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The Bryce Is Right

Adventureland
Fun & Games Games Games Games Games!
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Hot on the heels of Superbad director Greg Mottola strikes back with Adventureland, a more personal film that’s funnier, heartfeltier, and an all around more realistic tale of growing up pains than that overrated McLovin fest could and ever will be. And whatever you do, peas toss aside all preconceived notions that you may have created from that misleading trailer goings around. It makes it look like the dopiest dope fest this side of a NORML rally. In a sweaty 80s summer past, Mottola worked at Long Island’s Adventureland (Pittsburgh’s 111 year old Kennywood stands in its place for the film) and had the time of his life. He channels them times and his life into Pepsi girl‘s brother Jesse Eisenberg (The Squid & The Whaler is brilliant as usual), who reluctantly takes a job at a theme park before heading off to graduate school in the fall. What he experiences over the next few months will be a greater life lesson than any higher education institute could provide. There’s a not so simple romance (with Kristen Stewart, who’s growing on us with every movie), a not so simple mentorship (Ryan Reynolds, being more low-key than usual), the occasional fist to the testicles (thanks to Matt Bush, currently seen on numerous AT&T commercials) and BFF forming (Freaks & GeeksMartin Starr, who deserves more work than all those other Apatowner kids making the rounds), all under the not so watchful eyes of two wacky bosses (Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig). We haven’t had this much fun at an amusement park since Navin R Johnson wanted to guess our weight so we could win some crap. So whatter you waiting for, cause this film has no height requirement for pure enjoyment. Plus we know yer dying to see what Ron Howard’s other (not as attractive as Bryce Dallas) daughter Paige is all about in her film debut (Mottola was an extra in Ron’s Gung Ho)!

Adventureland Ho!: Margarita Levieva plays Adventureland‘s resident heartdongthrob Lisa P. guess the P stands for Purrrrrrrrfect

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Sugar
Almos PITCH Perfect
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

The team that gave us the jarring Half Nelson (Ryan Fleck & Anna Boden) fully take on the tale of a Dominican with American béisbol big league dreams in their bittersweet (sorry, had to use the pun) Sugar. Sugar is the nickname of our hero pitcher Miguel Santos (Algenis Perez Soto, making a stunning debut), a boy from an impoverished town who wants to make his friends proud and boku bucks to send home to his family. After rigorous training in technique and key English words (like ‘line drive’) at a Caribbean baseball academy (with consultation on and off screen from former Big Redder José Rijo), Sugar gets selected to play for a minor league ball squad in bumf&ck Iowa. There he lives with a devout old couple who love themselves their church and the ballplayers they house. Strict house rules are posted, language barriers can’t be broken, and mild hilarity ensues. At first Sugar’s totally rocking it with his killah arm, and with his heart, as he takes a liking to the old couple’s winsome granddaughter (see ‘aField’ below), but things in life don’t always turn out the way we want them to. How the story progresses from here turns out to be a lot less predictable than one might think and the harsh realities it presents is one of the main reasons why this is quite a special film, for fans of America’s pastime (that’s well past its time) or nonfans alike. Batter up!

Further aField: Ellary Porterfield could easily pass as another daughter of Ron Howard’s, more akin to Bryce Dallas, and not like Paige (fythghs- there are also a set of Howard twin girls running around out there somewhere)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Paris 36 (Faubourg 36)
Stage Right, More Than Stage Wrong
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

It’s 1936, and on the outskirts of Paris (we smell a title somewhere in here) the working class folks pass the hard times with the smiles generated at their local theater called the Chansonia. Then one day it closes and the folks’ hard times g
et hardier and timerier. Longtime stangehand Pigol (Gérard Jugnot) is now jobless, and hopeless that he’ll ever get the chance to take his beloved accordion playing son to the sea. The kid gets taken away and Pigol jumps back into the only world he knows, the theater. With the help of a Rupert Pupkinesque comedian, a rough and tough ruffian tuffian, and an undiscovered starlet (see ’69’ below) the four revive the gay old thymes by opening the curtains again. There’s some curious political shiz running in the background, and it only helps to sharpen the film’s colorful palette. It’s like Cabaret, with less sexiness and more mustaches. No one can make schmaltzy sentimental cinema fly high quite like the French cancan. It’s in their blood, and we’re suckers for it. Paris 36 flies high and the fromage is as light as a feather, and we got suckered into the show that must go on

Paris 69: Nora Arnezeder is a niiiice

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gigantic
Undersized
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

