Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Wednesday, March 8

In Case You Didn't
Feel Like Showing Up

Did you buy me cotton Well you should have you f#@&ing jerks!! Last year around this time we were happy to look back on one full year of hotness, but by proclaiming BRING ON THE TERRIBLE TWOS, we were certainly ready to put whatever came before behind us, and push things forward. AND BOY DID WE!!! As we rolled into year 2 ATM (After Thigh Master) Lohag was choking on our dust and about 7 liters of cum, and the world was an uncertain place. A year later, not much has changed, cept my penis is still large and you all still want to shove it down yer thrizz. I'm not one for paragraphs, or words for that splatter, so lettuce get this patty started!!!

Peas note: there were many a hot links, but some have turned to dead links like Atari Lynx. And there will be errors below, since to error is to be like gawd

Thighs Wide Herstory

March 8th, 2005 - Wow, I juss wasted a year of my life, and about a month putting together a recap of said year!

March 9th - We officially sell out as we decide to sell ads. The Who did it, so why can't we. Plus someone needs to pay for all my Cliff Engle sweaters!!

March 17th - Wees overtakes some other crap to become the #1 result when Googling for 'thighs'

March 21st - I am slowly becoming my father, Thigh Master The Pre-I, as I admit my love for CBS Sunday Morning
March 22nd - Thighsbart turns 30 and Pat O'Brien's 1-900-SEX-A-LOT calls enter my life, and thus yours, for the foreseeable future. Here's the low-down on the whole It's Pat thang

March 29th - Owl-faced Devon Aoki becomes the very 1st, and probably last, Thighcubine, while Tom Wellington and myself set out to be become bigger than Jib Jab with our Pat O'Brien super effin remix [d-lode]. Many try to top us, but fail more miserably than Zorro II. The remix fails to enter the Billboard charts, and Jib Jab easily go to sleep that night on a large pile of money.

March 30th - We've succeeded more than we've failed, but one of our biggest wastes of energy was acquiring a Thigh Slave SLASH intern. Here's the only thing he ever did... which does kinda kick glass!

April 2nd - Thighs Wide Crossword #1

April 5th - Baseball returns to DC, finally, and so does my Fu-Manchu, finally

April 6th - We lie eyes and thighs on Camilla Belle for the 1st time. Masturbation levels in Thighland go thru the roof and the stratosphere!! Also, on this day, Pinky le Pew disobeys my wishes, while we profess love for Pam Beesly!

April 12th - Ultracutttttteness introduces me to the bestest web thingie ever: The latest 40 images posted to Live Journal

April 19th - John Ratzenberger is named Pope!!

April 28th - We unveil the Top 50 Mos Hottiestest People. Sorry, but your moms was #51!!!

April 29th - 1st ever Corn Me contest begins. Coincidentally, sales of PhotoShop hit an all time high

May 1st - We cum face to face with Cuthbest @ The House of Wax prem, FO-REALS. When I ask her why she hasn't returned my heavy breathing calls or underwear I sent in the mail, she responds, 'Why are there so many empty bottles of Jergens and crumpled up tissues around my ankles?'

May 1st/2nd - We skip out on Coachella, but My Man Marvkus
gives us
the lowdown! Sales of frozen chocolate covered bananas plummet. Word has it they may not even sell em this year.

May 6th - The unofficial commencement of Hot Cross Puns???

May 6th - 'Possible Porno Name' debuts with House of Wax Dat A$$, SNATCHurallly!!

May 10th - Between the Baaaaaathists, clerics, and myself, we call for calm and make peace with Philly and their cheesesteaks

May 12th - LAMENESS ENDS, as we tweak the site's look. A wallpaper is added, in a sorta nod/rip-off of Grambo's picture thingie in the upper-right-hand corner, with candy corn kicking things off. Sadly, since I steal other people's snapples for the wallpaper, it aint there nos mos!

May 17th - My high school is named 11th best in country, and yours is not. EAT A DICK (unless yers is 10th or higher)!!!

May 23rd - I remember how much I loved ladies' tennis as a child as Sharapova enters my life, via The Blogfather, plus we recap Hofpenis' OC bachelor party, when My Man Marv's retard head was born!!

