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Thighs Wide Telly 2010

was last year really the first year we had a TV awards??? no time for looking back, and only time for looking forward. hactually, this is a look back, at what was bestest in 2010 TV, and while some songs remain the same, new fun can always be found on the tube boobs!!!

1. Misfits (E4, England)

Remember how Heroes sputtered in its 2nd season. Yeah, that really sucked, so spankfully there wasn’t any sophomore slump for the British ASBO-super hero super dooooper show Misfits, which juss earned our choice for the bestest of the bestest FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!! it’s not even fair to call this a TV show. it’s like watching the dopest and innovative movie week after week that doesn’t play in a theater!!! don’t wanna say too much more about what actually happens, hispecially since you/us Americans probably never even heard about this show (outside of our glowing tweets), and that’s the biggest crying shame, but you can do something about it. (CLICK THE ‘it’ TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! trust us). oh, and after all the Clockwork Orange location love, The Shining refs almos shined even mo!

2. 30 for 30 (ESPN)

So what if the top 2 picks are the same ones as last year, cause nothing new or used was remotely comparable. That was quite the honor for 30 for 30 last year, considering only 7 of the 30 docs aired, and so watching 23 more entries in this glorious and unprecedented series was more of a delight than watching Judith Light and Tony Danza fight to see Who’s The Boss. Sure, not all of them were winners, but a majority of them were. Stand outs include Guru of Go, The 16th Man (it was better than Invictus!!!), June 17, 1994, The Two Escobars and Into the Wind. Bestestest news of all? ESPN are liars and have 3 more above the 30 to drop on us in 2011, including the one we’ve been waiting for mostest

3. Sherlock (BBC/PBS)

No wonder this aired on PBS’ Masterpiece Theater, cause the three 90-minute episodes were juss that, theater thats be a masterpiece!!!!!!! Only question is, when can we see the next batch?

4. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (IFC)

Life a bit empty and a lot less funny in an Arrested Development-less world? Todd Margaret fills the void, and then some, and awesome with David Cross to bear/bare. Mos deaf = funniest moment on TV in 2010!!! Anyone know where we can buy a can of Thunder Muscle?

5. Party Down (Starz)

With Jane Lynch trading in her pink bowtie for large checks over on Glee, we thought for a moment that Party Down would go nowhere but down. Well who knew that newbie Megan Mullally could be such a valuable employee of funny (see the ep ‘Nick DiCintio’s Orgy Night’ for proof)? Also, 2192989278 bonus points for employing Fred Savage as a director!!! Sadly, all good things that have no audience muss come to an end, and after its cancellation, Party Down enters the ranks of Twin Peaks and the British Office as two season wonders that keep us wondering what if…

6. This Is England ’86 (Channel 4, England)

Imagine if one of yer mos flavorite movies of the past decade relaunched the partying 3 years after the fact, but on the small screen, and yet still kicked major major major ballistics. That is eggzactly what happened with This Is England and its equally killah lil TV brother This Is England ’86!!! Good news is that ’90 is a go!

7. The Innetweeners (E4, England)

Will, Jay, Neil & Simon are the new John, Paul, George & Ringo. Emily, Emily & Hannah are the newest additions to our JO collection. Thanks for the 3 beyond solid seasons lads & lasses. Any chance the movie plays in America? Would be better than all the American Pies combined times 32837!!!

8. Hard Knocks: The New York
Jets
and 24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the NHL Winter
Classic
(both HBO)

Rex Ryan & Bruce Brodeau both deserve their own channels (or a buddy cop comedy), and 238824354 refrigerators. Lets go eat a goddam snack.

9. Dexter (Showtime)

How do you top last year’s Lithgow’s afterglow? You don’t, but Johnny Lee Miller as a mysterious motivation speaker is motivation enuff to keep Dexter on our list. Think most people hated Lumen. We didn’t. She made Dexter happy, and a happy Dexter is a happy we. Also, LOVED the Six Feet Under ref in Ep 1

10. Kendra (E!)

Who knew being a football wife of a journeyman NFL player could be so heartbreaking? This is the only reality show worth watching

11. Entourage (HBO)

Stuff finally happened!!!!! 3 cheers to coke snorting & Sasha Grey’s boobs (& too hairy bush?? [SFW])!! Yes, this was the 11th best show in TV in 2010. Yes, it was more betterer this year than Mad Men

speaking of…

other solid forms of entertainments: In Treatment, Mad Men, The Tudors, Breaking Bad, Making & Selling Jeans In America, Community, Rubicon, Chilrden’s Hospital, Modern Family, Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel, Real World: New Orleans, Boardwalk Empire, The Big C, Skins, Eastbound & Down, The Walking Dead, Outsouced and yes, Desperate Housewives

+

bone-yes moments

Sally Draper/Kiernan Shipka!!!!

boo to the end of at The Movies, but yea to a talking Ebert!!

