Peace The Forks Out

to

The Second Greatest Michael C Hall TV Show Ever

+

Ken Norton Senior

Nintendo messiah

he surrounded sound

David/Frost

Tommy ‘Machine’ Gunn

soapy sales

vanisheder

car man Cal

dude who made those lame mints…

The Gooch

Hitler’s guard of body – JERKFACE!!

a Broadway broad 

Alt(wo)man

rainwaterer

the 17th Beatle

PATSY SWAYZE…

(best parental name since Sal Pacino)

that German actor guy

some Irish actor guy

Music Man Murray

dancer with wolves

Burke’s babe

&

THE GUY THAT GAVE US THIS OPENING SHOT!!!

 TV was watched in 2012, and here’s how we rank what we watched!!!!!!

1. Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable (ESPN 2)

Two years of existence and it’s still the funniest show on TV (NO JOKE), and it’s on DAILY!  More Papi rants please!  Less Papi raps please!

[we’ll take this off the list next year, and just make it a permanent bestness like CBS Sunday Morning & PTI]

2. Louie (FX)

the best David Lynch TV show since Twin Peaks + there was GF Parker Posey + that episode where Louie got so scared of his dad that he had to escape the madness on a boat

2a. The Untold History of the United States (Showtime)

IT HAS BEEN TOLD!!!!! As told by Oliver Stone!!!

3. American Horror Story: Asylum (FX)

Dominique -inique -inique s’en allait tout simplement,

Routier, pauvre et chantant.

En tous chemins, en tous lieux,

Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu,

Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu.

4. The (American) Inbetweeners (MTV)

MTV tried to make an American Skins, and it didn’t exactly work.  They tried again with the UK’s BEYOND INCREDIBLE The Inbetweeners and it BEYOND WORKED (like how the US version of The Office beyond worked)!!!  Making this work is Nobel Peace Prize worthy.  Too bad MTV cancelled the series, cause it was smarterer & clevererer than anything else on its channel.  Personally, I think the show failed cause they didn’t get crazy hot adorable girls, like the British one did

5. Modern Family (ABC)

If you hate Modern Family that means you hate Phil Dunphy which means you hate life.  I feel sorry for you

6. Episodes (Showtime)

Everything about this show = A+.  Daisy Haggard as Myra = A++++++++++++++++++++++++++

7. Dexter (Showtime)

Finally, Dexter boned someone we’d actually bone too – Yvonne Strahovski.  Oh, and the show returned to form, after its first and only not so great season, which starred Tom Hanks’ son

8. Newsroom (HBO)

I’d literally watch Emily Mortimer watch TV screens, which is why I watch the overly annoying YET thighly addictive Newsroom

9. 30 Rock (NBC)

Going out with a bang, of laughter!

10. Rock Center with Brian Williams (NBC)

It’s ALMOST better than 60 Minutes.  Well, it’s definitely more fun.  And Bri Wills’ week in review bit at the end of each show 30 ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

11. The Client List (Lifetime)

and what’s your reason for NOT watching this show about hand jobs & boob jiggles??????????????

12. Political Animals (USA)

this mini-series was more engaging and sirprizing than the 2012 election, and Ciarán Hinds (my favorite living actor) as faux Bill Clinton was pretty much the knee’s bees to end all knee’s bees in 2012 + Carla Gugino was in it, so that means she was probably half nekkid and banging someone.  in fact she was!

13. Dallas (TNT)

Desperate Housewives was the würst, and yet we barely missed an episode.  It ended in 2012, so we needed a trashy prime-time soap to replace it.  Well, how about a show that features two of the hunky guys from DH, who happen to be two of the würst actors around?  SOLD!!!  Plus, there’s JR, one of TV’s greatest villians EVER.  Glad we joined in.  And we’ll stick with it, until TNT doesn’t