May 26th - Double bestness: we're FRYANLLY added to Ms Modern Age's blogroll (her's was the first 'blog' I ever 'lovgged') + we meet the Gorillaz

May 27th - First Corn Me entires unveiled

May 31st - the REAL Deep Throat is outted

June 6th - The Popeyes/Bonjangles dispute is settled once and for all. KFC wasn't even invited cause it cannot be considered great fried chicken, let alone friend chicken. It's more like CRAP!! + the first ever Corn Me contest winner is wonned!!

June 12th - 7-11 returns to Manhattan, which leads to our first ever link love over at Gawker. I celebrated that night my slitting my wrists and pouring a Slurpee over it to stop the bleeding

June 13th - Video Game week on Thighs begins, and we decided to adopt Dakota Fanning. From that day fwd, she will be known as Jean Claude Van Dame Dakota Fanning the I of Thighland

June 17th - Thighs Wide NES Hall of Fame

June 22nd - AFI unleashes their picks for best quotes in flick, I, me, mine

June 23rd - I leave my job at the Animated Porn Factory

June 25th - I grow tired of banging Cuthsplurt and thus
the search for HRT the III begins

July 2nd - Our 1 millionth visitor passes, as does Luther Vandross, the inventor of the bacon cheeseburger served on a Krispy Kreme donut bun!!

July 4th - Bail Organa/Jimmy Smits blesses' Thigh Sister and Made of Brawnsteeeen wedding. Sio Bibble couldn't make it. He was too busy getting invaded by a probe droid!

July 6th - Lohan becomes HRT the III??@!?$??$~$ Is this April 1st or April WURST!!!?!?

July 11th - After the mos eggshausting search since Star Search searched for Spock, a REAL HRT the III is named, Sharapova. Russian dressing replaced dingleberries as the mos commonly found substance in my boxer briefs

July 19th - Charlotte Church’s mug makes it's first appearance. Sometimes love for chunky women is more important than love for chunky chicken salad

July 22nd - I get canned for no good reason, cept for having a hugh-mungus cock... which leads to this tirade

July 26th - 5+ months ahead of Munich’s opening, I make my first plea for u all to rent one of the world's bestest docs, One Day in September. I bet your fuckers still haven't Netflixed it

August 28th - Who knew there wasn't a coat factory in Burlington, VT?

August 30th - Photoshop Tuesday begins, and promptly ends

Sept 8th - Life begins again + fantasy football autodrafts BLOW

Sept 12th - After only two months, Sharapova is tossed on her ass and her salad. CC is crowned HRT the IV, and Rasputin tries to get everyone in the kingdom to lick his grundle. Oh Rassy, you MAD MONK, YOU!!

Sept 19th - finally gets some real props, sorta

Sept 20th - We are all treated to 57 min and 8 seconds of the wurstest game ever, and 2 min and 52 seconds of the greatest!!

Sept 23rd - Fridays will never be the same as Photochopping becomes the hottiest thing since I started selling my super sperm to people with out peniseses!! Bewilderment of the peoples begins too! Photochop viewing aint for the stoopid. Them shizzes are more cryptic than the Crypt Keeper giving a cryptologist Robert Langdon's Trapper Keeper a hand job inside a crypt!!

Sept 29th - William Fitchner’s 9head and the invasion.wav

Oct 6th - We finally learn how to pronounce Shia Labeouf's Name

Oct 10th - Chris Columbus Day (Observed)

Oct 17th - Sasha Cohen gets named dropped, but yet our pants don't drop. I gots a feeling that'll all change

Oct 31th - I witness something that is could be best described as a ‘back alley abortion with wire hangers covered in Crisco

Nov 6th - The only way to celebrate a b-day, Connect Four

Nov 7th - The KID gets caught moonlighting

Nov 14th - CC gets excommunicated for eating more chunky chicken salad than the weight of her chunky thighs, while Cuthbest’s Weezer video unleashed. Weezer? Who knew they were even still around

Nov 15th - Keira Christina Knightley ascends to my throne of bone, by becoming HRT the Colin Firth. Boobs or not, it's a return to normalcy

Nov 30th - Cuthies may not be queen, but that doesn't stop her from turning 23

Dec 1st - Thigh Master's ears meets 'Awesome Gawd' [d-lode]. Pat O'Brien remix who?