The Lost finale sucked, and so did the last 2 seasons

Temple Grandin was the bestest TV movie of the year. so dang good in fact that they should have released it as a movie in theaters!!

Skins season underwhelms, but still…

+ killing off one of their wurstest characters, and the way that they did, was a masterstroke!!!

Psych is watchable thanks to its Twin Peaks flavored ep!!

Carrie Fisher’s darling one-woman autobiographical show Wishful Drinking was so so entertaining that we regret not seeing it on Broadway

The Hub is added to our cable line ups, and The Wonder Years re-enters our lives

– bestest re-discovery of a lost show from our
childhood: Robin of Sherwood

+ love the soundtrack by The Clannad!!!

Deep Roy is the only one truly standing tall on this season’s Eastbound

– the return of these forgetten kids!!! &
Kilborn (& Christine Lakin)

Rasta Monsta

a reason for Glee‘s being

– hotties Erin Kaplan, Isabel, the 2nd Mrs Draper, half face, & Lake Bell Torrance Coombs AND all the Tudors hottie hotness over the yearz

wait a second, did you LOOK AT THIS PAINTINGGGGG????????????????????????????????????

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Personal Foul

32 years of waiting has finally paid off

May 10th
The New York Mets vs The Washington Nationals
Shea Stadium II
Top of the 6th
foul by Luis Atilano
caught by Thigh Master

final score: Nats 3, Mets 2

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Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

yesterday our Thighs turned 6.  today we begins our march for 6 more, or maybe even 666 more.  who knows?  the Shadow does.  so does the Lord.   the Lord once said ‘the time has come to set aside childish things‘, but sometimes the Lord can be wrong, like when she picked Nevermind The Sandra Bullocks for Best Actress, when she shoulda been picked for most likely to be in some romantic comedy that we’d rather drink diarrhea in a NJ Turnpike tollboth than go and see it.  or was it the Shadow’s fault?  anywhoobuttstank, we will never set aside childish things, hispecially our ghettoloriousnessness kelsey grammar, but we vowed to make Thighs Wide Shut more aesthetically pleasing, and in turn, less yellow and less all around eyesore-y for you our dear readers and JO textperts.  so, here we are, love it or love it, this be the new and improved Thighs, with easier to search and navigate stuff and things, but still with all the same poorly written movie reviews and gigantic boobs from the UK trimmings you’ve cum to eggspect.  but before we leap forward, let’s look backwards on last year’s crap and shazta

the bacon explosion

Scanwiches.com

Pieter Dirkx’ filming locations

‘Silent E’ on the Electric Company

Charlotte Allthetimes

NHL playas/entertainers switched @ birth thingies

Kill The Old Man From The Legend of Zelda

Mike Tyson vs Little Mac, round 2

Disney, the forefathers of recycling

Amber Heard’s  NSFW Informers scenes

(Never) Let My Cameron Go

‘He’s Behind You, He’s Got Swine Flu’

ExplosionsAndBoobs.com

California Beach Feet

this may be a trap

Philo T Farnsworth Every Second

current pictures of the Washington Coliseum, site of the Beatles’ very first American concert

The 1954 Milan Indians, aka the real Hoosiers

Choose Your Own Adventure Books That Never Quite Made It

The Great Moon Hoax of 1835

Mama Cass sings her love for Hardee’s

1970s Era Ads Targeting African American Consumers

Live Free or Use Tokens

Jake Lloyd: Ten Years After Star Wars Ep One

Not The Cosbys XXX [NSFW]

Unusual Paintings of Obama Naked w/Unicorns

DuckTales is awesome!