–

other solid forms of entertainments: Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel (so real!), Eastbound & Down (that Russian pitcher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Pretty Little Liars (JOtastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Breaking Bad (it’s been kinda downhill after the dis-Gus), Misfits (love it, but there’s been too many cast changes), Mad Men (think we take it for granite, and yet it’s still overrated), Sherlock (CUMBERBATCH!), Elementary (it’s no Cumberbatch, but Jonny Lee Miller is awesome!!!), Arrow (super, heroes), Homeland (losing patience with this one), The Office (righting the wrongs of last season), Boardwalk Empire (less Bored-ing this year), The Ricky Gervais Show (anything Gervais is behind is worth your time), Veep (THAT CAST!!!!!), Life’s Too Short (we loved it… in 2011), The Mindy Project (who knew Mindy could carry her own show?), Don’t Trust The B—- in Apt 23 (Dawson-awesome), Childrens Hospital (11 minutes of heaven), Gossip Girl (we’re actually gonna miss this show), Parks & Rec (it’s still not as funny as you all make it out to be),  Shameless (annoying, but can’t stop watching), Nurse Jackie (annoying, but can’t stop sorta watching), House of Lies (awful, but can’t stop watching), Californication (awful, but see below), SNL (obvs) & Game of Thrones (well made, but we couldn’t tell you a thing about this show) 

+ bone-yes moments

Californication, you’re never amazing, and yet, you are the BREAST!!!!!!!

- Phil-isms

- Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel’ Gymnast Sisters story :(  :)

– ‘where are gay men’s vaginas?’

- Lisa Loeb + Rufus 9ever!!!!!!!

– Gervais’ Derek pilot is melancholy madness

- Weeds ended, thank gawd

– found out who Gabbo is, almost 20 years after the fact

– MLB.tv is the greatest web tv thing ever

– 12.12.12 got us to watch one thing on TV for 6 straight hours

– more Drunk Uncle please!!!!!!!!!

– wait, Joe E Tata was on TV’s BATMAN?!??!?!!

– the guys of Girls, cause the girls from Girls suck

– when it comes to Hitchcock, we’re on team Toby Jones (and Sienna Miller too!)

– Pat Sajak’s interview on DLHQ | Liam Neeson calling Dan ‘David’ on DLHQ

– Mister Rogers and the Make Believe Olympic Games robot!!

– the Luck theme song

& fair thee well Dick and…

&

&

&

&

 

perv-iously

’11
’10
’09
’07

was last year really the first year we had a TV awards??? no time for looking back, and only time for looking forward. hactually, this is a look back, at what was bestest in 2010 TV, and while some songs remain the same, new fun can always be found on the tube boobs!!!

1. Misfits (E4, England)

Remember how Heroes sputtered in its 2nd season. Yeah, that really sucked, so spankfully there wasn’t any sophomore slump for the British ASBO-super hero super dooooper show Misfits, which juss earned our choice for the bestest of the bestest FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!! it’s not even fair to call this a TV show. it’s like watching the dopest and innovative movie week after week that doesn’t play in a theater!!! don’t wanna say too much more about what actually happens, hispecially since you/us Americans probably never even heard about this show (outside of our glowing tweets), and that’s the biggest crying shame, but you can do something about it. (CLICK THE ‘it’ TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! trust us). oh, and after all the Clockwork Orange location love, The Shining refs almos shined even mo!

2. 30 for 30 (ESPN)

So what if the top 2 picks are the same ones as last year, cause nothing new or used was remotely comparable. That was quite the honor for 30 for 30 last year, considering only 7 of the 30 docs aired, and so watching 23 more entries in this glorious and unprecedented series was more of a delight than watching Judith Light and Tony Danza fight to see Who’s The Boss. Sure, not all of them were winners, but a majority of them were. Stand outs include Guru of Go, The 16th Man (it was better than Invictus!!!), June 17, 1994, The Two Escobars and Into the Wind. Bestestest news of all? ESPN are liars and have 3 more above the 30 to drop on us in 2011, including the one we’ve been waiting for mostest

3. Sherlock (BBC/PBS)

No wonder this aired on PBS’ Masterpiece Theater, cause the three 90-minute episodes were juss that, theater thats be a masterpiece!!!!!!! Only question is, when can we see the next batch?

4. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (IFC)

Life a bit empty and a lot less funny in an Arrested Development-less world? Todd Margaret fills the void, and then some, and awesome with David Cross to bear/bare. Mos deaf = funniest moment on TV in 2010!!! Anyone know where we can buy a can of Thunder Muscle?