Dec 5th - Future Thigh something or other, Carey Mulligan gets her first bit o thigh love. If she actually starred in more than 3 things than the future would be now and my penis would be in her ear

Dec 23rd - tATu tops our breast in music thingie. Somewhere, maybe in Illinoise (HOW CLEVER), Sufufjufjjanan Stevens is crying for being included on every single blog in the universe's year end best list cept for ours!! EAT IT POOPIE HEAD!!!

Jan 1st, 2006 - What's In oder Aus?

Jan 9th - Brain and stomach explode after a trip to Hoosierville

Jan 14th - A day of mix blessings as Rooney turns 87, and my sports season ends

Jan 16th - Munich, barely beats out Squid And The Whale in our annual Thighs Wide Movies thing

Jan 19th - I contribute the society/You Tube for the 1st time, Shaq-Fu style

Jan 24th - Falkor's sister turns 20!

Jan 25th - Nadine Coyle, who?, becomes Her Royal Thighness The VI Warshawski. Who?

Jan 26th - TWS's SAG – HOF (Screen Asshole Guild - Hall of Fame) inducts two

Feb 2nd - I feel the time is right to out Sarah Horseface Parker and Mitch from Real Genius

Feb 6th - Corn Me contest #2 commences, aka AMATEUR HOUR!!!

Feb 8th - We settle the debate in our own head, who’s the bestest artisteses of all time?

Feb 9th - In the middle of the review for When A Stranger Calls, Camilla Belle rightfully is royal crowned HRT VII, ending a turbulent year of European ho-bags

Feb 13th - Can you top a weekend of cheesesteaks, the Wu-Tang Clan, Lucas, and the revelation of the 2nd Corn Me contest winner? No, cause your a loser who reads this site!!!

Feb 20th - We’re dubbed ‘medium-sized', and appear in print for, what I believe is, the 1st time

Feb 23rd - Jean Claude Van Dame Dakota Fanning the I of Thighland turns 12, and for the record, I have no ill intentions with the girl. I juss wanna hang out on the playground with her, like ABC to Iesha.

March 2nd - Sasha Cohen coheness never ends, like the Childlike Empress's reign

March 6th - Pimps out do the Jews at Oscar 2006!!

March 7th - 2 million and marching

They Were The Men Now Dawgss!!!

yourethemannowdog - darthno - unitedstatesofno - niggastolemybike - darthvaderno - vadergetsthetalk - usofkimble - conanmakespopcorn - iifk - mortalkhaaaaanbat - transformersrave - googlefoundcarmensandiego - muhammadhassan - modelbatman - vaderfortune - tcruiseko - nsmbb - niggastolemyyoshi - nsmbcarnegiehall - stollemyiceclimber - dosstolemybike - ytmnd2 - balooandcruise - vaderisgay - whatiscosby - drzaiusamadeusplaya - fanta - soylentgreen - whatis88 - blueballfixed - ourgodisanawsomegod - ualuealuealeuale - uncutohh - dabearsdabears - sausageditkabears - easilyimitated - thebrianpeppersong - cornonthekabob - and, pepperstruth

The Year In Snapples

Super Fun Links
That Are Fun Super

100 Oldest Currently-Registered .Com Domains

200 Amazing Secrets

2000 uses for WD40

Arcade geeks


Are you Hall or Oates?

Airline Bags

Airline Meals

Airline Sick Bags

April Fools Wrap Up

Asian boobs bounce [NSFW]

Atari Museum

Back to the Future II cards

Ben Affleck's Flick

Better Gates Than Never

Boob cursor [NSFW]

Cant Find On Google

Casino Carpets

Clockwork Orange fun

Clue VCR Game

Coke loves cock

Concert Tickets

Controller Madness

Corn Palace

Dark Tower

Elevator Action


fastr - a flickr game

Finger Twister

Fried Chicken Gallery

Girlpoo [NSFW]

Google Guide

Hipster Tee Shirt Generator

Hollywood is Calling

Hot Dog Origami

How are Suzanne Vega and Seinfeld connected?

