Thighs Wide Shut

1) I think the British will never care for American football, especially when we sent them the mos boringistest game imaginable. I’m sure that scary-arsed Jason Taylor robot didn’t help our cause much either. I hope the Brits get revenge on our shores by forcing their potato crisps on us, which are far superior than our junk. Anywho, GOD SAVE STAN GELBAUGH!

2) I think the baseball season ended or something, but I didn’t even realize it ever started. Oh well, there’s always next season, which starts next week when pitchers and catchers report to spring training

3) I think the Redskins got raped by the Pats cause they were looking ahead to next week’s game vs the Jets. To hell with trap games, eh? Good thing they didn’t listen to Admiral Ackbar

4) I think this is the worstest set of fooball photochops mt EVERest

5) I think Brad Childress should dress up like Ragnar the Viking for every home game. I mean, he already has the perfect stache for it. And if that doesn’t rally his busted-arsed troops, I think he should go the Mike Tice route and rock a pencil in the ear

6) I think Ben Utecht should have his own treaty like the city of Utrecht

7) I think Sage Rosenfels should rename his two kids Rosemary and Thyme

8) I think when Quinn Gray retires, he should start a Manfred Mann cover group with Quinn Early called The Mighty Quinns

9) I think no two gifts say Righteous Kwanzaa quite like a SD Chargers Whales Vagina tee and Keeley Hazell’s 2008 Calendar, Topless Versh [NSFW, duhvs]

10) and I think Tony Zendejas’ Mexican Restaurant has surpassed Bill & Ted as the most excellent thang to hail from San Dimas

the title of this post is a homage/fromage
to Peter King’s weekly poofest

The Cleavage Browns waived handlebar mustachioed punter Scott Player today, which officially puts an end to the era of the one-bar facemask… until he gets claimed off waivers by some other team, snatchurally. While we wait for that day, add a prayer that the NFL never bans thumbmazin’ mustaches, like Scott’s… unless flubvs course wees is stalkin about Jake Plummer’s porn-stache

sea all sew:

Player was cut by Zona earlier this season for a guy named Barr [CBC Sports]

The One-Bar Lives On [1st & 10 Inches]

If mustaches could talk, Player’s would speak Awesomenese [PhatPhree]

Jabba’s Home of Helmets [The Helmet Hutt]

Hey Dude took place at the Bar None Dude Ranch [Hey Dude Fansite]

Brett Ratner NOT voted greatestistest director of all time

Ewan McGregor agrees, George Lucas is the new Brett Ratner

and apparently George owes this dude’s sister some money… maybe he can pay with Captain Eo movie props!

Zeptember may bypass Rocktober and go straight to November

Ebert’s missing thumbs

Madison’s square garden (read: vagina) gets between Cuthbest and her Ranger

whomever put Hayden Panettiere in that outfit is my hero [UMC]

a doggy do: buy me the Conchords DVD, which hits streets a day before me b-day

a doggy don’t… miss:

Rosamund Pike is soon to be Mrs British Director Who Wears Red Sunglasses

Superman Donovan lets some sunshine in on his take of Weeds‘ ‘Little Boxes’ theme

Paul McCartney totally bags chicks that you’ve probably JOed to, cept maybe Renee Smellweger

Maggie Gyllenhaal Lingerie Pictures Are Not Sexy

20 Big-Time Plot Twists, sadly not including Haute Tension‘s, which is one of the best wurstest ones mt FUJIest

Springfield trying to figure out what to do with ‘the hand’

here lie the two mos pimpinest Alex Trebek pics

[Tim’s TV Thing]

I dunno if this is really Martina Hingis, but I’d totally let her paddle my balls [NSFW]

the single mos important link for any football fan wonderin what awful games will be shown in their household, hispecially if they is not from the area originally (I’m stuck with the Jets AND the Giants for 17 weeks, so please shoot me in the head) [Guns n Rosenthal]

Top 25 Best Selling Video Games Of All Time

classic NES games, dunn up Warrick Lego stizz [Spencer For Hires Root Beer]

Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8

Kewlopolis, the city where all the kewl kids totally rawk out, yo!

MadLibs on the web… be sure to use ‘poopstain’ as a noun

for the last first time, we are not affiliated with Derya’s myspace page or Bill Murray [2nd one from J$]

and lookin for the world’s wurstest mini-games based off one of the world’s wurstest movies ever created by a human being? spanks to Warner Bros, they put all dem Death To Smoochy games in one place!

