Tag Archives: fap

D'oh! Nuts

Professor Henry Jones
tells the world


that there’s no time for love
or for the 4th adventures of Dr Jones

Justine Henin-Hardenne
triumphs at the French Open, again

and prevents men from goin all thighs wide open
and gettin a Henin-Hard-on, again

Rags To Riches doesn’t make me rich
at my first ever trip to Belmont

but it helps to soothe the pain that is the
Rags To Riches cancellation

LA’s Pinkberry yogurt blows

almos as much as LA itself!

Cuthbest’s new hairdo

es cuthWURST

My boy Shreddy Mercury
takes 5th prize
at the 2007 US Air Guitar Championships in NYC

although he’s 1st in thighs in mine eyes

fappin to Maggie Gyllenhaal
breast feedin snaps

should be punishable by death… METAL

&

Shirley Temple Beverage Co.’s
Shirley Temple Beverage
which is Shirley Temple approved

makes me want to dig up Roy Rogers
and have his remains
shoot the people who came up
with this pale bottled imitation
of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah mocktail staple

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The Bothers Grim

Fay Grim
Mötley Fool
Trailer

Our finest President once said, ‘Fool me once… shame on… shame on you. Fool me… you can’t get fooled again.‘ I have no idea what he was blathering blatherskiting about, but then again, I really have no idea why nine years after the fact that Hal Hartley decided to make a sequel to his Cannes award winning indie gem de menthe Henry Fool. While it’s nice to see the Fool & the Gang back together again (including Liam Aiken, who played Klaus Baudelaire in the interm), and this time bein’ mixed up in some international mischief, along side Jeff Goldblum, Saffron Burrows and Telly [sorta NSFW], the end result is juss too messy to fully enjoy, even for the mos Foolhearted out there. One Fool was enuff, cause the second trip is somewhere between full of itself and runnin on empty

Netflex: indie sequels rarely work (Clerks 2 anyone?), but Indy sequels always do, so why not hit up Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade [trailer], which IMO, is even more mother superior than Raiders!

Apt MPupil3: Beatles‘ demoish versh of ‘Fool On The Hill‘ [d|vid]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges•

Rental Round Up(dog)

Death of A President
[Trailer]

Dying for more of that James Urbaniak brand of Urbaniakness? Or perhaps yer still a bit thirsty after digging into Neil Burger’s jar-heading Interview with the Assassin. I thought you waz! So, why not try on this highly interesting photoshopped film about the fauxsassination of Resident Bush and the ‘what if’ aftermath. For being pure fiction, it’s almost a bit more thought provoking than Fahrenheit 9/11 [review], which was too darn liberal, even for this liberal!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Separate But Sequel

28 Weeks Later…
Cillian Murphy’s Law
Trailer

28 Days Later… was a very special movie. Beyond sadly, its sequel is not. It’s not even remotely scary, unless you start thinking about what might have been instead of what has been. Gone from the first go around are the director, the screenwriter, the actors, the excitement, the danger and mos importantly, the fun. Basically the only redeeming aspects of this bigger budgeted sequel are the use of real film stock and the ability to shoot a lot more outdoor empty street scenes, in and around London (I bet the cast and crew loved shooting at dawn every day!). Them zombies aint scary, but vacant metropolises are. Too bad once the zombies take to the streets, you may not want to run from the theater, but to the nearest bed, where zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs await. I think they woulda been better off taking 28 more weeks to come up with a better sequel, cause this shiz is more like Weak, times 28

Netflex: the biggest hit from Bayside in a decade, 28 Days Slater

Give Her A Hand… Maiden: yesh, dat chick is indeed one of Padmé’s hos, hottie Dormé

Apt MPupil3: Les Doobie Bros‘ not so HICKish ‘Takin’ It To The Streets‘ [d|vid]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): No So Much Merit And Mos Def No Stinkin Badgers•

Spider-Man 3
Three Times The Smarm
Trailers

After catchin the amazingness of Spidey 2me was like, dang, #3 is going to be off the meat and coat rack!! If only it includes 3 hours of Kirsten Dunst’s rack‘. Well, even if #3 was a non stop Dunst boob-a-thon, it still couldn’t save it from the mess that it is. I’ve seen my fair shair of messes at the local cinematorium, but none have been as enjoyable as this one was (Venom! James Franco’s love of snowboarding in air AND pie! Peter Parker is more emo than Pete Wentz! Bruce Campbell, with a mustache!)! I won’t even bother comparing/contrasting it to Spidey 1 or 3, but I will with some of the other big budget second sequels. While not even in the same league of LOTR: ROTK, Jedi, Last Crusade, and hell, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, it’s still miles above such beyond forgetabble schlock like Superman III, The Godfather III, Matrix III, Jaws 3-D, X-3, Rocky III, Batman Forever, Austin Powers in Goldmember, and any other round 3 flick where round 1 didn’t even deserve a round 2 in the first place! It’s too early to decide where Spidey 3 should be permanently placed in the second sequel hierarchy, but for the time being, lettuce but it above National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and one step behind Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Spidey may run the box office, but remember, it’s Master Blaster who runs…


And His Amazingly Hot A$$ Friends: it was the early 80s, I not only loved cartoons, but was actually in love with cartoons! Who else out there wouldnta boned Firestar? Probably you Gaylord Perry’s who sweated Iceman and wanted him to cometh all over you!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): bless this mess with a Jeepers With A Peepers•!•

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¿Cómo se dice'Flapper Fappin'en Español?


you don’t need a high IQ to encuesta las sexo páginas de GQ España for our still reigning Royal Thighness Leonor Watling

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