ä, ë, ï, ö, ü & sömëtïmës ÿ

white girls doing impressions of Bill Cosby

Three Frames

‘Ass 2 Ass’ with you [empee3]

replacing Moira with Lara

I Me Nine

WEEPULS!

Time magazine mock-ups in movies

Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Liberty

conjoined twins post

the car that wasn’t there

Vicki Lawrence of A Labia

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boobs!!!!!!

Astronaut, painting by Scott Listfield

Antichrist – antiwatchable

the roads of The Road

a marching band marches to the beat of the Numa Numa guy

Man Creates Pan Am Jet Cabin in Garage

boo to faux Cliff Engle sweaters

Stories Behind 10 Famous Food Logos

Neil Diamond covers Adam Sandler’s ‘The Chanukah Song’

Addams Family Invaluables

Pan Am’s Helvetica dreamtime

C-3POhhhhh snapedness

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

Nytol plus you equals Zzzzzzzzs

Museum of Modern Tweets

Morley Safer takes a look back at Andy Rooney’s career

Coppola Pachinko commercials

Bacon Cheese Turtleburger

perv-iously

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

we’d like to thank the tireless efforts and effarts of Gallop Pole Dancer, for installing all the new whells and bistles, and doing our bidding, and allowing us to feed him pastrami.  you sir have been officially knighted as a knight of the table of our round stomachs of the Kingdom of Thighland.  it’s only the 2732th highest honor, so don’t be that honor rolled

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Thighs Wide Movies 2009

we saw 150ish flicks in the ’09
(down from 190ish last year)
and you probably didn’t
but we still luvs youes!

The Barely Legal Eighteensies

1) Hurt Locker – HURTs so good. LOCKERs even gooderer!!!!

2) Skin – this little seen/known true story got under our SKIN and you should let it do the same to yours!

3) Das Weisse Band (The White Ribbon) – the kids aint alright, and neither are their parents and neither are you if you pass on this!!

4) Il Divo – the devil is in the details and the devil is in the detailed Il Divo. whip it mmm mmm gooooood!

5) Tetro – Sofia Coppola who?

6) Avatar – who didn’t want to munch on Pandora’s box? or punch Joel Moore in the face?

7) A Serious Man – ‘the finesestest Jewish-oriented (non-Holocaust) film since The Ten Commandments. Eat yer farts out Woody Allen and Neil Simon!

8) Fantastic Mr Fox – Wes is more! Fooba Wooba John!

9) District 9 – fittingly #9 on our list, but Neill Blomkamp & Sharlto Copley‘s names tie for #1!!!

10) Somers Town – may the Shane Meadows grazing never end!!

11) Goodbye Solo – hello humanity!

12) Capitalism: A Love Story – Fatman returns!

13) The Road – paths of unglory!

14) Up – nobody makes a perfect first 1/3rd of a movie, and a whatevs for the other 2/3rds quite like Pixar did does!

15) Watchmen – don’t believe the pre-release hype, but do believe the post-release fact that it matched the graphic novel pourfectly!

16) The MessengerCheers meets Six Feet Under… not really!

17) Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! – the women glowed, the men plundered!

18) Broken Embraces – Almodóvar = film caviar!

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

The Blind Side, Brothers, Brüno, The Cove, Donkey Punch, Drag Me To Hell, GI Joe: Rise of Cobra, Guest of Cindy Sherman, In The Loop, Inglourious Basterds, Lymelife, Sugar, Surveillance, Two Lovers, Tyson & Where The Wild Things Are

6thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year


Antichrist
Pandorum
The Boat That Rocked
Pirate Radio
& Push

The Gus van Sant
Most(ly) Pretentious
Most Overhyped
Guy Flies In Plane
Guy Lands On Ground
Guy Does Nuttin Really
Cept Meets Pilot That Look
Like Sam Elliot
Movie
For No Reason


Up In The Air

The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender


Nine
Invictus
Bronson
The Informers
Whatever Works
New York, I Love You
The Invention of Lying
&
4 Fast, 4 Furious

Trailers Worth Tractoring

The Informers, A Serious Man, Tetro, Where The Wild Things Are
A Single Man, 500 Days of Summer, 2012, District 9
& Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
and the wurst: Spinning Into Butter

Post Her
Post We
Post Haste!


& the wurstest ones

The Inland Empire
Shot On Digital Video
Film That Struck Out
Cause It Looked Like
Udder F$%king Sh@t!!

