Thighs Wide Shut

The Art of The Steal
Barnes Is Noble
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

The best documentaries open yer eyes to something you’ve never encountered before. Even bester documentaries do the same thing, but leave the viewer thirsting for mo knowledge on the subject once the house lights come on and they leave the theater. Even besterer ones do both them thangs but also enrage the viewer so dang much that they want to spring into action (this is why it’s our mos flavorite film genre, besides dystopian future movies from the 70s). Don Argott‘s engrossing The Art of The Steal does all three, but is so darn angrily one-sided that it’s almos hard to stand behind the cause being presented when they don’t leave much room for the counterpoint of view (this is why Bill Maher’s doc Religulous failed, even if it was frakin highlarious)

So what artful stolenings is going on here? Oh, only one of the mos impressive private art collections in the world, specifically of Impressionist and Post-Impressionist work that’s so mammoth and prolific (181 Renoirs, 69 Cézannes, 59 Matisse + choice pieces from El Greco, Goya, Manet, Modigliani, Monet, Prendergast, Picsso, Seurat and some dude named Van Gogh), it makes the Musée d’Orsay blush. All this jazz is housed, ‘wall ensemble’ style, in a suburb of Philadelphia at The Barnes Foundation, named after Albert C. Barnes, the self-made man who made a fortune on the antiseptic drug Argyrol, then spent his money on those paintings long before the great museums of the world ever took notice. Kudos to Barnes and his keen eye for doing so, and thus he should be allowed to do whatever he wants to do with his own property. So what he did was establish that foundation, a place where students of the arts could… study these arts, and thus also keep the downtown Philly upper crusters and political players from getting their grubby lil hands on his collection. But could it stay like that forever?

Eventually Barnes dies (actually it was suddenly), and although his will explicitly stated that the collection shall never be rearranged, moved, loaned or travel (or any other term that would prevent its escape), not everyone gets their dying wishes granted, hispecially since a new crop of Philly upper crusters and political players have come on the scene wanting the same thing that their predecessors did. These folks will do anything within their power to lawfully, even if done in the shadiest of shady acre ways, get the collection striped from the Barnes’ walls and relocated downtown, so more than 400 people per day can see it. Of course any number greater than 400 = big $szzz and now you can see why the city of ‘delphia wants it so badly, and to make a long tangled story that you’ll see unfold in the doc short, that’s exactly what happened. Like we said, Argott and his ill-tempered talking heads scream nothing but blood murder, and with the way it all went down they have every right to do so, but does it mean they’re right?

Visitation Right: a relocation makes sense, since this collection is too important to be hidden, but we suggest you trek down to 300 North Latch’s Lane in Merion, PA to see the collection in the only home it has even known, before it moves for good in 2012. that’s eggzactly what we did after seeing this doc!! NOTE: reservations are required so plan ahead!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mosssssssssssssss Def Worth A Peepers!!!!

Steal opens in NY/Philly on Friday and is already avails on IFC on demand!!!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Un Prophète (A Prophet)
Incarcerated Rookie
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

No good punk Malik (Tahar Rahim) isn’t serving a life sentence, but his 6 years behind French-fried bars will provide him with endless life experiences. He walks in illiterate, allegiance-less (he’s a Muslim, in name only) and easy pickings for the more tenured inmates. When a crusty old Corsican gang member (Niels Arestrup) takes him under his wing, with a large dose of tough love and even tougher assignments (offing a rat, and not the kind that Henry Jones fears), he quickly rises from golden boy to made man. Eventually allowed access to the outside world due to good behavior, Malik, like most crime doesn’t pay ladder climbers, gets to big for his own britches, searching for riches, and ends up crossing all those who helped and stood in the way of his path