How To Draw The Nipples Back On Victoria's Secret Catalog Models Using Adobe Photoshop

How to really confuse your party guests

In 'n' Out 100x100 Burger

Is It November?

JC Penny catalog

JSF’s Useless Baseball Card Collection

Mad Fold-In, July 1998

Marble Madness

Mars Props

Mascot HOF

Names for Pet Rats - A to M

Nap Dynamite in 1s & 0s

Olympic Jedi

Oregon Trail game

Original Boy Bands

Pink Elephants are scary

Planet Fakes [NSFW]

Scariest vagina [NSFW]

Single Man's Guide to TV Dinners

Stop Alien Abductions


Thighs in things

Topher's Breakfast Cereal Character Guide

Unfortch Star Wars costumes


White Sox Uniforms!

Why do women athletes tend to be flat-chested?

World's Largest Basket

World's Longest Surname


Can't Buy Me Loaf

Anti Monkey Butt - Asteroids Watch - Atari joystick buckle - Corn Cob Cutter - Crocheted Crotches - Dog Condoms - Hold Me Closer Tiny Danza tee - Ice Cream Pint Lock - Kitty Fries Plush Toy - Priceless scratch off - Reservations - Scrolling Text Belt - Shalom Shirt - Squirrel Liquor Decanter - Ultra-Lifelike Robot - Vibrator for children - WAKE n' BACON

C'mon Feel The Moist

a-ha's ‘Living Daylights’ [d-lode]

Bestest mp3 site on planet mirth!!

Classic Arcade Sounds

Drum thing

G-daddy's 'AM180' [d-lode]

'Goldfinger' [d-lode]

Led Zep + others backwards

Llama Song

Madonna 'Hung Up'

Olympic theme song [d-lode]

Oops Louis Armstrong did it again

Phantom Planet ‘California 2005’ [d-lode]

'Pirate in a Box' [d-lode]

'Popcorn' [d-lode]

Sharapova moans [d-lode]

Stripes at Glasto

The mash up to end all slash nups!! [d-lode]

Tic Tac Dough theme song [d-lode]

Tori Amos' + ‘Karma Police’

Troy’s mixtape of love

Video Game Music Archive

WGBH logo [d-lode]

Who is Piero Umiliani? Manamamama [d-lode & d-lode]

'Wig In A Box' [d-lode]

Wing, and her music

Boozam of the
Moving Image

Ali G NBA spots

Apple ][+ Granddaddy music video for 'Jed's Other Poem'


Bestestest Christmas Lights Display Ever

Bestest hockey goal

Big Foot

Borat’s response to Kazakh Foreign Ministry Spokesman

Brille commirsh

Burger King steals Brett Farve’s ball

Chelios Fiction

Citizen Kane vs the White Stripes

Classic Cars

Cocky Shockey Shocked

Cruise outta control

Cruise squirt

Dakota in Japan

Ditka + Grabowski

Earnest Byner

GI Joe Public Service Announcements

Gorillaz 'Dirty Harry' at the 2006 Brit Awards

Harlan McCraney, Presidential Speechologist


Is There Anything Butter Than Meg White Massaging Conan While Jack Watches?

Keytar madness

Lil Doorbeller

Mascots dance

Mike Tyson Punch Out, live

MJ Moonwalker 1rhj432hj43!!!

NES acapella

O facin the music [NSFW]

O Rly?

Paperboy comes alive

Shining trailer redux


Siskel AND Ebert go off

Sleepy cabby

Spike Jonze GAP ad

The guy who invented Ctrl Alt Del explains how and why

The Karate Kid

The Littles

The ONLY shining moment

The real Coach K

Van Dammmm dances

Watching all six Star Wars movies simultaneously

WGBH logo

William Shatner performing Rocket Man

Wilma Knocks Roker Off His Feet

Wrestling fun


Ladies In Weighting

Anne Hathaway and side boob

Alba's Ass

Alba See thru

Alizeé Jacotey

Bartons' cow titties [NSFW]

Brazil bonitaszz

C-Bell stuck in the 80s

CC as Sally Bowles

CC sweaty

Carla Gugino [NSFW]

Cat-Zeta-Jones-Douglas [NSFW]

Carey Mulligan

Cuthbert Warrior Princess

Cybill Shepherd [NSFW]

