Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Thursday, March 8

Three's A Crowd... PLEASER!

Remember Thighs Wide Year 1? We hadn't the slightest idea as to what the fridge we were frazzen. Year 2 wasn't much different, cept our penis outgrew our ego by something like 20 inches. And so here we here, Year 3. A lot has changed. We've gottsen lazyierer. You blame YouTube. I blame Valerie Plame. But lettuce not play the Plame game. Lettuce ketchup on all the poop that's worth re-pooping!!!

Thighs Wide Herstory

March 8 - Tony! Toni! Toné!, we did it again! Another year, another recap, another hit with people googling for weird shit

March 17-20 - we hit up the Emerald Isle, and it hits back!

March 27 - Borat movie gets a release date. We say, 'Here's hoping everyone's flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition'. Who knew that it actually would?

March 30 - Alabama Leprechaun fever hits an all time high!

April 20 - we make our first of 3712873712 Lily Allen mentions. And yes, we still claim that we invented her US career dammint! And yes, wer still want to make love to her myspace background! Four days later, we're offically in love her music and everything chav!

April 21 - I get to inderectly ask Sasha Cohen a question

April 26 - We meet Kurt Vonnegut, celebrate with non-related mp3

May 3 - Gawker unintentionally rips and pisses us off

May 5 - Peabs returns from his self-imposed exile to give us his indepth take on his Coachella trip, which includes some ye olde fisting of Cesar Chavez with a buckle full of table grapes and a head full of bad memories. Obvs.

May 7 - the Thinker returns from his self-imposed exile to report on the disaster that was the Public Enemy & Ice-T concert

May 22 - we go batty and post, not only a ton o links, but a ton o vids and mp3s from our formative years

June 1 - The Fap Five revolution is born

June 7 - Brooklyn Vegan, behind the Beard & Mustache Championship website, is outted as our mos flavorite website

June 12 - Gorrila Mask frynally gives some Thigh love (see Problem Child)

June 15 - our love of Radiohead ends

June 19 - The Gum & Grambo get EW props, Grambs give props to us, yet our Thighs are too sweaty for print

June 21 - blogging indirectly reunites me with the girl/thighness who's more adorablerer than early 90s Winona Ryder, and on the same day, Portugal beats Mexico in the World Cup, deciding once and for all, who is the greatestist country in the world, and we return from Aruba, without Natalee

July 2 - we break our long silence on Lohag

July 10 - on - Zidane's headbutt aninated gif madness begins and never truly ends

July 19 - Pat O'Brien's honeybunch Betsy, as in 'Betsy's so jealous', has a blog and we open it up to the world... and it closes shop 12 days later

July 25 - we see right thru the lameness that is Little Miss Sunshine, the rest of America choozses not to listen. On the same day, Fleshbot gives us some mornin wood!

July 31 - Mel Gibson is a big idjiot day!

August 1 - After our lackluster visit to the Football HOF in Canton, we decide to rank all the HOFs we've been to

August 4 - 6 - we (sorta) hit up Lollapalooza

August 10 - Although Royal Thighnesship interest is at an all time low, we hint at who's next in line

August 14 - we return to the birthplace of the corn pic

August 21 - yes, we are 400% gay for Chris Isaak

August 23 - our head and our penis' head almost explode taking in The Quiet, which stars both Cuthbest and Camilla Bellebest

August 24 - fittingly, our mos flavorite TV show of balls thyme, Twin Peaks, becomes the subject of our very first themed fap Thursday

September 8 - football season finally arrives and we correctly predict that the Colts would win the Super Bowl. Take that Dr Z!

September 20 - we hit 3 mil in visitors

September 26 - Aaron Sorkin's new show blows, and don't we know it!

October 10 - Lily Allen and the Thigh Master, in one room!

October 16 - the weight is frynally over as we post the The Most/Best - Ghetto/Ass - crazy/beautiful - Local Commercial Ever up on YouTube

October 20 - 22 - Bloomington, IN's fart intake goes up by 373782397%

November 1 - Ozzie Smith is named our mos flavorite St Lunatic of balls thyme

November 13 - praise Jeebus as Joe Gibbs benches Mark Brunell!!!!

