dead Man’s Shoes and Once Upon a Time in the Midlands), but that doesn’t mean for a second that his 71 minuted simple & pleasureful Somers Town isn’t as masterful as what came before. It would help in particular that you at least see This Is England before you hit the Town, so you can track the development of Meadows’ brilliant discovery and little screen persona, the rough and tumble realist actor Thomas ‘Tomo’ Turgoose. In Somers Town, Turgoose plays… Tomo, a runaway who has arrived at the titular London nabe, and strikes up an unlikely bond with a motherless Polish immigrant teen (a wonderfully accented Piotr Jagiello). The two put an end to their summer boredom by working odd jobs, causing much mischief and falling in love with the same waitress (Elisa Lasowski). Not every thing they try works out in the long run, except for the most important one of them all, their friendship, the fastest and bestest ship on land! And here’s a word to the wise: if a modern black & white movie makes it into a theater, it’s probably worth seeing. same rule applies to documentaries, but they’re allowed to be in color

Luck Luck Goose: peep Tomo’s audition at age 13 that started it all. can’t wait to see him keep growings ups & ups

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Potter 6 opens today at a theater near jews, while Somers Town clowns it up in NY only, and maybe soon in yer neck of the woods, and eventually available on Film Movement DVD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Hyde & Seek

it was the best of times, it was the breast of times. OK, so there weren’t a lot of breasts to be had and fondled on our most recent trip to the ye Olde Country (didn’t happen on the last one 4 years ago neither), but that didn’t stop us from partying like a cockstar and a rockstar and a rollstar, and fulfilling our wildest wet dreams of visiting some of Kubrick’s choice Clockwork locales, and the whole reason why this trip slap-happened in the first place…

Blur
Hyde Park
July 2nd


dat’s right folks. Damon, Alex, Dave and Graham, back together again, like they always should be (all dough we didn’t so mind the Gorillaz and the Good, The Bad & The Queen side projects in the interim), belting out all klissasics in the very park that inspired the song (and album) Parklife


‘She’s So High’
‘Girls & Boys’
‘Tracy Jacks’
‘There’s No Other Way’
‘Jubilee’
‘Badhead’
‘Beetlebum’
‘Out Of Time’
‘Trimm Trabb’
‘Coffee & TV’
‘Tender’
‘Country House’
‘Oily Water’
‘Chemical World’
‘Sunday Sunday’
‘Parklife’ (with Phil Daniels!!)
‘End Of A Century’
‘To The End’
‘This Is A Low’
‘Popscene’
‘Advert’
‘Song 2’
‘Death Of A Party’
‘For Tomorrow’
‘The Universal’

all we can say to that set list to end all set lists is WOW (all dough we had our own set list in mind… see the comment at 16:44… that’s 4:44pm to us and yous, when the concert was first announced back in December), cause we really can’t remember that much else since we were more wasted than an American education, but that matters little cause we danced, like on a wave of emotion, romanced. if yer looking for a more concise wrap up from an American’s point of view, peep the Snob’s review from the show on the 3rd


if only we didn’t drink so much GAYmers pear cider cause maybe our memory wouldn’ta been in such a hazy shade of summer, but irregardless, we’d never take back the 100+ high-fives we give the blokes and the birds and the bees and the bidness


no one had any idea what our shirt meant since they don’t have Mountain Dew over there (or air conditioning or Kleenex or napkins or proper beef or Hispanic people and their fine food). odd looks were probably also had for the dudes sporting the Seahawks, NY football Giants and Phoenix Suns tees + the 2 Mets and the (current ugly) Blue Jays hats

and now for some random pics from the rest of our short and not so strange trip…


sadly no pigs or other animals were harmed in the taking of this curvy pic


people think American food sucks, well try getting a good pizza anywhere outside of the US (or Italy) and then talk to us. OK, so we’ll admit that we did eat Dominos whilst there, but we didn’t trust the English pizzerias for one second. apparently the big style over there is ‘American Hot’, cause you know how all of us crazy folks over here love the combo of hot peppers & ‘roni. hactually, maybe we should cause the Dominos version was quite tasty, but sadly their idea of an XL pizza is our equivalent of a kid’s meal


