we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2018

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fifteenie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

 

Thing In A Movie That Was Lame-r Than Your Mom

that there’s a bad guy named after overpriced water

_

 

Thing In A Movie From Another Movie That MOV(i)ED Me

I wasn’t ready and overlooked how amazing the Overlook Hotel shined in Ready Player One

_

 

The 9th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of Please Go Away You Annoy The Living Poop Out of Me Over-Acting Actor Award

Lin-Manual-Miranda’s blimey as I live and breathe attitude as a character that doesn’t matter whatsoever in Mary Poppinz

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Eric Roberts

who had SIXTEEN ‘films’ released in 2018!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

they call him MISTER Rogers

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – this lady be DAMN fine award!!

+

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Kiera Bell

_

Hairing Is Caring 

Brian May & The Men of The Favourite
have the same hair!

 _

KFC Sucks, Except For This One Time

stereotypes are stereo-typical
BUT WORK FINGER LICKING GOOD in

Green Book

_

Möst Bestest Racist Performänce By An Actor With An Ümulat In His Näme

Jasper Pääkkönen in BlacKkKlansman

_

THAT Kid Who May One Day Become a ‘THAT Guy’ Kinda Guy

Jake Ryan from Eighth Grade

_

Art Imitating Itself

Mike Myers Hating ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the movie of the same name is genius

_

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Mailing It In With Mailman Karl Malone

‘Sail Away’ in Eighth Grade

all the Luxing & Grinding in Vox Lux

‘Shallow’

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

 

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

The Rider / Climax / On The Basis of Sex / 7 Days in Entebbe / Juliet, Naked / Her Smell / The Night Comes for Us / Chappaquiddick / Golden Exits

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Honor Kneafsey

&

the aforementioned

Jasper Pääkkönen

_

 

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

didn’t realize all those cheesy Burt Reynolds car movies were actually awesome

+

Wes Anderson and Jacques Henri Lartigue

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VII

 

Sports Meet Movies Collection

BEST MOVIES OF 2018:

Boy Erased
Ben Is Back
Beautiful Boy
A Boy Named Ben
Ben Is Beautiful
Lucas Hedges: Live on Broadway
Ben, My Sweet Sweet Boy
Who Erased Ben?
Lucas Hedges: Back on Broadway
2 Beautiful 2 Boys
Gotti

— Alex Blagg (@alexblagg) December 6, 2018

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘019

 

Duo: A Star Wars Story

A Loud Place

HellFraiser

Second Man

Stan & Deliver 

18 Fast, 18 Furious

_

In Memoriam

 

too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this

_

don’t forget to peep out our ’17,  ’16,  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Eleven Movies From 2018 That Popped My Eyes More Than Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Did in Mary Poppins Returns

–

1) Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Fred, won’t you be our everything?  You were.  And we need you to be again.  How do we bring you back to life???

–

2) Eighth Grade

Our Bodies, Ourselfies.  SAIL AWAY!!!

–

3) The Rider

From the heartland, this one goes straight for the heart (and it will tear it apart!)

–

4) Green Book

Sappy? Yes.  Feel good?  OH so good!!!  It’s the historical buddy movie you never thought you needed!

–

5) Three Identical Strangers

Who knew the Boys From Brazil could actually sorta be a reality?

–

6) The Wife

A masterclass in acting.  Honored to be in the classroom

–

7) Chappaquiddick

Hope doesn’t always float for our most beloved Massholes

–

8) Filmworker

Who wouldn’t want to be Stanley Kubrick’s bitch?  Well, on second thought…

–

9) American Animals

Fact and fiction blend into wonderful friction!

–

10) The Favourite

Accessible Lanthimos, for those who have been seeking it.  Me, I just want more Lanthimos!

–

11) At Eternity’s Gate

If they van Gogh it, I will come

–

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned and thirsty my friends!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

another year has passed gas, and what a wet fart 2018 was.   The Washington Post does an In/Out list thing, ushering what’s coming and what’s going in 2019, and we’ve been doing our own version of said list since 2006(!!!).  our list is always IN!  join IN the fun!