November 14 - 17 - the biggest Don onSlaught on Bond Girls mt EVERest

November 30 - Cuthbest turns 24

December 12 - Wii rules the day

December 15 - our female mascot fetish attracts the attention of Deadspin

December 20 - Underdog movie news prompts us to use toon versh for our background pic, which sadly forked up our system and every post prior to it is now stuck with said bckgnd image

December 28 - Fiery F-er, Matthew Friedberger tops our '06 music thingamajig!

December 28 - we finally interviews someone! And not juss someone, but LILY FORKIN ALLEN!!

January 3 - In Oder Aus for the '007 drops. In all honesty, this is one of our mos flavorite things to drop besides deuces!!

January 14 - Chargers die, Andy Rooney doesn't

January 22 - Lynch, what the f%ck was that?

January 25 - Falkor's little sister turns 21

January 31 - The Devil & Daniel Johnston is our #1 pick for breastest flick of the '006 + many other goodies!

February 9 - in one of the mos quietestest dethrownings, we bid adieu to year-shlong reign of Camilla Belle and hola to Her Royal Thighness The VIII, Leonor Ceballos Watling

February 14 - the Thighmistress survives V-day at White Castle!

February 26 - we hit 4 million visitors AND we get to touch a dildo! but not at the same time

March 2 - 4 - my a$$ re-enters the state of Indiana. Sadly for everyone else, so do my farts

March 8 - Thighs Wide Shut turns 3 and you don't

Oh Snap...ples!!

Atari Lynx

The Quest for Shamrock Shakes

10 Strangest Lego Creations

10 Top Wurstest SNL Cast Memebers

Brad Pitt

Hoth Olympics - 2014

Miscast 8

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

where I'll be buried: Dublin, OH's Field of Corn

The Religious Affiliation of Comic Book Characters

Batman TV series onomatopoeia shaz

Double team Shavlik Randolph and Louis Williams

The Finnish Tron Guy

Polish Movie Posters

Ezra Buzzington

Top 15 Strangest Coincidences

Rate My Turban

The Toaster made out of Toast

Hynotize Gif Power

my old MAC

NBA Fotoshop

Luther Vandross Burgers

50 animals driving


Anne Sellors only TV role ever is...

Hardcore corn

Avosion XP Pro

¡aciremA nI ylnO!

Mario's Bullet Bill game

Meat Cake!

What's for dinner?

Colin Farrell hearts a good JO/BJ

Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair

Pot Tarts, Toka-Cola, Munchy Ways, etc

Judah Friedlander's microwave for sale

At least you're not this guy...

the only Mario Bros animated gif u ever need to see

Garindan or Gonzo?

Melting Ice Pops 1999-2006

There Is A Coffin Waiting For Jerry Lewis

The McFlys

Watermelon carvings

Michael Douglas, human Muppetttt

Espacios publicitarios

Fantazy Land, Alexandria, Egypt

Cats that look like Hitler

Megan Fox Gives Brian Austin Green a Hand... Job

Concert Ticket Generator

Pictures You Can't Take Anymore

Man Not Found (Dog)

Arcades at the Movies

Stick Figures in Peril

Urinal Scluptures

Iggy Pop's concert rider

Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru - Special Edition

largest pizza taco you'd ever want to eat

Jek Porkins And Ponda Baba: Haunted House Candy Hunt!

Quit your Stalin


Give me HEAD... LINES!!

Insert Penis Joke Here

He May Be A Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag, But He's Our Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag

On the menu today: horse penis and testicles with a chilli dip

Passengers Bravely Take Down Plane Showing Big Momma's House 2

And bloGOD said let there be Lily Allen

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse

So Dark The Con Of Vanegas

James Stewart 'forced To Bed Hookers'

I Was Assaulted By This Man Who Identified Himself as a Police Officer and Refused to Provide Me Identification, Photography is Not a Crime

A Man Should Look Out After His Family & Tagged

Overjoyed Saints Fans Tear Roof Off Reopened Superdome

Detroit man in erotic pursuit of mannequins arrested, again

Rumsfeld Leaves Most Recent Job Off Resumé


Mélissa Theuriau

chick with 3 tits

HAI2U!!!1 :)

pizza cock

Mountain Dew fisiting

Jenny McCarthy's sis Amy

untitled picture

either one wouldn't be WTFworthy, but together?

