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Space Cowboyz II Men

In the Shadow of the Moon
The Apollo Creed
Trailer & Mo

There really are no muss see movies in life, but this doc comes purty darn close to required viewing, and that goes for every living person on this earth… including you Saudis, even though you don’t have a single movie theater in your country. In The Shadow of The Moon brings together, for the first and maybe last time, the remaining crew members of the 9 Apollo missions (although media-shy Neil Armstrong declined to appear in it, his presence is still mos certainly felt), to tell their incredible tales of how they helped to fulfill JFK’s challenge to our nation ‘of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth‘ before the end of the 60s

Obviously we did make it happen, but you’ll still marvel at how they could possibly do so, in a much more archaic age, where people under 18 actually had a hard time obtaining pornographic material to JO to. I’m sure many of you, like myself, will walk out of this and wish you were born in an earlier time, so that you could have experienced this remarkable journey first hand. Since that’s an impossibility, this doc, complete with pristine NASA archival footage (some never seen before), comes purty darn close to making up for it. While the missions were wholly American, the accomplishments were for the world to share. If only we had a remarkable event today to bring us all together (besides Coca-Cola). While we wait for such a thing, please go see In The Shadow of The Moon. Making the leap to the theater is juss one small step for you, but one giant leap for mankindness

Buzzy Bee: one of the more colorful astronauts who appear in the doc is Buzz Aldrin, who, thankfully this time around, was not interviewed by Ali G

Us & Them: here lies the video/music mash-up of The Dark Side of Oz/Dark Side of the Rainbow (thanks to de la Roachclip, I sorta saw it work back in my college daze). Too impatient to watch it all? Rolling Snooze went thru the trouble of pickin out the better bits

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

3:10 to Yuma
Homeboys On The Range
Trailer & Mo

I aint no fan of westerns, but if I had to choose a genre to make a comeback, I’d pick it 8 outta 10 times over musicals. While 3:10 To Yuma may not usher in a new era of unshaven dirty gunslingers, it’s still way more entertaining than John Travolta dancing in a fat suit. Director James Mangold follows up his Walk The Line with a different sorta man in black tale, a solid remake of the classic ’57 film of the same name, but like most of his films, it’s the casting that wins us over, and not the storytelling. Yuma pits poor rancher Christian Bale against bad bad man Russell Crowe, who has a date with the titular train. In the beginning, the two are as distant as me from a veggieburger, but as they make the trek to train station, the two strike up an unlikely kinship. This is the film’s main thrust and folly. While I can see why Crowe’s character could identity with Bale’s need for redemption, I juss don’t buy that he’d help him out, especially when it will still end up in his own imprisonment. Not only that, but in the process Crowe has to turn against his trusted outlaw buddies who are trying to rescue him. Even though Bale and Crowe chew up the scenery, it’s actually Six Feet Under‘s Ben Foster who makes the biggest bite. The guy totally pwns the angry man screen persona… which leads me to wonder how he could be so miscast as X-Maner Angel

Show-Times: there are plenty o ‘films with a time in the title, but there’s only one that stars Casey Siemaszko, Lisa Simpson and that’s directed by the Rattle & Hum dude, the ’87 mastercheese that be Three O’Clock High [trailer]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Mos Def Worth Yer Peepers

Fierce People
A Tribe Quest Called
Trailer
(which is a much watch so u can hear the faux versions of
‘Under Pressure’, ‘The Passanger’ and ‘Bittersweet Symphony’ )

Fierce People wants to be a lotta thangs, but one thing it probably didn’t want to be was a film that’s released in theaters 2 years after it first hit up the festival circuit. I can see how that’s possible, cause it’s a mess, but then again, it’s one of the more earnest messes I’ve enjoyed this year (Spidey 3 was another mess we approved of, but that didn’t quit
e understand the importance of being earnest goes to camp). What starts off as a nice lil coming of age piece (on top of the drug recovery and eccentric tycoon story threads that run along side it), eventually takes an unexpected dark turn, which for some viewers, may quickly erase any positive feelings you may have had leading up to it. Director Griffin Dunne (Johnny Dangerously‘s lil brother Tommy) and writer Dirk Wittenborn certainly have something on their hands here, but I actually think the crazy world that they created would be better suited for an HBO/Showtime type series. There’s too many interesting characters inhabiting that world, and frankly, we don’t get to spend enough time with any of them. But why not spend some of your time with them instead of none of it? I’ll leave that up to you