Jacques Audiard‘s Academy Award nominee for Best Foreign Language Film… film (sorry, but it’s White Ribbon‘s to lose) doesn’t seem overly original, but there’s something about its many borrowed parts and how their fused together in a curious 155-minuted pie that’s hard to loss interest in for a single moment. And despite the fact that the misguided Malik isn’t the mos lovable character to rah-rah sis-boom-ba over, you’ve invested so much time watching him that you inevitably want to see if he comes out on top, or simply alive. Don’t let the title fool you. There isn’t anything deep at play here, even if at times it feels like there might be, but as a viewer, there is much to profit from, and not much to lose

He Likes To Score: one man, one very impressive resume, learn this name… Alexandre Desplat

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Prophète opens in NY/LA on Friday and st elsewhere st elsewhen!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Blood Done Sign My Name
Racial Divide & Conquer
Trailer & Mo

On May 11th, 1970, a black man named Henry ‘Dickie’ Marrow was murdered (for no good reason) in Oxford, North Carolina, in broad night-light by three white men (one played by Lee Norris, who got plugged by the Zodiac killer in the opening of Fincher’s flick). This single event would spark the long-boiling fire smoldering within the black community and spring them into action, to no longer walk and be treated as second class citizens in an area still heavily segregated. Blood Done Sign My Name is the needed to be told tale of the preceding and post…ceding chain of events, written by Tim Tyson, who saw all of this unfold before his very young and innocent eyes. Tyson was the son of a newly arrived to town white preacher (hey, it’s Rick Schroder, and he’s purty darn good at this acting thing!), who was a bit more racially open than what the townsfolk were used to at the time, but hey, the times, they were a changin’, whether they liked it or not

While the film’s opening devotes a lil too much attention to the settling in of the Tyson family in their new surroundings, the focus rightfully shifts to the black community after Marrow’s murder, and sticks with it right up until the typical courtroom finale, which will either close the case for good or fling it wide open for further outrage (we’re not telling!). Led by local teacher Ben Chavis (Great Debater‘ Nate Parker), with a lotta help from an outside rebel rousing spiritual guide (Afemo Omilami), the community (sorry, but we can’t think of another word to use here) bands together and they shall/will overcome!! The Jeb Stuart (can his name be any more southern?) directed affair is purty rudimentary and reeks of production values straight outta a TV movie of the week, but the story and its message is anything but a TV movie of the weak

Tyson’s Cornered: there’s two sides to every story, and this dude aint buying Tim Tyson’s version one bit

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Blood done get played in limited release starting tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

From Paris with Love
Chumps-É-lazy
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Oh French film industry, what hath become of you? You used to fill our art house screens with precious lil ditties about life and love, straight from the deft Cahiers du cinéma critics turned filmmakers, and their proteges that followed in their footsteps, but now it seems like them notebooks are being written by a bunch of barbarians and neanderthals that keep on invading our multiplexes year after year! Oh the nerve! Oh the gall of Gaul! We blame (yet still love) Luc Besson for all this nutty shoot-em-up nonsense. His still vibrant (Le Femme) Nikita kicked off the madness, Léon: (The Professional) was the heartfelt caketopper (and unforgettable introduction to Natalie Portman), and from there the genre tumbled downhill, with Besson throwing around story ‘ideas’ to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who wanted to replicate his brief critical and commercial success. Now it’s nothing but excess, and there’s no excuse for that, or eggcuses for 19 Transporters, Taxis, Banlieue 13ses and a bunch of other turkeys

Besson’s latest ‘idea’ has been handed off to director Pierre Morel, the dude who he teamed up with for last year’s semi-broke the moldy-mold Taken, but lightening doesn’t strike twice with their From Paris With Love. The crummy by the boo(k)s dialog (no thank you Adi Hasak) certainly doesn’t help to elevate the loosey goosey plotting, and neither does hiring John Travolta as the head-shaved, goatee-ed prick of a CIA agent Charlie Wax (think Colin Farrell’s Bullseye from Daredevil, but not nearly as comically horrific). We suppose he was given that name only so they could drop a ‘wax on, wax off’ joke, which they wrongfully do, and as you can imagine, it falls flatter than the fella who gets steamrolled in Austin Powers. Later that line gets redeemed, with the pseudo-creative reuse of a signature Travolta line that features the French name of a certain McDonalds hamburger. We chuckled aloud, and almos were ashamed for doing so. Even mo shameful, despite all the poo-pooed-edness of this generic flick, including a crummy American accent spoken by the tiny Jonathan Rhys Meyers, we didn’t hate it. We’ll always have Paris, even if this Paris has not much to it