Rate My!

Hitler muff & Nazi bizatches

Italia GQ's Top(less) 125

The Kennedy Girls

Encyclopedia of Lesbian Movie Scenes

Christina Ricci tats her tats

Top Ten Female Streakers

Eat shit

Ladies In Weighting


Video Daily Doubles


Michael Larson, Whammy's #1 enemy

A Leprechaun In Alabama?

Errol Morris commerishes

Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics

The Wonderful World of 80s Commercials

Jarvis w/ Ali G's 'Help the Muthafuckin Aged' vid

Gene Hackman loves fall out shelters

Got Ayds?

Rigged Door

Game Six of the 1986 World Series with Nintendo RBI Baseball

Fore-edge Painting

Village People's 'Sex Over The Phone' vid

Worst Music Video EVER

The Art of Motion

1 year in 45 seconds

Re-Enactment: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Crazy German Guy

'Stop The Madness', anti-drug music video

Gay Mount Everest

Super Mario On Ice

Paul McCartney making mashed potatoes

get dances w/bear to 'Crazy'

Mexican Midgets Dancing

Encyclopedia Britannica Boy

Kube's 2001, in 2001 seconds


David Bowie learns karate

9 months of gestation in 20 seconds

Mr Rogers meets Mr Donkey Kong

Sean And Mackenzie Astin on I'm Telling

"I Done Soiled My Britches!"

Robotic Mule

the wonder twits!

Corey Haim - Me, Myself, and I

the slow clap

I Remember Jew

Storybook International

Rossie Harris/lil Joey

Yvette from Clue/Colleen Camp

hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995

Chris Young

Hands Across America

the kid from Charles In Charge AND Arsenio

Junior from Problem Child


The Encyclopedia Britannica Boy and his NSFW other half

the OG movie Jimmy Olsen

Nancy Allen


Danuel Pipoly (Piggy from Lord of the Flies)

Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly

Phoebe Cates

Sound Off

'Da Gold (Where It At?)' [d]

'I'm The Storyteller' song [d]

Damon Albarnpalooza [many Ds]

EG Dailey's 'Mind Over Matter' [d] from Summer School

Jolene' by Olivia Newton John & Apollo Zero [d]

'Everybody's Talkin' by Leonard Nimoy [d]

Martika's 'Toy Soldiers' [d]

Orson Welles' hates frozen peas

Lily Allen - Alright, Steal

the Armand Van Helden remix of the Moby/Debbie Harry jammy jam 'New York, New York' [d]

'(My Name Is Mahir) I Kiss You' [d]

we rank the Bond Themes!

Hall of Fap


Peter David Tomarken
Maureen Stapleton
Louis Rukeyser
TV's Invasion
Paul Xavier Gleason
Billy Preston
György Ligeti
Aaron F. Spelling
Ken Lay
Red Buttons
Lost Boys Granpa
Roger Keith 'Syd' Barrett
Frank 'Mickey' Morrison Spillane
Guy Haines' sluty wife Miriam
Jack Warden
Bruno Giovanni Quidaciolu Kirby, Jr
the Planetary Status of Pluto
Gwyllyn 'Glenn' Samuel Newton Ford
Stephen Robert 'Steve' Irwin
Nelson de la Rosa
Red Auerbach
Edward R Bradley Jr
Volodymyr 'Walter Jack Palance' Palahniuk
Robert Bernard Altman
Peter Boyle, Jr
misc many
James Joseph Brown, Jr.
The OC
Arthur Buchwald & Dennis Gerrard Stephen Doherty & Scott Charles Bam Bam Bigelow
Anna Nicole Smith
The Effin Man Who Gave Us The Wireless TV REMOTE CONTROL & Chief Illiniwek
Ernest Gallo AND Capt'n America

Stick Me In The Punitentiary