speaking on DVDs, why the hell was I not alerted about the Voyagers! box set? Don’t know what I’m talkin about? It’s a show like Quantum Leap, cept less lame and less Bakulariffic. Breast In Peace Jon-Erik Hexum!!
to hell with the Alamo, cause you should never forget when Bea Arthur & Star Wars joined forces for the first and last thyme
and if for those still knot in the knows, The Flight of the Conchords are truly the kneessszz beeszzz. While Tenacious D are kinda funny, these Kiwis are kinda the fourth bestest comedic musical group mt EVERest, behind Weird Al, Spinal Tap and the unintentionally hilariousnessness of Rockapella. Anywho, in anticipation of a full album due out on Sub Pop in the ’08, a small lil 6 song EP was released today called The Distant Future. It includes studio versions of ‘Business Time‘, ‘If You’re Into It‘ & ‘Not Crying‘ + live rendishes of ‘The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room‘ & ‘Robots‘. A muss have for any Conchords fan (I hear Mel camped out for 8 months), cause even without the videos, the songs shine on their own when you juss focus on the music
2007’s Squeeze may not be the same exact line-up of yer older sister’s late 70s/early 80s Squeeze, but I doubt anyone’s losing sleep over Jools Holland’s absence, as long as the core duo of Glenn Tilbrook and Chris Difford are the ones carrying the torch. This is their first tour since the ’99, which is a good thing for me, cause outside of a few of their hits (‘Tempted’, ‘Mussels From A Shell’, & ‘Take Me I’m Yours’), I didn’t really get into them until a few years ago. And from the 20 or so tunes I now know, Squeeze RAWKINly played half of them, leading me to want to discover all the rest. The setlist was similar to the show they played at the Nokia Theater two nights before, with much bestness abound. And the fans? Well, these 45 year-olds were eatin it up. So much so that I got goosebumps when Squeeze ended the first set with ‘Cool For Cats’ and when the band left the stage, the entire place was chanting ‘Ewwwwwwww Ewwwwww Eww’ until they reemerged for the encore
Being one of the world’s fifthmost Clockwork Orange fans, I’ve endlessly heard that Lindsay Anderson’s classic if…. was required viewing. For years I waited for the DVD to be released, and after it finally was, I had to wait another 2 months before Netflix found a copy available to send me. And worth the wait it mos certainly was! Malcolm McDowell‘s feature film debut as a rousing rebel private school student is required viewing for everyone, even if you hate on ACO. You should also czech out the audio commentary with film critic/historian David Robinson and duhvs course McDowell. Cause one shouldn’t go thru life with a bunch of ‘what if….s’
Space Cadet: Sunshine marks the third collaboration between director Boyle and writer Alex Garland. The others were The Beach and 28 Days Later. None too shabby, and I’m sure the next movie he’s writing won’t be either. It’s a lil project called Halo
Byrne Baby Byrne: is there anyone cute-afyin the silver screen any quiter and butter than Queen Amidala impostor RoseByrne? If there is, I don’t even wanna know about tit
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show
+ endless hours of Wii tennis
which gave me a sore arm aka Wiidonitis (soon to be added to WebMD)
+ introducing the gayest movie ever
to a friend not in the know
Sunday
The Bourne Ultimatum Bourne Again (wonder if anyone else came up with sum tang that clever) Trailers & Mo
Although nothing transforms in Bourne 3, I dare you spray that it’s not the popcorn pleaser of the summer. If you double dare me back, you knows I’ll be taking that effin physical challenge so eat it you jerkface or I’ll turn your Marc Summers into the Marc winters of your discontent! Dude, Bourne Ults was outta forkin control. I couldn’t stop saying to meself, how the fizzle did they film and edit this pizzle? The action never seemed to stop, even when Edward R. Murrow kept sayin goodnight and good luck and FBI Chief of Behavioral Science Jack Crawford kept pining for Clarice Starling and Julia Stiles made this face for the humpteenth thyme and Daddy Warbucks tried to buck Bourne in the pooper. Shiz may be called Bourne Ultimatum but with its love from below and above, shiz coulda been called Bourne To Rizock The UlTomatoMeterum