FantKasia : we totally wanna kasia smutniak JRM’s screen honey Kasia NSFW Smutniak!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Still Bill
Withers Blooms
Official Website & Trailer & Mo

You know who Bill Withers be? On name alone, probably not, but yer ears do, as he’s the man behind such beyond classics as ‘Lean On Me’, ‘Aint No Sunshine’ and ‘Just The Two of Us’, juss to name a few mellow grooves he’s gifted us with. Oh yeah, that guy, right? So what is his story and whatever became of him? The sunny and soulful doc Still Bill, by Damani Baker and Alex Vlack, fills in the gaps, from his humble West Virgina upbringing as a shy stuttering kid, to his landing on the music scene and the unwanted superstardom that came along with it, to his eventual complete withdraw from the limelight so he devote more time to his loved one. As a viewer, and fan of his music, we keep asking, why and how could he leave us behind? By the end, he’s starting to ask himself the very same questions. Here’s hoping that the answer leads him back on the road again

Screen But Not Heard: there are numerous screenings of the film all over the map, and if you don’t see one in yer area, you can host yer own!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Paris doesn’t triomphe today at a theater near jews, while Still Bill continues only in NY, or at a screening soon to be near jews (see above). also, we LOVED Fish Tank, and you can too, in the comfort of yer own home, spanks to IFC on-demand!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Creation
Missed Conception
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Can’t figure out what’s more baffling, the fact that there really hasn’t been a film made to this point on how Charles Darwin came to pen his game changing book On The Origin of Species or that when one finally came to the surface it would deal a lot mo with his family’s health and soul issues than a bunch of turtles on the Galapagos Isles (i.e. what we assume mos peoples would rather see). The regal Beagle ship and said adventure do make a few brief bon voyages in Jon Amiel‘s cinematic adaptation of Darwin’s great-great-grandson’s bio on him, but as the title of said bookie-book suggests, there was more to Darwin’s life and work than observing and reporting in nature, as he apparently did a lot of observing and reporting in an environment closer to home… namely in his home!

Paul Bettany plays Darwin, and while he pours his usual intelligent demeanor and passion into the un-intelligently designed (get it?) role, apparently someone didn’t put enuff passion into making Darwin’s receding hair look quite right on Bettany’s noggin. That’s hactually juss one of numerous misfires that keeps Creation from breathing life into this creation tale about the creation of a book about creation!!! One big ole obstacle in Darwin’s life, and in turn in the movie, is his deeply devout wife (played rather unconvincingly here by Bettany’s own wife Jennifer Connelly). She cannot eggcept the path his work is taking him down, herspecially in regards to their faith and that’s the Catch-23 CD is stuck in. Quite the conundrum, yet we didn’t personally care about these personal conflicting conflicts that conflicted Darwin. Add to all that an endless haunting by his deceased daughter (a toothy Martha West… btw, don’t you hate it when reviewers use the word ‘toothy’ to describe an acting performance when all it really means is that the actor’s teeth stick out more than mos other peoples do????) + Darwin’s own battles with swine and wine flu and you’ve got one creepy and ad nauseum nauseous family drama that would excel elsewhere if it were not a story about Charles Darwin and his book to end all other books of Eli!!! We want more turtles!!! Nature, not nurture!!!

You Filthy Old Soomka: Darwin totally loved himself some tits & ass. the word ‘ass’ appears 6 times in his On The Origin of Species, while ‘breast’ gets love times 5

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Creation slightly devolves in limited release starting today, where jeepers worth a peepers Soundtrack For A Revolution sings along

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…