our English mate was mad pissed at us when we told him that these crumpets are what we refer to as English Muffins, which obviously doesn’t eggist in their neck of the woods. he proceeded to tie us up and throw us in some nooks and crannies and then we told him that their beef sucks and so we were even


the proper fi and chi helped to ease our need for some local ‘good’ cuisine. the mashed peas were delish, juss like yer mom’s crotch. we also had curry twice, and to be honest, it’s juss as good as we have it here. Britain’s bestest foods will always remain thier crisps (potato chips) and chocolate bars (Chomp Bars in particular)


we think this is what they call ‘Japanese food’


that’s right, Dallas is the American home of chicken AND pizza! then again, in NY we have Dallas BBQ, and those two don’t necessarily go hand in hand job with each other, so what does anyone know?


and yes, we even ate at Maccy D’s on the 4th of July, in the very same country we gained our independence from. had no idea wha the fork a Miami Melt was, but had to try it. and even if it didn’t taste like an old Jewish Cuban bottle of sun tan lotion dressed in pastels, it was still purty effin and geeing good. LONG LIVE AMERICA(n food)!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we have an American friend living and working over there and he was glad to spend the 4th with another of his kind. and what would ya know, as we strolled in the Heath of Hampstead, we spotted 6 clueless UKers ‘trying’ to play American football, and being Americans, we barged right in and showed them a thing or 7 about our game. we both played QB, and both of us couldn’t get any of them to run a play. we’d be like, take 10 steps and turn around. they kept running beyond 10 steps, and by the time they turned around, they didn’t understand that you had to put your hands out in order to receive the ball. it was like playing with 2 year olds, but we’ve seen 2 year olds play better football then these fellas. but ya know what, good for them for even trying, as most of these pale people on the Isles hate American football and only like soccer cause they hate things that are really cool like endless commercial time outs and punting! it’s kinda sad how soccer is not big back home. it’s even more sad that we have a basketball league that’s called ‘professional’


and
nuttin sez HAPPY 4TH OF JULY quite like seeing Benny Andersson of ABBA fame and his kick ass beard bust out some Swedish jams in the Heath! we only caught 4 songs, but him and his folk group did play ‘I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do’. man, ABBA are truly the forking balls. they really need to reunite, for the sake of their fans, and wear those tight tight tight assed satin outfits, but not for the sake of their balls and ba’ginas


guess since this was a Swedish affair they had to cover up the fact that the meatballs are usually Italian


nope, she wouldn’t let us inspect her carpet to see if it matched the drapes


man, are our arms tired. nice to be back in the States, but England is the effin shaz-natz and if you’ve never been you owe it to yourself to (and if yer in college and can, study abroad there like we did), but don’t expect to eat like we do back here in the land of plenty… of napkins

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Viddy Well, Little Brother Viddy Well

not so simple goal in life: visit the shooting locations of A Clockwork Orange

in pardickular and moist importantly, where the bum got a blurp blurp beat down from Alex and his droogies

which is located at the Wandsworth Bridge Roundabout, Wandsworth, London

and even butter than the real thing and morererer importanter than anything (even the Redskins and our parents), where Alex shows Dim & Georgie who’s the effin boss man (eat it Springsteen!) with some ball busting action at the Flat Block Marina

which is located at the Southmere Lake in Thamesmead South
which was also used in the ’96 flick Beautiful Things
& the ’73 Peter Sellers flick The Optimists
& the Kaiser Chief’s video for ‘Never Miss A Beat’

MISSION BEYOND ACCOMPLISHED & THUNDERDOME!!!
(with a huge thanx and spanx to our mate Paul who we forced to drive us all over the place. bless his thighs and his soul)

so where do we go from here (besides telling you about the yumcrdible Blur show and sharing the rest of our England pics?)? what’s the next dream to make a reality? easy, and no ponds have to be crossed for this one: Twin Peaks hot spots. Diane, warm up the coffee and cut me a slice of apple pie, cause this will happen like a man in a smiling bag!!!

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