Squeeze to tour US. Feel free to cross the desert, to greet them with a smile
Wagamamamama finally hits our shores and thus, there’s an actual reason to visit Boston. Who’s up for a roadtrip followed by a Boston tea-bagging party in my hotel room?
Noah built an Ark to save his family and the world’s dopest animals from the oncoming Great Flood. So I got to wondering who Joakim Noah would build an ark for
considering his family tree consists of super freaky looking humans, animals, and fictional entertainers (sea below). None of these relations can be proven in court or on the basketball court, but this shiz aint no phyla, this shiz is gen(i)us! Roll the ugliness!!
raker of moons Jaws
Carter coached Rick Gonzalez •
no Yankee hunter, but any kind o’ catfish
the out of sync stylings of Milli Vanilli (including the bones of Rob Pilatus)
conclusion jumper Richard Riehle
man of a thousand OOGly faces Michael Jackson
Bros Mario geist Boo
finkers Mischa & Falkor Barton
stinkers Eagle Eye & Neneh Cherry
hairy half-caf mulatto duo Kravitz-Bonet
plague-infested enemy of Gibson Rickenbacker from Cyborg
If you asked me boint plank who my mos flavorite actor going these days be, I wouldn’t flinch for a second as I rolled the hyphenated bestness of Joseph Gordon-Levitt off my tongue. I never cared for 3rd Rock or care to see Angels in the Outfield or 10 Things I Hate About Jews, but after takin in his (shoulda been Oscar nominated) explosive turn as a teen hustler in Mysterious Skin [TWS.org mini review] and his ace high school Sam Spade role in Brick [TWS.org review] I was all about the JG-L. Well, I’m schlappy to report that his latest, the Memento-lite Lookout, is right on par with those other two eye-opening films. The Lookout is nothing revolutionary, but the strong supporting cast (mainly I speak of JGF-L’s blind BFF Jeff Daniels… who is slowly becoming a Thigh flavorite as well, hispecially after The Squid & The Whale) and solid script help make screenwriter Scott Frank(Out of Sight/Minority Report)’s directorial debut one to watch
Unsatisfied with this? Netflix another Alar Kivilo cinematographed joint like A Simple Plan [trailer]
Possible Porno Name: The Cock’s Out
Apt MPupil3: BRMC‘s ‘Shuffle Your Feet’ [d] from their vastly underplayed Howl disc
•Although Joseph Gordon-Levitt co-stars in Havoc, documentarian Barbara Kopple‘s fictional look at stoopid SoCal wiggers… aka the flick where Anne Hathaway & Bijou Phil’s boobs are abound, this space is not dedicated to him, but to Six Feet Under‘s Freddy RodrÃguez, who’s great work in that film and in Harsh Times, David Ayer‘s directorial debut that basically takes his Training Day script and replaces Denzel with Patrick Bateman, has gots to be recognized. It’s unfortch that both of these films didn’t make much of a splash upon their releases cause they’re far superior showcases of his talents than the blah roles he was given in Bobby, Poseidon and Lady In The Water. But if for some reason, and I sure hope it doesn’t, this acting bit doesn’t work out he could always falls back on The Diaz Family Mortuary
The Namesake Kumar Goes White Trailer (probably the best I’ve seen all year)
Adapted from the vastly popular Jhumpa Lahiri novel of the same name, The Namesake is the Indian-American equivalent of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I don’t mean that it’s a dopey comedy filled with more stereotypes than a Michael Richards stand-up act, but it’s an exploration of an old world mixing it up in the new world, when second generation children grow up in a society much different than their immigrant parents did, and where each family member must figure out where their cultural identity lies.
Instead of a Windex spraying father and an overbearing mother, we’re invited into the lives of the more down to (planet) earth Ashoke and Ashima Ganguli (both eggceptionally played by Bollywooders Irfan Khan and Tabu), who were brought together by way of an arranged marriage and brought from thier native land to NYC in search of a better tomorrow. In a span of two fast-paced hours, we see the couple adapt to their new surroundings, be fruitful and multiple, and then watch their children as they turn more into everyday Americans than yesteryear Indians. It’s a lot of ground to cover in that time span, which is both the movie’s greatestist asset and weakness. Asset, cause the film never stops being engaging, but a weakness, cause it feels like some bits are glossed over or not even fully explored… that’s probably what made the book such a good read
So I’m sure you’re wondering about the name and the actor who plays him, for heaven’s sake. Well, Mr & Mrs Ganguli temporarily name their first boy Gogol, as in the Russian writer Nikolai, not as in Golgo 13. Hollywood stoner Kal Penn is refreshing in role of the culturally criss-crossed Gogol, but it’s not the kind of performance that you’d say is an absolute breakthrough, as I’m sure many had hope it would. I think it’s still possinle, but he would have keep working in more films like these and less in ones where he’s required to have a BA in Bong-ology. Either way, his future is looking quite bubbly for Kumar
Possible Porno Name: For Taint’s Sake
Mirar Nair: Nair directed the sultry ’96er Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love, which had Rome‘s Niobe gettin busy with the likes of Lost‘s Sayid. And yes, since tits about the KS, there’s plenty of NSFWness to go round!
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): honestly, the trailer was better than the movie, but this thang is fo sho a Jeepers Worth A Peepers•
Music & Lyrics Tone Definitely Not Worth Running To The Theater For Trailer
This is like every other lame-brained rom-com you’ve ever seen, cept this one finally pits Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore in the ways of love and Mad-Lib Hollywood screenwriting. I bet Hollywurst is already trying to figure out a way to put Adam Sandler and Sandra Bullock into some sorta wacky boy meets grrrrl situation. Too bad they already used up that time traveling mail box idea! Anywho, Music & Lyrics is about nothing you need to concern yourself with, yet it’s still charming. Charming only cause of its leads and not with the material that they’re working with. This movie is a poopstain, but if you’re forced into it, like yours drooly, there are two things that make it OK to not slit your eyes, repoopulous stizz…
1) the beerlarious video for Hugh Grant’s Wham!ish 80s band Pop! (the em pee 3 can be found b-low)
&
2) the hotness that is up and coming on my face Haley Bennett
Mike Judge’s his and her stair-a-cool Office Space follow up is and was the breastest rental of ’07/sorta-unreleased movie of ’06! Tis quite a shame that Fox had nofaith in the film cause tits mo funny than the last 42 Frat-Pack films that were released! And yes, Earl Mann is da mann! Not only did he provided the VO for Idiocracy but he’s also one of the main voices for NFL films
and oh yeah, The Holiday blows wurster than a Tony Danza talk show. Jack Black tried to be serious, but I don’t think anyone really asked for it. Spreaking of, Tenacious D in ‘The Pick of Destiny’ was outta control bananas for the first 10 minutes. Sadly, the rest of the film was more of a grapefruit
25. Apr, 2007 
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