Dustin Huffman with tits

Eva Mendes

Fake Jenna Bush

Fake Katie Holmes flashes the camera [NSFW]

Janet Jackson nude paparazzi vid [NSFW]

Jennifer Ellison calendar

KK coming out of a car

Kari Matchett

Lesbian scenes in movies

Lesley-Ann Warren

Lindsay Lohan Vanity Fair Pictures

Ludivine Sagnier [NSFW]

Mammories, In The Corner of My Mind

Mandy Moore, prettttty in pink

Mary Steenburgen, yuck [NSFW]

Melissa Theuriau

Men look at Sharapova

Mischa is Addicted to Love

Mischa, the cutest luck dragon mt everest


Miwa Oshiro

Nicole 'Sid' Vicius

Oksana Akinshina


Pam Mueller

Penelope Cruz [NSFW]

Pinder + wet = YUM

Pinder looks at her own boobs

Pixie Geldof

Rosamund Pike

Sasha Cohen

Sofia Lidskog

Something for the ladiesthere's a led zep song in there somewhere

Sophie Marceau boob slip [NSFW]

Stewart Thorndike

Straight Outta Naples [NSFW]

Susan Sarandon + lemons

Tara Reid [NSFW, duh]

THE Camilla Bell wallpaper

The hottiest of the hot toon pooner

Up and coming Russians

Vanessa Marcil

Watch where u stick that corn [NSFW]

Whet My Appetits

Willa Holland

Winnie Cooper as Leia

Give me HEAD...LINES


















and the Thigh ones...

An Ode Alba's Ass + 2 Other Reviews

Baby You Can Drive My Czar

Buster Hip Pointer Dexter Sisters Midnight Runners


CGI Friday's

Connect Foreplay

Corn On The 4th of July?

Fall From Grace Jones

Gay Expectations by Charles Dickintheass

Have You Driven An Oliver Ford Davies Lately?

Just Call My Name & Alba There

LoHansel & ReGretel

Marwan Is Da Loneliest Numba That You'll Ever Do

Peeping Into Her Windows 2000

Postcards From The Wedge

Slutskaya's The Limit

The Guns of Navarone Chaperones

The Russian Tea Bagging Room

Tuesdays With Morrie's Wig Shop

Vladimir Putin On The Hits

And not by us: Fuck Caption This

I Remember Jew

maybe wayne arnold should have hit that shit!Julie Condra

Cindy Morgan

The DeVoe Team

Corey Haim and his rolls


Jenny Wright (dirty woman/girl)

Laura Mooney aka Nicki Kapowski

Jenny Wright (fly girl)

Childlike Empress

Haley Joel Omelette

Bonnie Bedelia

Tatum O'Neal

Curtis Armstrong

Timothy Dalton’s Bond Girls Maryam d'Abo, Carey Lowell, and Talisa Soto AND Robert Davi

Jerry Supiran (that kid from Small Wonder)

the cast of Can't Buy Me Love, inc Ami Dolenz

Jeremy Miller

Joan Cusack in Sixteen Candles

Mark Duper

Yancey Thigpen

The choosey Grail Knight

Pam Dawber


Dean Cameron

Jill Whelan

Roy Rogers Fontes

Deborah Foreman

Jimmy Two Times

Isaac Chroner, king of the corn

Wolfgang Petersen semi molesting Barret Oliver


Salute Your Shorts

V AND Gunther Cunningham

Corin Nemec aka Parker Lewis

Stewart Thorndike

Cpt 20/Count Gore De Vol/Dick Dyszel

Amy Locane and horse

Edie McClurg

Mustard Man

Admiral Akbar and his 'it's a'...

