What If: Movies Reimagined for Another Time/Place

What If: Movies Reimagined for Another Time/Place by Peter Stults

1) Deli Man

I never reviewed this documentary, cause I saw it on a plane, and I usually don’t review movies I’ve seen on planes.  It was the perfect plane movie, but it was also the perfect movie movie – it was funny, and entertaining, and informative, and it actually made me cry – tears of joy.  It also made me proud to be Jewish, and reminded me what I value most of my Judaism – tradition thru food, and how we must never lose either.  Levy’s Rye said you didn’t have to be Jewish to love their bread, and the same is true of this documentary.  Bless you Ziggy Gruber – you are the Jewish Ziggy Stardust

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there were plenty of other grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat films in the ’15 of 2000, but instead of ranking them against one another, this year I’m juss gonna lump them together, saying they all grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat – in reverse alphabetical order…

Straight Out of Compton

if Paul Giamatti is your movie’s main a$$hole, and your soundtrack is NWA, you have a surefire hit

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Star Wars – The Force Awakens

JJ Abrams may have played it safe, leaning on the past, but that’s what the people wanted, and he gave us stuff we didn’t even know we wanted – a Rey of hope for the future  

George Lucas who?

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Spotlight

it’s the Zodiac of priest abusing children movies!!

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Son of Saul

imagine the intensity of Saving Private Ryan, but strip the patriotism and cheese, set it in and around a concentration camp, and let the horror destroy your senses – yes the würst date movie of 2015 is also one of its best!

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The Search For General Tso

a MUST for anyone who eats Chinese food in America (aka, every American)

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The Martian

who said Ridley Scott needed aliens to make space wonder-full?

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Maps To The Stars

I had to pick one fcuked up movie to make my list, so why not the one that says incest is best/würst!!!

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Mad Max – Fury Road

I mean the guy with the flamethrower guitar was the tamest part of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Joy

this is the movie American Hustle should have been, but wasn’t, but this is Joy, and Joy was all American, all hustle, and all awesome

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The Intern

schmaltz-o ball soup for the soul.  I SLURPPED IT UP BIG TIME.  can’t wait to watch it on cable for eons to come!!

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The Death of Superman Lives, What Happened?

the (second) greatest doc ever made about the (second) greatest film never made 

(the first was last year’s #1)

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Creed

some things DO get better with age

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Brooklyn

they say they don’t make movies like they used to, but they wrong.  they should say they should make more movies like this

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Black Mass

Deep as Whitey gave me a bulger in my pants

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The Big Short

finally, a movie about the economic collapse that doesn’t make you want to take a coll-nap

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Amy

too bad the title Trainwreck was wasted on another movie

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

Vacation / While We’re Young / Tomorrowland / Steve Jobs / Rosenwald / Room / Pitch Perfect 2 / Kingsman: The Secret Service / It Follows / Iris / Furious 7 / Ex Machina / The Danish Girl

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Mad Max: Fury Road
Beyond BeliefAwesomeDome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 120 min

woah George Miller, WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You made 3 Mad Max movies that kicked ass 19ever ago, then went soft with pigs and penguins, but then you were like, fcuk it, I’m going back to the well, and I’m going to kick the fcuking ballistics to the nth degree and to the nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnth degree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Instead of describing in words what his new AMAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZINGGGGGGGGGG Mad Max movie is about and what it’s like, we’ll take a page from the movie’s book, and keep the talking to a minimum, and let the pictures do the talking

SHIZ was OUT OF FCUKING CONTROL, from start to finish, and was like this…

all other movies are not movies, cause

THIS IS A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyond Hotttiedome:  I’m down for a post-apoclayptic world, but only if Cheedo the Fragile is my sex slave.  BLESS YOU COURTNEY EATON!!!

Verdictgo: BREAST IN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

go Mad for Max at a theater near jews this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…