Eat At Perkins: I for one am very glad that Elizabeth Perkins’ career is turning itself around. I for one also love the fact that she showed us her perkies at least once [NSFW]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): on the lower end, but still Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish


woMan, am I good. Almos as good AND as Megan as Megan Good. Last year we not only picked the Super Bowl winner, but also correctly predicted that 3 NFC East teams would make the playoffs… although I think we got a bit outta hand when we earmarked our beloved Skins to be one of those three. And despite forecasting a postseason spot for the Dolphins and not the Chargers, our mom still thinks of us as a fooball and internets genius, so that’s why we is back to pee view all over our pants and this site what the deli-yo gonna happens in the NFL, still the single greatest league in all the world, well, besides of The League of Justice, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and George Teague, if his last name was spelledt with a ‘l’ instead of a ‘t’. Without further Freddy Adu about nothing, roll the ugliness…

NFC East


Juss like we said 8 seconds ago, three outta the four teams in this division made it to the playoffs last season, but this year, none of them deserve to make it. All four optimize what’s wrong with the NFC. They can beat each other, but they barely can beat anyone else of importance on any given sundae from Dairy Queen. The Eagles have never won a Super Bowl, the Cowboys new coach looks like eats too many bread bowls and the Skins would be juss slap happy if they broke even or if Lord Joe Gibbs converted everyone to Christianity, and thus, in a make-it or break-it year, Eli Dakota Manning will lead his G-men back to the playoffs… where another first round exit awaits! Can’t wait to see what Tiki Barber has to say about it! Maybe he’ll have some good head-shaving tips!

Boo-nus link: bread bowl nosher Wade Phillips has got one smokin’ arsed daughter

NFC North


We start this division’s preview juss like last year’s: more like NFC Zzzzzzzzzz. Could there be a bigger set of push-overs for the Bears to face twice a year other than the Vikes, the Pack and the effin Lions? Long gone are the days of the Minn-e dynamic duo of Moss & Carter The Turtle, the post-prom babysitter fondlings of Mark Chmura, and the cowardly Lions, whose den was a dumphole that Barry Sanders somehow blessed with his presence until he couldn’t take it nos mos. And what are those three towns stuck with now? An unsexy sex boat captain, Bubba Franks being about as useful as a 12 pack of tofurkey franks, and Matt Millen, who really can’t stop drafting WRs. Methinks that hethinks that if he drafts 5 of them, the 6th one is on the house!

Boo-nus link: we found four children who actually look up to Rex Grossman. They look up at him not cause they admire him, but cause they’re not as tall as him… yet!

NFC South


The Bucs have more QBs than WRs and the Panthers have more question marks than the combined wardrobes of The Riddler and Matthew Lesko! While dogfighting and the Falcons were so ’06-’07, it’s all gonna be cat juggling and the Saints this season. Life’s mos certainly a Brees in Naw Orleans now dat Drew’s the mos rajuniest cajun since Bobby Hebert. Who dat, tru dat, Tom Wopat! So that doesn’t leave much Piggly Wiggly room for the rest of the Southern gentiles

Boo-nus link: Jeff Gaycia isn’t really gay. Or maybe he is and juss a giant beard for his 2004 Playboy Playmate of the Year honey/wife, Carmella DeCesare. Who? Who cares! NSFW NSFW NSFW!!

NFC West


The 49ers edward james almos made the playoffs last year, and by jove and bon jovi, mark my worms, they’re gonna get there this year, for the first time since the ’02 season! And they’ll also be joined by the hexplosive offenses and diarrheas of the Rams and the Seahawks, which I really do hope happens, cause I totally wanna be JOing to the SeaGals well into the winterly months of early 2008. As for the Cards, their time will come, but as for now, it’s not in the cards

Boo-nus link: does anyone have a better smile than SeaGal Tessa?