Other Nia Peoples
of Note

Gallery of Albinos - Jay Maynard as General Xinchub - That girl - The Many moods of Mischa Barton (old) - Renee Smellweger’s perfect product - The Martha Dumptruck/Andy Milonakis Conspiracy - Maradona - Aryan Justice - Portman on Sesame Street - Magnum PI hearts volleyball - Katie Holmes and her mouth herpes - Do the Schiavo - album covers - Ricky G' and his Eurotrash band - Ray "Mississippi Burning" Killen vs Uncle Jr - Ron Mexico - Lindsay Lohan + Ann-Margret - Casper Van Diem's ass - Pat Buch loves bukkake - Rooney on baseball, on words, on coins, and of course, on art - The real her royal thighness? - Kevin Arnold's crushes - What is wrong with her eyes?!? - Rosie is retarded + the Pat O remix - Guess who leaves the 1st comments of Cuthies 1st blog entry? - Kai - Double Lohan wuh? - Wedge in cockpits - Dress Steve Jobs - Celebs love table tennis AND eating - Neil Diamond, not the father of Screech and Mike D - Mathew Lesko - 'Antonio said I looked like a monster' - Deep Roy - The Photos They'd Rather Forget - Robert Altman hearts Lohan - Craig of Craigslist - Sonny Bupp, cause of Robert Wise’s death, is the last man standing associated with Citizen Kane!! - Siskel & Ebert's Top 10 Lists - The Kevin F. Sherry Sweater Project - Clothed ladies, and then not NSFW - Paris Hilton Screwing - My hero part 246247 - I think u have something in yer hair - Wax on, Wax Hoff - Dakota countdown (boo-urns!) - Rock For Life - Miss McDonald - Paris, Her Royal Thighness? - Fake Charlotte Church NSFW - Dude from Invasion = Barf the Mog - Mischa's and Falkor's scary sister - Dakota & Sal Pal Jr - The Encyclopedia Britannica Kid and his blizog - 4 Asians and a white dude - Clinton Portis and his costumes - Peabs and his arm - President Logan

All We Have To Fear
Is The Blogosphere Itself

50 most beautiful hipsters as seen on the cobra snake

All-You-Can-Eat Tossed Salad Bar For Everyone!

April Golden Showers Bring My Fucking Urine All Over Your Effing Ooh-Jah!

A-Z Favorite fake schools

B-wagon wagons

Best 404 message

Celebrity Time Travel 10

Dhalsim Begins

For the Love of Blog CheeseThe image “”

Fro, Do They Didn't!

Gizmos & Gadgets

Goonies R Good Enuff

Grambs takes the gloves off

Lessons Learned from Just One of the Guys

My gawd, she's right

Peabs done?

Proposed boxers for a sequel to Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (ca. spring 1989)

Purty Pictures II

Robocop is a teacher

Some Blogs Are Better Than Others

The Diarrhea Of Anne Frank

The Gallery Of Ugly Mugs

Trent and HRT the I butt heads

Sacriest Cake EVERRRRRRRr

SI Cover Jinx

The Bling Bling Bat Mitzvah!

The couple

The greatest Christmas story ever told

The Man, The Mystery, The Animal Inside

Top Ten Female Streakers (NSFW)

Ultimate Movie Meal Menu

"Your mama's so fat...." Photoshop an insult

Life No Smores
(the ones we put a lil effort into)

Paul A. Partain - John Z. DeLorean - Johnnie L. Cochran, JR - Franklin Parsons Perdue - Pope John Paul the II - Sam Mills - Frank 'the Gorsh' Gorshin - Strawberry Fields - Anna Maria Louise Italiano (Bancroft) - Lane Smith - James Montgomery Doohan - Peter Jennings + Ibrahim Ferrer - Ms Goodbar - Barbara Bel Geddes - Matthew McGrory - Six Feet Under - Admiral Kendal Ozzel - He Hate Me name - Chief Justice William Rehnquist - Bob Denver - Simon Wiesenthal - Don Adams - Jeeves, of Ask fame - Nipsey Russell - Rosa Parks - Jek Porkins - Lobot - Gaius Julius Caesar - Mr. Miyagi - Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor The III - Routemaster Double-Decker Buses - Fred the Baker AND That Guy From Those Movies - Not the bum from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure - Shelly Winters - Wilson Pickett - Chris Penn - Uncle Owen Lars - Don Knotts & Darren McGavin - Jack Wild - Kirby Puckett


Edgar Stiles

Day 4 - Day 5

You Can't Spell Adobe
w/out 'do' and 'be'

home of the bravery?

The image “” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

And for the creme de le
menthe of the menthe...

Don't know bout you but I'm effin bushed. I'm taking some days off to recoop and masserbate til I have a penis no more. See ya when I see ya.