While Parker Posey is away, loopy-cutie Zooey Deschanel shall and should play… the role of independent cinema ingénue supreme. She’s been frequenting mainstream fair for awhile, but she never comes off as mainstream. Maybe that’s why she was a perfect choice to be the Yes Man‘s breath of fresh air woman and such a poor choice to play a breath of stale air wife in The Happening. Then again, The Happening was a poor choice for a movie. Deschanel is right at home in the mini Gigantic, a trifle that doesn’t really go anywhere, but it’s hard to turn off the charm des chanel. Desch plays the love interest to buttoned-up matress selling soon to be Chinese girl adopting while periodically attacked by a homeless guy Paul Dano, but their love isn’t all that interesting. What is interesting is how much Zooey reminds us of Paul’s real life paramour Zoe Kazan. So much so that this is the third time we’ve mentioned the Zoe-y comparison. We’re not so secretly dying for the two lovely ladies to pair up in a movie. We’re thinking a reimagining of Salinger’s Franny & Zooey, called Zoe & Zooey Go To The Zoo In Kalamazoo. It could also star Gigantic‘s Ed Asner and John Goodman, and feature a three way between the Zs and me. We’re hoping that it would cause such an uproar that JD would come out of hiding and sell us one of his jars of urine

Gigantism: looking for sumtang a bit bigger? czech out Pixies covers by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova or Sheldon Williams = Ken Griffey Jr. on Nerve Tonic

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Alien Trespass
Take A Pass
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

A 50s alien invasion sci-fi flick send-up is a rather nifty idea (although most didn’t seem to think so when applied to Indiana Jones’ world), and Alien Trespass certainly gives it the olde college try, so why then does it feel more like an olde elementary school try? It looks and feels right, the dialog is oh so corny (Eric McCormack does particularly well here, in the very first thing we’ve ever seen him in), and the Kang & Kodos one-eyed trespassers were actually kinda creepy, but there’s juss something that aint right. It’s not funny enuff to be a good parody nor amusing enuff to make this more than a rental, and to be purffectly honest, who wants to pay money to see Kevin Arnold’s dad be angry and yell at people, for the jillionth time in his career? Dunno, maybe peeps who still feel jilted by the lame Ice Cube/Ice-T shoot-em down Trespass, which was co-written by Robert Zemeckis no less!

A Baird’s Tale: Jenni Baird is aiiight, but we’ll stick to explora-ing Diora

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Sugar, Paris, Gigantic, and Trespass all open today in limited release, while Adventureland opens at a theater near Jews

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Free Free, Us Give


an AT-AT at at home [Brodey to the Max]

Little Mac (& the N%gga who stole his bike) returns! [Pakula Shaker]

Conchords season 2 underwhelms, Bret to get hitched, and the boys have small balls and large racquets

hottie sportscaster Ivon Gaete’s demo reel. it’s OK to stare

Sacha Baron Cohen’s dummy companies

Yahoo!’s 100 Movies to See Before You Die. haven’t seen 10 of them, and have only seen half of 8 1/2 and a 1/3 of The Third Man

Thighland soul food fav Amy Ruth’s files for bankruptcy [Keyseroll]

DeLorean, the guy, the movie!

I try to pick up and hold a baby everyday because it nourishes me

the bacon explosion [Andre Dawson’s Sondaw]


Hillary Fisher, we’ll take the bait and tackle dat a$$!!

&

GIVE US, US FREE!!

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Grime & Punishment

Sunshine Cleaning
Not Much More Than Meets The Supplies
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Sunshine Cleaning starts with a bang (a man offs himself in a gun store) and ends in predictability (life’s tough, but we’ll make it through, together, as a family!). And it’s no real sirprize that it turned its decent potential (a house cleaner becomes a CSI quicker picker upper) into an underwhelming slice of familiarity when the movie typecasted it’s tight cast (we won’t even bother mentioning that Sunshine was produced by the team behind Little Miss Sunshine… although we juss did, and this new Sunshine coulda used a tad of the quirkiness that the other had too much of). Amy Adams plays a cheery, but vulnerable girl. Emily Blunt is an easily annoyed, eye-rolling sourpuss. Alan Arkin is a witty grampa who’s so loving, and so witty! And grumpy gus Mary Lynn Rajskub sports a look on her face like she was in a Willie McGee impersonator competition. That’s some of the least stretching we’ve seen since we didn’t stretch for every PE class during middle school (go Jags!). The movie isn’t anywhere close to being bad. Then again, so is eating at Taco Bell, but you don’t have to eat at Taco Bell

Most Kind of Wonderful: we’re pleased as punch to know that Eric Stoltz’ lil sister in Some Kind of Wonderful (Maddie Corman) is still employed as an actress

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Watchmen
Any Movie We See Twice In A Theater Is Bona Fide Bestness
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

no qualms from these sweaty palms in viewing #2 of the movie with the greatestesteistest opening credits mt EVERest, cept:

people probably won’t love it as much if they haven’t read the graphic novel comic books

Frank Langella should have played Nixon

Michael Sheen should have played /Frost

Stanley Hudson should have played Dr Malcolm Long

Ozymandias needed to be less British, more buff, less gay, less guy from Match Point

in addition to being JFK’s killer, the Comedian should have also been the Zodiac too

Zodiac should have won best picture

how can Zack Snyder get any more visionary than this?

more credits for Eli Snyder

more Akerman hotness

more NSFW Akerman hotness

let more women kiss Silhouette

more blue penis

why wasn’t it 17 hours long?

Verdictgo: still BREAST IN SHOW!!!!!, but not with even more!!!!!

Cleaning is currently playing in limited release, while Wacthmen is still being watched at a theater near Jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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