 

OUT	IN
The Mueller Report –	The Mullet Report –
Arianna & Pete –	Pete & Pete –
Instapot –	Slow Weed –
This Is Us –	Give Us Us Free –
The Flyers’ Gritty –	The Steelers’ Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini –
Sister Jean –	Parker Brothers –
Starbucks’ Racial-Bias Education –	“I like my coffee like I like my women, black” –
Elon Musk –	Elon Cuffs –
Keith David –	David Keith –
Amazon HQ2 –	Sears SixFtUnder –
Wild Wild Country –	‘Wild Wild Life‘ –
The Conners –	The Donners –
Beto O’Rourke –	Beta O’Cam –
Yanny or Laurel –	Manny & Olga’s –
BlacKkKlansman –	White ZinfanDell Curry –
Midterm Elections –	Midwood Erections –
Tide POD Challenge –	listening to P.O.D. Challenge –
Les Moonves –	Moon Vests –
Brett Kavanaugh –	Sally Ann Cavanaugh –
The Romanoffs –	The Saxe-Coburg and Gotha-ers –
Street Tacos –	Sewer Coq Au Vin –
‘Girls  Like You’ –	Weird Al’s ‘Girls Like Poop’ –
Mbappé –	MMMBopé –
resurgence of  Freddie Mercury –	resurgence of Shreddy Mercury –
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez –	Jennifer Taylor-Clarke –
Bert and Ernie are gay –	Bert and Ernie sleigh –
Three Identical Strangers –	Three Identical Perfect Strangers –
Hugh Dancy –	Hugh Dancey –

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011, the ‘012, the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016, the ‘017, the ‘018

 

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2017

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fourteenthial Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

 

Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants

trying to make Rose from Star Wars
The Last Jedi a thing

_

 

Second Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants AND That Wasn’t Leia Flying In Space

the environmental message of freeing the DUMBo animals in Last Jedi

_

 

The 8th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The You Think You’re An Actress And Maybe You Are But You Annoy The Living Bejesus Out Of Me Every Time I See You On Screen And I Want You Gone So Please Stop Acting Award

go away

Lily James & her teef

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Dan Stevens

who had SEVEN flix released in 2017!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

anything Rihanna was doing in Valerian

_

Begging For More Begbie

there is nothing better than Begbie, the best part of Trainspotting 2

so forget about making a 3rd one and just make a stand alone Begbie movie please

_

Bob’s Big Girls (& Boys)
aka
The 2017 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Eiza González

 & 

Anjela Nedyalkova

 & 

Hot Aunt May

 & 

 

Gosling’s sister’s rack

 & 

 Salacious B Crumb sitting on a toilet, reading Playboy

 

_

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Ana de Armas 

_

 

FOAM Alone!

aka hottest NON-human part of any movie

the foam from Dunkirk

 

_

 

Hairing Is Caring AND Sexy

 

Come for the tennis, and then literally COME watching this hairdressing scene!!!

 _

 

Würstest BESTEST Date Movie/Witherspoonfest
of 2017

 

I can’t believe I typed this

Home Again

_

Best Boys On The Side Player

THIS GUY!!!!

 from I, Tonya

_

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – ‘Bellbottoms’ in Baby Driver (somehow I forgot this song existed)

hologram Elvis in Blade Runner 2049

Bowie’s In Space

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

It Comes at Night / Marrowbone / The Girl with All the Gifts / All Nighter / Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie / The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Ninja N. Devoe

Flint Beverage

&
David Buttolph

_

 

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

i made all these Kao Kan gifs for you

this logo

Why I Love David Fincher’s Zodiac

 

where leia’s hair buns
were inspired from

Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones and Sean Young as Marion Ravenwood!!!!!!!!

Eworks on Ice!

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘018

 

Four Billboards Outside of Branson, Missouri

Boss Toddler

DiPs

Hello Robin Christopher

The Man Who Invented Hanukkah

Rebel in the Pumpernickel

17 Fast, 17 Furious

_

In Memoriam

 

too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this

 

_

don’t forget to peep out our  ’16,  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Ten 2017 Movies That Rose Higher Than Rose From The Last Jedi

–

1) Loving Vincent

LOVE doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this waking life walk thru van Gogh’s paintings.  this is one for the ages!!

–

2) The Lost City of Z

more of an Indiana Jones movie than Kingdom of The Crystal Skull was!!!  AND IT REALLY HAPPENED!!

–

3) Mother!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

–

4) Dunkirk

I was praying that it was going to be a bad movie so I could call it Dumbkirk

–

5) The Disaster Artist

Finally, a Seth Rogen movie I can get behind!

–

6) Phantom Thread

Style over substance AND style!

–

 

7) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Fart faced McDormand and zany Sam Rockwell overcome themselves to surprise even me!

–

8) Maudie

Art with heart

–

9) The Trip To Spain

More of these, less of the Fast & Furiouseseses

–

10) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Beyond this world, and apparently beyond the grasp of today’s dumbed-down audiences.  Enjoy the same crap over and over people, cause Hollywood aint going to take a chance anymo on a movie that takes a chance like this one did

–

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002