Thighs Wide Shut

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

Alas, I was always dreaming the Irish dream: drinking all day and bombing all night, and waking up each and every morning to the smell of Irish Spring and the taste of Lucky Charms. Now I finally get to turn that dream into a reality as I ship off for a qwikie tweakend to the Emerald Isle, avec p’rents. And spank the good lord I is, cause ever since I returned from my study some broads programme in London, back in the ’98, I declared a personal jihad (the new/old ‘personal jesus’) against that nasty-arsed watered-downed American version of Guinness (don’t even bother convincevaughnning me otherwise cause beer in the US and A blows broken snowblowers). I think me mouth may hexplode when I lock sips with that motor oil from its point of origin. They say you can’t go home again, and that if you lived here you’d already be home, and that dirty vaginas often smell like tunafish, but, er, uh, what was I saying? I dunno, have great weekend kids, and here’s some Irish crap for you to fap all over.

The History of St. Patrick’s Day, from the Hitler Channel

Sinéad O’Connor booed at a Bob Dylan tribute concert + her take on Nirvana’s ‘All Apologies’ [d-lode]

Hmmmmmmmmmm, so there are such things as Irish Jews, eh? Too bad the mos famous one of them all was fictional

How to Make Yer Own Leprechaun Hat

X-Ent’s The Quest For Shamrock Shakes!

‘Lucky Clovers‘, from The Ben Stiller Show

‘Jump Around’ – House of Pain [d-lode] or [vid]

Nick Cannon’s ‘Leprechaun Rap’

O’Brien’s Irish Cottage, in Sterling Heights, Michigan

Pat O’Brien

The First & Last thIghrish Film Festival!

Len Bias, the greatest Celtic that never waz [vid 1 | vid 2]

GO GEORGE MASON!!

and

First, the dead

—–

And now for the qwik (since doing this year 2 wrap up thang takes about as long as watching The Ten Commandments on A-B repeat on a trip to Alpha Centauri)

Lolla line-up to be announced next week, but WERD has it that Particle, the Disco Biscuits, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are a go. Brian Peppers is also a possib

Who the fork wants to see Cuthbert play Mike Utley?

The Streets’ vid for ‘When You Wasn’t Famous’. It’s got mad STREETS cred, YO!

Over the tweakend, WE HIT THE 2 MILLION MAN MARCH!!!

MC Hammer hates typepad

Travelin Kubrick eggzibit lookin for partners to help bring it to America. If you work at some fancy shmancy museum and you happen to read my site, MAKE IT HAPPEN OR I’LL CUT OFF YOUR JOHNSON

The Kinks, Prince & Smokey Robinson video mash-up

Think Rod Smart lists ‘He Hate Me’ as a skill on his newly typed up resume?

A NSFW Guide to Women’s Nipples

Plenty o Thank You For Not Smoking screenings

Lego Brokeback Mountain [Fiddler]

Coach K…ommercial [Navi’s Navel Naval Base]

Puppy Mover Monorail

Shock Absorber [Marwanicur]

Do hens produce more poop than they do eggs?

Silly tube maps

Jewish Girls Gone Wild! [Shady Acres]

Press-on madness

Most Unusual Buildings On Earth

REAL transformer [Pakula Shaker]

And then ZARDOZZZZZZZZZz

and

What’s a better use of time?

Watching all 123 minutes of Sideways?

Or spending 5 minutes, alone, with this Sasha Baroness Cohen non-camel toe naked nude grundle labia snapple…

+ 264 mo.

+ the Baroness!!!

Me can’t love yub

A wonderful showzen has been given a 2nd life, and soapfully that equates to more Trevor bits with Beat Kids

Think Shelden Williams and Mena Suvari are both locks for this year’s all head team?

