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Hyde & Seek

it was the best of times, it was the breast of times. OK, so there weren’t a lot of breasts to be had and fondled on our most recent trip to the ye Olde Country (didn’t happen on the last one 4 years ago neither), but that didn’t stop us from partying like a cockstar and a rockstar and a rollstar, and fulfilling our wildest wet dreams of visiting some of Kubrick’s choice Clockwork locales, and the whole reason why this trip slap-happened in the first place…

Blur
Hyde Park
July 2nd


dat’s right folks. Damon, Alex, Dave and Graham, back together again, like they always should be (all dough we didn’t so mind the Gorillaz and the Good, The Bad & The Queen side projects in the interim), belting out all klissasics in the very park that inspired the song (and album) Parklife


‘She’s So High’
‘Girls & Boys’
‘Tracy Jacks’
‘There’s No Other Way’
‘Jubilee’
‘Badhead’
‘Beetlebum’
‘Out Of Time’
‘Trimm Trabb’
‘Coffee & TV’
‘Tender’
‘Country House’
‘Oily Water’
‘Chemical World’
‘Sunday Sunday’
‘Parklife’ (with Phil Daniels!!)
‘End Of A Century’
‘To The End’
‘This Is A Low’
‘Popscene’
‘Advert’
‘Song 2’
‘Death Of A Party’
‘For Tomorrow’
‘The Universal’

all we can say to that set list to end all set lists is WOW (all dough we had our own set list in mind… see the comment at 16:44… that’s 4:44pm to us and yous, when the concert was first announced back in December), cause we really can’t remember that much else since we were more wasted than an American education, but that matters little cause we danced, like on a wave of emotion, romanced. if yer looking for a more concise wrap up from an American’s point of view, peep the Snob’s review from the show on the 3rd


if only we didn’t drink so much GAYmers pear cider cause maybe our memory wouldn’ta been in such a hazy shade of summer, but irregardless, we’d never take back the 100+ high-fives we give the blokes and the birds and the bees and the bidness


no one had any idea what our shirt meant since they don’t have Mountain Dew over there (or air conditioning or Kleenex or napkins or proper beef or Hispanic people and their fine food). odd looks were probably also had for the dudes sporting the Seahawks, NY football Giants and Phoenix Suns tees + the 2 Mets and the (current ugly) Blue Jays hats

and now for some random pics from the rest of our short and not so strange trip…


sadly no pigs or other animals were harmed in the taking of this curvy pic


people think American food sucks, well try getting a good pizza anywhere outside of the US (or Italy) and then talk to us. OK, so we’ll admit that we did eat Dominos whilst there, but we didn’t trust the English pizzerias for one second. apparently the big style over there is ‘American Hot’, cause you know how all of us crazy folks over here love the combo of hot peppers & ‘roni. hactually, maybe we should cause the Dominos version was quite tasty, but sadly their idea of an XL pizza is our equivalent of a kid’s meal


our English mate was mad pissed at us when we told him that these crumpets are what we refer to as English Muffins, which obviously doesn’t eggist in their neck of the woods. he proceeded to tie us up and throw us in some nooks and crannies and then we told him that their beef sucks and so we were even


the proper fi and chi helped to ease our need for some local ‘good’ cuisine. the mashed peas were delish, juss like yer mom’s crotch. we also had curry twice, and to be honest, it’s juss as good as we have it here. Britain’s bestest foods will always remain thier crisps (potato chips) and chocolate bars (Chomp Bars in particular)


we think this is what they call ‘Japanese food’


that’s right, Dallas is the American home of chicken AND pizza! then again, in NY we have Dallas BBQ, and those two don’t necessarily go hand in hand job with each other, so what does anyone know?


