Thighs Wide Movies 2011
17. Jan, 2012 
2 Comments
2011 didn’t bring us any swans, social networkers, toothy dogs or voids that needed exiting ASAP, but that didn’t stop movies from being released. Â we saw a bunch of them, and in our humboldt opinion, here’s the top of the plops…
No Hate’een
On These Eighteen
1) Project Nim
Apes re-rose this year, but it was the real life tale of one displaced pot-smoking chimpanzee who had to battle nature vs nurture vs short-minded humans that truly made a monkey out of us. Â After this and Man On Wire, we’re foaming at the mouth and between the thighs to see what’s next in James Marsh‘s beyond goodie bag
2)Â Certified Copy
What is real, and was is not?  And are they, or are they not???????  Whatever it is and they are, this shiz is Certified blam-mazzin!!!
3)Â The Adventures of Tintin
Señor Spielbergo shows us what a 4th Indiana Jones could have been (without Georgie Lucas) MAD F$%KING FUN, YO!!! Also, probably one of the best animated movies of this century.  YES, THIS CENTURY!!!
4)Â Tabloid
Mormon sex in chains case, the docuMENTALary. Â Joyce McKinney would win an Oscar if she wasn’t a real person, so instead she won our ears and hearts 9ever
5)Â Melancholia
for once, a happy von Trier movie!!!! Â and it’s got nude moon-bathing!!! Â and Kiefer Sutherland!!!!!
6)Â The Skin I Live In (La Piel que Habito)
THIS IS NO SKIN THAT ANYONE WOULD WANTS TO LIVE INS!!!! YIKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7)Â The Tree of Life
Forget all that beach sense-non at the end, and remember everything else – the dinosaurs, the mother’s pure love, the father’s tough love, and all that running thru the house.  Thanks for the days hours of heaven T-Mal
8)Â We Need To Talk About Kevin
Parents, don’t let your kids grow up to be archers, but that’s probably inevitable if yer mom is half-amphibian and yer dad is the king of all schlubs
9)Â The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Another Fincher clincher, but seriously, the Anita Vanger plot hole keeps it from being the greatest movie ever.  not really, but kinda?
10)Â Shame
Barely a movie, and more like a feeling, a really dirty one, filled with Mulligan showers and Fassbendy shlong dangles. Â Gets under yer skin, and makes you want to eyeball screw every woman on the subway
11)Â Into The Abyss
Werner Herzog goes mos death, penalty, and it’s up to you if the play is fair or foul
12)Â Meek’s Cutoff
Kelly Reichardt makes really slow and boring modern movies, so when she turned her movie clock back to the dusty & musty ye olde Oregon trail thymes, she struck dysentery gold!!!
13)Â J Edgar
Anyone who thought The Aviator was good is a giant moron. Â Anyone who doesn’t think J Edgar is good, probably thinks The Aviator was good. Â This is Leo’s best work since he ate Gilbert’s grapes
14)Â The People vs George Lucas
This doc sums up everything about our lives, cept for the masturbation, fried chicken, and masturbating with fried chicken parts
15)Â Drive
Some substance, all style, and that’s just fine, cause of that jacket, and those nightcallings, and them crazy Jews, and that elevator action, and that jacket, again
16)Â Tyrannosaur
Punch, drunk, hate. Â Make a date to watch it, but not with someone you love.
17)Â The Trip
If Rob & Steve made a movie where all they did was sleep, WE WOULDN’T SLEEP ON IT!!!!!
18) Anonymous
ROLAND EMMERICH MADE A MOVIE THAT WASN’T HORRIBLE!!!!! Â IN FACT, IT WAS KINDA F%^KING AWESOMES!!! Â IT MAKES SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE LOOK LIKE SHAKESPEARE IS SUCKS!!!!
and now for the…
Honor Blackmanable Mentions
Abduction (it’s all about the ABS!), Bill Cunningham New York (take a bite out of this little apple!), Bombay Beach (life ISN’T a beach!), The Conspirator (Wilkes Booth truth!), A Dangerous Method (dangerously sexy!!!), The Devil’s Double (doubled our pleasure), Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (ext cloying, but kinda incred moving), Final Destination 5 (3-D done/dumb well), The Help (still makes we want to eat fried chicken), Housemaid (clean up on aisle yikes!!!), (the last 1/4) of Hugo, Jane Eyre (the eyre up there!), Limitless (for once, a watchable DeNiro movie), Midnight In Paris (the clock strikes movie magic!) Moneyball (so money… ball!), Prom (let’s party!), Rise of The Planet of The Apes (bananas!!), Scream 4 (all hale Lucy!!), A Separation (anxiety!), Sleeping Beauty (no penetration!),  Source Code (groundhog’s slays) Submarine (stays afloat and then some!), Super 8 (even if the ending wasn’t so super), Terri (the ultimate pajama jammy jam), Vidal Sassoon: The Movie (what about bobbed???), Warrior (brooding & the beasts)
next up (at some point) is our anal-ual movie awards, but feel free to feel up years past gas in the meanthyme