Public Enemies

Accent That Needed To Be
Axed & Sent Directly To Jail/Hell


Paul Schneider’s Scottish ‘accent’ in Bright Star
runner up down: Matt Damon in Invictus

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year


That Guy
aka Michael Berryman
who appeared in 10ish movies
even though the Mac kid had ELEVEN credited roles in the ‘009

The Nice Try Lao Che Guevaraer

Food, Inc.
for not even remotely changing our minds
about eating yummy yet crappy yet yummy
ghetto meats made in America!

Flamingest Use of
An
Angora Sweater
Since Ed Wood


Nicholas Hoult in A Single Man

Jizz Shots
Heard Round The World
That Weren’t Caused By
Amber

Malin Akerman and her super-curvy NSFW a$$
in Watchmen

Bestest Flix
We Netted

Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children


Chibundu Orukwowu & Chigozie Orukwowu
Edie Martin
Max Records
Bailee Madison
Ryan Simpkins
Ella Ramangwane
Isabelle Fuhrman

Least Bangable Scary Lady
Since The Ancient Booer


the ole hag from Drag Me To Hell

Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong


‘Freedom Fighters’ in the Star Trek trailer
‘Somebody To Love’ in A Serious Man [d]
‘Heroes & Villains’ in Fantastic Fox [d]
‘Heartbeats (Rex the Dog Remix)’ in Donkey Punch [d]
‘All Is Love’ in Where The Wild Things Are [d]
anything by Anvil
&
‘Ass 2 Ass’ with you [empee3] in Skins
(even dough Skins isn’t a movie
but we forgot to include that tune
in our TV or Music of 2009 wrap ups)

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles


April Showers
The Box
Crank 2
Donkey Punch
Eleven Minutes
Everlasting Moments
Five Minutes of Heaven
Gentlemen Broncos
Gigantic
The Girlfriend Experience
The Horse Boy
Humpday
I Can Do Bad
It Might Get Loud
The Lovely Bones
Not Easily Broken
The Princess and The Frog
Push
The September Issue
Spread
Sunshine Cleaning
Tickling Leo
Where The Wild Things Are
Whip It
Yoo Hoo Mrs. Goldberg

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award


Uzimann
Jon Eyez
Jadagrace
Victoria Stankiewicz
& Poo Poo Productions

9 Things Not Covered
In Nine, 9 or District 9


500 Zooey Deschanels
the first GI Joe tango in Paris
the Uzi spraying at the fake Gugg in The International
the plain jane-ness of Olivia Wilde’s writer/director parents
Frank Langella’s 3/4ths face making more cents
than the rest of what went on in The Box

the road of The Road
Almodóvar meets & Magritte
Matt Damon in Eddie Murphy white face
& we’ll have whatever Nic Cage was having in Bad Lt

Welcome To The House, Dolls

Naturi Naughton

Notorious

Jaime Winstone

+ the other 2 fit women of Donkey Punch

Tracey Heggins

Medicine For Melancholy

Holly Valance

Taken

Jocelin Donahue

He’s Just Not That Into You + The House of The Devil

Julianna Guill
Danielle Panabaker
& Willa Ford


Friday the 13th

李小璐
aka Li Xiao Lu
aka Jacqueline Li
aka Lu Lu


Push

Brooke Nevin

Sherman’s Way

Margarita Levieva

Adventureland

Ellary Porterfield

Sugar

Nora Arnezeder

Paris 36 (Faubourg 36)

Gal Gadot

4 Fast 4 Furious

Collette Wolfe

Observe and Report

Nicole Beharie

American Violet

Zoe Saldana

Star Trek & Avatar

Rachel Nichols

Star Trek & GI Joe: Rise of Cobra

Jessica Mas

Rudo y Cursi

Amber Heard

The Informers

Cameron Goodman

The Informers

Kimberley Nixon

Easy Virtue

Carmen Ejogo

Away We Go

Dominique McElligott

Moon

Isabel Lucas

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Minka Kelly

(500) Days of Summer

Katheryn Winnick

Cold Souls

Léa Seydoux

Inglourious Basterds

Jennifer Merrill

Taking Woodstock

Krista Allen

The Final Destinastion (3-D)

