Thighs Wide Shut

dude, Zack Morris

AND the Zack Attack

is both very much alive & well!!

for once, Fallon was on, instead of off. get it? his last name is Fallon and most of his jokes fall flat on their faces, but not that last one cause it’s effin ZACK MORRIS, who’s the like original Kenny F%cking Powers, but the real question is, whatever became of Miss Bliss’ other students like Nikki Coleman and Mikey Gonzalez? well, is you? what? ZACK MORRIS!!!!

+ Faped By The Bell

The Hangover
A Hazy Shade of Winners & Losers
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

It’s not a smart comedy, nor a dumb one neither, but it doesn’t really matter at all what kinda comedy it is cause The Hangover is sain and plimple a dang funny movie, and if you’ve been reading our reviews for some time you know how infrequently we use the word ‘funny’ to describe a comedy (dramas and horror flicks are another thang, see Gran Torino & Drag Me To Hell for hilarity ensuing). So kudos to director Todd Phillips (although no kudos for his lame cameo as a guy getting head in an elevator) and writers Jon Lucas and Scott Moore for pulling off this feat, hispecially considering the fact that Phillips’ previous work is overrated tripe (Old School, Road Trip) and the scripters’ not even worth rating (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Four Christmases). Yet it’s not really the writing or direction that makes it work, but the comedic stylings and perfect chemistry between the three leads, pretty boy Bradley Cooper, nerdy boy Ed Helms (and yes, he did indeed get his tooth removed for the movie!) and scruffy-looking nerf herder boy Zach Galifianakis (Justin Bartha‘s the straight man who’s disappearance during his own bachelor party ignites our plot, but he’s barely in it to leave a mark). Our three amigos keep the shenanigans rolling from the get go, all the way til its non-stop LOL ending, which quite honestly, could be one of the most memorable endings to a comedy in quite some time. Eat that Judd Apatow!

There are some things in The Hangover that don’t work at all. Sure, it’s always a pleasure to see Heather Graham‘s breast, but it’s not always a pleasure to watch her act. How many times does she have to play a cheery sex toy? Come to think of it, we’d like to withdraw that question, as we do like to see what her breasts are up to every now and again. How about them promising Iron Mike Tyson bits, as seen/exploited in the trailer? Completely uninspired and moist disappointing of all, flat and unfunny. You’ll enjoy watching this YTMND more than you will his work in the movie. Maybe you won’t, but we fosho did. Regardless, if you want to see Tyson on the big screen, do yerself a big flavor and see Toback’s radiant doc instead. Comedies don’t need to be grounded in reality, but The Hangover motors on realistically for quite awhile. That is until the movie jumps the shark briefly by inserting pointlessly wacky cops that spoil our fun, juss like the overdone ones in Superbad did. And the wurstest offender of all? Dry sourpuss Ken Jeong, poorly playing a prissy gay gangster or something like that, which has instantly put him on the path to earning his second ‘Judd Apatower That Needs To Be Forgotten More Than Sarah Marshall’ trophy at next year’s Thighs Wide Movie Awards. Ken, please, go away. And casting directors, if yer looking for a witty Asian guy, there’s this fellow named John Cho you may have heard of, who’s actually funny… like the rest of this movie, minus all the parts mentioned above. Eat that Judd Apatow! And while yer at it, eat Ken Jeong too!

Galifianakiss of Life: watch Zacky ‘interview’ some choice celebs between two ferns & teach kids about acting

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Downloading Nancy
Baud To The Bone
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Unfortunately this is not a movie about downloading hot nekkid snaps of a girl named Nancy. Not that Nancy (a very fearless Maria Bello) isn’t hottt (remember how she brought it on in that cheerleader oufit?), but she’s not interested in spreading her hotness all up on the internets. She’s a down in the dumps housewife, looking for someone to end her life. Jason Patric answers her posting snatchurally (what, were you eggspecting Tobey Maguire?), but a funny thing happens on the way to getting oneself killed… the two sick puppies find sick happiness in each other’s miseries. This is one tuff love, and such a bleak and twisted little tale that it may qualify for worst date movie of the summer, if not the year. Her oblivious hubby (Rufus Sewell, for once playing the sad sack, instead of a cad baddie), sits at home wondering where the fred funk his wifeykins has gone. Then a knock comes on the door and there’s Patric opening Pandora’s box, telling him that she’s never coming back to him. Watching the two interact, and overact, painful as it may be, is truly a treat to watch, as are Patrick’s nightmarish scenes with Bello. This is quite a first offering from director Johan Renck, and we hope things break outta the bleak house on his second feature, or we might have to cancel the download

Fancy Shmancy: download Nancy…. Grace ringtones!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Cautious Peepers