5. Party Down (Starz)

With Jane Lynch trading in her pink bowtie for large checks over on Glee, we thought for a moment that Party Down would go nowhere but down. Well who knew that newbie Megan Mullally could be such a valuable employee of funny (see the ep ‘Nick DiCintio’s Orgy Night’ for proof)? Also, 2192989278 bonus points for employing Fred Savage as a director!!! Sadly, all good things that have no audience muss come to an end, and after its cancellation, Party Down enters the ranks of Twin Peaks and the British Office as two season wonders that keep us wondering what if…

6. This Is England ’86 (Channel 4, England)

Imagine if one of yer mos flavorite movies of the past decade relaunched the partying 3 years after the fact, but on the small screen, and yet still kicked major major major ballistics. That is eggzactly what happened with This Is England and its equally killah lil TV brother This Is England ’86!!! Good news is that ’90 is a go!

7. The Innetweeners (E4, England)

Will, Jay, Neil & Simon are the new John, Paul, George & Ringo. Emily, Emily & Hannah are the newest additions to our JO collection. Thanks for the 3 beyond solid seasons lads & lasses. Any chance the movie plays in America? Would be better than all the American Pies combined times 32837!!!

8. Hard Knocks: The New York
Jets and 24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the NHL Winter
Classic (both HBO)

Rex Ryan & Bruce Brodeau both deserve their own channels (or a buddy cop comedy), and 238824354 refrigerators. Lets go eat a goddam snack.

9. Dexter (Showtime)

How do you top last year’s Lithgow’s afterglow? You don’t, but Johnny Lee Miller as a mysterious motivation speaker is motivation enuff to keep Dexter on our list. Think most people hated Lumen. We didn’t. She made Dexter happy, and a happy Dexter is a happy we. Also, LOVED the Six Feet Under ref in Ep 1

10. Kendra (E!)

Who knew being a football wife of a journeyman NFL player could be so heartbreaking? This is the only reality show worth watching

11. Entourage (HBO)

Stuff finally happened!!!!! 3 cheers to coke snorting & Sasha Grey’s boobs (& too hairy bush?? [SFW])!! Yes, this was the 11th best show in TV in 2010. Yes, it was more betterer this year than Mad Men

speaking of…

other solid forms of entertainments: In Treatment, Mad Men, The Tudors, Breaking Bad, Making & Selling Jeans In America, Community, Rubicon, Chilrden’s Hospital, Modern Family, Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel, Real World: New Orleans, Boardwalk Empire, The Big C, Skins, Eastbound & Down, The Walking Dead, Outsouced and yes, Desperate Housewives

+

bone-yes moments

– Sally Draper/Kiernan Shipka!!!!

– boo to the end of at The Movies, but yea to a talking Ebert!!

– The Lost finale sucked, and so did the last 2 seasons

– Temple Grandin was the bestest TV movie of the year. so dang good in fact that they should have released it as a movie in theaters!!

– Skins season underwhelms, but still…

+ killing off one of their wurstest characters, and the way that they did, was a masterstroke!!!

– Psych is watchable thanks to its Twin Peaks flavored ep!!

– Carrie Fisher’s darling one-woman autobiographical show Wishful Drinking was so so entertaining that we regret not seeing it on Broadway

– The Hub is added to our cable line ups, and The Wonder Years re-enters our lives

– bestest re-discovery of a lost show from our
childhood: Robin of Sherwood

+ love the soundtrack by The Clannad!!!

– Deep Roy is the only one truly standing tall on this season’s Eastbound

– the return of these forgetten kids!!! &
Kilborn (& Christine Lakin)

– Rasta Monsta

– a reason for Glee‘s being

– hotties Erin Kaplan, Isabel, the 2nd Mrs Draper, half face, & Lake Bell Torrance Coombs AND all the Tudors hottie hotness over the yearz

wait a second, did you LOOK AT THIS PAINTINGGGGG????????????????????????????????????

TV was good to us this past year and in turn we masturbated a lot. Actually we didn’t, but we probably logged the mos amt of hours in front of the tube of boob since the weigh days when Saved By The Bell played after school 4 times in a row. As for the writer’s strike, we actually believed it helped to make better TV. Why may you flask? Cause mos shows run out of steam half way thru a 20+ ep run and the abbreviated seasons forced tighter storylines and mo juicy entertainments. Less is always more, unless wees talkin about our crush… er, um, CRUSH!