New Adventures in Hi-Fi [via G’hattan]

Jennifer Ellison Defines The Perfect Pair of Breasts… like she would know anything about boobs

I wonder if they display the black dude who comes to life in Madonna’s ‘Like A Prayer’ video at the National Great Blacks In Wax Museum

Victoria Beckham ‘Like A Prayer’ [d-lode]

‘sam cassell large penis’, we #2!

Who was the Mona Lisa? And who hasn’t fingerbanged Mona Robinson?

The HAWTEST site on the internet [via Hal Lindenbaum]

& if yous werent in the know, b-day ribcakes are the new d-day urinal cakes!

For once, a Coachella rumor turned out to be true!! Still doesn’t change the fact that this year’s line-up blows almost as much as Tool and whatever the next Killers album will be!

[hot info via Megbot]

Night Watch (Nochnoi Dozor)
From Russia With Blood Lust
View Trailer

Riddle me this wo-man: What’s overloaded with vampire hunters, junky CGI, and gots more kwik cuts than Bill from Seven Locks Barbershop? Well, for starter jackets, there’s the pooporeffic Underworld, the Ryan Reynolds wrap/craptastic Blade 14, and shoves course, the king dung of em all, Van Helsucks. Night Watch, the first in a planned trilogy from Vodkaville, also falls into this category, but since its all in Russian, and thus, always in a hurry, it rises higher than Yuri Gagarin vs its American counterpoops. It may not strike gold on our shores, but it perestroikas the genre that so needs some perestroikainging!! To be more honest than Aperaham Lincoln, this was the mos fun I’ve had in theaters since the GROSSSSSSly underrated and grossly grossing The Island!! And it’s also one of the top three Russians movies I hath ever scene!!! Although, I’ve only seen three, including this, The Russian Ark, and Dziga Vertov’s The Man with a Movie Camera. Anywho, if you like fun AND Russians and can’t wait any longer for that never rumored tATu tour of America then yous should goes see this. We gots good Russians vs evil Russians, Russian spinal cords, Russian video games, hot blond hotties from Russia, Russian subway maps, old Russian women hitting pans, a Russian Darth-Luke relationship thing, Russian dressing, Russian sunglasses, SMG Buffy in Russian, Russian flashlights, Russian owls, Russia’s version of ‘Rabbit in Your Headlights’ [video], Russian cars, Russian things, Russian stuff, the Russian Hurley, AND ‘Fearless’ by the Braver, totally rizocking over the closing credits!! By the gay, don’t care what you spinx, but the Bravery are so much butter and 1/2 than the Killers, althizz they is the same eggzact thing. I’ll bet you $6.32 that the sophomore Killers album blows more goats than Billy Goat Blowers!! The only thing missing from Night Watch is yer butts in some theater watchin it and Oksana Akinshina, who should not be confused with Oskar Kokoschka wearing OshKosh B’Gosh!!!!! B’Goshskakakakaka!!!

Recommended for those who like: the Changeling, the scary things in Tool videos [video], and that droopy teeth thing all Russians have going for them

Possible Porno Name: (Cyril-Lick Dat) Tight Twat

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Kontroll, or eat Count Chocula

Further Fun: One of Rembrandt’s mos famous painting be called ‘The Night Watch’, with the subtitle in honor of the Banning Cocq family: ‘De jonge heer van Purmerland als Capitein geeft last aan zijnen Lietenant de heer van Vlaerdingen om sijn compaignie Burgers te doen marcheren”'(literally: The young lord Van Purmerland as Captain gives order to his Lieutenant the lord Van Vlaerdingen to march his company Civilians’). I totally want to renounce my last name and become a Banning Cocqsucker!!! And while we’re ‘brandting it up, how bout his ‘The Syndics of the Amsterdam Drapers Guild’, eh? Think ole van Rijn would take pleasure in the fact that a masterpiece of his is one of the first things dilated peoples see right before they gets all blunted?

Apt MPupil3: ‘Tetris “A” Theme (Korobieniki)’ [d-lode OG or remix]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers