it started with this*

*site didn’t look exactly like that on day 1, but it’s close!

and it ended with….

well, it hasn’t ended.  hasn’t it not is no?

you still here?

am I still here?

why are we all still here?

damn.  I knew I should have sold this site to Lycos back in 2005

anywho, here’s to 10 years of gawdknows what

first ever full movie review

‘I hear there’s rumors on the internets‘

 

numanuma

 

 

–

Year Two

yourethemannowdog / niggastolemybike / dosstolemybike / whatiscosby 

 

The latest 50 images posted to Live Journal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

–

Year 3

 

 

 

Wonder Faps

 

–

Year 4

Let It Cosby

 

1.21 Gigawatts (Redux)

 

  

 

 

 

–

Year 5

 

 

 

 

 

 

–

Year 6

 

 

 

–

Year 7

 

 

 

Plinkett’s Star Warsrapes/reviews

 

 

–

Year 8

INTERNET K-HOLE

 

 

–

Year 9

Merchandising Is Forever

THIGHS WIDE SHIRTS!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

–

Year 10

 

 

Limitless Paper In A Paperless World

 

 

 

 

–

if you got this far, bless you, and thank you.  you ship of reader means the world to me

and thanks to Popeyes, Zodiac, Zardoz, Andy Rooney, Kubrick, Hitchcock, CBS Sunday Morning, Star Wars, Saul Bass, gifs, boobs, gifs of Meg White’s boobs, the kid, Becker, Wonderyak, My Man Marvkus and his face, Lily Allen, Grambo, Peabs, Golden Fiddler, Grahamorama, Ms Modern Age, ProductshopNYC, Ultragrrrrl, Brooklyn Vegan, Justin Don’t Link This, the original Egotastic, Skeet on Mischa, Pinky Trent, WizzNutzz, DC Sports Bog, Tom Welling(ton): WORLD’S GREATEST ACTOR, Kid Kadoji, Spakula, Jewanicure, Nipsy Newbsy, Joe E Tata, BJNewms, The Thinker, my parents, my family, my Sara, and everyone with mustaches round this good world.  stay 4 real, 5 reals, 9 reals

HERE’S TO THE NEXT THOUSANDS YEARS OF THIGHS WIDE SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we pricked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2013

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Judi Den10th Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

The Death To Smoochy Würstest Picture AND The Gus van Sant Most Pretentious Pig Sh!t Film of the Year!!!!!

Upstream Color

dishonrable mentions for these movies for also sucking a$$ and making me really angry that they eggist

This Is The End & Don Jon & The Book Thief & The Bling Ring & Gangster Squad & I’m So Excited & Katsnooze II

_

Batsh!ttiest Un-Sh!tty Crazy/Beautiful Performances of The Year

Leo & Cate

in Wolf & Jasmine

_

The 4th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

Jay Baruchel

we get it, you’re scrawny, Canadian and have a dumb voice.  now go away and take Seth Rogen with you

_

Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

Jackson Nicoll / Joey King

and the würst

Nico Liersch

_

The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn’t Like Guy of The Year

 

James Franco

who had 8+ flix released in 2013!!

_

 

Gifs of the Gawds

_

 

Hairing Is Caring

Cumberbatch’s Assange hair

tied for 2nd – everyone’s Hustle hair

tied for 3rd – the MUST-staches of Dallas Buyers Club

_

Würstest Date Movie of 2013

12 Years A Snooze

alternatively…

würstest Dates IN a movie

any of the ones involving humans in Her

_

Bob’s Big Girls – The Bobbies!

anything & everything in Gatsby +8 other winners!

_

 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

anything Vanessa Hudgens is doing in Spring Breakers

Margot Robbie makes us howl in Wolf [NSFW]

anything in Blue Is The Warmest Color (although we didn’t see it) [NSFW]

Lindsay Lohan’s cannons in The Canyons [NSFW]

Rosario Dawson puts us in a JO Trance [NSFW]

the revealing photos of Bettie Page in Bettie Page Reveals All [NSFW]

& 

Leo’s butt candle

and the leastest…

her and his in the dark orgasms in Her

+

the sexification of Amy Adams in Hustle

juss stop it.  she’s too nice to be sexy

_

Mish-Mash-Up of The Year

Oz Breakers by ME!!!

_

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Justine Lupe!!!!

 in Frances Ha

runner-up - Blanca Suárez

_

Most Ablixaiest Ablixa

Ablixa in Side Effects

_

Face Timeless

Dutch lawyer Emile Vrijman‘s face

seen in The Armstrong Lie

 _

Josh Baskin’ In These Sunny Miscellaneous Missile Missives That Are Da Bomb Shiz!

the only bitched @ swirth that matters!!!!!!!

AMC’s POOFY COMFY LEATHER RECLINING CHAIRS AT THE MOVIES!!!!!! 

the Her his line

the VFX of Gatsby

 Kellan Lutz IS orc Bolg

JD Salinger’s son was in Revenge of The Nerds!

David Cross has played both Allen Ginsburg AND his father

THOSE CRAZY SEXY COOL NASA’S SPACE COLONY ART THINGS FROM THE 1970S COME TO LIFE IN the so-so Elysium!!!

the awesomeness that is SpaceCamp!

the Death Star’s laser control room still exists!!!

Matt Zoller Seitz became like the new Jesus and we still have zero idea who he is

1933 was an incredible year for movies

that picture of Terrence Malick

this picture of Terrence Malick

the cameos of Harmony Korine

Picnic at Hanging Rock is crazed!!!!!

Danny Lloyd Torrance Lives!!!

Batman (1989)’s Flugelheim Museum

+

we still gay for JFGay

_

Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer’s Bong & Chong

‘Ordinary Love’ from the Mandela movie

Mayssa Karaa’s arabic rendtion of ‘White Rabbit’

‘Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites’ by Skrillex in Spring Breakers

Mike Patton’s haunting piano in Pines

&

the abso abso abso lute würstest be…

‘The Blue Umbrella Suite’ featuring Sarah Jaffe

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

 

+ 

 the würst

& the würrstetst

& twinsies würsteresteserteestsers!!!

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

A Good Day to Die Hard / The Purge / My Little Pony: Equestria Girls / The To Do List / The Canyons / Jobs / Inside Llewyn Davis / Out of the Furnace

_

Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award

June Squibb / Raphaël Personnaz / Topsy Chapman

_

Movies To Look For In The ‘014

World War ZZ Topps

The Haunting in Connecticut 3: Ghosts of Miami of Ohio

The Even Greater Gatsby

Othello (based off of the board game)

Korben Dallas Buyers Club

13 Years A Slave

13 Fast, 13 Furious

_

In Memoriam

Temple of the Smile

+

O’Toole & Fontaine & Phil Sey Mo & Ramis & Sid & Paul Walker & Mrs Peacock & Dennis F%&king Farina & The Albino from P-Bride & Gandolfini & stop motion sick-ness & Ebert

&

Mr LittleJeans / Pagoda

_

don’t forget to peep out our ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

The Thirsteen Thirteen

1) Room 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

–

2) The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

–

3) Her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

–

3) Captain Phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

–

4) All Is Lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

–

5) The Great Gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

–

6) The Hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

–

7) The Stories We Tell

Do Tell

–

8) Salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

- 

9) My Father and The Man In Black

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

–

10) Spring Breakers

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

- 

11) Short Term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

–

12) Cutie and The Boxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

–

13) Our Nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

–

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

–

wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

you know the drill - The Washington Post does it, we does its three, better or worser or perhaps even worse.  anywho, 2014 is so gonna be our year

 

OUT	IN
Selfies –	Shelfies –
Room 237 –	Room 238 –
Harlem Shake –	Bronx Malt –
Despising Ben Affleck –	Despising Ben Affleck –
1/8th Visible Boobs   –	3/8th Visible Boobs in an invisible plane –
Cronuts –	Bronuts –
Pleaves –	Plaves –
Kate Upton’s body –	Fred Upton’s body of work –
David Keith –	Keith David –
The Desolation of Smaug –	The Domination of Zog –
Yeezus –	Knowses –
Mayor Bloomberg –	Mayor McCheese –
Edward Snowden –	Snowed Inn Bed & Breakfast –
  Sarah Palin –	  Sara Palan –
Blockbuster Video –	Cartrivision –
Ray Donovan –	Donovan Ray –
Bacon –	BaccOff –
Gatsby –	Zaxby’s –
The Walrus Was This Andy Reid Baby –	The Walrus Was Karl Malden –
#ThrowbackThursday –	#ThrowupThursday –
Top Chef –	Topless Chef –
racist Redskins –	Simply Red’s bassist –
Carlos Danger –	Sir Reginald Safety III –
Orange Is The New Black –	Orangeface is the new Blackface –
JFGay –	RFGay [NSFW] –
Doritos Locos –	Utz Slutz –
Tony Romo, Choke Artist –	 Tony Santavicca, Sandwich Artist! –

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011, the ‘012 & the ‘013

Yeezus aint got nuttin on or in our ears, cause this stuff did in 2013!!!

Al-bums Sharp-tons!!!

Album of the year / their career

Franz Ferdinand
Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action

 –

Lady minus Tron =
IT IS SO FCUKING ON!!!

 

Marnie – Crystal World

 –

Soundtrack of The Year Decade

The Great Gatsby

– 

Punk’d Dafty

Daft Punk – Random Access Memories

 

–

Tunses For Toonces

‘Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites’ by Skrillex | ‘Call On Me’ by Eric Prydz | ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk | ‘Bullet’ by Franz Ferdinand | ‘Hard Out There’ by Lily Allen | ‘Tainted Love’ by Gloria Jones | ‘I Feel Love’ by Donna Summer | ‘I’m Ready’ by Kano | ‘The Perfect Life’ by Moby featuring Wayne Coyne | ‘Hearts On Fire’ by Marnie | ‘City Rising From The Ashes’ by Deltron 3030 featuring Mike Patton | ‘White Rabbit’ by Mayssa Karaa | ‘The Rain, The Park and Other Things by The Cowsills | ‘Ordinary Love’ by U2 | ‘Young And Beautiful’ by Lana Del Ray | ‘Colours’ by Electric Wave Bureau | ‘Song About A Grasshopper’ by Big Children’s Choir | ‘Stronger Than The Storm’ by Bang 

[d-lode all in one handy zip!!!!!]

(look for ‘Click here to start download from sendspace’)

and a big boo to the one song that made me wish I didn’t have ears – ‘The Blue Umbrella Suite’ featuring Sarah Jaffe

–

You Only Once Live!

show of the year - Franz Ferdinand @ Hammerstein

Fleetwood @ Mac Prudential Center Newark

Three Dog Night Empire City Casino at Yonkers Raceway

Bon Jovi @ Giants Stadium II

Beck @ Prospect Park Bandshell

Travis @ Webster Hall

Global Citizen Festival @ Great Lawn – Central Park

Deltron 3030 @ Highline Ballroom

Elton John @ MSG

–

Hear, Dare & Everywear

 

Who Are You?

 

the greatest song about a grasshopper ever done sung!!!!!!!!!

 

Tender Is The Day The Demons Go Away

The Who Concert Disaster 

this poster is juss WOW juss WOW juss WOW juss WOW!!!

–

BADBYE :(

goodbye Sweet Lou

goodbye The Man-Zarek

goodbye The Mac Daddy

goodbye Safe Havens

 

goodbye Self-Toucher

–

and here’s what we stuffed in the past

’12
’11
’10
’09
’08
’07
’06
’05
’04
’03