Thighs Wide Shut

– Although I’ve heard it’s an absolute disappointment, me is still hexcited to czech out Sacha Baron Cohen do his thing in the 2002 flick Ali G Indahouse, which makes its US DVD debut on November 2nd (what a great b-day present that would make for the Thigh Master). The movie co-stars new Dumbledore Michael Gambon and Tim from The Office. We’ll also finally get to see what his mate Ricky C and his girl Me Julie really look like. Peep the teaser trailer here.

– The fine folks over at Use My Computer have some of the mos umcrediblelicious Lohan pics me has seen in months! She’s not even uber-tanned/Oompa Loompafied in any of them.

– The Archdukes claimed the Mercury Prize. That was probably the safest bet since the cancellation of The Mullets.

– White Stripes NOT to split. Meg White, time to withdrawal that application from Arby’s and get back to banging dem drums and floppin’ dem boobies.

– Defamer deconstructs the Jersey Girl DVD box art.

– That Bastard, who be so Magnificent has uncovered the true lost brother of John Kerry: Count Chocula (see last pic in 4th row)

– A lot has changed since I was a senior in High School. Peep this fab collection of senior photos. [via Posh n Beckers]

– Rappers, hip-hoppers, and flip-floppers will have to pay for every sample used. Who said that originality was dead?

– Sure Iran, sure.

– Tear For Fears are going to re-attempt to “Rule The World”. What, the Gary Jules “Mad World” royalties not paying the bills?

– Man shoots himself while demonstrating gun safety. Oh how I miss my days in Bloomington.

– Catster, it’s like Friendster, but even more lame.

– Neue Yawkers, two free flicks for ewes: Shaun of the Dead & What The Bleep Do We Know!?.

– A European scientist wants to create a DNA library on the moon just in case something bad happens to Earth. Lets send Lohan’s DNA there first so future generations of Thigh Masters can enjoy her… thighs.

– These be some purty pictures.

– I know you want to own The Holy Grail & Jabba’s bizatch Salacious Crumb (child not included). [via Navi]

– This has gots to be the longest review of Zardoz ever. [via Newbsy Russell]

– Guess which NFL team makes the most cash? Yep, the greatistist organization on the planet, The Washington Redskins. [via Senor Gombiergas]

– Play Mary-Kate Olsen’s Crack-Man at yer own risk.

– German Caught Having Sex With Doll. Thankfully it wasn’t with Kid Sister or My Buddy. [via Made of Brawn-stein]

– Look who’s pairing up: Ali G and Shaggy (again?), James Spader & William Shatner (together at last), and Marion Barry and politics (again? dude loves it more than crack and ho-bags) [via Fleaski again]. If only we can get Charo and Flava Flav to live under one roof… oh wait, that’s already happening. Best combos ever? Some say nacho cheese, others, Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron, or turkey wrapped in bacon, Arm & Hammer, Deloitte, Touche & Tohmatsu, A&W, mortar & pestle, or even Ludivine Sagnier and being nekkid (NSFW).

– Where the funk are all these NY ‘cuddle parties‘ taking place? And how come the Thigh Master is getting cut out of the loop? Isn’t the house password ‘fidelio’? [via Flea]

– “Fancy” Ketchup explained!!

– The NY Times and Daily News get premature ejact for Lebowski Fest NY. And is it me or is fest co-founder Will me and Lohan’s long lost brother (note the sunglasses)?

– Franz Ferdie, aka, the Archdukes, add a 2nd Roseland show. Pixies’ December Hammerstein shows presale begins Thursday. And the mighty Supergrass jaunt to our shores for a six-pack of shows. All shows should be more killer than Lizzie Borden.

– Nader, yer campaign slogan should be Unsafe At Any Speed. Go drive a Chevrolet Corvair far away from this election. Thanks. This message paid for by Americans who actually want votes to count for something.

– Can you name all 53 states? Who we missing here? East Carolina, Texas II, and New Canada?

– TATU are no longer lesbians, just rabid smoke haters.

– Skins win preseason opener, lose #1 Dirtbag Jansen, and make me salivate for more. Sean Taylor looked good enuff to make me say Champ who?

– Please watch this video clip of Andy Rooney driving a tiny car: Real Media or Windows Media. At his age, he should be driving one of those mini Shriner cars.

– Peace the f%$k out to King Kong’s ho-bag Fay Wray. Damn, I was going to set her 96-year-old booty up with Andy Rooney and his fly-a$$ car.

– Larry Carlson’s site, best viewed on peyote.

– I think I’m going to get over my fear of a weight rooms and try for the 2008 Olympics. Especially since my meals would consist of massive cheeseburgers, Bugels and cookies. [via Brawny Man]

– The CD I cunt stop listening too is The Fiery Furnaces’ Blueberry Boat. It’s like a slab of PJ Harvey, wrapped in Radiohead lettuce, topped with a dollop of the Clockwork Orange soundtrack.

You are now entering the penis zone:

– Protect your largest organ. [via Navi]

– Major props de leon haves got to go out to my girl Charges, the engineer of the eggsalad Rollertrain, who sent me a lb of porn, and one of the sweetest letters I’ve received in a long time. Can’t wait to czech out such slutty titles as Swallopalooza and the instant classic, Sweet Ho Alabama.

– And is cutting off your penis ever a good idea? Even if yer a 70-year-old Moroccan who’s wife refused to bang you for a longs thyme.

– Stop the presses: Jenna Bush sticks out her tongue at the media!!! Normally I would be turned on by any such thing involving her mouth, but she’s all Bitched @ Swirth with poison preventer, Mr Yuk. [Scoop via Navi]

– Beck has recruited the Dust Brothers to work on his new album. I guess that means this one will actually have a chance at being good, which would be the exactl opposite of his last disc, the booooooooring/slumber-fest known as Sea Change.

– Is it football season yet? Not soon enuff, but Redskins training camp starts July 31st!!!!!! Get a free invitation to attend here.

– Meet the Russian Michael Jackson.

– Mayor Mike’s daughter Georgina looks mad fly with a riding cap on, but not so much without it. Maybe I should concentrate my efforts on Ivanka Trump.

– Are these cards more worthless than a complete set of Garbage Pail Kids Series 412?

– Hot bike. Hot chick not included.

– Peace the f%$k out Guided By Voices. Catch em while you can.

– American cigarette companies should take note of this. But then again, they actually want people to buy their nicotine treats and die. [Link via Guns ‘n’ Rosenthal]

– That is one giant ball o’ paint, I tells ya. [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]

– Inmates escape to buy beer. Then return to jail with beer.

– Pathetic: Prince Charles takes his 1st cab ride ever. Maybe mumsy will allow him to buy his 1st porno mag too.

As mentioned in Coachella Hellz Yealla So Much To Tella Lets Spread On The Nutella Part I, the coolest dog in the world lives next to Queen Letifah:

Bert rocks. Not only cause he’s droopy, breathes louder than me, has an inverted eyelid, eats pigs ears, and lives with two of the nicest peoples evs (Perry & Julia), but because he’s a crazy diehard Redskins fan. And what superpet wouldn’t be? Bert is also so mad crazy famous that they named the chili at Waffle House in his honor. Big mudder f-in thanks to P & J for the pics!!