So besides the year-round bestness that be PTI, Ebert & Roeper and CBS Sunday Morning here are our top 13 picks that didn’t suck our vaginas (peas note we didn’t watch Mad Men and to this day, haven’t seen one episode of The Wire… but we plan on changing that)

1. Dexter – did the impossible of following up the BEYOND fantabolous first season with a BEYOND solid second season, where Dex found himself going from hunter to hunted, all while dealing with TV’s mos hated character, the ‘gross, English, titty vampire.‘

2. The Office – ‘Gift baskets are… the essence of class and fanciness‘

3. Flight of the Conchords – if you haven’t rapped along to ‘Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenocerous‘ you truly haven’t lived

4. Lost – we once were bored, but now we’re beard!

5. Kid Nation – kids say the darndest things, and do em as well, and even better than the boring adults that oversaturate the reality genre. don’t know if a second dose of this will be good, but kids doing stuff is second best to monkeys doing stuff

6. Californication – all glorious NSFW breastesiesezes aside, this show was udderly refreshing and NOT Tell Me You Put Me To Sleep

7. Gossip Girl – in 12 short episodes, GG has already replaced The OC as the only true heir to 90210. Chuck Bass kicks glass, as so do these weekly Intel reviews. + who wouldn’t want to toss Blair Waldorf’s salad?

8. 30 Rock – from thirtynothing to thirtyeverything, we’re sorry we ever doubted you

9. Journeyman – we’re still waiting for the ep where Lucius Vorenus travels back to 40ish BC

10. Aliens In America – we picked it to finish last in its class, but this comedy is first class

11. The Tudors – nothing is more gay than Jonathan Rhys Meyers, yet nothing is hotter than watching him bang chicks

12. Dance Revolution – the aim of this Saturday morning show was to get kids off the couch. it didn’t work, for them (it was canceled), but it did for us

13. The (White) Rapper Show – two words: hallelujah hollaback

want a second opinion?
well Thigh Sister and hubby Brickhouse
watch much more crappy TV than thous
and here’s their round-up for the square-down

Favorite Adrenaline Rush
Amazing Race
Dexter
Ultimate Fighter

Favorite Reality Dating Shows
Beauty and the Geek
I Love New York
Pick-Up Artist
Rock of Love with Brett Michaels
Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

Favorite Competitive Reality Shows
America’s Most Smartest Model
America’s Psychic Challenge
Big Brother
Design Star
Project Runway
Top Chef
The (White) Rapper Show

Favorite T&A Shows
The Hills
Keeping up with the Kardashians
Real Housewives of Orange County
Sunset Tan

Favorite Control Freaks
Flipping Out
Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency
Work Out

look out for our anal and annual
breastestestnessness in movies
in the weeks to come!
xo xo

1) Showtime’s Dexter juss wrapped up its stellar second season last night. It’s by far the best show on television, and for those of you who have missed out thus far, do yerself a flavor and check out the DVDs instead of waiting for CBS to air watered down versions of it in the ‘008. What the efg? Who wants to watch Weeds without weed or The Tudors w/o the boobs?

2) baseball was a much more fun sport when controversy centered around stoopid shiz like Billy Ripken’s bat. Good thing then that Jesus invented American football and the NFC, where awful lives on and so do my Skins payoff hopes. Sorry Andy, but yer Giants stink!

3) for your consideration, a movie no one is considering: Zodiac

4) we’re having a hard time fingering out which of these Marcia Cross pics are more vom inducing: this fubared Melrose hair one or these NSFW uglies of her showering in her backyard

5) nuttin makes us more glad than the long overdue return of American Gladiators. Although there won’t be any Malibus or co-stars from The Lost Boys, it appears that the producers did do a fine job of finding the new Gladiators. Meet em here and here. And we’d love for our meat to meet with Helgggga, aka Robin Coleman

6) The Hollywood Sex Scene Database

7) Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford is impossibly beautiful, and a gay man’s wet dream cum true

8) the only NSFW animated gif you need to see this week

9) this peanut looks like a duck [b3ta]

10) Lucy Pinder turns 24 this Thursday, and instead of us giving her gifts, she put hers on display in UK’s Maxim. bubble YUM!

[the NSFW rest]