If I could trade hands and a mouth with one person, it would have to be Nancy O’Dell’s baby girl‘szszzszzz

[mo snaps]

American Dreamzzzz cum true part II: the GZA performing Liquid Swords in tits entirety, finally, in my neck of the woods [Lover of Pâté]

the only good thang that became of Kubrick’s death: DVDs with actual extras!

photos from The Dark Knight set, which still includes a Gotham City that looks nothing like Gotham City [Pakula Shaker]

Disney & George Lucas in bed together again. No relation to Faptooine

HBO renews Conchords, and sadly Entourage. Hopefully this will mean more Mel and more of Anna Faris’ magically enhanced lips? Speaking of the ‘chords, how dumbcredible was ‘The Prince of Parties’ ditty from last night’s show?

Alex Trebek cusses, with mustache in tow!

Separated At Birth: Borat & young Amy Winehouse

pimps of sneakers

Rare Mark Rypien Zubaz Hat

Hurriace Howard Dean

& knock-offs worth beating off to:

Shockwave mp3
Tranformer/Player

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
We Don’t Need No Education
Trailer & Mo!

Slain and pimple, Phoenix is eggzactly what one would expect from a 5th big screen outting for Harry Potter and his posse of tweens with wooden sticks. Yer not going to be amazed, but yer not gonna walk away disappointed neither. Long gone are the zzzzzz inducing days of Chris Columbus’ Potters 1 & 2, as newbie David Yates‘ Phoenix easily rides the coattails of Alfonso Cuarón’s masterful Azkaban [TWS review] and Mike Newell’s steady as she goes Goblet [TWS review]. I stopped reading the books after Ass-Ka-Ban, so to me, the films’ plots and pacing are usually a bit jumbled and confusing. I guess that’s to be eggspected when you cram 896 pages of kiddie-lit into 138 minutes of cinema. While I’m sure there’s sum good stuff that they left out of the flick, I don’t think anyone’s cryin that the quidditch season got canceled this go around. What we are treated to is more of everything. More darkness, more action (both the fighting and loving kind… but no HJs yet!), and duhvs course, more characters. While they’re too many to name, and some are down right lame (like Hagrid’s half-brother giant Grawp), there were two that stood out as mos welcome additions. A new book/flick always signals a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and none have downright owned the screen like Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake [TWS review])’s Dolores Umbridge did… some say mos wicked teacher since Miss Viola Swamp took over for the missing Miss Nelson! And I dunno what to make of odd ball Luna Lovegood (played by Potter obsessed girl Evanna Lynch), but I cannot stop thinking about her… yet not in the way I think about Ginny Weasley! Redheads forever!!

IMess: only in IMAX will you see Hermoine’s boobs grow larger

Extras! Extras! See All About It: is there anything better than Willow, Mrs Peel, David Brent AND Daniel Radcliffe chewing up the scenery in Extras?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers•

SiCKO
Rescuing 911
Trailer

Slain and pimple, SiCKO is eggzactly what one would expect from a 5th big screen outting for Michael Moore and his natural good looks (this would be flick #6 if we were including his Canadian Bacon, but we aint, so eat some bacon ands shut up!). No other documentarian is the showman that Moore is. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s at the top of the field, cause he isn’t… ever hear of Fred Wiseman? Didn’t think so. Anywho, bein a showman like he is juss means that no one can grab people’s attention like he does, which is his bestest and wurstest attribute. Fahrenheit 9/11 [TWS review] was quite the attention grabber, but it backfired since it was only preaching to the choir. So with SiCKO, his pseudo-exposé into America’s health care system, Moore preaches to a larger choir, which doesn’t require the love of donkeys or elephants. While you can’t fault the man for raising awareness on the issue, you can for the half-assed way he does it. If yer looking for something in-depth, wait for 60 Minutes or John Stossel‘s mustache to go knockin’ on the HMOs’ doors, cause all yer gonna get with Moore are opinions, with little to no facts to back them up. He shows us how socialized medicine is such a wonderful thing in other countries, but he doesn’t really investigate how those systems work or are funded, besides saying that the gov-mint takes care of it. Raising questions is one thing, but attempting to find the answers is another. Remember folks, sometimes less is more, unless yer Michael Moore, where more is juss… more hot air

IMDb Sweeney: besides being the not so secret star of all of his docs, and Canadian Bacon, for that splatter, I’m sirprized his acting resume only has 3 other titles on it

Steal His Movie: seriously, he doesn’t care if you download his movie off the internets! [Rutgers Hat lover]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Moore bashing aside, the issue is the issue so dis shiz be Jeepers Worth The Peepers•

and if you haven’t already dunn so, peep the trailer to what will be one of the wurstest movies of the year

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…