Sprinkle Z Deutsch: Daniel Brühl plays the brother of Franka Potente‘s deceased character Marie. The two German acting dynamos have only been paired up in one movie before, $chlaraffenland
The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side: while Paul Greengrass may be the king of documentary style fictional filmmaking, Barney Greengrass is the king of sturgeon. And regardless of how funny Kevin James is, I will never ever watch an episode of the King of Queens
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show
The Police Giants Stadium (Go Skins!) August 5th
Ever since I was blown away and I blew myself watching Simon & Garfunkel reunited at MSG, I knew had to see any group that I hearted if they decided to ever reform. The Police were juss such a band, and hispecially so since it seemed like they would never get back together cause Sting is a prick and he’s too busy sending his love down a well. Well, the cheeky bastards still gots it, and the show’s setlist, which seems to be the same from city to city, is purrrfectly suited for those Greatest Hits only fans like myself. Now I wouldn’t hexaggactly say that I was blown away (the Squeeze show was actually better) or ready to blow myself or even Jude Law for that matter (OHHHH Jude Law and your juicy cock!), but I’m still glad I saw the show. Now that this reunion is outta the way, I want a police reunion of a whole different medium: Sgt. Joe Friday and Pep Streebeck. Juss the facts ma’am, and juss watch this vid of Hanks and Akroyd rappin to a tune called ‘City of Crime’
Say what you will about Michael Bay’s films, but spray all over yerself at will when you fap to these beauties that have appeared in his films & music videos
Transformers’
Megan Fox
Rachael Taylor
The Island’s
Scarlett Johansson
Siobhan Flynn
Bad Boys II’s
Gabrielle Union
Renee Reilly
Denise Quiñones
Cash Casia
Pearl Harbor’s
Kate Beckinsale
Jaime King
Jennifer Garner
Sara Rue
Armageddon’s
Liv Tyler
Shawnee Smith
Grace Zabriskie
the Aerosmith bitties who be makin us ‘Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)‘ vid
the busts in the Who shot Alexander Hamilton? Got Milk? ad the beauty to Meat Loaf’s beast that would make him ‘Do Anything for Love (but I Won’t Do That)‘
One Wilson and A Phillips But No Carnie who would make my penis cry in the vid for ‘You Won’t See Me Cry‘
the girl Winger ‘Can’t Get Enuff‘ of
Great White’s groupie sluts that always ‘Call It Rock n’ Roll‘
all da girls that Young MC be sayin ‘That’s the Way Love Goes‘ to
da Divinyls’ Christina Amphlett who’s bazoongas make me want to ‘Touch Myself‘
the girl who Vanilla Ice sez ‘I Love You‘ to
Playboy Video Centerfold’s Kerri Kendall
&
Richard Marx’ ‘Angelia‘ who may actually have less hair than Mr Marxie
fappinspiration by Time Werespanko aka Tom Wellington the III
& after ye dunn fappin, go see Transformers, even if it’s yer 2nd thyme!!!
When it comes to Stephen King and hotels, we’ve already seen the bestest, so everything else throbviously is and will be juss the restest. Sure, SK wasn’t a big fan of Kubrick’s take of his Shining, but I dare anyone else to admit that the TV version starring that dude from Wings and Rebecca DeMakesMeHorn-nay, which follows the book munch closer, is mother or lake superior to Kube’s! And don’t make me double dare you, cause I’ll force you to take the physical challenge like my name was Mark Summers! Hell, even the Simpsons’ take on the Overlook Hotel was better than that crud! Hotels aside, tis been ages since there was a decent flick adapted from a Stephen King anything… and by ages, I mean 2001, when Hearts In Atlantis was dropped on a world hungry for anything Anton Yelchin. Well, much to my sirprize and delight, 1408, which coulda also be titled John Cusack vs a Hotel Room, resets the ages mark to 2007. It’s a classic average Stephen King flick, in the same vein as Dolores Claiborne, The Dark Half, and Children of the Corn (that’s #CotC I, not III with Charlize Theron or IV with Naomi Watts). None of dem a3mentioned films are extremely spectacular, but would still be james worthy of a watch if it popped up on TBS one lonely night at home. You could wait a few years until this pops up on cable TV, but you should feel free to see 1408 in theaters if Evan Almighty isn’t eggzactly whetting yer fappetite
07. Aug, 2007 
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