Seeds:
#1 New Orleans
#2 Bears
#3 Rams
#4 Giants
#5 Seahawks
#6 49ers

NFC Champs: New Orleans

Fantasy Outlook NFC Shazz

Me loves: Alex Smith, Bernard Berrian, Isaac Bruce, a Jason Campbell to Chris Cooley TD fest, and the New Orleans D

Me hates: anyone on the Lions, Bucs, Vikings and Falcons

Don’t sleep on these sleepers from Sleepy’s: any white WR (like Bennett/Furrey/Curtis), D.J. Hackett, James Jones, Antwaan Randle El, Greg Olsen, Eli, Delhomme, Neil Rackers (who’s gonna make up for last season’s shiz storm), and Gondry’s The Science of Sleep

stay pooned for our AFC dazzle razzle shazzale crazzle flizzle madizzle!

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Comedy Central Station

Superbad
McWhatevs
Trailer & Mo

There’s nothing pardickularly special about Superbad. It’s basically American Pie reheated, with a lot less high school seniors, and sadly, no nudity in sight. C’mon guys, you mcnabb an ‘R’ rating and you don’t even have one boob to show for it? I’m sure Shannon Elizabeth and her NSFWness were available for W. Superbad runs way too superlong, thanks in most part to the two bumbling keystone cops that bring the film to a grinding halt, just when the story was actually starting to take shape. There are indeeds laffs, but they’re of the easy South Parkesque ilk, and are spread way too superthin throughout this 2 hour teen sorta-sex comedy. The only real bright spot in this run-of-the-mill flick is the superdweeb Fogell, aka McLovin, played by superraw talent Christopher Mintz-Plasse. He’s the only one bringing something new to the table here. He’s essentially a more developed, sweeter version of AP‘s the Shermanator. Since the box office has been mos kind to Superbad, I wouldn’t rule out a sequel. Well, if that is the case, Mr Producer Apatow, please ditch everything that isn’t McLovable, which does not include supercutie Emma Stone, who’s totally Laura Prepon for the late aughties!

Shiz Is Fo Real: Mintz-Plasse isn’t the only star to come outta El Camino Real High School. He joins the not so superlong list that includes Brad Garrett, Peter Brady, America Ferrera and ex-Falcon RB Jamal Anderson

Underage Against The Machine: make yer own McLovin ID

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But Not Stinkin Badges

Death At A Funeral
Love Death Actually
Trailer & Mo

While the rest of you folks are out there anointing Superbad as the next best thang with your hard earned dollars, yer truly missing out on not only the funniest film of the summer, but quite possibly of the year. And that’s no joke. Frank Oz, the infamous voice of Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Grover, Cookie Monster and Yoda, has shown over the years that he has quite voice of his own, as a film director. Besides two Jim Henson related joints, his resume consists of only 10 feature films, but some of them will be providing laffs for decades to come, like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, In & Out, Bowfinger, What About Bob and unintentionally, the mos painful Stepford Wives remake. Wellski, you can easily add the laff riot that be Death At A Funeral to that list. Bee leave me folks, I had the lowest of low eggspecations for this broad British comedy of hijinks that ensure at a funeral, but I was quickly won over by the snappy writing and ensemble of colorful characters that populate it. Three of whom, I’d like to quickly give some props to: Daisy Donovan, who’s like a younger Emma Thompson, Andy Nyman, who’s like a shorter Ricky Gervais, and American Alan Tudyk, who’s probably the finest actor you’ve never heard of

1 Wedding & A Funeral: Matthew Macfadyen, who played Mr. Darcy in Knightley’s P&P, is married in real life to his screen wife Keeley Hawes. The two met on the set of the BBC’s drama Spooks

Aint Yer Average Jane: Jane Asher, who plays the recently windowed matriarch, was once engaged to none other than Paul McCartney. Supposedly, she’s the inspiration for the songs ‘Here, There and Everywhere’, ‘I’m Looking Through You’, ‘And I Love Her’, ‘For No One’ and ‘We Can Work It Out’.

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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