Séraphine
My Kid Housekeeper Could Paint That
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Séraphine Louis is a foreals person (she has a short Wiki entry to prove it), and her life story about being a frumpy simpleton housekeeper turned divinely inspired floral artist (Yolande Moreau pouring herself, art and soul, into the role), almost reaching minor notoriety in life, with the help of a kind German patron (Ulrich Tukur), but a tad more after death, is so fascinating that it’s rather puzzling why it took so long to make it into a movie. She’s like a female van Gogh, cept she wasn’t crazy enuff to cut off her ear (to spider face), but she was certainly crazy… CRAZY TALENTED… and yes, crazy too. Séraphine’s got enuff issues that she hactually has a subscription. The film, directed by Martin Provost, has the usual stale mise-en-scène trappings of some stuffy drama you might see on Masterpiece Theater, but a flashy artist biopic (with a healthy dose of fiction tossed in to flesh out her story) isn’t really necessary in the Paris countryside of the early 20th century. Apparently the Frenchies agreed as it garnered 7 César Awards. It easily won best supporting croutons in a salad, so why not take a bite. Eat that too Judd Apatow!

The Island That Is Moreau: yo wanna see Yolande NSFW? didn’t think so

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Nancy and Séraphine open today in NY/LA only, while The Hangover hangs out at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

[via Everything Is Terrible via Newbower of Power]

Blur, not in their own words

we wanna put the ‘in’ in India [NSFW]

free audio walking tours of film & TV locations in NY [The Film Soc]

apparently the fake James LeGros/Dead at 21 star can sing, and didn’t die at 21

the tears of a clown

kids love playing with earthquakes

Daichi for Beatbox Battle Wildcard

& peace the forks out 2

(John Arthur)
David
Sharing Is
Carradine

1936 – 2009

Crossover via FFFFOUND!

how come there’s no info on the already completed Jemaine Clement/Bret McKenzie/Rhys Darby flick Diagnosis: Death besides the fact that someone bought it?

Weekend Lesbo Fantasy: Monica Bellucci and Sophie Marceau in Cannes

‘He’s Behind You, He’s Got Swine Flu’ is more catchy than… swine flu!

the only remake we’re looking forward to, even though we’ve never even heard of the original

sum ting we didn’t really need to stumble upon: Twin Peaks star Kimmy Robertson fraai naakt dan wel naked [NSFW]

ye olde V posters fo sale

Dexter filming locations

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead… co-starring Ralph Macchio!!

sorry, but we prefer our Silk Spectre w/o gynormus boobs [NSFW]

Surprise cattack [cruisespanko]

death from la boqueria

&

she’s a challah back front girl

as seen on NudeJewishChicks.com [NSFW]

The Girlfriend Experience
No Experience Necessary
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Remember how boring 998/999^ths of Soderbergh’s Che was? Well at least that movie had guns, a story, beards, revolution and Catalina Sandino Moreno. Nerderbergh has returned small time to his small pictures and the resulting Girlfriend Experience is mildly more amusing than the unamusing Full Frontal exercise, but not even close to being in the same breath as the major of his minor leagues, the fantastic Bubble, which is without question his bestest movie (long live Misty Dawn Wilkins!). Look, being a call girl escort prostitute (acted in the film with the skill of a porn actress by… porn actress Sasha Grey) in reality probably isn’t all that interesting, endlessly listening to guys talk about their boring Wall Street jobs or Steve Jobs or Job 3:16 or Dirk Calloway spying on Mr. Blume and Miss Cross giving each other hand jobs, all while giving her Johns whatever kinda job they want, and dealing with a boyfriend who can’t deal with the fact that she’s a call girl escort prostitute, but ya wanna know what, the flick didn’t have to be at all boring… or edited out of sequence for no better reason than to take yer mind off at how boring it hactually is. Have you seen Secret Diary of A Call Girl? Answer yes and you can skip Girlfriend Experience cause then you already know how entertaining the life of a call girl escort prostitute can be, and if the answer is no, cause only 9 people have Showtime, then do yerself a flavor and watch the loose lipped Billie Piper show and still skip Girlfriend Experience… even though we did loves ourselves the brief but brilliant onscreen work of Premiere‘s Glenn Kenney (and Thighs Wide associate Ben Finklestein) more than the entire body of this work that doesn’t work. It’s not a movie, it’s an exercise in making 78 minutes feeling like the 330 minuted 1927 Napoléon epic. Yes, Napoléon is the only film longer than Benjamin Button

Hurl Grey: we had so much trouble finding really naughty pictures of Ms Grey, so may we present to you the sauciest pic of her from the internet’s lot

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Girlfriend is currently playing in limited release, but can be seen right at home on Video On Demand, but this is one video you don’t want to demand

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…