Paula Patton

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

Beatrice Rosen

2012

Lily Collins

The Blind Side

Keri Lynn Pratt

A Single Man

Jenna Gavigan

A Single Man

Leonie Benesch

A Single Man

Alden Ehrenreich

Tetro

Sasha Grey

The Gross Experience

&

Alexandre & Philippe Haussmann

2012

Movies To Look
For In The ‘010


Ben-Hymn
Motel For Frogs
First House On The Right
Landland, starring Jesse Eisenberg
We Hate You I Love You Beth Cooper
The Year of Living Johnny Dangerously
Unnecessary Musica
l Released In December
Untitled Generic Christmas Movie
The Men Who Stare At Goatees
9 Fast, 9 Furious
lookin for a second opinion?
papa Thigh Master weighs in!

Daddy’s Long Legs
& His 13teenies

1. Hurt Locker
2. Avatar
3. Good Hair
4. An Education
5. Okuribito (Departures)
6. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
7. Etz Limon (The Lemon Tree)
8. L’heure d’été (Summer Hours)
9. Captain Abu Raed
10. Goodbye Solo
11. Adam
12. Away We Go
13. Everybody’s Fine
don’t forget to peep out our
’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Music 2009

Thighs Wides Shuts’
Tops Twelves Albums
Wees Heards
This Years*


Röyksopp – Junior | Karen O And The Kids – Where The Wild Things Are Soundtrack | Unofficial Eastbound & Down Soundtrack | Flight of The Conchords – I Told You I Was Freaky | Fantastic Mr Fox Soundtrack | Lily Allen – It’s Not Me, It’s You | U2 – No Line On The Horizon | Air – Love 2 | Muse – The Resistance | The Swell Season – Strict Joy | Moby – Wait For Me | Jean-Benoit Dunckel – Cyprien Soundtrack

*out of a total of 12.31 albums that we listened to in the ‘009. yep, wees still far removed from today’s music, but we’re old and don’t have time for Lady Pupugaga and new things and stuff and don’t have a clue as to who 99.99% of the bands being Brooklyn Veganed about be, but no sweat off our backs cause this was a banner year for us in concerting (see below), as we took in 2 out of the top 3 shows we hath ever seen, and some of the others may go down in herstory as top 20ers, which is really saying something, but we’re not really saying anything, and if you know anything about music, yer probably not getting yer music knowledge here, but whatevs.net

Tunses For Toonces


super short edition
All Is LoveKaren O & The Kids [d]
The Chanukah SongNeil Diamond [d]

The FearLily Allen [d]
Fooba Wooba JohnBurl Ives [d]
The Girl And The RobotRöyksopp [d]
He’s Behind You, He’s Got Swine FluThe Streets [d]
MagnificentU2 [d]
Total Love Warrior SongJean-Benoit Dunckel [d]
Too Many Dicks (On The Dance Floor)Flight of The Conchords [d]

UprisingMuse [d]

Concerts That Were
Tastier Than A
Certs Mint


Flight of the Conchords + Kristen Schaal @ Radio City Music Hall
Travis @ Webster Hall
Franz Ferdinand @ Roseland Ballroom
Leonard Cohen @ Radio City Music Hall
Phish @ Jones Beach
Fleetwood Mac @ MSG
Fatboy Slim @ Terminal 5
Blur @ Hyde Park!!!!!
Paul McCartney @ Shea II
Paul McCartney @ FedEx Field
Moby @ 9:30 Club and Irving Plaza
U2 @ Giants Stadium
Davy Jones @ BB Kings
Brian Wilson @ Bergen PAC
The 25th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Anniversary Concerts – Night 1 @ MSG
The 25th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Anniversary Concerts – Night 2 @ MSG
An Evening with Fran Healy and Andy Dunlop from Travis @ Joe’s Pub
Röyksopp @ Webster Hall
Matisyahu @ Sixth & I Synagogue
Phish @ MSG
Fiery Furnaces @ Bowery Ballroom

the past is the passed

’08
’07
’06
’05
’04
’03

in closing there waz one album, which was born in 1966 and wasn’t studio completed until 2004, that (shlong-overduedly) ruled our ears for all of 2009 and will until the dayz wees thighs dies: Brian Wilson – SMiLE. own it, rip it, d-lode it, love it

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