and yes, we even ate at Maccy D’s on the 4th of July, in the very same country we gained our independence from. had no idea wha the fork a Miami Melt was, but had to try it. and even if it didn’t taste like an old Jewish Cuban bottle of sun tan lotion dressed in pastels, it was still purty effin and geeing good. LONG LIVE AMERICA(n food)!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we have an American friend living and working over there and he was glad to spend the 4th with another of his kind. and what would ya know, as we strolled in the Heath of Hampstead, we spotted 6 clueless UKers ‘trying’ to play American football, and being Americans, we barged right in and showed them a thing or 7 about our game. we both played QB, and both of us couldn’t get any of them to run a play. we’d be like, take 10 steps and turn around. they kept running beyond 10 steps, and by the time they turned around, they didn’t understand that you had to put your hands out in order to receive the ball. it was like playing with 2 year olds, but we’ve seen 2 year olds play better football then these fellas. but ya know what, good for them for even trying, as most of these pale people on the Isles hate American football and only like soccer cause they hate things that are really cool like endless commercial time outs and punting! it’s kinda sad how soccer is not big back home. it’s even more sad that we have a basketball league that’s called ‘professional’


and
nuttin sez HAPPY 4TH OF JULY quite like seeing Benny Andersson of ABBA fame and his kick ass beard bust out some Swedish jams in the Heath! we only caught 4 songs, but him and his folk group did play ‘I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do’. man, ABBA are truly the forking balls. they really need to reunite, for the sake of their fans, and wear those tight tight tight assed satin outfits, but not for the sake of their balls and ba’ginas


guess since this was a Swedish affair they had to cover up the fact that the meatballs are usually Italian


nope, she wouldn’t let us inspect her carpet to see if it matched the drapes


man, are our arms tired. nice to be back in the States, but England is the effin shaz-natz and if you’ve never been you owe it to yourself to (and if yer in college and can, study abroad there like we did), but don’t expect to eat like we do back here in the land of plenty… of napkins

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Praise Juice

Fatboy Slim
Terminal 5
June 25th

apparently everyone didn’t get the memo that Fatboy Slim is still plenty alive and hella fargin awesome, cause there was plenty of leg room on the prancefloor last nite, where we all shook our booties and were in f&cking heaven. his 2 hour set was rawking and rawkus, melding his hot olde anthems (if you need us to name them, then you obviously haven’t come a long way baby) with cheesier fair like DJ Kool’s ‘Let Me Clear My Throat’ and House of Pain’s ‘Jump Around’, and making it all sound as fresh as Mrs Fields cookies at the mall. to hell with 1999, cause we were partying like it was 1998!!!


fotos by OviWani

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You Can Get With Thisor You Can Get With Rachel Dratch

the adorable girl in the Triumph Visits Bonnaroo piece

is the new girl with a pearl earring necklace

eggcept the new girl [d]

girl you’ll be a woman soon

woman you’ll be a grill soon

don’t be a dragon lady!

lady with the spinning head

spinning lady with the grill will be a woman sooner or later love is gonna getcha eating now & laters, which not so secretly is the bestest candy from later, not now, brown cow, brown bunny, bunny lebowski fest, uncle fester, the molester, chester copperpot, testicles copperballs, NESticle, nestle, my sweet westley, west bevery high fidelity, felicity, felicity and caroline in and out of sex and the city, sunshine city, say it 5 times fast, sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city. did you say shitty? sorry to go off on a tangent, as we normally like to go off on a cosine, or is that the job of Governor Jon Corzine?

if anyone knows the girl above and her boutsawhere, please send her in a non self-addressed-stamped-envelope to us at the following address

His Royal Thighness
c/o Small Wonder Fan Club
PO Munch Box 69
Thighland, Thighland 90211

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Too Many Cooks In The Kitsch In


apparently we missed the first boat on Norman Cook/Fatboy Slim’s latest jim, The Brighton Port Authority (The BPA fo short)’s I Think We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Boat, which is kinda a shame, considering how huge we used to be into his shiz and stizz, so we’ve decided to take the second boat. the album sounds a tad like his previous werks, but this one, taking more of a cue from Mark Ronson’s funtastic Version album, goes to 11 on the guest vocalists, ranging from Iggy Pop to Jamie T to Martha Wainwright, to one jam about a toe that features both David Byrne & Dizzee Rascal, and has a racy video to boot (or would ‘boat’ be a better werd to use?). the results may not be as skanking as that that has come before, but it’s still a rocker, fella. Fatty & Iggy will be on Letterman on the 22nd, Fallon the next night, and then Norman ditches Iggy and the new persona to kick it over at Terminal 5. we’ll be there, probably sweating as much as he does

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